FR++ Blonde alternative chick

[Skippy]

Background​

Her: 32 yo blonde, thicc, alternative chick, decent number of tattoos, and a septum piercing.

How we met: Daygame insta-date.

Date Structure: First we got food at a Thai restaurant (sat outside and ate), then we walked around at a mall and went inside the supermarket, bought some tea, went back to my place. (total time: about 3 hours)

First Venue: Thai Restuarant​

Originally I had gone on an instant date with her at a coffee place, which is why I suggested the thai restaurant instead because I suspected she was plant-based and I didn't want to do a coffee again. I didn't necessarily want to do a full-on dinner either, but I wasn't sure what a good alternative would be. She arrives, I make some chit-chat with her about her week, and then we pick a table outside after we order. We talk about stuff we miss going out to do b/c of the pandemic, bars we liked to go to.

Sex Talk Transition: I transition by asking her what she was like in high school, she tells me she used to be a tom-boy emo kid. She brings the question back to me. So tell her how I used do a lot of stem-related stuff. Then say how I used to be religious back then, but how it never really resonated with me but that there was this disconnect. "But I feel like there is this whole concept of purity...that just doesn't really sit well with me" She mentions some Buddhist podcast that she likes which cuts out all the religious stuff and is mostly about mindfulness and meditation. So I continue by saying ironically how the reason why I became nonreligious was that I joined a bible study group in undergrad and how everyone individually was super sweet. But they all felt like everyone else was judging them.

Me: Actually one of my friends was telling me...because she started dating during covid and she used to be very religious and hasn't dated much and she was telling me "oh yea I asked all these guys in my church for advice, and they tell me things and it doesn't seem to work out on my". They just spend a lot of time not thinking about this if they grow up religious..then it's like trying to figure out...how does it work in real life. I just found it interesting that we're taught certain things and you think that's how the world works but it's not actually the case.
Me: I think society itself is a little...I dunno...how did you find the culture in new zealand?

She tells me how she mainly existed in alternative crowds who are more sex-positive and in New Zealand it was hard to meet people as a tourist. I transition into how I wouldn't want to live in some countries because the people there are sexually repressed and I say that when I was in China actually, it was quite nice, not as 'repressed' as you would imagine. Similar to the bible study friends, everyone individually was quite chill and open, dating-wise, but they thought everyone else was judgemental.

Finally, I use this to transition into the purity gambit. And then say "but it's ironic...guys you know they'll go out to find a girl to have sex with, or whatever...but they don't want a girl that's had a lot of sex...that seems contradictory no?" She says "oh yea it is... it's very common," she thinks back on that topic and it really seems to take. she says how the last dude she hooked up with said out of the blue how he would never date a girl that he slept with on the first date. She said, "like...good thing I fucked you...and I'm leaving now". I say how personally, my most passionate relationships have been the ones that had passionate starts...But I'm also not really keen on the whole McDonald's sex...you know McDonalds sex? it's like "slam, bam, thank you mam"...I'm not a fan of that. She bursts out laughing.

Transition into Alek's Secret House gambit
(this is about creating a liminoid space where you describe a free and sexually liberated atmosphere, put her in the midst of it, hypothetically, and ask her what she would do if a sexy guy is touching her up)

Spoiler: How it went

Me: You know my friend actually was telling me something similar and she came up with a thought experiment...Do you want to try it out, actually?
Her: sure
Me: [does the secret house gambit] And I near the end.. "...and he has piercing eyes, and his vibe is very sexual—-"
Waitress:—-AND HOW ARE YOU GUYS DOING??? ALL GOOD???
Me: yea all good...
Me: so what would you do in that situation.
Her:...
Her:....
Her: ...well I'm bisexual, so if it were a girl, I'd stay.
Me: well a guy and a girl then?
Her: depends on the guy I guess
Me: well it's whatever you consider very sexy, of course. But yea, I've always wondered...why don't we have this concept of the house in real life
Her: I mean how would we have that in real life? Orgies are definitely a thing also.
Her: yea I dunno, I definitely know a little bit about the kink scene and the bdsm scene...but sex isn't like a big thing for me. (say what?) I... enjoy it...when I do...but... I dunno...it's like a weird relationship. I got to a point after my last relationship which ended a couple years ago...I kind of got in this headspace that dating dudes sucks...And I think I got into an unhealthy thought pattern with sex and it became something extremely casual with me...that I put no emotion and feelings behind it. And I'm trying to turn it into something that's about connection...instead of something that's like—
Me: —slam bam thank you mam
Her: yes hahaha exactly hahahaha
Me: I mean sex is better when you connect with someone.
Her: yes but I mean it's very hard to connect with people. and you keep meeting people and you keep meeting people and you don't connect with them and it's like...well I'm bored and lonely...so I'm going to find someone to hangout with.
Her: yea...what's your relationship with sex like? huehuehuehue
Me; that's a good question. I mean I definitely enjoy it. I mean different things make sex good for mean. I have had that mcdonalds sex. it's not the worst, but definitely a connection makes things better. And going back to the repression thing. I don't want to say I'm fuckin repressed but it was about having a more open relationship with and being freer throughout the years. More open with my own sexuality and being able to let loose.

