Exes Can a girl truly be yours if another took her virginity?

[newbie]

Hello l just wanted to ask something which l think girlschase has not clarified enough. I'm afraid my girlfriend may still be loving her ex-boyfriend of 2 years who broke her virginity. She has always proved that she loves me but I'm not convinced, even though she says she doesn't have feelings for him anymore. Is it true that ladies always have permanent feelings for men they lost their virginity to. In other words can you be the best guy a woman is most attached to and has strongest feelings for if you didn't take her virginity.

 

[Zoro]

Not going to answer that question but I’ll give you this tip.

The less you give a shit about stuff like that, the better.

I have outcompeted men on the simple fact that most men get flustered and cannot keep their chill.

If a woman cannot rock your boat no matter what she does, she stays in that boat, or at least comes back to it.

And right now your boat is rocking and it doesn’t need to be.

Note: Having boundaries is important. But there are some things not worth worrying about and I consider this one.

 

[newbie]

Not going to answer that question but I’ll give you this tip.

The less you give a shit about stuff like that, the better.

I have outcompeted men on the simple fact that most men get flustered and cannot keep their chill.

If a woman cannot rock your boat no matter what she does, she stays in that boat, or at least comes back to it.

And right now your boat is rocking and it doesn’t need to be.

Note: Having boundaries is important. But there are some things not worth worrying about and I consider this one.

Thank you for the tip but l am not very experienced and would like to understand the dynamics between a girl and the guy who broke her virginity. I feel knowing this would empower me with a better mental model rather than just following Good advice but not knowing why it works? There's an article where Chase talks about alpha widows and how to be the best guy a girl has ever dated but he doesn't touch on virginity I.e if it makes her an alpha widow or it doesn't matter, but from my little experience girls seemed to be attached to the one who took her virginity than their other exes or boyfriends. So l am asking cos l want it's possible that l can be her all-time best boyfriend when l am not the one who broke her virginity cos if l can't be it would be best to stick short-term FWBs anyways since the area l am has so many girls than men.

 

[Lover]

The women whose virginities I took don't care one bit about my life these days. Haven't had contact with them for years. They move on and meet new guys to get excited about. I am probably no more than a hazy memory to them

Stop asking your gf about her ex. You are insecure about something that doesn't matter

 

[DarkKnight]

If a woman cannot rock your boat no matter what she does, she stays in that boat, or at least comes back to it.

Way to put it into words man

@op listen to your gut. Is it truly about the virginity or are you sensing something is off

 

[Lantern]

A girl can never be "truly yours".

 

[DarkKnight]

A girl can never be "truly yours".

I hate this shit man. Says who? I have known plenty of very loyal women and enough marriages with stability.

Is this an American thing?

 

[POB]

A girl can never be "truly yours".

Not true at all!
Quite the opposite in fact....when she finds a man that checks all her boxes, she surrenders completely to him.

 

[Zoro]

I hate this shit man. Says who? I have known plenty of very loyal women and enough marriages with stability.

Is this an American thing?

Not true at all!
Quite the opposite in fact....when she finds a man that checks all her boxes, she surrenders completely to him.

haha it’s funny because I agree with both sides.

But it’s because the men who try to keep their girl by all means necessary end up losing them.

Where the guys who are chill and don’t try, end up having her stick around for a long time.

It’s like my cat, if I try to get her to cuddle with me, she leaves. If I am chill, she comes to me on her own and sits on my chest.

 

[Will_V]

Hello l just wanted to ask something which l think girlschase has not clarified enough. I'm afraid my girlfriend may still be loving her ex-boyfriend of 2 years who broke her virginity. She has always proved that she loves me but I'm not convinced, even though she says she doesn't have feelings for him anymore. Is it true that ladies always have permanent feelings for men they lost their virginity to. In other words can you be the best guy a woman is most attached to and has strongest feelings for if you didn't take her virginity.

As far as I'm aware, first sexual experiences are always something special. I remember very clearly the first time I had sex, and it still is more impressive to me than a lot of the other times. But it's not really special because of the other person, it's special because of what it represents as a transformation of yourself and your life.

