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Bookstore Approach -> How to turn Business frame Into Personal

Lulu

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jul 24, 2022
Messages
22
Hey,

My first post here, but not first time cold approaching. Had previously been doing direct compliment approaches. Wanted to start learning situation openers since I feel its better for our time

Anyways, I was in a bookstore over the weekend in a busy downtown district. Walked around and stumbled into the "business leadership" section. I'm a business owner myself (not particular successful though), and saw a cute girl there reading a book. She had a mask on, and had a backpack, gave me the feeling she was camping there.

So I grab a book, and read it standing across from her. After 2-3 minutes, she finishes looking through her current book, and looks up. I catch her taking a glance at me from my peripheral vision (might or might not be a real IOI as she could be just scanning her environment). Doesn't matter, I decide it was go time, and turn towards her. Funnily, as I do, I notice she had picked up a different book, and it was the same one I was holding. I open with "We're reading the same book :)". She smiles. Since the book she was holding was a book on entrepreneurship, I ask her if she was an entrepreneur. She says she tried twice but it didn't work out. I tell her its really difficult (as I'm sure many of you know here), and show an empathetic face.

She asks me what I do, I tell her I'm also an entrepreneur. She becomes curious and asks what my business is about, I say ladies first. We then continue to talk about it. I try to then pivot this to something more personal, by asking her how she feels about the journey so far, ups and downs, why she does what she does, etc. Basically lots of deep dives + cold reads (because I can cold read pretty well into the struggles of an entrepreneur, being one myself).

I can tell at times she was nervous and stuttering, while I was for the most part pretty calm. She also asks me questions regarding what I do, and throughout the exchange, as she asks the questions, it was quite clear I was ahead of her, as I was part of a few well known groups in the entrepreneur space. Anyways, I didn't really want the vibe to make me seem unattainable, so I continue to use self-deprecating humor and make myself more relatable.

After a while, I tell her I have to go (not on a high point), but I would love to stay connected. I asked if she was on any platform (first mistake). She told me she doesn't use any social media, except LinkedIn.

At this point, I realized I should've first asked to grab a bite or drink before going for the contact info. So I try to change the frame by saying I'd love to grab a drink with her sometime. She ignores my comment (She may also have been trying to open her LinkedIn). I open my LinkedIn app, and show her I wasn't logged in. She says "no problem, I can add you". And she opens her LinkedIn and asks me what my name is. I give her my name, and she adds me. Luckily I have a couple thousand followers, so this is not totally bad (but again, this is a business social network, so its not like an IG). She sees we have a few mutual connections, and starts asking how I know X, Y, who were in the same city. But I tell her I don't (I actually don't know how those guys got on my connections, lol).

She asks me if I was from the city, and I say her I am, but am leaving the city for about a month as I have to go to a friends wedding (this is true, I am leaving in a few days), and will be back in September.

At this point, the conversation is wrapping up, and I tell her I have to go meet my friends for dinner since it was Saturday late afternoon. She laughs and says she will be here continuing to read books on business (I think she was self conscious)

Anyways I wave her goodbye, and leave.

I accept her invite on LinkedIn a few hours later, but did not message her since it was Sat night. The next day around noon (Sunday), I send her a message saying:

"Hey, cool meeting you yesterday. Like how we're both in the no social media except LinkedIn camp". She responds the next day with: "Ayy (fire emoji), you don't even have linkedin logged in on your phone (laughing emoji)"

I feel like its quite weird to be communicating like this on LinkedIn. How can I change the frame to be more personal, and not put myself in the box of "A useful business contact" but instead a "potential date"?
 

Lulu

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jul 24, 2022
Messages
22
It was a mistake. I think I should have gone for the small ask (“let’s get food or drink sometime”), and then follow up with asking for number as recommended. Instead, I said “let’s stay connected” and asked if she’s was on anything, which prompted towards the LinkedIn situation.

