FR++ Brought Colombian chick back to mine in ~10 minutes

[ElChe]

Hello comrades.

This happened a couple months ago.

Initial Pull

I was in a building on my university campus and having a "spiritual experience". When I was done and ready to go home and eat (and sleep), I went upstairs and it was raining hard...

There was this girl sitting by herself and I believe I said "damn, I'm trapped".
She was this Colombian chick with brown/blonde hair, brown skin, blue eyes and a good body.

Then she turned to look at me.

She responded something about how yeah the rain sucks and she had an event but probably wouldn't go cause of the rain. I said something like I'm tryna go to my house (which was about a block away). And she said "Oh! I have an umbrella, I could go with you, but if you wait a few minutes because I'm waiting to see about the event".

So we sit and chat and I ask her where she's from (she was from Spain but is Colombian) and yadda yadda. We talk about traveling a bit.

We didn't talk for more than 10 minutes before we got up and ran to my place! There was a lot of physical contact because we were huddled close under the umbrella.

We were soaked regardless when we got to my place and I invited her in.

Now here's where I fucked things up.

Due to a "funky" situation with a certain dance teacher earlier the semester, I was on a big "I'm gonna respect the fuck out of women" thing at the time. So, because it was raining and she may have felt like she didn't have a way out, I didn't want to make a move. I chose to respect the fuck out of her instead.

But the truth is, she definitely wanted sexual interaction.

She was sitting there in her little dress and I offered her water and I think she could tell I was trying to respect the fuck out of her. So she says "hm, yeah it's raining hard, I could take an uber back to my place... [waits a bit] ah man the uber is very expensive"

And I just look at her like this

Because I had already made the decision to respect the fuck out of her. She took a bus home (free for her). But I got her number and we said we should get coffee another day.


Date

Okay, so I missed the initial lay BUT we had a great date at least.

I texted her the next day that it was nice to meet her and hopefully she didn't get too wet. She responds and then I say we should get coffee and give her some days I'm free. Then she says yea dude and eventually we meet up.

It was kind of a kickass date.

Firstly my coffee was really good and I'm glad about that. We went to a cool place (an outside amphitheater with a good vibe) and I learned some kickass stuff about her.

She had lived in Spain, but then was in Portugal recently, and I took note of how she said there were a lot of artistic people in Lisbon. See, I'm trying to find a place that is a goldmine of artistic dancer chicks, because I'm pretty certain I'm at some point gonna have a relationship with a woman who is exactly like my ex dance teacher (my oneitis). Actually, said oneitis told me how she was in Portugal before coming to the university as well. So yeah, cool thing to note.

Annnyway...

The connection on the date is good. She pokes and tests me a bit, and I'm just like "excuse me?" but in a fun way. We talk about her past, about her family, about life and opportunities, about her reason for being at the university.

Honestly it was a special and cool moment. Meeting people and crossing paths with them at whatever special point they are at in life-- it is unique. It is kind of a blessing.

I will have that image of us sitting in the outdoor amphitheater-- just the two of us as the day was ending and the sun was setting-- as a nice little memory.


Second (almost) Pull
...
Eventually the date is reaching its conclusion.

She talked about how she liked anime and I seeded the idea of us watching anime at mine.

When we are close to my place, she starts talking about how one of her guy friends basically acts and treats her like she's special, but she said "ah but he can't fool me, I know he likes them all!" (as in likes all girls)

I think maybe this was a hint about attainability... that I needed to make her feel more special. Maybe...

When we are right next to my place I ask her what she's doing for the rest of the day. She says going home and some more work. I say you should skip work and come with me and watch anime and we can be otakus together (she was saying jokes about being an otaku I believe).

But...

It was in the way I said it.

See, I have been working on this but I have some strange issues with sex and showing my sexual desire to girls.
I often numb out during sex and it isn't very enjoyable for me. Probably this was a side effect of a bad situation I went through with a girl years ago that made be become very sexually repressed.

So when I invite this girl inside my place, I say it in a sweet way... but I feel there was this vibe like I didn't really want to sleep with her that much...

She was looking into my eyes as I said it, looking for something, and I don't know what she saw but for a moment she had a face that was a mixture of concern and sadness.

Because the truth was, I didn't really want to sleep with her. It's not that she isn't attractive-- she is. She's probably awesome in bed too.
But I just felt forced. I felt forced because I was on this mission to get over my oneitis (very fucked situation with her that has kinda ruined my semester) and just wanted to feel at peace... but I get this feeling like "oh-- I HAVE to sleep with girls or else I'm gonna fall in love with a girl and it's gonna suck and I will be unhappy", and it kills my motivation.

I'm scared of catching feelings and losing direction. I don't want sex, I want peace...

So yeah.

The Colombian girl looks at me for a bit, smiles and says "another day", and we hug and part ways.


