Break up/ Moving on tips?

[FunkMaster69]

Hey there! First time posting here... I've been a long time reader of Chase here, and I must say he's awesome! I grew up without a dad and well Chase was basically dad to me in highschool. He basically taught me how to get girls and if you're reading this Chase, I'm forever grateful.

[I won't judge you if you disagree, so please don't judge me]. I'm in my mid 20s. I've been practicing these concepts for the past couple years and I've had a lot of success. I've gotten laid a lot, and had a few semi serious relationships and a bunch of awkward hook ups... For me, at this point in my life, getting laid by a random hottie doesn't do much for me. At this point it's just become a number to me. The first time I dated a dime, all my guy friends looked at me as if I was a God. Now, no one gives a shit. Also, looking back, I've always been happier being in relationships...

Anyways, so I have been recently dumped. And well, this was painful for me. I actually have been dumped twice before, but back then I didn't really care. It was more like, "Oh it sucks that you don't like me that much. I'm going to go and find someone else who does!" This time I actually caught myself going through the 5 stages of grief. There was anger, then denial, then I started bargaining with god, and well I'm finally at acceptance after crying a bunch. I'm just so mad because I totally thought that this was the woman I'm supposed to marry. And yes, I do believe in marriage and spending the rest of your life with one special someone. I unlike Chase didn't have to spend years learning how to get laid... I got all of Chase's wisdom implanted in me at a young age. So in a nutshell, I feel like a divorced man because in my head, this woman was my future wife. And heartbreak really is real, and at one point I felt like Princess Leia from Star Wars... (btw heartbreak is an actual physical phenomena. It's akin to having a small tiny heart attack. Don't know why Leia had to die in the movie (probably for dramatic effect...).

If anyone has any tips other than "it takes time" please do say. Also, no, I won't be trying to win her back... she's blocked me and hasn't spoken to me in 6 months and had a cop tell me to never contact her again. I'm sad because I no longer believe in love. I meet other woman but it doesn't feel the same. I guess in a way, I'm chasing the way she made me feel? I was thinking that I have to find someone with a similar MBTI maybe? Then we'd have the same chemistry? IDK it's weird, I meet woman but I just find them to be so boring now. Before I use to be really excited to meet ladies. I'm going to a bar this Friday with a friend. I'm hoping I don't find the woman there so boring like the rest.

Anyone here get divorced or separated from someone they genuinely liked? How did you go about moving on from the worst breakup of your life? Do you still think of them? Were you able to find someone you liked more? Will time actually heal my wounds?

 

[DarkKnight]

Yes dude it takes time.. and the older you get, the more experience, the faster you shrug things off. You just have to suck it up for now. Only good thing to do is stay active.. get new and cooller girls. It's as simple (not saying easy) as that. This is life,you have to learn how to deal with loss. It wont be the first or the last time

 

[Zoro]

you can believe in marriage all you want, but the reality is sometimes (often) relationships end.

The ironic thing is, embracing that and keeping yourself well put together (attractive and not dependent on the relationship) can help the relationship last.

 

[Chase]

@FunkMaster69,

Hey man, cool to talk. Glad I was able to have such a positive influence on you in your development. Sounds like you've done great for yourself.

I had a weird/complex breakup where I broke up with the girl, then got her back, then some weird stuff happened and we basically just split again, then reconnected, argued, split, got back again, and then both of us realized I'd sort of turned into a pussy somehow at some point. Then I stopped being a pussy, decided that was it for me with the relationship, that it was too far gone, and made her break up with me. (she still pursued it a few more years, I gave her closure, and she eventually married)

Still, it was a tough split. For me, that girl was like yours, I figured I'd always have her, have a bunch of kids with her someday, etc.

I'm usually a fairly detached guy, so me turning into a self-doubting guy repeatedly getting back this girl he knew in his heart it was too far gone with was uncharacteristic. I had to work through a lot of emotions to deal with it.