Depending on the way a girl breaks up with a guy, it can be very emotionally difficult for her to move on. Does him taking her hymen make that even more difficult? Maybe. But it's very likely that (if she really is pining after him) she's doing so because of the impression he left on her.

For one of my girlfriends, I was her second guy. She never really spoke about her first time, and I suspect it was somewhat uneventful for her. I never got the idea she missed him. I however did leave an impression, and she still calls me years later, every six months or so, just to hear my voice.

So yeah, it really depends on the experience she had, not whether a guy was first.

 

[Lantern]

I hate this shit man. Says who? I have known plenty of very loyal women and enough marriages with stability.

Is this an American thing?

Where did I say that women can't be loyal or there's no stable marriages? Not my meaning at all.

I'm not American, so I can't help you there.

Not true at all!
Quite the opposite in fact....when she finds a man that checks all her boxes, she surrenders completely to him.

She surrenders to him and then she's his forever and he can rest assured she's "truly his"?

I'm not trying to be black pill doomer or whatever the kids call it. But the only way another person can be "truly yours" is if they reinsitute slavery. Otherwise, the idea that you'll make the right magic moves and own a woman forever is just an immature fantasy. You can have a loyal, long-term relationship with a woman for sure. But she'll never be "truly yours" nor will you be "truly hers", and that's ok.

 

[newbie]

As far as I'm aware, first sexual experiences are always something special. I remember very clearly the first time I had sex, and it still is more impressive to me than a lot of the other times. But it's not really special because of the other person, it's special because of what it represents as a transformation of yourself and your life.

Depending on the way a girl breaks up with a guy, it can be very emotionally difficult for her to move on. Does him taking her hymen make that even more difficult? Maybe. But it's very likely that (if she really is pining after him) she's doing so because of the impression he left on her.

For one of my girlfriends, I was her second guy. She never really spoke about her first time, and I suspect it was somewhat uneventful for her. I never got the idea she missed him. I however did leave an impression, and she still calls me years later, every six months or so, just to hear my voice.

So yeah, it really depends on the experience she had, not whether a guy was first.

Okay so if l can provide a better experience, l can be the best.
I never directly asked about him out of the blue rather this information l obtained it indirectly following Chase advice on being non judgemental to gauge her sexual history

Another thing it's not like l saw her talking to him, l just wanted to clarify what our society here says that a guy who takes a girls virginity will always be the best guy she ever thinks of. So l was thinking even if l am following girlschase advice on providing her earth shattering orgasm, handling test, being the most dominant etc l will never measure up to some guy just because he was her first, so l was thinking maybe she's an already an alpha widow and l have to move on.

 

[orkie123]

I think many people who have been in love or lusting over someone for a while, have someone they can't completely forget.

Girls do seem to have this more than men and usually when you hear them talk about him, you can feel they still have a level of attraction. It may be just the memories but it does shock me how much time could pass and someone to still be on their mind.

I agree with others that you shouldnt let this bother you, because if you rock her world, those feelings for past bfs would become weaker, and unless you find a virgin, chances of finding a girl that doesnt have such feelings is almost impossible.

That said, one of my boundaries for a LTR is no regular contact with past partners. Makes things easier for everyone involved.

 

[Will_V]

Okay so if l can provide a better experience, l can be the best.

Yes.

I never directly asked about him out of the blue rather this information l obtained it indirectly following Chase advice on being non judgemental to gauge her sexual history

Another thing it's not like l saw her talking to him, l just wanted to clarify what our society here says that a guy who takes a girls virginity will always be the best guy she ever thinks of. So l was thinking even if l am following girlschase advice on providing her earth shattering orgasm, handling test, being the most dominant etc l will never measure up to some guy just because he was her first, so l was thinking maybe she's an already an alpha widow and l have to move on.

Focus on being the best, the most capable, dominant, and sexually satisfying man and leader she's ever had.

You'll know when she's checking out of a relationship for real, if you're honest with yourself. She'll be difficult, she won't chase you or need you, she'll complain, she'll push back, she'll be irritable, she'll avoid investing in you, she'll be unenthusiastic about sex, she'll not take opportunities to be with you, etc.

