- Joined
- Mar 8, 2019
- Messages
- 140
I was half decent with girls as a teen, and by that standard I was probably well beyond the abilities of most guys in their thirties.
My issue was never getting sex, but was first and foremost, how I felt about the sex I did get.
It took me like 5 times of trying with girls until I got anything even remotely satisfying for myself.
It was a sensitive subject at the time and I brought it up with nobody because people wouldve said "yo maybe you are gay".
Which wasn't the case xD
What it was, was my appearance value to girls, was far higher than my actual sensual expression.
I wasn't at all sensually expressing myself, I was playing a role, or doing the right things, and creating an image that aroused THEM.
But it didn't arouse me. It might be similar to a girl dressing up in costumes and guys getting all heated up, but shes still running at a zero on her attraction scale.
Of course she isn't going to enjoy their enthusiasm, its going to feel coarse and annoying, much like how after cumming us guys can totally feel sex is crude and annoying.
So, I had an epiphany one day, sexual expression was key to satisfaction of the sexual experience.
And if you are not sexually expressive during the flirtation and are focused too much on the appearances, chances are, you don't know how to sexual express yourself when it comes to the act of sex itself.
So, with that knowledge I realised that the sooner you can express sensuality or your sexual self, the higher the probability of enjoying sex.
And similarly, it is the same for women. If they are too tasked with hiding their sexuality or turning it off or disguising it, it is not going to just magically switch on when back at a guys place. So naturally then they want to relax a bit first, flirt a bit first, delay, delay, avoid, test the water then pull back.
I understood that this process is NATURAL if you can't turn your sexual side on at a whim.
But just because your sexual side isn't turned on, it doesn't mean you are not psychologically interested or drawn to someone... no no no, you could madly want them. And I think this is why a lot of women do force themselves into sex at times even when not a lot of sexual chemistry is present... but they come to regret it and then get a bit more picky about sex and partners and assign superstitions to sex etc etc.
How I explain sex is like this...
Its always a twenty foot drop
The difference is if it is a gradual hill, or it is a cliff
If its a hill, the sex starts from the very first hello
If its a cliff, it just drops and someone sprains a hipflexor
So for me, it is all about finding the sexual expression in the little moments.
But how do you express SEX from the start, when people are all straaaaanger danger and such?
Well, it isn't easy. I suppose you look for indications you can trust a person, or that you are both on a similar wavelength. Then once you know you are on a similar wavelength you assume a certain kind of rapport with them, where touching is a part of the language you share, without it having to be about rushing to anything.
And then... its about the WHY of sex... the big why, of life even. And how we all in the end must relent to living for today or saving for tomorrow. Saving for tomorrow too long brings us so little joy, but living for today opens our eyes, breaks down boundaries and helps us open ourselves up to opportunity.
And to me, this is what sex is... an opening of oneself to opportunity, to a kind of prosperity of the soul.
So when I think of expressing my sexuality from the first eye contact or the first hello, its not that I am ravaging her mind soul and body with my intensity, its more like, I am the breeze underneath the fabric of her mask for society to see. I am the oxygen in the stuffy room. I am what makes that moment she is having shine brighter.
I seek to build that trust, and if it doesn't develop, no big deal.
But also, it is about TRANSMITTING AN IDEA
transmitting the youthful idea of adventure and not thinking youve seen it all
breaking misconceptions
and seeing that sex can be soooooooooooooooo much more than all the bullshit
Looking at a girl and almost SAYING with your eyes, what you see is possible, so she craves for it
Drawing it out of her, like a teacher sees the intelligence in a student and being willing to roll up your sleeves
Not so much to free her, but also to share a sense of freedom with her
So anyways, when going about sex, you want to almost feel like you are having sex as you guys talk. You don't want to feel like you are just talking as you have sex.
So the aim, of psychologically turning on a woman, is about, understanding that its about finding a path for her to express herself to you.
