Busy girl

[Little Jester]

- I start dating (6 months ago), I find really hot girl on internet dating site. (hurray for skipping rl approach anxiety)
- Get in contact, had some trouble setting up first date (she is busy)

Date 1
- We talk, I deep dive. (I had trouble sharing stuff with her about myself, but manage to do so little by little, so it wasn't 1 way traffic)
- I learn she has trouble saying 'no' to people, but she is good at coming up with excuses (I'm busy), yet she is investing a lot of her time into family, friends, study, job, multiple trips a year to Disney Land, driving people around for their benefits, etc.
- I learn about her job, that she studies in the evening and that she finds her family very important.
- I learn of her dream she always wanted to be a singer, but her past boyfriend wouldn't allow her.
- She wanted to drive me to the bus at the end of the date, but she was worried it was far and that it would take her long (she was busy later the evening). I said she didn't have to, as it is only a 5 minutes walk, no problem; Go do your thing that you're so invested in...

Date 2
- 1 or 2 weeks after I set up a movie date (I know, I read it, not the best kind of dates, but there was this new Disney film I also wanted to see, that I knew she'd love to see too)
- She was very available for this date. Well she said she was busy, so I asked her to name a day, then I said I was busy on that day she wanted to go and all of sudden she could reschedule to a day earlier and she even ended up paying for the date in advance, claiming the tickets online. (that's another story)
- It wasn't a very productive date (I know you told me so), but I actually got to touch her just a little, which was a good step for myself at the very least.
- Right after the movie, she had to go home and walked me to the bus (eh? Shouldn't I have walked her to her car... oh well.)
- I texted her from the bus ride that I had a good time, but I was going to make up to her as she paid for this date. She immediately replied she had fun too and I shouldn't worry about the money.

Texting
- I tried to keep the ball rolling next day and texted her for a 3rd date. She was busy.
- I texted her some more, slowing the pace of my texts. She was busy.
- 2 days with 1 text a day that go without response. Then after 3 more days 1 final text to turn her around and from that moment I gave up on her.
(ps when I set up the first date I tried calling her, but I soon found she was easier to get a response from if I'd text her, 'cause she wouldn't pick up the phone and then only text you back right before going to bed)


Facebook
- 3 months later I thought of her and looked her up on Facebook. Was wondering what she was up to.
- All her photo's and messages are private so didn't find much.
- Then I added her to Facebook and let it sit, not thinking much of it.
- 2 months thereafter I send her a message how much I enjoyed the time spend with her in the summer. That I also found our time together from then very valuable to my life. I thanked her and said if we ever run into each other again, I'd like us to drink a cup of coffee.
- 1 month thereafter (last week), she adds me on Facebook, sends me a few paragraphs of message saying she was sorry for not responding. She was very busy. She then shared some stories from her life and thanked me for the sweet message.
- Looking at her Facebook status / pictures it doesn't look like she has found the guy yet. Don't know if she has been seeing one in those 6 months, but I bet she did (she is hot anyway)
- I thanked her for her response and was looking into getting her investing into writing a song with me that she can sing to. (it's her dream anyway, right)
- Didn't hear from her for now. Noticed on Facebook she is with another girl in Disney Land (again. Wonder if she is escaping life there or something).

What am I to do about Busy girl? Is it even possible to break that busy frame of hers, so we can finally do some fun stuff together... Any ideas?

 

[Jacob2795]

Bear in mind I am FAR from an expert on this, just bouncing some ideas off you to maybe get something rolling ya know?

So from what I gathered from your post she is someone who has a very chaotic life and places very high value in any time she can get to let go of all the stresses and responsibilities that she has looming over her. If I were you I would concentrate on you changing her frame about you instead of changing her frame over all, if that makes any sense.

If you are able to associate any time spent with you with being care-free, engaging, and low stress than I think you should get a much more powerful response from her. ie being a super laid back, in control kind of a guy.

At the same time I realize that is danger close to falling into the "friend zone" territory so you must be sure to get down all of the fundamentals of attraction outlined on Chases blog. These fundamentals along with effective chase framing and im sure she will be another notch on the bed post in no time at all.

