FU bombed a possible lay

[barneystin]

tldr: i went out to my college bars and ended up joining a group of 2 girls and 1 guy(old friend). guy is going for one girl and i’m going for the other girl but it never happens and she meets up with another guy. was it doomed from the beginning?

Full report:
I decided to hit a couple bars at my college town but it turned out to be a terrible night. The night before, i had gotten 10 numbers but no lay (i’m assuming it’s because i didn’t commit early in the night) However, the atmosphere was just not it tonight. It especially sucked because i was riding the high from the night before. Anyway, at the end of the night, I decided to hit this dive bar to see if I could turn my luck around. The dive bar is usually of girls who have been out all night and just need a place to chill before heading home and tonight was no different. I grabbed a beer and starting drinking and making conversation with some guys close by. After a couple of minutes, this cute girl walks up to me and tells me she saw me walk in and that I was going to get her in trouble (something along those lines). Unfortunately, my momentum had been terrible all night so I couldn’t even build sexual tension and score so I ended up settling for a number. In hindsight, she seemed super drunk so maybe taking her home would have been a bad idea anyway.

After a couple of minutes, this girl leaves and I text her to find her location but she doesn’t respond. An old friend then walks in with two girls. After chatting with them for a while, I realize he’s going for one of the girls (seems like they’ve been involved before) and was encouraging me to go for the other. I’m into her so it’s a no-brainer. We start having good conversation but she kept getting distracted by people in the bar/her friends. I make an isolation request and gives a strong no so I decide to switch back to social mode and just continue making conversation. At this point, i’m touching(grabbing her hand, grabbing her waist etc) so I thought the interaction was going somewhere.

Fast forward a couple minutes later, the bar closes and we decide to go to my friend’s place. When we get there, the vibe is still the same. However, it just seemed like I couldn’t get through to her. Part of it was probably because i was emotionally exhausted from having a shitty night but even with touching and eye contact, she just seemed aloof to me. She occasionally reacted to my friend who was trying to make a move on her friend (in front of the both of us - which i thought was a terrible idea). At some point, they started making threesome jokes (essentially excluding me so, in my head, i’m like wtf). I just felt so invisible

At some point, we were alone for an couple of minutes and I thought to go for a kiss but it just didn’t seem right because she wouldn’t even maintain eye contact long enough for it to make sense.

She also kept checking her phone so I realized she’d been texting some other guy about meeting up.
At this point, i pretty much gave up and left and she asked her friend to give her a ride to the other guy’s place

Just wondering, is there anything I could have done to save the set? I consider myself intermediate but I’ve never really had this happen to me before.

Thinking back, I could have run a sexual comfort gambit or good lover gambit when we were isolated for a couple of minutes but there didn’t seem to be enough time and I didn’t think she would be open to discuss something sexual so soon(since she wasn’t giving me much to work with)

 

[barneystin]

Also, night game is getting demoralizing. I can get numbers with ease but we all know those always flake if the interaction doesn’t go anywhere the same night. Any tips?

Feels like picking up in college is way harder than the regular world since the only acceptable time to pick up girls is at night

 

[Chase]

@barneystin,

Sucky incident with this girl.

Nonsense like that will happen from time to time.

Best way to avoid it is to screen + compliance test sooner and more aggressively in your interactions. That will rule out the fence-sitters.

Comments:

After a couple of minutes, this cute girl walks up to me and tells me she saw me walk in and that I was going to get her in trouble (something along those lines). Unfortunately, my momentum had been terrible all night so I couldn’t even build sexual tension and score so I ended up settling for a number. In hindsight, she seemed super drunk so maybe taking her home would have been a bad idea anyway.

Just spend an hour or two with her just drinking water and get her to sober up some.

It's good to have some backup tech for aggressive girls when you're low momentum.

Best one I find is just to make a series of compliance demands:

"Tell me about yourself."
"That's cool. Sit here." [pat seat]
"Show me that necklace."
"You're an artist? Enlighten men!"
"Let's move over there."

If she's into you enough, all you NEED to do is lead.

She'll fill in the blank spaces.