So showing her patience
Looking past the mask
Holding her with a firm masculine presence for a moment so she can refuel her senses as a woman
Opening her up to herself
And most importantly, having a deep mystery in YOU that makes her want to explore YOURS as much as her own
My issue was never getting sex, but was first and foremost, how I felt about the sex I did get.
It took me like 5 times of trying with girls until I got anything even remotely satisfying for myself.
It was a sensitive subject at the time and I brought it up with nobody because people wouldve said "yo maybe you are gay".
Which wasn't the case xD
What it was, was my appearance value to girls, was far higher than my actual sensual expression.
I wasn't at all sensually expressing myself, I was playing a role, or doing the right things, and creating an image that aroused THEM.
But it didn't arouse me. It might be similar to a girl dressing up in costumes and guys getting all heated up, but shes still running at a zero on her attraction scale.
Of course she isn't going to enjoy their enthusiasm, its going to feel coarse and annoying, much like how after cumming us guys can totally feel sex is crude and annoying.
So, I had an epiphany one day, sexual expression was key to satisfaction of the sexual experience.
And if you are not sexually expressive during the flirtation and are focused too much on the appearances, chances are, you don't know how to sexual express yourself when it comes to the act of sex itself.
So, with that knowledge I realised that the sooner you can express sensuality or your sexual self, the higher the probability of enjoying sex.
And similarly, it is the same for women. If they are too tasked with hiding their sexuality or turning it off or disguising it, it is not going to just magically switch on when back at a guys place. So naturally then they want to relax a bit first, flirt a bit first, delay, delay, avoid, test the water then pull back.
I understood that this process is NATURAL if you can't turn your sexual side on at a whim.
But just because your sexual side isn't turned on, it doesn't mean you are not psychologically interested or drawn to someone... no no no, you could madly want them. And I think this is why a lot of women do force themselves into sex at times even when not a lot of sexual chemistry is present... but they come to regret it and then get a bit more picky about sex and partners and assign superstitions to sex etc etc.
How I explain sex is like this...
Its always a twenty foot drop
The difference is if it is a gradual hill, or it is a cliff
If its a hill, the sex starts from the very first hello
If its a cliff, it just drops and someone sprains a hipflexor
So for me, it is all about finding the sexual expression in the little moments.
But how do you express SEX from the start, when people are all straaaaanger danger and such?
Well, it isn't easy. I suppose you look for indications you can trust a person, or that you are both on a similar wavelength. Then once you know you are on a similar wavelength you assume a certain kind of rapport with them, where touching is a part of the language you share, without it having to be about rushing to anything.
And then... its about the WHY of sex... the big why, of life even. And how we all in the end must relent to living for today or saving for tomorrow. Saving for tomorrow too long brings us so little joy, but living for today opens our eyes, breaks down boundaries and helps us open ourselves up to opportunity.
And to me, this is what sex is... an opening of oneself to opportunity, to a kind of prosperity of the soul.
So when I think of expressing my sexuality from the first eye contact or the first hello, its not that I am ravaging her mind soul and body with my intensity, its more like, I am the breeze underneath the fabric of her mask for society to see. I am the oxygen in the stuffy room. I am what makes that moment she is having shine brighter.
I seek to build that trust, and if it doesn't develop, no big deal.
But also, it is about TRANSMITTING AN IDEA
transmitting the youthful idea of adventure and not thinking youve seen it all
breaking misconceptions
and seeing that sex can be soooooooooooooooo much more than all the bullshit
Looking at a girl and almost SAYING with your eyes, what you see is possible, so she craves for it
Drawing it out of her, like a teacher sees the intelligence in a student and being willing to roll up your sleeves
Not so much to free her, but also to share a sense of freedom with her
So anyways, when going about sex, you want to almost feel like you are having sex as you guys talk. You don't want to feel like you are just talking as you have sex.
So the aim, of psychologically turning on a woman, is about, understanding that its about finding a path for her to express herself to you.
So showing her patience
Looking past the mask
Holding her with a firm masculine presence for a moment so she can refuel her senses as a woman
Opening her up to herself
And most importantly, having a deep mystery in YOU that makes her want to explore YOURS as much as her own
