Bizarre text behavior--help me understand?

[iceberg slim]

Hey, so I got a chick's number at the park, and then proceeded to text her to try to set up a meet. She was responsive and said she wanted to meet me if she could get off work in time, but was tied up with work all day so it didn't happen. She visits my city periodically on business and the next day flew back home so a meet would have to wait.

The next day (day she flew home) she texts at 10pm: Hey!

The following morning, me: Hey what's up

That evening, her: got a min?

20 min later, me: Yeah sure

No response.

What's up with this wacky behavior? Simply texting "hey!" and then "got a min?" and then nothing. Is this her fishing for attention/validation and seeing how much power she has over me? Thanks for any insight.

 

[Will_V]

Hey, so I got a chick's number at the park, and then proceeded to text her to try to set up a meet. She was responsive and said she wanted to meet me if she could get off work in time, but was tied up with work all day so it didn't happen. She visits my city periodically on business and the next day flew back home so a meet would have to wait.

The next day (day she flew home) she texts at 10pm: Hey!

The following morning, me: Hey what's up

That evening, her: got a min?

20 min later, me: Yeah sure

No response.

What's up with this wacky behavior? Simply texting "hey!" and then "got a min?" and then nothing. Is this her fishing for attention/validation and seeing how much power she has over me? Thanks for any insight.

You're forgetting you just met her yesterday. She's not your girlfriend, "Hey what's up" and "Yeah sure" sounds pretty disinterested and she probably changed her mind about calling you or whatever she was going to do.

The seduction only just started. You've got to add a little bit of warmth and validation and fun and intrigue in your responses to her. E.g.

Her: "Hey!"
You: "Hello Maria, I know you're about to tell me you changed your mind and you're on a flight back to see me "

 

[Skills]

Is not bizarre is a lost of momentum in the texting delays..

I notice this gen momentum is extremely important, texting right away...

 

[Chase]

@samanil,

These are the kinds of texts you get when a girl is unexpectedly still in town. e.g., her flight got delayed, the boss asked her to stay an extra day or two, etc.

If it was that type of text: these are time-sensitive because SUDDENLY she has time to see you and is excited to do that NOW.

A 10 PM "Hey!" with an exclamation point is something you want to respond to ASAP. It's late at night, she's excited... fuck yes, get on that. If she's in town and wants to hang, super great. (if she's not in town, she could just be wanting to tell you how much she liked meeting you... which you also want to capitalize on when her emotions are high to cement that in)

If you don't reply until the morning, her emotions may have cooled off... until, once again, it is evening and she starts thinking about seeing or talking to you again. So she doesn't message till then.

Once again, the next evening, "got a min?" -- makes it sound like something important (to her) to discuss. Again, time sensitive; if you see it, you reply instantly: "What's up?"

(I like "What's up?" a lot better than "Okay" or "Sure", etc. -- yeah/okay/sure agree to let her give you a minute without having told you why; it is too accommodating and a little lower value. "What's up?" OTOH asks her what she wants that minute for before you agree to give it to her)

What's up with this wacky behavior? Simply texting "hey!" and then "got a min?" and then nothing. Is this her fishing for attention/validation and seeing how much power she has over me? Thanks for any insight.

She just met you. Why would she be trying to establish power over you?

She just sounds like she was excited to talk to you, or maybe even see you if she happened to still be in town.

From your delayed responses (delays are fine when the connection is robust AND/OR girls are not super excited for you... in this case, the connection is thin -- you just met her; haven't had a date yet -- and she sounds excited, which is a fleeting emotion you want to capitalize on fast every time you see it) she is probably picking up on the fact that you aren't as excited about her as she is about you.

There's another 'vibe' note from the "got a min?" --> 20 mins later --> "yeah sure" interaction.

"Yeah sure" says "just sittin' around not doing anything." Which is not great on its own already. But when it comes after a 20-minute delay, if she was sitting there excited hoping to talk to you, it makes her feel like she is unimportant to you.

You're sitting around, doing nothing, time to spare... but not time enough to respond to her message until 20 minutes later.

Once again, "What's up?" because it does not say "I'm just hanging around, not doing anything, tons of spare time" is the superior response here -- it's easy to imagine you are busy, just retrieved your phone, and immediately banged off a response to her -- which is what you want her imagining if she's excited about you and hoping that you feel the same.