We talk about this more and how American society is weird and ashamed about sex.

Then I ask her about the most exciting place she had sex in and she tells me about a trail in some mountains but it doesn't sound that she had a good exprience. I say when you have these sex adventures, you get to really say you live life to the fullest. we talk about it.

Then I change the subject after a while because I think the topic is running stale and ask her about her music tastes. then she asks me about my research a bit, then we talk about tv-shows we have seen and pick one that she sounds very interested in and suggest we watch it afterwards and she says "uhmm I have some stuff I have to do tonight" so I just brush it off and she continues to talk about anime. We then talk some more and connect about some obscure movie that it turns out we both have watched. I'm kind of unsure what to do about the failed pull attempt, but I also realized I sprung it on her too quickly. So afterwards I suggest we go for a walk.

Second Venue/Pull​

We go to a nearby shopping mall and walk around. But on our way out, we go to the grocery store and I ask her if she wants to try some wine. But she says she's a little tired and needs to wake up early tomorrow, so I suggest we drink some tea instead and she's interested in corn tea. So we buy some corn tea and some snacks and then go back to my place.

At My Place​

I have her take off her shoes and give her these comfy slippers to wear instead. Then I use the bathroom, when I get out, I see her reading this quote on my desktop and I tell her about it. I make the tea and we move to the bedroom to enjoy the lighting and I have her play some music that she likes on my google home. I sit next to her and start gently escalating by having her show me her nails and then playing with her hair but she stops me and says "This is a little much for me!". So I say "oh there's absolutely no expectations" and "I'm really having a good time with you regardless" she agrees and says she's having a good time too. I suspect she needs more comfort so I show her my rubiks cube and have her play around with it to try to get her mind off of the nervousness. and start touching the small of her back as well. But a little while later she mentions she's feeling a lot of anxiety and has an anxiety disorder, so I try to get her more comfortable by showing her my essential oil diffuser and running some lavendar oil. After some time she's feeling sleepy and so she heads out. The ending was okay-we were laughing and joking around and she actually lives down the street from me. So at least it was a high note.

She texted me that she got home and gave me some more music suggestions. I will text her in a couple days and try to get her out again. This time I'll do a cooking date of some sort so that we go straight back to my place and maybe I'll suggest a movie or something.

What I did well​

So I'm really happy that I tried Alek's Secret House Gambit, although I dunno if she was actually turned on by it. Could be because she has a strange relationship with sex. could be because I didn't do it properly, could also be bc we were interrupted. But also, it did lead to a lot of talking about sex afterward, which was cool.

I'm also happy that I persisted with the pull by going for a walk and suggesting we try some tea.

ALSO, this was the first girl I pulled with an indirect opener so it's nice to know that I can get results with this so quickly

What I could do better​

So she had some hang-ups still. Maybe she wasn't feeling comfortable enough or she wasn't turned on enough. Probably a combination of both? I think there was at least no asd. I would triangulate periodically throughout the date and started to do that a little more at my place. As for how to make her feel more comfortable...I was using a lot of tricks like leaving to go use the bathroom, so that she could acclimate, showing her some stuff to distract her. It wasn't my standard but some girls are more 'ready to go' than others, in this case, I guess.

Also, my initial pull attempt was very bad. Just suddenly saying " let's watch an episode of this". is too abrupt. What worked better was taking her to the grocery store and saying "lets get some wine or tea"—which implies we'll be going back to my place afterward.