Building Rapport through text

[Interruption]

Hello everyone,
I'm new to this forum and have a few questions about a particular girl I met on OK Cupid. Me and this girl both shared a mutual like with eachother on the site which lead to her opening convo to me by saying Hi. We then proceeded to introduce ourselves engaged in some small talk to which she asked me what my weekend looks like (this was on Friday) I told her let's exchange numbers first before we discuss that. She responded almost immediately with her phone number. No comments, no questions asked. Boom, Instant number close ;-). I responded in the same manner with my phone number and then followed it up by texting her Hi right after. Then I told her I was busy Saturday but that we could meet up on Sunday also adding that it's ok if she's shy and that we can get to know each other more first before a meetup. She said she'll think about it and that getting to know each other more first would be more ideal. We continued in more small talk but I feel as though I'm not hitting that attraction button hard enough and ramping our interaction up. I want to heat her up and get her more excited for a meet up than how it seems now, but I'm just not quite sure which direction to take things to continue getting the tempo and momentum going even further. Could it be that we need to develop more comfort then move into attraction? Or both simultaneously? Any info/advise on this would be greatly appreciated.

Also of note we both live in NYC only a few stops on the subway from each other so that makes this even more tempting.

Here's the phone text thread if you want to see it in detail how things are going for me and her so far

:Friday night:

Me: Hi

Her: Hi

Me: Tomorrow I'm heading upstate to visit family but I'm free Sunday. We can meet up then

Me: Unless your shy. That's ok. I know you probly met a lot of creeps on that site. We can get to know each other more

Her: I’ll think about it lol Am not shy but I think also know each other more will be a bit more ideal

Me: I agree

Her: So where in Manhattan are you from I’m from Manhattan as well Harlem I was born and raised in NYC but my parents are form Ecuador what about you?

Me: I live further up in the Bronx but most of my time is spent in manhattan I'm a Real estate agent

Me: I'm a few stops from Harlem stops* I'm puerto Rican and Irish Habla Espanol?

Her: I speak both

Me: Me too

Her: How’s your evening

Me: Just left my office heading home. How about a pretty girl like yourself? What's your day been like

Her: It’s been good can’t complain I’m relaxing at home about to have a glass of wine and just chill

Me: Sounds like a good night Laying back on the couch Watching Netflix Glass of wine. Maybe even somebody to cuddle up with. You never know

Her: I got my pillow

Me: Hopefully the pillow doesn't have jealousy issues

Her: Olle eso

Me: Lol I take it your pillow hot jealous
got*

Her: Negative

Me: Well hopefully your pillow can cuddle back

Her: What’s your point

Me:I'm only kidding with you

Me: How's your night

Her: It’s good Pretty relaxing And yours

Me: About to take a hot shower then chill. Sore from the gym earlier today before work

Me: You a night owl?

Her: Not tea
Really*

Me: You must be getting sleepy then Cuddling with Mr. Pillow

Her: Yea i am I’ll call it a night have a good night You too. Have a good night

:Sunday afternoon same weekend aka today:

Me: Hey Vanessa, hope your weekends been good =) Coming back into this city has the worst traffic ever! How’s your week looking?

Her: Hi it’s going by well can’t complain Hope you had a safe drive

Me: Glad you're weekend is going well ;-) Yeah it was a safe trip. Even with the traffic but that's the city we live in

 

[foggy]

Hello Interruption, welcome to the forums.

What you need to do next is quit the small talk with this girl and start having more fun with her. I'll be honest, your conversation with her that you have posted is boring, platonic and predictable. It looks like you're really playing it safe! As a result right now she's probably not exactly getting wet over meeting you, like you speculated. However given the fact she was interested in you in the first place, I feel like you still have a shot if you play your cards right and turn it around so that she is having a good time talking to you. I have provided some tips below to make your future conversations with her more fun. I took your conversation and rewrote parts of it from the vantage point of my tips so you can have a better idea of how they work:

1. Exaggerate

Me: About to take the longest shower ever that will be hotter than the depths of hell and the sun combined, and then i'm going to chill.

2. Role Play

Considering you are a real estate agent, you can easily get into a role play where you are the agent and she is the buyer:

Me: I'm the realest real estate agent in the history of realness. Please buy this house from me for the low price of $150000.
Her: I don't know if I can afford that... Are there any other ways I can pay besides money?
Me: Yes, in fact. We can sort out the details when we meet up.

3. Lie

It's ok to lie if you don't have anything interesting to talk about.