One thing that helped as a great catharsis was to write out a debrief basically of the whole relationship, starting from where things went off the rails. The final document came to 20 pages. But when I concluded it, I felt so much better, and I'd figured out a lot of stuff I hadn't understood through the course of it.

Had a couple of those "mind blown" epiphanies along the way as I wrote the thing, too.

It also served as a bit of a letting-go process. "I'm letting go, so I've got to write this thing to get it out and off my mind."

That's an old David Allen (Getting Things Done) trick: if you want it out of your head, write it down. It works.

After that I got girlfriend-needy. I had a bunch of thoughts about, "Man, even with my game where it is, this girl was still one in a million. She was basically out of my league the whole time. And I barely got her when I got her. How am I going to get a girl like that? I basically can't."

I shagged new girls beginning days after the final breakup. That helped a bit. But it didn't assuage my girlfriend neediness.

I also (like you) did not really want to shag randoms. I just wanted another girlfriend, as good as or better than the one I'd broken up with. All while doubting I could find that. I was on a private pickup board at the time and made this whole long thread about how I was tired of pickup and just wanted a great GF, with the other guys on there consoling me because it was so uncharacteristic. I started writing my book at that time because I figured I was done with pickup and wanted to get the book out before I forgot this stuff.

Anyway, I realized I was not meeting girls I wanted as a girlfriend in the city I was living in. But in a prior city I used to meet a lot of girlfriend-caliber girls. So I figured there was a location problem. And what better way to deal with a.) an emotional breakup and b.) a lack of the kind of women you want than to embark on a quest?

So I sold my belongings, grabbed a couple of suitcases, and booked a one-way ticket out of town. Started hopping from city to city and country to country after that.

Picked up girls as I went, until I met this one with a beautiful face, a sweet personality, a great job and education, and probably the best body of any girl I'd had then. Total package. First girl I'd felt nervous taking on a date in ages.

Well I got her, shagged her, turned her into a girlfriend, and she was in love. Head over heels.

At first, I was so relieved. This girl was physically banging in every way... way more so than that ex I'd left (who was great, but... A-cup tits and acquired some love handles after the first year). She wasn't as wild fun personality-wise but she was still great company, a total sweetheart, and objectively way better wife material. We actually got briefly engaged.

And then I realized I was going to get so bored with this girl.

And then I realized I did not really care to settle down at that point at all.

So we split up, and I felt fine about it.

No more pining after that former ex. No more girlfriend neediness. I now felt confident I could get top quality girls whenever I wanted them. And decided I didn't want them... not for a while.

It was back to playing the field for me.

I went out and enjoyed my singledom for a while, since most of my seduction career I'd been picking up while having girlfriends. Constantly juggling your time to pickup while not being totally single. And man, it is like having cheat codes when you can actually just go out whenever you want and schedule dates anytime and always pull girls to your place and not have to hide your phone or worry about damage control if your girl finds panties in your apartment.

And of course as soon as I did that, shagging my way through girls, I had perfect girlfriend candidates dropping into my lap.

So you get that and you're like, "Man, I'd feel so bad to not make this girl a girlfriend... she's so perfect! That face, that body, that background, that personality..."

And before you know it that brief period of absolute freedom has vanished again, gobbled up by another girl who almost seems like she's out of your league (almost... because how can she be out of your league when you're you? ).

I've never actually had another girlfriend I connected with quite like that one that pulled at my heart strings.

But after a while, I actually preferred it. Once I realized I wanted to do business, I didn't want to get sucked into a too-emotional relationship again. Being able to have a "perfect" girlfriend I was able to stay more detached with became the preference.

I have a pretty good idea about how I could go about looking for that kind of magical total perfect soul mate connection again if I wanted it. I have a hard time imagining wanting it though. I've had it, it was a nice experience, and I prefer it stay that way ("a nice experience I had once sometime back"). That girlfriend and I were great friends, in addition to great lovers, and the time and mental energy we spent going on excursions and whatnot I simply do not have to spare these days.

The big thing I learned was that a lot of my emotional reaction to the breakup was due to scarcity, exactly the same as the guy who gets oneitis for the girl he never even talks to.