With excited girls you have few ties with, time is of the essence!

Move faster!

Cheers,
Chase

 

[iceberg slim]

You're forgetting you just met her yesterday. She's not your girlfriend, "Hey what's up" and "Yeah sure" sounds pretty disinterested and she probably changed her mind about calling you or whatever she was going to do.

The seduction only just started. You've got to add a little bit of warmth and validation and fun and intrigue in your responses to her. E.g.

Her: "Hey!"
You: "Hello Maria, I know you're about to tell me you changed your mind and you're on a flight back to see me "

I really like that response, thanks. Yeah you're right, I need to add more warmth and fun etc. However, to play devil's advocate: from an investment perspective, don't you want to roughly match the girls' investment? So in this case, roughly match her text effort, as opposed to writing a 20 word flirty text in response to her single word text? Doesn't that show I'm way more into her than she is me? And thus kind of chasing?

I might be over thinking this, but some clarification would be appreciated.

@samanil,

These are the kinds of texts you get when a girl is unexpectedly still in town. e.g., her flight got delayed, the boss asked her to stay an extra day or two, etc.

If it was that type of text: these are time-sensitive because SUDDENLY she has time to see you and is excited to do that NOW.

A 10 PM "Hey!" with an exclamation point is something you want to respond to ASAP. It's late at night, she's excited... fuck yes, get on that. If she's in town and wants to hang, super great. (if she's not in town, she could just be wanting to tell you how much she liked meeting you... which you also want to capitalize on when her emotions are high to cement that in)

If you don't reply until the morning, her emotions may have cooled off... until, once again, it is evening and she starts thinking about seeing or talking to you again. So she doesn't message till then.

Once again, the next evening, "got a min?" -- makes it sound like something important (to her) to discuss. Again, time sensitive; if you see it, you reply instantly: "What's up?"

(I like "What's up?" a lot better than "Okay" or "Sure", etc. -- yeah/okay/sure agree to let her give you a minute without having told you why; it is too accommodating and a little lower value. "What's up?" OTOH asks her what she wants that minute for before you agree to give it to her)



She just met you. Why would she be trying to establish power over you?

She just sounds like she was excited to talk to you, or maybe even see you if she happened to still be in town.

From your delayed responses (delays are fine when the connection is robust AND/OR girls are not super excited for you... in this case, the connection is thin -- you just met her; haven't had a date yet -- and she sounds excited, which is a fleeting emotion you want to capitalize on fast every time you see it) she is probably picking up on the fact that you aren't as excited about her as she is about you.

There's another 'vibe' note from the "got a min?" --> 20 mins later --> "yeah sure" interaction.

"Yeah sure" says "just sittin' around not doing anything." Which is not great on its own already. But when it comes after a 20-minute delay, if she was sitting there excited hoping to talk to you, it makes her feel like she is unimportant to you.

You're sitting around, doing nothing, time to spare... but not time enough to respond to her message until 20 minutes later.

Once again, "What's up?" because it does not say "I'm just hanging around, not doing anything, tons of spare time" is the superior response here -- it's easy to imagine you are busy, just retrieved your phone, and immediately banged off a response to her -- which is what you want her imagining if she's excited about you and hoping that you feel the same.

With excited girls you have few ties with, time is of the essence!

Move faster!

Cheers,
Chase

Chase, thanks for the advice, really solid stuff. Regarding the morning after reply, to my credit I didn't get the text that night because I was asleep (gotta get up at 5 for work). And I like the "What's up" instead of "yeah sure"--makes perfect sense why the former is a better response.

But yeah, I guess I can be a bit defensive and think a girl is playing games when she isn't (probably based on the fact that I sucked with girls for years and have some residual defensiveness, which I need to let go of; maybe a post idea?).

 

[Will_V]

I really like that response, thanks. Yeah you're right, I need to add more warmth and fun etc. However, to play devil's advocate: from an investment perspective, don't you want to roughly match the girls' investment? So in this case, roughly match her text effort, as opposed to writing a 20 word flirty text in response to her single word text? Doesn't that show I'm way more into her than she is me? And thus kind of chasing?

I might be over thinking this, but some clarification would be appreciated.

First of all, when a girl texts you "Hey!" at 10pm the last thing you should be thinking about is investment balance. Like @Chase mentioned it sounds like she had something time sensitive to tell you - maybe she missed her flight and needed a place to stay!

