Breaking tension

[stillunknocket]

So my friend and I have been talking about different ways to handle the awkwardness that often pops up when you first approach girls. One approach is to show her that you are socially aware and acknowledge she/they are uncomfortable. You do this by saying:

"Hey I realize this is a bit awkward, and know we don't know each other yet. I actually have to go soon, but, (change topic) those shoes look incredible on you, where did you get them!"

I haven't tried this line very much yet, but I have noticed that similar tension breaking lines used by other guys in a group I sometimes go out with have the amazing affect of breaking the ice/making you more relatable. For example, I once approached a set with another guy, I initiated, but I was running out of steam. He then jumped in and said that "actually, you know I am feeling a little bit nervous right now." The set responded "Why there is not reason to be nervous". And an interesting conversation ensued. He even asked them what they would suggest for guys who wanted to approach women (this was one of his first approaches and we were just getting comfortable). They told him that "just be yourself and that some guys ruin it for all the rest."

In that approach, my partner completely changed the frame by acknowledging anxiety, and it lead to a comfortable "we can relate and are on the same side" vibe. However, to my eyes, it destroyed any mystery and pretense of a sexual vibe. Another guy used it in another scenario, and though I exited bored, he ended up going back to talk to them and had a rather long conversation.

What do others think? It is ever good to break nervous tension in this way? Maybe awkward vibes are something to avoid with experience, but when you are starting out, it is worthwhile to break if you have messed up, or does it frame the whole situation wrong and just make things worse?

 

[Sam39]

I'm not an expert by any means, but I do consider myself a good conversationalist...obviously your frame matters, because that's the culmination of your body language and words. But, generally I usually assume that introductions will always be awkward. And thus, I'm perfectly OK with the girl (or guy) being awkward, so long as I'm know I'm not. In fact, I like when girls are nervous, because that makes you seem so much cooler. I usually like to exchange names, comment on a thing about or around her, and then build rapport. If you have good fundamentals, alot of times girls will ask you questions, which you can throw back at them. The reason your friend's comment worked is because he built rapport. Idk, I consider myself fairly good at building conversation and flirting, but not so much at actually getting relationships lol, so I suppose you should take my advice with a grain of salt.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@stillunknocket dude! The line works and can work as demonstrated but you're opening someone and broadcasting its awkward, it's only awkward if you make it awkward. The compliment about the shoes would work on its own and verbally indicating this is weird is redundant. It's unnecessary and not the best internal frame to have.

@Sam39 made some good points

Your friend jumping into the set stating he's feeling awkward isn't great. It worked out but the set is right, there's no need to feel awkward. We're socialising, this should be normal.

Breaking tension has a time and a place, this isn't one. It frames the interaction wrong. There's an expression, get comfortable being uncomfortable. This applies to everything that you're trying to develop in, you've got to push past your limitations. If you're comfortable, they'll feel comfortable.

It's recommended to stay in a set as long as you can when you're first learning. Even if you feel it's going nowhere, this gives you the experience and reverence points. You'll notice most people bail when they feel uncomfortable, forcing yourself to stay in set gets you used to this.

Don't acknowledge it and it doesn't exist, this applies time and time again. (Girls ignoring you, flaking on you, this will apply)