I don’t know why I even said that, as I’m not on social media (except LinkedIn which doesn’t really count).
 

Beck Bass

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Mar 9, 2020
Messages
638
Heh doesn't seem like that easy of a case, but I think you can get this girl, if I'm understanding this right.

It seemed like she was a bit nervous when she met you, she probably wasn't expecting you to open her and hold a good convo, since most guys won't be able to do either lol. Then you put yourself as a cool social guy and a bit of an authority (correct me if I'm misunderstanding this), so that's all good, but by the end of the day you only got her LinkedIn. This isn't all that bad, since you mostly just connected on that professional level anyway, that's what makes sense for her (I find it hard to believe a girl doesn't have IG nowadays, though my sister, for example, doesn't, but you shoulda gone for the date invite and the number).

Aaanyway, take a look at this article, I think it can help you. As far as I understand it, she's a climber, so my approach would be to act like a cool older guy that can offer her useful advice, but also is sexy and she can have some nice sex with. One thing from the article is not keeping to just professional talk, of course, you have to transition into personal stuff, and then sexy stuff, when she's confortable, so maybe try to angle a bit towards her personal life when chatting in LinkedIn, but connecting there is gonna be hard (and ineffective). My best bet would be offering to meet up with her to talk about entrepreneurship over a coffee, after a few good messages (or just go for it, if you feel like she's down already), and then you get her number so you can better contact her (honestly, the number doesn't matter this much, but it's nice to prevent flaking, and shows how likely it is she'll be open to having something more with you). Then, on the date, you transition into personal talk, and start get your kino going, see how open to your touch she is (calibrate, start slow... this article might help, search for stuff on touch/kino), and go from there, if she's open, dope, if you're a sexy guy with your fundamentals on, shouldn't be too hard, since she seems into you, I think, just be smooth hehe

Good luck!
 

Lulu

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jul 24, 2022
Messages
22
Hey Beck,

Thanks a lot of sending me those articles. The one about her being a climber was very accurate and I'm surprised you were able to pull that out based on what I described.

We talked a bit more on Linkedin, but she stopped replying after a while. Its understandable as I was trying to make it personal and get her engaged, then when we get to a high point, invite her out of a meeting to talk about entrepreneurship. But we never got to the highpoint before she stopped replying.

Ahhh, whatever, next time I really just need to make it personal from the get go, ask for the date before exchanging contact info, and not use LinkedIn.
 

Beck Bass

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Mar 9, 2020
Messages
638
Ahhh, whatever, next time I really just need to make it personal from the get go, ask for the date before exchanging contact info, and not use LinkedIn.
Whatever, happens to the best of us. I'm happy that it was useful and you're learning, on to the nexts, then!

Cheers
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jul 24, 2015
Messages
2,091
From your telling she parried the personal connection attempt. In future encounters, foster the attraction and then pitch an instadate to find out more about her. Lead with Name, hometown, what her plans for the day are, what her purpose is where you met her. This lets you know if there is any possibility of an instadate.

For example: Her name is Sherry, she's a student at the local university but working the summer at the waterpark that opens at 11 ( 2 hours) then you have a sliver of time to grab a coffee and deep dive. If she is shopping for a last minute gift on her way to her girlfriends party in 20 minutes, then get her phone number and set a date to meet later. The level of personal information she discloses is going to be a good indicator of interest. If she's vague and evasive, she's not interested. Eye contact is paramount.
 

Lulu

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jul 24, 2022
Messages
22
Hey @Fuck This, this is helpful.

I agree with you that their willingness to disclose personal information or not is going to be a good indicator of whether they are interested. I think your suggestion makes sense for finding out her logistics in general. Seems like a very normal thing to just ask, "So, what are your plans for the day?" sometime after the opener.

Would you say that in general, them giving you eye contact is a more positive sign than if they were looking down (and seemingly nervous)?
 
a good date brings a smile to your lips... and hers
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