I'd also check out the "date template" article on here too

Hope this was some what constructive.

-Jacob

 

[Little Jester]

Thanks Jacob!

That thing about being that relaxed guy for her, that she wants to spend her free time with, hadn't come up in my head! I think it makes sense as to why I couldn't sort of force a 3rd date out of her, while the movie date was set up in a breeze.

I can see the friend zone danger just there, but I'm not afraid of it. Actually maybe she already put me in the friend zone now. But really, if she'd be 'just a friend' to me without having her in bed, I actually still think she's cool and interesting to hang with, considering my own life goals. Maybe it can ease me around really hot girls, if I can spend more time with her. Don't know if that's a good perspective to come from, but well, aside from the whole 'busy' thing, I did click with her on so many levels...

Cheers!

 

[The Tool]

Hey Jacob, I really do not want to be the one to burst your bubble but this is a lost cause. I am not going to butter it up for you. What you have to do it move on, Have that abundance mentality Chase talks so highly of sadly what it seems you fail to notice is this woman is NOT INTERESTED!!!! it is apparent in her not answereing your texts and not answereing your facebook, she even took a month to respond to the facebook.....she probibly responded because she felt obligated and did not want to be mean. FACT: WHEN A GIRL LIKES YOU SHE MAKES TIME FOR YOU. SHE DOES NOT MAKE EXCUSES AND ACTIVELY TRIES TO GET YOU OUT OR ACCEPTS YOUR ADVANCES!!! here are some articals. P.s im not trying to be a jerk im just giving you the hard facts.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/cant-stop-thinking-about-her-heres-why-you-need-meet-more-girls
https://www.girlschase.com/content/keeping-your-cool-dont-chase-women
https://www.girlschase.com/content/absolute-abundance

Hope this helps little jester.

Cheers

The Tool

 

[Franco]

Hey there Jester,

But really, if she'd be 'just a friend' to me without having her in bed, I actually still think she's cool and interesting to hang with, considering my own life goals. Maybe it can ease me around really hot girls, if I can spend more time with her. Don't know if that's a good perspective to come from, but well, aside from the whole 'busy' thing, I did click with her on so many levels...

After reading this post, these are the types of situations where you can end up with a "hot female friend," but you have to play it right. This one might be a lost cause now, but I'd like to link you to another thread where I describe how to make hot female friends who are interested in hanging out with you. Remember, you should only do this with a girl if you feel like you missed your opportunity with her.

Check it out:

https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=291#p1467

Cheers,

Franco

 

[Little Jester]

Hey The Tool and Lupo,

Thanks for pointing out those posts (I remember them ) and reinforce the picture in my head that maybe she actually isn't all that interested at all indeed. It's the healthiest advise I'm sure (those 6 months have been very kind to me, since was already following up advise from the blog before I was setting up a date with Busy Girl back then)

Thing with Busy Girl is well, it is a hot girl I went a little further with on the deep dive. The girls I met after her (through internet and speed dating) haven't been up to those standards that I wanted to bond with these new girls all that much (and some I got to chase me when I lost interest in them, while others I learned more about getting physical but eventually failed to sleep with)
I know I need to approach quality girls. This happened for the first time already in my past weekend approach. She was also really, really hot, but that didn't go anywhere near a point I could start bonding with her the way I bonded with Busy Girl

Also there is this thing about Busy Girl, that is: she is hot, but was on a internet dating site... Made me wonder that there is a huge chance she had some issues herself and I found out about them on the first date; She is very private, introverted and investing too much in others, had a past relationship go bad because her bf was controlling her too much. I think she is reaching out, but also very afraid to get into any kind of something. But in my case, I'm probably not the guy who should be investing in that any longer, since I'm so inexperienced and became a creepy guy with that 3rd date pushing after a not so great 2nd date... It's okay. At least I'm only thinking about her when I'm writing about this stuff in my journal, or when I'm writing stuff down here. So no worries


Hey Franco, thanks! I did a quick browse on what you wrote in that topic and that's exactly the nudge into the direction I was going for with 'not minding on being friend zoned' with her. Gonna give the full topic a good read and wrap my own thoughts around it. Cheers!