Me: Glad you're weekend is going well ;-) Unfortunately I did not have a safe drive. I almost got run over by a weirdo hipster driving a pink smart car. This city we live in is crazy isn't it?

4. Disbelief

Disbelief is a great way to inject some tension into an otherwise routine conversation. Call her out on anything you please.

Her: I speak both.
Me: What, you're bilingual!? You are not, I have a hard time believing that. Barely anyone is bilingual these days.

5. Avoid The Basics

Every single guy this week has asked her these sort of questions:

- How are you?
- What's up?
- How's your week going?
- Where do you live?
- What do you do for work?
- Where are you from?

Get the general idea? These questions are all soooo boring and don't make her think. Any guy who asks her these automatically gets slotted into "regular guy" territory. Challenge yourself to avoid these sorts of questions in future interactions with this girl and all other girls and you will have a better time heating things up.

6. Flirt

Relatively self explanatory.

Her: I speak both
Me: Oh come on. You don't have to pretend you speak two languages just to impress me!

Try all these out while deep diving her a little bit and you should be in good shape to get her to hang out with you. Please keep us updated if anything happens.

 

[Interruption]

Thanks for the reply

I did take things further beyond the convo thread I posted here so far before reading your reply, and btw I did get her on the phone for a short casual convo because I feel as though texting has a ton of limits as to ramping up a girls attraction.

Anyways, the next day, I used a bit of callback humour with her about her saying she has her pillow to cuddle with as you probly read about her saying this in the above post of the text thread. The callback humour was with me texting her two humorous memes about cuddling with your pillow but still unfortunately being single. Me sending these got her to respond with a laugh text, "Hahaha". I then texted her I thought of you when I saw these. After I sent this text I fell asleep for the night to wake up to her text which said "facts", in other words she agreed to the memes and the text I associated them with being that I thought of her when I saw them. As soon as I saw this text after waking up I said "facts" in return followed by a wink emoji. This was around 10:02 am. At 10:50am almost an hour later she texted in response, "Good morning". This left me saying to myself hmmm which way should I take this exactly? So, I thought about it over the next couple hours and decided to throw a bit more humour in by texting this at 12:04pm "Good morning/Afternoon I have a good way for us getting into trouble later together. We should for sure try it". Now, an important note here is that we had both established earlier on in our texting the night prior that we'll be busy over the week till late at night, therefore we won't have time to meet up until at least Friday night or Saturday. The problem here is I was only kidding with her in this text but she replied with "Hey that won’t be possible as I’m working till late all week". This left me thinking to myself, shit she took that literally and I must've applied the humour at the wrong time. However, I brushed it off and continued by texting "It involves us wearing vendetta masks and painting bananas black to make them look like guns and we're gonna rob a bank". I even sent her a couple pics I took from an online search of the mask just in case she was saying to herself wtf is a vendetta mask.

It's late at night now, and I have not received a single word from her yet after sending her the bank robbery humour text. In response to this I texted her "Lol I'll take it you noticed I wasn't being serious in these ^ earlier texts. Just a little bit of humour. Hope you also had a cool day". Then again she did state that she'll be working late all week (teachers assistant and baby sitting late she mentioned all this week) so there could be a number of reasons as to why she hasn't texted back yet which could have nothing to do with what I texted, and maybe I'm just over thinking/worrying too much about it. See, I know that being playful, humorous, fun, risky, confident, witty, flirtatious, getting the girl to qualify herself etc. are all important and part of the whole "game" (I'm not new to the whole concept of seduction, game and pickup at all, and have studied methods from various pua's over the years including RSD, for those of you reading this that don't know who or what RSD is, type in YouTube RSD. RSD Max is my fave ;-).) It's more so that I tend to get confused as to which technique or type of text to apply at the right time, as in when and how it should be applied. Like a bit of misjudgment as to where her "buying temperature" aka attraction level is, especially with how difficult it can be to tell sometimes over text.

Based on all the info I've given you ( I put a lot if detail in here) what info/advise/constructive criticism do you have for me on this and how should I pull her back in? Because it almost feels like it's fizzling out just a little in the interaction. I know I can still ramp the attraction back up if it is however.

Thanks so much in advance

 

[foggy]

I tend to get confused as to which technique or type of text to apply at the right time, as in when and how it should be applied. Like a bit of misjudgment as to where her "buying temperature" aka attraction level is, especially with how difficult it can be to tell sometimes over text.

It can be a little bit difficult to tell how attracted she is over text especially because you can't see her facial expressions, body language, etc etc. as I'm sure you know. What I do is gauge her investment levels, and go from there. Let's look at her investment levels throughout your interaction with her...

