Big Guys

[Anonymous]

I just joined the forums and I am looking forward to looking at all of the topics, but just to put my two cents in. I'm a rather big guy (about 350 lbs) and I was just wondering can bigger guys get the girls. I mean I've tried to start up conversations, but the conversations sometimes don't last that long, and wind up going into auto-pilot. I've read the posts and haven't had the chance to try the steps to get out of auto-pilot eventually, but I digress I guess my main question is can bigger guys get the ladies or should I try to loose some of the weight before trying. I feel that I would get a bit more confidence if i lost the weight, but i also feel that the confidence is there and I wouldn't have to loose the weight right off the bat in order to get a girl to like me. Any advice will be much appreciated

 

[Anonymous]

In my experience, it really is all about the confidence. If you walk up to a girl on the street say and your charming, and confident and seem fun and sexy, she is gonna go for it. The bigger question is do you honestly feel confident? Your

I feel that I would get a bit more confidence if i lost the weight

makes it seem as if your not 100% and that will be very obvious. Find out what works for you (ie. if you ultimately want to lose weight or if your confident).

And as to the auto-pilot...That is on you to not let it get to auto-pilot. If you keep engaging her and peak her interest she won't want things to slip into auto-pilot.

~Ethan

 

[Franco]

Hey there B1G_D_429,

Bigger men can certainly have success with women as long as they apply correct fundamentals and come across as sexy men.

That being said, being bigger is also going to limit your options with women. Many women will overlook a bigger guy (even if he is confident) if they feel like they can get a guy who is not only confident but in shape.

To put it in perspective, if you have solid confidence no matter where you go, you are going to find success. But there are also other men out there who have solid confidence as well as a fit body and good fundamentals, so you are going to have to compete against these guys for the more attractive women.

I would first delve into improving your fundamentals by checking out the Fundamentals section of Chase's blog. If you can apply these lessons and techniques, your success with women will drastically increase.

However, if you are looking to go the distance and push yourself to a new physical standard, there is also a great article here posted by Eric on weight loss:

Weight Loss for Men: 23 Tips to Blow Your Mind

Hope this helps!

- Franco

 

[Light]

Hey there Big_D_429,

Franco has already mentioned it, but yes Confidence can get you a long way, but it will take a lot more hard work for you.

The problem lies in "Standards". Everyone has standards, even you do. I'm sure you would choose a pretty girl over an ugly one anyday right?
That is no different from a girl prefering someone who is fit, over big. Which is exactly why your options are limited.

I can sense that you're not 100% confident in yourself, but rather using confidence as an excuse to not work out.
Brother I dig you, no one can make you do what you don't want to. But if you want to get results, you have to put in the work. If you want better results, you have to put in MORE work.
If Confidence is your Ferrari Engine, then looks will be your Turbo.

I'm just saying that by working on your body, you will be able to amplify what you already have.
If you're really serious about this game, you should be making the effort to improving anything you can anyway.


Light

 

[Chase]

Hey Big D,

I had a pal in college who was about your size, and did all right with the ladies (I think; he had a lot of them around him, but I could never quite tell if he was actually sleeping with them, or if he was serving as some kind of "fun guy mascot" with them, it was always a little unclear). I have seen larger men who do well with women, though it's uncommon and, like others have said, you have a smaller pool of women to choose from.

I had a gut at one time, and a very round / fat face. My first 2 or 2 1/2 years of learning pickup were like this.

Once I moved out to Southern California and saw everyone else there thin and in shape, I realized I needed to step it up, and I put together an Excel spreadsheet and started meticulously tracking everything I ate: what it was, the portion size, the calories, and then gradually making my portion sizes smaller (e.g., order a small fry and 5-piece nugget at McDonald's instead of a large fry and 10-piece nugget, etc.). It was hard to do at first, but as soon as the new habits were in place and my stomach shrank to accomodate the smaller amount of food I was eating (about 2 weeks of forcing myself to bed with a hungry tummy), I was fine and didn't have to think about it and the hunger pangs subsided and it was all dropping weight from there.

