What's new

Brotherly Advice

Waterboii

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Feb 18, 2013
Messages
29
Hello community,

Hopefully you guys can give me advice about giving advice! I think it is safe to assume most of the members of GC (at least the active ones) prescribe to a certain lifestyle, namely one centered on self improvement and mastery. I also believe it is safe to assume that many of you, like myself, did not always have this mindset.

I have an older brother who is very much stuck within a victim mentality (dead-end job and girlfriend for a while now) and can't seem to make the break. I fear he might be headed for depression (it runs in my family). Because of this website, I now have a strongly held belief on how his situation should be handled. Although I've told him what I think, I have been hesitant to push (it'll only stick if its his decision or at least partly). Also, because I am 4 years younger and still in college, I understand that he doesnt see me as an equal without 'real life' experience. How do you recommend I approach this? Direct and forcefully? Send him some GC articles? How can I get him to come to the conclusion himself? Because although you may say some people cant be convinced, I'm not willing to sit by and watch his life pass so.

I appreciate your replies in advance ... you've yet to let me down so far ;)

Love
WB
 

Nuncle

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Feb 5, 2013
Messages
172
Does he think there's a problem himself? It's not quite clear from your post.

Anyway yeah I would direct him to the site. If you don't want to be direct about it then choose an article or thread that could be presented as humorous and send it with an "lol". Maybe send him one of the articles about relationships if you are concerned about his and say something like "lol ain't this the truth?"
 

Mr.Rob

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Jun 16, 2013
Messages
1,897
Waterboii,

I can relate. A good friend of mine that I've grown up with is now in the same position as I was a year ago before my enlightenment to self growth and pickup in general. The usual lost, depressed, hopeless, anxiety ridden person that a lot of us were before realizing that yes you can actually improve your situation by making better decisions. I find it hard not to get annoyed at people like this anymore since they just surrender their power and become apathetic but I have to realize that I was that person only less than a year ago.

First of all your brother and my best friend aren't going to change until they decide they're completely sick and tired of their situation. I'm no expert but I think the best thing that can happen is for them to hit rock bottom. It's the only reason I decided to change otherwise I would have read the advice penciled it in as either stupid information that only helpless loser need I'm fine the way I am (in denial about being a helpless loser) or decent advice that I should probably implement but ahh what the hell I get too it soon (soon being in the next life).

For some people rock bottom is getting pulled over while drunk and getting off with a warning to slow down without the officer realizing you were under the influence (scares the shit out of some people to the point they decide never to get behind the wheel again). For others rock bottom is getting so many DUI's that the court repossess your house (because you have no money from court fees) and your family leaves you because your a shitty husband to where you have nothing left in life. Everyone has a different threshold of life shittyness and I believe that its important step to hit rock bottom before starting to progress toward a better enriching life.

Sorry for long post, curious to your thoughts.
~Rob
 

Waterboii

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Feb 18, 2013
Messages
29
Nuncle,

Yeah, we've talked about it before and he realizes that there is a problem not only with his job, but his relationship as well. That is an interesting thought. He is quite cynical to begin with, so putting a light touch on it might be effective. On the other hand, he knows that I consider his problems a serious matter, so then he might not take the advice serious. I'll give it some thought. Thanks for the reply man!

Rob,

I appreciate the long post!! You're right on, sometimes I am guilty of forgetting the fact that very recently I was the same way. I guess when a change in mindset is so categorical, its easy to be narrow-minded. The rock-bottom idea has a lot to do with my main query about direct/indirect. Hitting rock bottom causes that person to make the decision themselves. Whereas the other option was that I would tell him, "look man, rock bottom is right around the corner." My worries about letting the person hit rock bottom is that some people just never get out. You have such low drive once you are there, and such vulnerability, any significant obstacle can cause you just to bury yourself away down there. Obviously, there are people who won't quit, just like there are those that will. I just wasn't sure I wanted to find out which my brother was!

In fact, I think a nice little cocktail of pressure from friends, family and himself caused him to quit his job a couple days ago! I'm extremely stoked, and excited to see what comes next, because any change (in whichever direction) is better than no change in a shitty situation.

Thanks you both for the advice!
 
you miss 100% of the shots you don't take
Top