- Joined
- Feb 5, 2017
- Messages
- 1,025
Meeting
I met this girl about a week ago. I crossed her path and she was dressed very stylishly, so I complimented her on that. We chatted for a bit with a good vibe, and I asked her for an instant date. She said she wasn't down because she wanted time to be alone. I persisted and suggested we get together a few days later then.
Texting
I think here my texting was really good. There was a moment where she asked what we would even talk about because we don't have a common language, to which I responded that it would be fine as long as we had good energy and she loved that answer.
Because at this point I'd suggested twice that we go out and she both times said it would depend, I stopped asking and focused on doing some conversation over text and deep diving. She was very talkative, and so we got to know each other a bit, while I still maintained a flirty vibe. Eventually, she asked me out. We got the date and time set up and then continued to chat on text until the day of the date.
Other Info
Between the meet and the date, I'm spending a lot of time with @Skippy @Devilicious @alleniverson @POB and absorbing a bunch of information from them. I also had two coaching calls with Hector. It was good and some of it got really emotional-and we came up with a new set of goals for me to focus on. Mainly, rather than be outcome focused, we should focus on changing myself. Hector had me focus on 3 things:
Date
I was having an overall negative day-girls were just not responding well to me and I just felt like such a failure. Also felt that there must be something wrong with me, that girls just didn't find me attractive, that there was something wrong with me... etc. Instead of trying to talk myself out of those, I just allowed myself to feel them. Which had the strange effect of not causing me to spiral and still allowing me to approach girls with excitement. It didn't change that I wasn't feeling good, but it is definitely new. I also was feeling a lot of anxiety because everyone here had pulled except for me, and I really wanted this to work out.
It turns out this girl is in an uber and coming to me from nearly 40 minutes away. In a text I thank her for fighting through the traffic to see me.
So I meet this girl and she's dressed really cute and we hug then go upstairs. We chat and have a good time. I'm mimicking mannerisms I saw from @Devilicious and also using law of least effort to build her compliance. Examples are making her move to sit next to me, having her order from the waiter. We are also holding hands and touching throughout. Good eye contact. Feline/languid movements.
There's some street parties passing through and so we move to a different table and order some acai. We chat a little bit and then I suggest going to a new spot. She also wants to split the bill.
Something about the first venue feels like she's not ready for the pull, so I take her to another venue and we hold hands on the way there.
Interlude
In a bit of a silly mentality on my part, I felt that the vibe between us was too romantic and I was going to get boyfriend or friend objected. I need to get better at reading signals.
Venue 2
At the next venue I have her order us some drinks, and we chat more. It's still vibing, and we're having fun. She asks me to move to sit next to her and I have her move to sit next to me instead. At some point once she moves she actually asks if she can kiss me (sidenote: this is exactly what Hector said would happen if I started focusing on being social and enjoying the girl and getting to know her rather than focusing on outcome). I give her a good kiss, but not for too long. Do this a few times but I always pull away first.
She wants another drink so we order one for her, and a juice for me. A little after I suggest we leave and go back to my apartment. She asks if my friends are at the airbnb so I text them and then we head home.
Zero LMR, really fun time. Lovely girl.
It felt good and it felt like a very fast endorsement of what Hector is having me focus on.
Closing Thoughts
I'm still feeling kind of bad today. I still feel shitty that other women who I want to meet, fuck, and get to know are not responding the way I want to. But I will allow myself to feel those and then proceed forward. I feel bad because I would have liked to spend more time with this girl but that's just the nature of things.
Letting myself feel my emotions is hard. I've been feeling on the verge of tears multiple times throughout the last few days-especially after my second coaching call with Hector actually resulted in me sobbing. But I understand what he's saying and he's right. These other guys here are so vibrant and alive and it's because they embody their emotions and allow women to come along for the journey. If I want the same results-actually forget that-if I want to become a person who moves through life alive, with energy, and truly awake. So I will continue to work on that. The seduction aspect I largely have to a good degree-I just need more reference points. So that's a big part of my future.
I met this girl about a week ago. I crossed her path and she was dressed very stylishly, so I complimented her on that. We chatted for a bit with a good vibe, and I asked her for an instant date. She said she wasn't down because she wanted time to be alone. I persisted and suggested we get together a few days later then.