I slept with some very pretty girls when I had my gut and babyface, but it was always a struggle, and I'd get blown out or treated like it was "cute" that I was talking to a girl a fair amount of the time. After I dropped the weight off, women were a lot more responsive to my approaching and regarded me as more "sexy" and less "cute." I was tweaking a lot of other things at the time though too, including hairstyle, clothes, voice, comfort levels, and all kinds of things, so it's difficult to figure how much credit to give to what.

My recommendation is, start meeting girls, but start dropping weight, too. There's no point to wait on doing either - thin you will be much happier he has the experience that big you got while he was still slimming down, and big you will probably still pick up some new, cute girls in the meantime.

Cheers,
Chase

 

[Anonymous]

Thanks a lot for the feedback I appreciate it. I will definitely take all this information to consideration. I'm going to start going to the gym again, since I've been slacking a bit to much lately. Anything else you guys want to add to this post would be much appreciated as well.

 

[Lanoa]

Actually, for me when I still had lot of fat on myself (around 260 lb) it was hard to be confident. I am reasonably tall (6'5") so I was not exactly a walking barrel, but it always brought me problems. I doubt it is possible to be over-weight and not suffer from other problems that come with it. Almost everybody over-weight I knew, including me back in the day suffered from fatalistic and 'world vs. me' or 'can't do anything with it' mentality. Little movement, discipline and of course, enjoyment of life.

Surprisingly I was able to score some girls, mainly due to my talking and personality, but their were not of any special quality and I would not handle them well at all in the end. Main problem was that, when I was talking not just to girls, but anybody, I would not be thinking about the conversation, evaluating my options or just simply listening to the other party, but I would be thinking of one of these:

1. Wondering how if my man tits were clearly visible
2. Looking down on my chest checking the point before
3. Adjusting my clothes to cover up my body
4. Changing my standing position to avoid any of the points above
5. Folding my hands on my chest to cover it up
6. Thinking of any of the points above

And then when I was figuring out what to do with life:
1. So unlucky to be so damned fat, can't do nothing about that, how can I do something with XY
2. I would love to go/do XY, but I can't because of my condition
3. I would love going to XY, but they would look at me weird/laugh at me/dislike me.

Not changing a persistent problem leads to the feeling that you simply can't do what you want. While I still wasn't some kind of outsider and had been considered a likable cheerful guy, that was pretty much it. Likable and cheerful. I mean great qualities to have, but it gets better if you get considered as confident, smooth, intriguing, warm, attractive as well. Alone, did not make much happier. It was very important for me to embark on the venture to lose my weight, because it transformed ( and I bet it's not just me) the way you think of yourself and what you can do. Suddenly, when I started losing way and working out, gaining some muscle it got me to think of and actually start working on many other things:

1. It taught me ( and still does) discipline.
2. I had to accept that life is not easy and eventually realize, that is what makes it beautiful.
3. I realized I can get what I want, provided I work hard.
4. It taught me that I can do and achieve way more than I perceive myself to be able to do.
5. After 'just' working hard was not delivering as great results as before, I was forced to work smart.
6. I gained a lot of confidence and motivation and people started to act VERY DIFFERENT around me
7. I finally started to enjoy my life

You tackle one thing, the other one suddenly seems easier. And with time, the whole process, with the right mentality, gets actually really enjoyable. I do not see challenges as problems anymore nor failures. There is just chances where I have to stay on the right track, which brings me results and happiness. The biggest game-breaker here was that I cannot move on to specific goals ( learning to get girls) when I still have problems talking to just anybody. And then that I cannot improve talking to people when I still have problems with myself. You cannot accept yourself if you do not live up to your expectations. And it is hard to have expectations when you actually do not have any, because you have conditioned yourself to accept that you are a failure. Might have digressed from the original point of this thread and I speak more in general terms, than to the OP, but I come a similar place so thought I would share something on this.

L.