Beyond "Just Approach More": Addressing Deeper Barriers

[Ivannnnn]

The mantra of the pickup world is simple: approach more.

But what if you’re grappling with more than just typical approach anxiety? Suppose you have a high genetic predisposition to anxiety, constantly feel down, struggle to connect with others due to a lack of empathy, or find it hard to open up because of toxic shame.

Is "just approach more" still the answer? Can simply increasing your approaches resolve these deeper issues? Would it merely mask the problems, or could it actually help fix some of them too?

Could sheer desensitization alleviate anxiety and shame, while the accumulated experiences help you mimic empathy, and mastering self-entertainment lift your mood?

 

[Tryst]

Like with any journey, you're walking your own path. You need to learn from others, go and try their advice, feel how it applies to you, see where you're going wrong, and try to fix that problem yourself. Find what works for you, recognise what is working, recognise what is missing.

If you're struggling with AA, you need to see how other people are dealing with AA. Try it, and if it isn't working, ask yourself why, and use the answer to try other things.

Take responsibility for your own journey. Maybe (probably) "approach more" is the answer for you. Maybe it isn't. If it isn't, and you feel like you have really deep rooted issues with anxiety and connection, seek out solutions to those problems. Read other materials, maybe more general self-help stuff than pure PU, maybe try therapy. Your question is deeply personal to you, and only you can find the answer.

 

[bkw]

I agree with Tryst in that mental issues/barriers are highly personal, so it's hard to say what might work for you. Your questions about "constantly feeling down", "lack of empathy", "toxic shame", etc., seem much deeper than simply getting better with AA through desensitization alone. I mean, in general, yes, desensitization does have a positive effect on AA, but that doesn't really address the things I quoted from you. For instance, you can become desensitized, and it might help your AA, but you still have the other issues. And if there is something really deeply-rooted in you, I don't think you can just fake it and make it OK either. These take deep-level understanding and change.

 

[superseducer]

There are ways to naturally increase your interactions with girls without approaching at all, going to events and cultivating friend groups for example. If you are really sure that you can't deal with approach anxiety, just get good at increasing your surface area.

 

[Vibe]

But what if you’re grappling with more than just typical approach anxiety? Suppose you have a high genetic predisposition to anxiety, constantly feel down, struggle to connect with others due to a lack of empathy, or find it hard to open up because of toxic shame.

This is not a therapy forum. If you are struggling with depression then get a psychotherapist/psychiatrist hop on meds if you have to and do what you need to do to get over depression, then come back here and we can talk seduction.

 

[ElChe]

I think you'd find value in resources like Brian Begin's teachings/community (he was a dating coach but also addresses this deeper emotional stuff).

Basically, "approach more" (or any advice to take more action) CAN work if you do it in an embodied way. If you step THROUGH the tension and feel all the emotions, you'll get massive growth.

However, forcing action without fully feeling the tension/emotions can really mess your shit up. Your body will freak out and if you keep doing it you'll just shut down and numb out.

I learned this the hard way myself. At first I was great with tension, but then I went through a bad experience that messed my masculinity up and I became completely unembodied. But I still had the habit of taking action, so I kept doing it but I was numbed out.
What happened was that I was so out of touch with the effect I had on people that taking all that action created MORE anxiety and numbness.

I mean, imagine you're living in a forest with your primitive hunter gatherer tribe. The unknown-- the areas outside of your territory-- scares you and rightfully so (you don't know wtf is there or the effect it will have on you).
If you force yourself to run into unknown territory with no care, your body is literally going to freak out because for all it knows, you're in huge danger. Keep doing this and your emotions will get super out of wack.

But If you step into the unknown in a prepared way, taking all the surroundings and sensations in, and braving through it in a careful but strong/steady way, you'll begin to expand your understanding of the world in a grounded/calmer way. That's healthy and positive growth.

That's how you grow in every way you described-- open up to people bit by bit and heal the shame, open your heart to people (feel their emotions) as you talk to them a little bit at a time and you'll grow great empathy, and so on.