Merp

This weird sexual shit seems to be an issue for me and it is made worse by the spooky victim culture on American college campuses.

Chase recommended once to just NOT sleep with girls from your same university and, hell, maybe he's right.

What I've been doing is sticking with my embodiment work-- doing grounding stuff every day (feet, legs, ass) and also putting a focus on opening up and feeling the sexual chakra (groin area).

It's worked a bit. I've been hornier. So I'll continue working on that.

As for the Colombian chick-- we met up a couple other times... I learned a lot about her more (apparently she's said such direct and hurtful things to men that she's had guys cry in front of her)... she's had some really interesting experiences.

That ship has sailed though.

There was a point where it (sex) could've happened... but a strange little logistic concern got in the way. She also seems to have some hatred towards men... so even though she was mostly sweet to me, I think it's best to step away from that energy.

Good experience and some nice moments, though.

 

[Ratata]

What you experienced that first time is called sexual tension. The longer you are comfortable with it, the better, because it builds anticipation. I mean, there's a limit to how long you should accept it, because eventually she'll grow tired. But if you don't act the very first time, it's not an end-all situation.

I remember I swung by this kiosk like four or five times and met this girl there every time. The sexual tension in the air, man, it was so thick you could touch it. But I was on other business, so it didn't behove itself to ask - but eventually there was an opening, and I went: "So, this might sound strange, but... Would you like to meet me later?" Girl went "Hell, yes!" (her literal words lol) and scrambled to find a pen and paper.

If you're ever stuck, and feel that ST fading, stop for a moment and say nothing, but just look at her. In fact, just like in that animé. If you're reasonably close to her, you can also stop her in her tracks and simply ask, "Wow what kinda perfume is that? Omg let me smell it." Then lean in and kiss her neck. This is the pussy move if you're unsure how to go for the kiss, but it can also speed things up significantly so you don't have to do all that prep to make the actual kiss work.

Hope this helps.

 

[ElChe]

What you experienced that first time is called sexual tension. The longer you are comfortable with it, the better, because it builds anticipation. I mean, there's a limit to how long you should accept it, because eventually she'll grow tired. But if you don't act the very first time, it's not an end-all situation.

Thanks for the reply.
Yes... I used to be much better at sexual tension. I still have the ability now but it's like I'm out of touch with it (I kinda don't feel it... BUT I have been getting better).

But yeah. In the situation with this Colombian chick, at my place I had consciously decided not to make a move

My thought process was "I need to make my attraction clear to her so I don't come across creepy, make her feel comfortable, and not make her feel like she doesn't have the ability to say no".

I think it's good to practice that. Empathy, respect, kindness.

But I am swinging too far in the nice guy direction. I should cultivate that sexual energy and get super good at tension again. It is kinda the missing piece of my game right now.

 

[gameboy]

She basically gave you a freebie by offering to walk you home...

My thought process was "I need to make my attraction clear to her so I don't come across creepy, make her feel comfortable, and not make her feel like she doesn't have the ability to say no".

Did you give her the ability to say "yes" though in the first place?

I mean she came home with you of her own free will...

I'm kind of in the same boat as you. A week or two ago I approached a girl that seemed super into me... she was smiling and asked me questions back and stuff, and I just ejected without even asking for her number. I'm still not quite sure why.

As for the Colombian chick-- we met up a couple other times... I learned a lot about her more (apparently she's said such direct and hurtful things to men that she's had guys cry in front of her)... she's had some really interesting experiences.

That's interesting... do you think there's a chance that you "intuited" that? You talked about having had a spiritual experience so maybe you're an intuitive guy...

I once was in a situation where I was about to go home with a girl I met in a bar, but then she said something rude and I decided not to. A pity to have missed the lay, but if the girl is kind of crap (i.e. giving you bad vibes) then maybe it's actually better in a way.

She also seems to have some hatred towards men...

Recently I've heard from several Colombian and Venezuelan girls, as well as one friend who is sort of dating a Venezuelan, that in those countries it's apparently quite common for guys to beat their wives. Seems to be a pattern... and then girls grow up with this experience and become resentful, and mistreat their lovers in turn in the "female way" (my friend who's with the Venezuelan chick definitely told me about some experiences with her that I wouldn't have tolerated... or at least I strongly hope I wouldn't have).

 

[Ratata]

In the situation with this Colombian chick, at my place I had consciously decided not to make a move

My thought process was "I need to make my attraction clear to her so I don't come across creepy, make her feel comfortable, and not make her feel like she doesn't have the ability to say no".

I think it's good to practice that. Empathy, respect, kindness.

I'm sorry to hear this. The sad fact is, your logic played you, man. Don't listen to your logic. And instead consciously decide to make a move no matter what. Cuz that's how you learn.