But if she's focused on you (and you're doing a good job in your role) she's following you, adapting to you, looking for ways to please you, seeking your attention, being submissive to you, hovering around you, wanting sex with you, giving you choices over her life, trying to implant herself in as many different ways as possible into your life, and making herself psychologically and sexually open to you.

It's very hard for a woman to properly submit to two men, in fact she's designed specifically not to do that. She can pay lip service to one dude while she's in love with another, but she can't be in love with and open herself completely to both. But if a guy's idea of what he should expect from women is a relationship where he's trying to please her every step of the way even while she's ambivalent or disrespectful to him (as is the modern concept of relationships these days), then her paying him lip service is not incongruent with those expectations. So she could be pining after (and even fucking) someone else and the relationship would be fully up to the standards he's been given. Don't be that guy. Set high standards, high enough that it would be difficult for her to accept them if she wasn't committed.

 

[newbie]

Yes.



Focus on being the best, the most capable, dominant, and sexually satisfying man and leader she's ever had.

You'll know when she's checking out of a relationship for real, if you're honest with yourself. She'll be difficult, she won't chase you or need you, she'll complain, she'll push back, she'll be irritable, she'll avoid investing in you, she'll be unenthusiastic about sex, she'll not take opportunities to be with you, etc.

But if she's focused on you (and you're doing a good job in your role) she's following you, adapting to you, looking for ways to please you, seeking your attention, being submissive to you, hovering around you, wanting sex with you, giving you choices over her life, trying to implant herself in as many different ways as possible into your life, and making herself psychologically and sexually open to you.

It's very hard for a woman to properly submit to two men, in fact she's designed specifically not to do that. She can pay lip service to one dude while she's in love with another, but she can't be in love with and open herself completely to both. But if a guy's idea of what he should expect from women is a relationship where he's trying to please her every step of the way even while she's ambivalent or disrespectful to him (as is the modern concept of relationships these days), then her paying him lip service is not incongruent with those expectations. So she could be pining after (and even fucking) someone else and the relationship would be fully up to the standards he's been given. Don't be that guy. Set high standards, high enough that it would be difficult for her to accept them if she wasn't committed.

Yes thank you very much, this best clarifies my query. A guy should pay more attention to her actions because they are hard to fake and stop feeling insecure about the virginity issue cos l understand now it's not important, it's the experience that is. I think my insecurity was going to break the relationship apart.

 

[POB]

She surrenders to him and then she's his forever and he can rest assured she's "truly his"?

Total projection from your part. Never said that.

I'm not trying to be black pill doomer or whatever the kids call it. But the only way another person can be "truly yours" is if they reinsitute slavery.

Really? How about something called NRE? Or even better, the sick part of the equation called Oneitis? Do you think only men get that?

Otherwise, the idea that you'll make the right magic moves and own a woman forever is just an immature fantasy. You can have a loyal, long-term relationship with a woman for sure. But she'll never be "truly yours" nor will you be "truly hers", and that's ok.

Again, total projection. But yes, when a woman really likes you, she does surrender to you for a while.

Later in the relationship, when the dust settles and her brain chemicals take a chill pill, things get back to normal and she can choose to surrender again, this time using more of her rational faculties. IMO this is where things get interesting.

Take a look at @Will_V s comment above, he just summed it up.

 

[Lantern]

Total projection from your part. Never said that.

Really? How about something called NRE? Or even better, the sick part of the equation called Oneitis? Do you think only men get that?

Again, total projection. But yes, when a woman really likes you, she does surrender to you for a while.

Later in the relationship, when the dust settles and her brain chemicals take a chill pill, things get back to normal and she can choose to surrender again, this time using more of her rational faculties. IMO this is where things get interesting.

Take a look at @Will_V s comment above, he just summed it up.

We're talking past each other. Or projecting past each other, to use your phrase.

I'm not disagreeing with anything you're saying here, but that's not my point. And since I couldn't get my point accross in two posts, and am on vacation and can't be bothered, I'll just let it be.

 

[quiteastory]

Taking her virginity doesn't matter, rocking her in the bed does. Do you really think she'll care about dude who fucked her for the 1st time during summer in 2000 if you give her the sex of her life?