- Joined
- Feb 5, 2017
- Messages
- 965
I met this girl while walking home last week. I had just gone through 7 rejections before finally meeting a girl who was open to me. Our conversation was kind of dull, but I asked her out, and she said yeah.
I had originally planned to meet her on Sunday evening for a picnic, which I had been excited for due to wanting to try out a new date plan. However, family emergencies occurred which caused me to need to cancel, so I rescheduled for today. Since it was colder today, I suggested grabbing drinks. Texted to confirm the time, and she had to push it back 30 minutes due to her classes.
I met her near me, because I wanted to try out a new venue. I ended up being about 5 minutes late myself because I got distracted reading up on the Madonna/Whore complex. Gave her a hug, but forgot to tell her she looked cute. I asked her what kind of trouble she'd gotten into recently, and we went through initial conversation. I told her we should head to the bar nearby. I'd never been to this place, and told her as much (not sure if I should have said this, or just projected absolute confidence about where we were going). After going through some basic small talk, which felt very boring, we had this conversation:
I don't know how to deal with these questions well. I feel like my job, and my life are so provider-y that anytime I talk about them, I get slotted very hard into a provider role instead of a lover role. The other issue I have is that this question makes it hard to build intrigue, so deflecting it is something I need to figure out. Because I didn't know how to deflect it, I tried to answer without actually giving any important information.
I dig in a bit more on her background, and I find out she's was a math major in college, but is now interested in medicine and is studying to go into that field. I say that I dealt a lot with math in college too, and that I could tell she was into brainy math kids. She didn't really get the joke, which kind of ruined the flirtation here.
Accidentally walked too far, and had to turn back to get to the bar. The bar is super small, and not the best seating arrangements, but decent enough for incidental leg touch.
I do some more deep diving on her, but it's not as good as it has been in the past, mainly because I'm not leading it well to an emotional aspect. It feels too logical.
She comes from a small town, and enjoys the small town vibe more than the larger city. I use this to talk about how I love New York because people here are non-judgemental, compared to suburbs, where if you start dating someone, or hook up with someone, or start doing drugs, then immediately everyone finds out about it. I mention I hate gossiping, and that people here are just too busy for that kind of thing.
We get into the topic of early life, and she says she went to catholic school. I redirect the conversation to ask her about whether she's religious, and she says she isn't, but wants to start going to mass again. She asks if I'm religious, and I use this to go into talking about slut shaming.
Some mistakes above. I should have gone deeper into the madonna/whore by talking about how all girls have both sides to them, and only reveal it the sides depending on who they're with.
She seems to agree, but isn't too interested here.
I try to segue into dating in the city, and she asks how often I talk to strangers.
A little later, I try seeding for a pull by saying that I love mixing drinks, and that I'll definitely mix drinks for us some time. She seems happy about it and agrees.
At some point, I mention that I'm eminently lazy, and that if I were one of the seven deadly sins, I'd be sloth, followed by lust and gluttony. I ask her what hers are, and she says she isn't really any of them, to which I say that's sad, and that the sins can be fun.
Some time after that, she tells me she actually has to go soon, because she has a presentation for classes that she needs to prepare for, and has to be ready to do it at 9AM.
I don't really fight it, overall I didn't feel a huge amount of chemistry, and our vibes seemed on different levels.
I walked her home, and gave her a light hug, then bounced.
Overall it was just a boring date, which is strange, because I was doing things right that normally lead to more excitement. But I think our chemistry may have been lacking which also played a part.
Overall, during the date, touch was really solid, and she gave a little mutual escalation. Also tried out my first sex talk by talking about slut shaming and overall it went decently. I think my overall eye contact, voice, and vibe were sexual more than fun, but I need to actively hide the provider characteristics I have, namely my very stable job, my consistency, and lack of danger.
I had originally planned to meet her on Sunday evening for a picnic, which I had been excited for due to wanting to try out a new date plan. However, family emergencies occurred which caused me to need to cancel, so I rescheduled for today. Since it was colder today, I suggested grabbing drinks. Texted to confirm the time, and she had to push it back 30 minutes due to her classes.
I met her near me, because I wanted to try out a new venue. I ended up being about 5 minutes late myself because I got distracted reading up on the Madonna/Whore complex. Gave her a hug, but forgot to tell her she looked cute. I asked her what kind of trouble she'd gotten into recently, and we went through initial conversation. I told her we should head to the bar nearby. I'd never been to this place, and told her as much (not sure if I should have said this, or just projected absolute confidence about where we were going). After going through some basic small talk, which felt very boring, we had this conversation:
I don't know how to deal with these questions well. I feel like my job, and my life are so provider-y that anytime I talk about them, I get slotted very hard into a provider role instead of a lover role. The other issue I have is that this question makes it hard to build intrigue, so deflecting it is something I need to figure out. Because I didn't know how to deflect it, I tried to answer without actually giving any important information.
I dig in a bit more on her background, and I find out she's was a math major in college, but is now interested in medicine and is studying to go into that field. I say that I dealt a lot with math in college too, and that I could tell she was into brainy math kids. She didn't really get the joke, which kind of ruined the flirtation here.
Accidentally walked too far, and had to turn back to get to the bar. The bar is super small, and not the best seating arrangements, but decent enough for incidental leg touch.
I do some more deep diving on her, but it's not as good as it has been in the past, mainly because I'm not leading it well to an emotional aspect. It feels too logical.
She comes from a small town, and enjoys the small town vibe more than the larger city. I use this to talk about how I love New York because people here are non-judgemental, compared to suburbs, where if you start dating someone, or hook up with someone, or start doing drugs, then immediately everyone finds out about it. I mention I hate gossiping, and that people here are just too busy for that kind of thing.
We get into the topic of early life, and she says she went to catholic school. I redirect the conversation to ask her about whether she's religious, and she says she isn't, but wants to start going to mass again. She asks if I'm religious, and I use this to go into talking about slut shaming.
Some mistakes above. I should have gone deeper into the madonna/whore by talking about how all girls have both sides to them, and only reveal it the sides depending on who they're with.
She seems to agree, but isn't too interested here.
I try to segue into dating in the city, and she asks how often I talk to strangers.
A little later, I try seeding for a pull by saying that I love mixing drinks, and that I'll definitely mix drinks for us some time. She seems happy about it and agrees.
At some point, I mention that I'm eminently lazy, and that if I were one of the seven deadly sins, I'd be sloth, followed by lust and gluttony. I ask her what hers are, and she says she isn't really any of them, to which I say that's sad, and that the sins can be fun.
Some time after that, she tells me she actually has to go soon, because she has a presentation for classes that she needs to prepare for, and has to be ready to do it at 9AM.
I don't really fight it, overall I didn't feel a huge amount of chemistry, and our vibes seemed on different levels.
I walked her home, and gave her a light hug, then bounced.
Overall it was just a boring date, which is strange, because I was doing things right that normally lead to more excitement. But I think our chemistry may have been lacking which also played a part.
Overall, during the date, touch was really solid, and she gave a little mutual escalation. Also tried out my first sex talk by talking about slut shaming and overall it went decently. I think my overall eye contact, voice, and vibe were sexual more than fun, but I need to actively hide the provider characteristics I have, namely my very stable job, my consistency, and lack of danger.
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