In some sense you have to be willing to risk creepy. Not so that she's outraged, but certainly so that you risk rejection. The only reason a girl gets alone with you, is because she trusts you. But if a girl trusts you - unless you're thoroughly in the friend zone - she's also there because you excite you. Thus, the longer you wait before you act, the further into the friend zone you go. So you gotta risk creepy. While at the same time practicing empathy, respect, kindness.

If you're not experiencing sexual tension, it can be for a number of reasons. You're evading her eyes. The eyes convey a ton of emotions, and when you look into hers, it's a natural source for sexual tension. Or you you're not close enough to her. By moving closer you also increase sexual tension. Touch her, by accident at first, or a bit platonically, but perhaps not. Take her hand in order to lead her because you want to show her something. Then show her, but keep holding her hand lightly. Stuff like that. Teach her to dance if you can. Lots of free touch, and I promise ST will be so through the roof that it'll give you a boner all on its own. That shit needs a release, so bite your lower lips and kiss her.

 

[ElChe]

She basically gave you a freebie by offering to walk you home...

Did you give her the ability to say "yes" though in the first place?

That is an interesting point. Nah. I don't think I did give her the ability to say yes
Damn...

That's interesting... do you think there's a chance that you "intuited" that? You talked about having had a spiritual experience so maybe you're an intuitive guy...

Hmm. It WAS strange that she offered to go to my place THAT quickly. Like, I don't mind it, but it makes you wonder "why" a bit. (side note: this seems like it happens a LOT on college campuses these days? It's kind weird but that's a whole other topic to discuss)

She probably found me attractive, saw that I had the "I'm currently open to seducing and fucking women" aura (that shit is real lmao), then when I deep dived super quickly and built connection FAST (and I had no judgement), she just said screw it I'm down.

Getting stuck in a place while it's raining out and it's just the two of you IS a pretty hot situation. Almost happened to me with my oneitis too, lol.

I didn't really sense hatred at first and also she was very sweet to me at times. It was more just my weird disconnect with my sexuality (which has gotten much better) and my hesitation to make a move that prevented us getting together.

Recently I've heard from several Colombian and Venezuelan girls, as well as one friend who is sort of dating a Venezuelan, that in those countries it's apparently quite common for guys to beat their wives. Seems to be a pattern... and then girls grow up with this experience and become resentful, and mistreat their lovers in turn in the "female way" (my friend who's with the Venezuelan chick definitely told me about some experiences with her that I wouldn't have tolerated... or at least I strongly hope I wouldn't have).

Maybe so. With the girl I met, she said her dad was just very distant, not home a lot. I don't know if he beat her mother.

I really feel like people should let go of hatred and bitterness towards romance and dating. Why make this subject a point of pain in your life? When you hurt someone or do something shitty, it always hurts you, too.

I'm sorry to hear this. The sad fact is, your logic played you, man. Don't listen to your logic. And instead consciously decide to make a move no matter what. Cuz that's how you learn.

In some sense you have to be willing to risk creepy. Not so that she's outraged, but certainly so that you risk rejection. The only reason a girl gets alone with you, is because she trusts you. But if a girl trusts you - unless you're thoroughly in the friend zone - she's also there because you excite you. Thus, the longer you wait before you act, the further into the friend zone you go. So you gotta risk creepy. While at the same time practicing empathy, respect, kindness.

If you're not experiencing sexual tension, it can be for a number of reasons. You're evading her eyes. The eyes convey a ton of emotions, and when you look into hers, it's a natural source for sexual tension. Or you you're not close enough to her. By moving closer you also increase sexual tension. Touch her, by accident at first, or a bit platonically, but perhaps not. Take her hand in order to lead her because you want to show her something. Then show her, but keep holding her hand lightly. Stuff like that. Teach her to dance if you can. Lots of free touch, and I promise ST will be so through the roof that it'll give you a boner all on its own. That shit needs a release, so bite your lower lips and kiss her.

This is a very useful/insightful comment. Much appreciated.

Sexual tension IS so important...
There is a whole buildup to that moment when you're alone with her and finally kiss her.

It is strange how I got so disconnected from it, but somehow still had I guess the subconscious habits so that I could get a girl alone with me. But then when I'm alone with a girl, I kinda just shut off and it's hard for me to stay with the ST, you know? So strange.

I do believe it is purely about deciding "I'm going to make a move (like Chase's 10 minute kiss rule)" and then just fucking looking at her with desire and stepping through the tension-- pulling her in and doing it.

All this stuff about ah gotta do it respectfully and ah what if she gets offended is just overthinking.

On the bright side, I HAVE been getting better with that tension. I was alone with a girl the other day (didn't make a move again tho lol cuz we're part of a friend group and see each other once a week) and I could sense and feel and step through the tension much better.

I've done good work on always respecting a woman's decision (well, duh but I mean making sure I come across with like that), now I gotta switch into "Okay, I will always respect her decision BUT if she gives me an opening I'm gonna strike (with calibration)"