Can't Stop Thinking About Her? Here's Why You Need to Meet More Girls

You know that feeling. There's this girl you've been chasing forever. You positively, absolutely, can't stop thinking about her. She's the most amazing woman in the world -- you're certain of it. There's never been another one like her. Her laughter sounds like the delicate tinkling of the...

www.girlschase.com

It's a higher form of scarcity, but it is still scarcity. As soon as I was shagging girls who were equal/better quality to that girlfriend, and those girls were in love with me and trying to marry me, that scarcity was gone. And all the bad emotions / pining / self-doubt went with it.

I still had some fond emotions and occasional reminisces about that girlfriend for a few years.

After she married even those last emotions basically dried up. I used to tell her if she ever married, I'd be the guy dropping in every 5-10 years to shag her in the hayloft while her husband was out drinking with the boys. But actually once we split I resisted her attempts to re-seduce me (didn't want to reopen that Pandora's box). Then once she married I just kind of dropped any remaining interest altogether. Happy for her, hope the marriage is what she wants (the guy seems great from what I've seen), and that's it. I don't usually go for married chicks anyway (unless I don't know they're married... or they tell me they're getting divorced ).

I'm sure if I ran into her I'd have some emotions bubble up. But I don't even think of her now and don't have any longing or missing or anything like that.

And that's really it.

Tips, if I've got to boil them down:

1. Write a debrief beginning from where the relationship went off the rails. Pack in everything important you can think of, and try to figure out everything that went wrong. Just get it all down on paper
   
   
2. Figure out if there are girls you want as girlfriends in your area or town. If there aren't, or aren't enough of them, figure out what other places you'd like to go and reasonably could go that are more likely to have the kind of talent you're after
   
   
3. Go find another girlfriend as good as her or better. Just to show yourself you can do it. That's the mission. Prove it to yourself. Unlock that absolute abundance as soon as you can. Because once it's unlocked, all the worst emotions are going to vacate

Absolute Abundance

“Abundance Mentality” is something that’s frequently prescribed as an answer to men’s neediness issues: approach anxiety, having a “weird” or “awkward” vibe, escalation hesitation, failure to invite women home. Anything where a guy comes off as hesitant or is nervous about achieving a certain...

www.girlschase.com

That should be the priority.

Get understanding/catharsis.

Start hunting for (preferably superior) girlfriends.

Unlock absolute abundance.

Everything else will take care of itself if you do that.

Good luck, hombre. You'll get it

Chase

 

[Skills]

Yes I did a specific post and video going over how is different for guys like us, what you are going through is what most guys go through after break ups, I went through it, chase, Tyler... Being the one getting dumped makes it worse as well...getting to the Holly grail point in which you can be happy alone is were is at, when women feel this and know this is another level all together, couple of years back I reached this level after 40 plus years... read this https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...et-society-members-seducers-women-gays.22069/

 

[FunkMaster69]

@FunkMaster69,

Hey man, cool to talk. Glad I was able to have such a positive influence on you in your development. Sounds like you've done great for yourself.

I had a weird/complex breakup where I broke up with the girl, then got her back, then some weird stuff happened and we basically just split again, then reconnected, argued, split, got back again, and then both of us realized I'd sort of turned into a pussy somehow at some point. Then I stopped being a pussy, decided that was it for me with the relationship, that it was too far gone, and made her break up with me. (she still pursued it a few more years, I gave her closure, and she eventually married)

Still, it was a tough split. For me, that girl was like yours, I figured I'd always have her, have a bunch of kids with her someday, etc.

I'm usually a fairly detached guy, so me turning into a self-doubting guy repeatedly getting back this girl he knew in his heart it was too far gone with was uncharacteristic. I had to work through a lot of emotions to deal with it.

One thing that helped as a great catharsis was to write out a debrief basically of the whole relationship, starting from where things went off the rails. The final document came to 20 pages. But when I concluded it, I felt so much better, and I'd figured out a lot of stuff I hadn't understood through the course of it.