Also, typically girls don't initiate on text unless they really like you or can't stop thinking about you.

If you wrote:

"Hey Maria it was great to meet you! Hope you had a nice flight back "
and she responds the next day:
"Hi yeah same"

That is low investment on her part. Because you invested something and she invested very little back.

But it's different here because she is initiating contact. In a girl's world, initiating contact means sending out tiny signals and expecting the dude to translate them perfectly and respond exactly the way she hopes. In person, this means she'll do things like hang around in his vicinity, or walk past him, or glance over and brush her hair. In text, it means she'll send you "Hey!". And a guy will look at all these and think "nah she's not interested!" when she's been thinking about him for two hours straight.

Once you are having a back and forth, you can expect a little more investment from her, but it's risky to worry too much about investment on text. In person, you might be having a conversation with a girl who might say very little but look at you like she wants you bad, and you'll know it's time to make something happen, whereas the same girl on text might feel the same way and behave similarly, but because you can't see her emotions, you think she's not interested.

Another thing about my suggested response is that it sets a fun and exciting frame. Remember, you won't be seeing her until she next flies in. You could sit there and send low investment texts until she gets bored and ghosts. Or you could take the opportunity to make things more fun and memorable. With this line you:

- Show her that you want her to be with you
- Imply that she ran away from your date by getting on a plane and leaving the country, and then she changed her mind, which makes it sound like she's in love with you, and creates a little drama out of what would otherwise just be disappointing logistics
- When you meet up again you can riff off it "I knew one day you were going to miss me so much you'd have to come and see me!"

That's a whole lot more fun and memorable than "who is that dude I met who keeps texting me now and then?".

Never let investment balances swindle you out of a good frame. Seduction is not just a question of each person putting 20c coins into the pot one after the other. At the end of the day it means creating emotion, and creating emotion requires investment from you - which you can then balance out by reframing things to make her feel like she is chasing you.

 

[iceberg slim]

First of all, when a girl texts you "Hey!" at 10pm the last thing you should be thinking about is investment balance. Like @Chase mentioned it sounds like she had something time sensitive to tell you - maybe she missed her flight and needed a place to stay!

Also, typically girls don't initiate on text unless they really like you or can't stop thinking about you.

If you wrote:

"Hey Maria it was great to meet you! Hope you had a nice flight back "
and she responds the next day:
"Hi yeah same"

That is low investment on her part. Because you invested something and she invested very little back.

But it's different here because she is initiating contact. In a girl's world, initiating contact means sending out tiny signals and expecting the dude to translate them perfectly and respond exactly the way she hopes. In person, this means she'll do things like hang around in his vicinity, or walk past him, or glance over and brush her hair. In text, it means she'll send you "Hey!". And a guy will look at all these and think "nah she's not interested!" when she's been thinking about him for two hours straight.

Once you are having a back and forth, you can expect a little more investment from her, but it's risky to worry too much about investment on text. In person, you might be having a conversation with a girl who might say very little but look at you like she wants you bad, and you'll know it's time to make something happen, whereas the same girl on text might feel the same way and behave similarly, but because you can't see her emotions, you think she's not interested.

Another thing about my suggested response is that it sets a fun and exciting frame. Remember, you won't be seeing her until she next flies in. You could sit there and send low investment texts until she gets bored and ghosts. Or you could take the opportunity to make things more fun and memorable. With this line you:

- Show her that you want her to be with you
- Imply that she ran away from your date by getting on a plane and leaving the country, and then she changed her mind, which makes it sound like she's in love with you, and creates a little drama out of what would otherwise just be disappointing logistics
- When you meet up again you can riff off it "I knew one day you were going to miss me so much you'd have to come and see me!"

That's a whole lot more fun and memorable than "who is that dude I met who keeps texting me now and then?".

Never let investment balances swindle you out of a good frame. Seduction is not just a question of each person putting 20c coins into the pot one after the other. At the end of the day it means creating emotion, and creating emotion requires investment from you - which you can then balance out by reframing things to make her feel like she is chasing you.

Dude, that is an amazingly insightful analysis. God damn, I knew I wasn't great at texting but this really shows how much nuance there is! I'll be returning to this for insight well into the future. Thanks a lot!