We start having good conversation but she kept getting distracted by people in the bar/her friends. I make an isolation request and gives a strong no so I decide to switch back to social mode and just continue making conversation. At this point, i’m touching(grabbing her hand, grabbing her waist etc) so I thought the interaction was going somewhere.

Don't be fooled by girls allowing touch in a crowded/chaotic venue, especially if they feel like you are "safe" (i.e., friend of a friend).

Pay more attention to compliance signals:

• This girl repeatedly let others distract her from you (i.e., she was NOT lasered in on you)
• She strongly reject your attempt to isolate

What you should have done here was continue to compliance test if you thought she was into you -- and if she continued to reject, then you needed to go and approach other girls, either for those girls themselves or to build up preselection for this girl your friend brought.

As soon as you get into the mindset of, "Well, she isn't complying with my demands, but she lets me touch her, so I just won't demand anything and will just keep touching her and hope that's enough," you have given over the lead of the courtship to her -- and it doesn't look like she's leading it anywhere good.

Also: with these sorts of situations where a friend shows up with a girl and there's another female friend you're supposed to wing on, it is NOT uncommon that the girl is in some sort of relationship already. Sometimes you can get her horny enough that she'll want to hook up anyway (or maybe she's in an FWB or oLTR and it isn't cheating -- but she still needs to be hornier than usual because otherwise she can just go see her regular guy), but if you're not on your A-game you definitely won't.

I find in this kinds of situations it is best to feel her out:

YOU: So been on the dating scene long?​

​

HER: Actually I'm seeing someone right now.​

​

YOU: Oh, right, right. Pretty serious?​

​

HER: Yeah, it is.​

​

YOU: Got it.​

Then you know not to waste time on her.

You can skip this step if she seems super into you AND is super compliant (i.e., following you around, doing what you ask).

Fast forward a couple minutes later, the bar closes and we decide to go to my friend’s place. When we get there, the vibe is still the same. However, it just seemed like I couldn’t get through to her. Part of it was probably because i was emotionally exhausted from having a shitty night but even with touching and eye contact, she just seemed aloof to me. She occasionally reacted to my friend who was trying to make a move on her friend (in front of the both of us - which i thought was a terrible idea). At some point, they started making threesome jokes (essentially excluding me so, in my head, i’m like wtf). I just felt so invisible

Right. It was to send the message to you that, "Sorry buddy, it's not going to happen."

She's just trying to tell you in an indirect way that it's time to pull back and stop trying to go for her.

At some point, we were alone for an couple of minutes and I thought to go for a kiss but it just didn’t seem right because she wouldn’t even maintain eye contact long enough for it to make sense.

She also kept checking her phone so I realized she’d been texting some other guy about meeting up.
At this point, i pretty much gave up and left and she asked her friend to give her a ride to the other guy’s place

Just wondering, is there anything I could have done to save the set? I consider myself intermediate but I’ve never really had this happen to me before.

This was probably just a girl who already had a guy she was seeing and wasn't really open to getting with another guy.

Maybe if you caught her when she was ovulating, or mad at the FWB/boyfriend/lover, or you were exactly her archetype.

But most of the time when you get a girl in this situation, if she is not a nympho, and is pretty satisfied with the guy, she will not be looking for new cock and will be much, much harder to get interested in than your average girl.

Thinking back, I could have run a sexual comfort gambit or good lover gambit when we were isolated for a couple of minutes but there didn’t seem to be enough time and I didn’t think she would be open to discuss something sexual so soon(since she wasn’t giving me much to work with)

I wouldn't work myself up too much over this one.

The biggest dropped ball was in the early screening.

When she showed you she was non-compliant, that is when you need to smell that there may be another man in the picture meeting her needs already, and do a little sleuthing to figure out if she's going to be worth any further investment in or not.

Above all though you need to listen to what she is telling you with her compliance (or lack thereof).

Don't overvalue things like girls letting you touch them, especially in party-like venues (nightlife).

The real signal is whether she will do what you ask, focus on you, and allow herself to be isolated with you -- which this girl was not.

Needed to screen her out early and NEXT for a better prospect!

Chase

 

[barneystin]

thanks for the feedback, chase!