Had a couple of those "mind blown" epiphanies along the way as I wrote the thing, too.

It also served as a bit of a letting-go process. "I'm letting go, so I've got to write this thing to get it out and off my mind."

That's an old David Allen (Getting Things Done) trick: if you want it out of your head, write it down. It works.

After that I got girlfriend-needy. I had a bunch of thoughts about, "Man, even with my game where it is, this girl was still one in a million. She was basically out of my league the whole time. And I barely got her when I got her. How am I going to get a girl like that? I basically can't."

I shagged new girls beginning days after the final breakup. That helped a bit. But it didn't assuage my girlfriend neediness.

I also (like you) did not really want to shag randoms. I just wanted another girlfriend, as good as or better than the one I'd broken up with. All while doubting I could find that. I was on a private pickup board at the time and made this whole long thread about how I was tired of pickup and just wanted a great GF, with the other guys on there consoling me because it was so uncharacteristic. I started writing my book at that time because I figured I was done with pickup and wanted to get the book out before I forgot this stuff.

Anyway, I realized I was not meeting girls I wanted as a girlfriend in the city I was living in. But in a prior city I used to meet a lot of girlfriend-caliber girls. So I figured there was a location problem. And what better way to deal with a.) an emotional breakup and b.) a lack of the kind of women you want than to embark on a quest?

So I sold my belongings, grabbed a couple of suitcases, and booked a one-way ticket out of town. Started hopping from city to city and country to country after that.

Picked up girls as I went, until I met this one with a beautiful face, a sweet personality, a great job and education, and probably the best body of any girl I'd had then. Total package. First girl I'd felt nervous taking on a date in ages.

Well I got her, shagged her, turned her into a girlfriend, and she was in love. Head over heels.

At first, I was so relieved. This girl was physically banging in every way... way more so than that ex I'd left (who was great, but... A-cup tits and acquired some love handles after the first year). She wasn't as wild fun personality-wise but she was still great company, a total sweetheart, and objectively way better wife material. We actually got briefly engaged.

And then I realized I was going to get so bored with this girl.

And then I realized I did not really care to settle down at that point at all.

So we split up, and I felt fine about it.

No more pining after that former ex. No more girlfriend neediness. I now felt confident I could get top quality girls whenever I wanted them. And decided I didn't want them... not for a while.

It was back to playing the field for me.

I went out and enjoyed my singledom for a while, since most of my seduction career I'd been picking up while having girlfriends. Constantly juggling your time to pickup while not being totally single. And man, it is like having cheat codes when you can actually just go out whenever you want and schedule dates anytime and always pull girls to your place and not have to hide your phone or worry about damage control if your girl finds panties in your apartment.

And of course as soon as I did that, shagging my way through girls, I had perfect girlfriend candidates dropping into my lap.

So you get that and you're like, "Man, I'd feel so bad to not make this girl a girlfriend... she's so perfect! That face, that body, that background, that personality..."

And before you know it that brief period of absolute freedom has vanished again, gobbled up by another girl who almost seems like she's out of your league (almost... because how can she be out of your league when you're you? ).

I've never actually had another girlfriend I connected with quite like that one that pulled at my heart strings.

But after a while, I actually preferred it. Once I realized I wanted to do business, I didn't want to get sucked into a too-emotional relationship again. Being able to have a "perfect" girlfriend I was able to stay more detached with became the preference.

I have a pretty good idea about how I could go about looking for that kind of magical total perfect soul mate connection again if I wanted it. I have a hard time imagining wanting it though. I've had it, it was a nice experience, and I prefer it stay that way ("a nice experience I had once sometime back"). That girlfriend and I were great friends, in addition to great lovers, and the time and mental energy we spent going on excursions and whatnot I simply do not have to spare these days.

The big thing I learned was that a lot of my emotional reaction to the breakup was due to scarcity, exactly the same as the guy who gets oneitis for the girl he never even talks to.