Texting
I think here my texting was really good. There was a moment where she asked what we would even talk about because we don't have a common language, to which I responded that it would be fine as long as we had good energy and she loved that answer.
Because at this point I'd suggested twice that we go out and she both times said it would depend, I stopped asking and focused on doing some conversation over text and deep diving. She was very talkative, and so we got to know each other a bit, while I still maintained a flirty vibe. Eventually, she asked me out. We got the date and time set up and then continued to chat on text until the day of the date.
Other Info
Between the meet and the date, I'm spending a lot of time with @Skippy @Devilicious @alleniverson @POB and absorbing a bunch of information from them. I also had two coaching calls with Hector. It was good and some of it got really emotional-and we came up with a new set of goals for me to focus on. Mainly, rather than be outcome focused, we should focus on changing myself. Hector had me focus on 3 things:
- Live, embody, and accept my emotions. Allow myself to feel and to express them bodily. Even the negative ones. Don't try to convince myself I'm not feeling them either. I have been stifling them for years which leads to a large difference in how people like @Devilicious affects the girls he goes on dates on. He is really alive in his emotions and so embodies the traits of a lover. I am much less alive, and so we are starting the process of bringing me back to life
- Focus on enjoying being around a beautiful girl, getting to know her, and enjoying her energy. Absolutely zero focus on the outcome. Part of this is that my instincts for women are pretty good, so I need to shift my focus outward. I have seen marked improvements in longer sets by implementing this.
- <fill in> will edit in in future
Date
I was having an overall negative day-girls were just not responding well to me and I just felt like such a failure. Also felt that there must be something wrong with me, that girls just didn't find me attractive, that there was something wrong with me... etc. Instead of trying to talk myself out of those, I just allowed myself to feel them. Which had the strange effect of not causing me to spiral and still allowing me to approach girls with excitement. It didn't change that I wasn't feeling good, but it is definitely new. I also was feeling a lot of anxiety because everyone here had pulled except for me, and I really wanted this to work out.
It turns out this girl is in an uber and coming to me from nearly 40 minutes away. In a text I thank her for fighting through the traffic to see me.
So I meet this girl and she's dressed really cute and we hug then go upstairs. We chat and have a good time. I'm mimicking mannerisms I saw from @Devilicious and also using law of least effort to build her compliance. Examples are making her move to sit next to me, having her order from the waiter. We are also holding hands and touching throughout. Good eye contact. Feline/languid movements.
There's some street parties passing through and so we move to a different table and order some acai. We chat a little bit and then I suggest going to a new spot. She also wants to split the bill.
Something about the first venue feels like she's not ready for the pull, so I take her to another venue and we hold hands on the way there.
Interlude
In a bit of a silly mentality on my part, I felt that the vibe between us was too romantic and I was going to get boyfriend or friend objected. I need to get better at reading signals.
Venue 2
At the next venue I have her order us some drinks, and we chat more. It's still vibing, and we're having fun. She asks me to move to sit next to her and I have her move to sit next to me instead. At some point once she moves she actually asks if she can kiss me (sidenote: this is exactly what Hector said would happen if I started focusing on being social and enjoying the girl and getting to know her rather than focusing on outcome). I give her a good kiss, but not for too long. Do this a few times but I always pull away first.
She wants another drink so we order one for her, and a juice for me. A little after I suggest we leave and go back to my apartment. She asks if my friends are at the airbnb so I text them and then we head home.
Zero LMR, really fun time. Lovely girl.
It felt good and it felt like a very fast endorsement of what Hector is having me focus on.
Closing Thoughts
I'm still feeling kind of bad today. I still feel shitty that other women who I want to meet, fuck, and get to know are not responding the way I want to. But I will allow myself to feel those and then proceed forward. I feel bad because I would have liked to spend more time with this girl but that's just the nature of things.
Letting myself feel my emotions is hard. I've been feeling on the verge of tears multiple times throughout the last few days-especially after my second coaching call with Hector actually resulted in me sobbing. But I understand what he's saying and he's right. These other guys here are so vibrant and alive and it's because they embody their emotions and allow women to come along for the journey. If I want the same results-actually forget that-if I want to become a person who moves through life alive, with energy, and truly awake. So I will continue to work on that. The seduction aspect I largely have to a good degree-I just need more reference points. So that's a big part of my future.