At the start: she opened the conversation, she initiated plans to hang out by asking what your schedule was like, she willingly gave you her phone number, she was putting effort into getting to know you by asking you personal questions.

This is all very good. With her engaging in these sorts of behaviours its safe to assume that her attraction levels are high... you're safe to escalate.

Now: she's giving you 1 word answers, she's being cold and not engaging in banter with you, she's actively avoiding you by saying she's working late.

Looks bad. She's likely not attracted to you that much anymore. You are right, it is fizzling out.

Based on all the info I've given you ( I put a lot if detail in here) what info/advise/constructive criticism do you have for me on this and how should I pull her back in?

You are chasing her and being needy. You're putting way too much effort into these conversations compared to her. You're sending her pictures and admitting you were thinking about her when you guys weren't having a conversation. You're also double texting her. What I recommend is to cut contact with her and go meet some other girls. Do not text this girl until she texts you back.

Quick note about the pillow: Your initial talk about pillows with her was not appealing to her - in fact, she actually snapped at you and said "what's your point" So sending her the pillow memes was a bad idea. A common theme here seems to be that you aren't listening to her.

I believe this whole situation could have been avoided by setting the proper frame right from the very start. As I mentioned, she was wondering what your schedule was like so she could hang out with you. She wanted to get to know you in person, not through text. But you made her re-evaluate things when you set this frame:

Me: Unless your shy. That's ok. I know you probly met a lot of creeps on that site. We can get to know each other more

This is a weak frame. The underlying subtext is this: "Let me prove it to you that I'm not creepy before we agree to get together." She agreed with this frame, because alarm bells went off in her head - has this guy had problems with girls calling him creepy before? You can probably imagine how this influences the rest of the interaction, the social dynamics, and you value levels from her perspective, right?

So yeah, definitely next this chick and go meet some new ones. What do you think?

 

[Interruption]

All the things you're saying I did think over and I'm in agreement with the concepts of the interaction you're highlighting here. When I thought about how I sent those memes to her I had found out after the fact that callback humour is only applied when the common memory that is shared by you and the girl is a positive one. Callback humour I learned after using it on her is actually a technique designed to get good feelings to start bubbling up in the girl, since it's a reminder of a funny, or good feeling event that took place between you and the girl in your previous interaction with her. A happy inside joke so to speak. In this case I miscalibrated and used the callback humour (aka the pillow memes) at the wrong time and on the wrong topic. This was a huge mistake/error on my part but hey that's why they say practice makes perfect. I can now learn from this mistake and readjust my timing to perfection next time .

You also brought up the frame I set. This is another thing I thought about and instead chose to ignore and sent her the text about us getting to know eachother before meeting up anyway. It's extremely beta and doesn't show confidence and control over the interaction and which direction things take. As the Male in the interaction, I knew that I'm the one responsible for setting the path that the interaction takes, and that by giving the Female the option to think about it instead only does two things.

1. It makes it look like you're not taking full initiative and "grabbing the wheel" so to speak. Women want us as Men to lead them through most of the courtship process and want us to decide what takes place and when at any given time of the interaction. Within good reason of coarse and if both of you are available to participate at the time and place set.

And 2. It sets an idea in her head that maybe she should take a step back and, as you mentioned, "re-evaluate" things, or rethink about us meeting up right away, when she probably WAS going to meet up with me right away anyway, had I not sent her this text. Lol!!!! It is funny when you think about it because unfortunately, texting is a lot like firing off a gun, once you pull the trigger (in other words hit the send button on your phone) it's already too late and you can't just take it back. Trust me, I wanted to take the "unless you're shy and want to get to know each other more instead" text I sent her back when I sent it, but it was already too late. Haha I'm laughing as I type this because it's funny how easily you can cause an interaction to fly off away from something that could've played out exactly the way you wanted it to. At least I can find a bit of humour in this.

I do also know however it's possible to heat an interaction that went cold back up again. Girls emotions are like light switches they can turn off real fast if you make a wrong move, but they can be turned back on again. Especially since she's the one that initiated the convo on Ok Cupid with me. It looks like this interaction went cold when it started off hot, and I did put it on the back burner while reaching out to other girls on the same site, but what would you say about the possibility of pulling this one out of deep water could be? Do you or anyone else reading this know techniques to bring a girl back into a good vibe with you, even after things started to get cold in the interaction? What are you're thoughts on this

Thanks so much for your replies, and anyone else who decides to add to this topic