Can't Stop Thinking About Her? Here's Why You Need to Meet More Girls

You know that feeling. There's this girl you've been chasing forever. You positively, absolutely, can't stop thinking about her. She's the most amazing woman in the world -- you're certain of it. There's never been another one like her. Her laughter sounds like the delicate tinkling of the...

www.girlschase.com

It's a higher form of scarcity, but it is still scarcity. As soon as I was shagging girls who were equal/better quality to that girlfriend, and those girls were in love with me and trying to marry me, that scarcity was gone. And all the bad emotions / pining / self-doubt went with it.

I still had some fond emotions and occasional reminisces about that girlfriend for a few years.

After she married even those last emotions basically dried up. I used to tell her if she ever married, I'd be the guy dropping in every 5-10 years to shag her in the hayloft while her husband was out drinking with the boys. But actually once we split I resisted her attempts to re-seduce me (didn't want to reopen that Pandora's box). Then once she married I just kind of dropped any remaining interest altogether. Happy for her, hope the marriage is what she wants (the guy seems great from what I've seen), and that's it. I don't usually go for married chicks anyway (unless I don't know they're married... or they tell me they're getting divorced ).

I'm sure if I ran into her I'd have some emotions bubble up. But I don't even think of her now and don't have any longing or missing or anything like that.

And that's really it.

Tips, if I've got to boil them down:

1. Write a debrief beginning from where the relationship went off the rails. Pack in everything important you can think of, and try to figure out everything that went wrong. Just get it all down on paper
   
   
2. Figure out if there are girls you want as girlfriends in your area or town. If there aren't, or aren't enough of them, figure out what other places you'd like to go and reasonably could go that are more likely to have the kind of talent you're after
   
   
3. Go find another girlfriend as good as her or better. Just to show yourself you can do it. That's the mission. Prove it to yourself. Unlock that absolute abundance as soon as you can. Because once it's unlocked, all the worst emotions are going to vacate

Absolute Abundance

“Abundance Mentality” is something that’s frequently prescribed as an answer to men’s neediness issues: approach anxiety, having a “weird” or “awkward” vibe, escalation hesitation, failure to invite women home. Anything where a guy comes off as hesitant or is nervous about achieving a certain...

www.girlschase.com

That should be the priority.

Get understanding/catharsis.

Start hunting for (preferably superior) girlfriends.

Unlock absolute abundance.

Everything else will take care of itself if you do that.

Good luck, hombre. You'll get it

Chase

Wow this is so cool. I never thought I’d actually talk to you. It’s like I’m meeting my favorite author! And you really have had a positive influence on me. Without this website, I’d be a virgin in my mid 20s still playing Yu Gi Oh. Yu Gi Oh is cool and all, but it’s a lot more fun playing it after having been laid by a beautiful woman. Also I’m 99% sure that there are a lot of other guys who feel the same way. Not all long term readers comment… but I’m sure that they are thankful for this website and your writings.

This kinda trips me out because I do the same thing! Not just with girls but whenever I’m mad, I write. I usually delete the whole thing the next day or two, but I totally get what you mean. It helps out a lot in dealing with emotions that are hard to understand.

I do need a change! Especially with covid, I just feel bogged down. I was thinking of re-enrolling in University once the whole shutdown ends. I never finished… I had one year left. I feel like it’s going to be very interesting going back while being a bit older and more refined.

I totally get what you mean. Now I pretty much know that I can replace her and I can find another emotional/ serious relationship if I want it, but I too am seeing myself not actually wanting it. Maybe not as easy as you and the other guys who are kind of professionals at this, but I’m sure if I go out every weekend for a month or maybe just hit up old friends from university, I could find a serious relationship. Maybe even have kids. But I’d hate that right now… I just wanna focus on school and work for now.

Regarding my love life, absolute abundance is the goal right now. For me, I feel like I’m only 75% of the way there. Like I know I can find another girlfriend, but I don’t think it’s that easy. Like I would need to put in effort for a whole month or two.

Thanks Chase! Knowing that you actually care enough to read these forums and respond with personal and detailed posts is reassuring. It’s why I think you’re the G.O.A.T. of the manosphere.

Stay Funky!