One of the main takeaways from my previous relationship was that I need to improve my masculine energy. I thought that my leadership and ambition was good, but while I set up boundaries, I couldn't enforce them well and also at times felt weak in the relationship - sending long texts complaining about bad behaviour, getting insecure, not sounding confident in my conviction at life. Maybe it can be summarised as knowing what I want, making it clear what I want, trying to lead the way to it in a healthy manner, but having a weak frame to enforce it.
While the above is probably the bigger point I need to improve, I started wondering whether occasionally my playful or "silly" personality is also not ideal. I don't even know if the examples I'll share can be considered being playful etc but I've had a few times people tell me that they thought I was gay, and while that doesn't bother me, what would bother me is if it is negatively impacting my game or ability to maintain relationships.
I think a lot of these need context as to why I'm doing them. And the simple answer is I do enjoy being silly, social freedom, not caring what others think, and while I don't want to be seen as a clown, I love boosting the energy of the people I'm with as normal interactions tend to bore me quickly. Some people can do this naturally without being too silly, I can't. The only way is to make the mood ligher/more playful but I wonder if I'm not overdoing it so that even if people are enjoying it, they are losing respect for me etc. I guess I need reassurance whether these are normal things or I need to tone it down a little.
Some examples:
- Doing a wolf howl in the middle of busy city centre
- Challenged my gf to beat the overly exaggerated death we saw in a play, she did a terrible job so I completely exaggerated it, falling on the ground and pretend choking etc
- Singing cheesy songs in crowded public places (with others but I can initiate sometimes)
- I can't dance that well, but I don't care - I will shake hips and make up moves in clubs/parties
- Playing stupid "kid" games - e.g. can't step on black tiles in patterned pavements. "first person to touch X" "dare you to do something stupid/ I do stupid dares"
- Getting out of the shower and teasing her while she is on a video call (behind the laptop so only she can see me)
- Making stupid noises/ no filter jokes
- Creating silly scenarios questions
etc
To me, these are all positive things, but after hearing quite a few girls tell me they thought I was gay, and I dress and groom in a normal/masculine way (I've asked and also follow the style of manly influencers whose style matches my own), I do start to wonder.
With my ex, I also believe I balanced this out by doing more masculine stuff like leading, randomly "pushing" her to a wall and passionately making out. Being seductive in restaurants or in public where only us 2 can feel it, deciding what we are doing, and providing structure to our lives.
Do you think I need to cut some of this stuff out or am I'm good and I need to focus on other things like holding frames?
While the above is probably the bigger point I need to improve, I started wondering whether occasionally my playful or "silly" personality is also not ideal. I don't even know if the examples I'll share can be considered being playful etc but I've had a few times people tell me that they thought I was gay, and while that doesn't bother me, what would bother me is if it is negatively impacting my game or ability to maintain relationships.
I think a lot of these need context as to why I'm doing them. And the simple answer is I do enjoy being silly, social freedom, not caring what others think, and while I don't want to be seen as a clown, I love boosting the energy of the people I'm with as normal interactions tend to bore me quickly. Some people can do this naturally without being too silly, I can't. The only way is to make the mood ligher/more playful but I wonder if I'm not overdoing it so that even if people are enjoying it, they are losing respect for me etc. I guess I need reassurance whether these are normal things or I need to tone it down a little.
Some examples:
- Doing a wolf howl in the middle of busy city centre
- Challenged my gf to beat the overly exaggerated death we saw in a play, she did a terrible job so I completely exaggerated it, falling on the ground and pretend choking etc
- Singing cheesy songs in crowded public places (with others but I can initiate sometimes)
- I can't dance that well, but I don't care - I will shake hips and make up moves in clubs/parties
- Playing stupid "kid" games - e.g. can't step on black tiles in patterned pavements. "first person to touch X" "dare you to do something stupid/ I do stupid dares"
- Getting out of the shower and teasing her while she is on a video call (behind the laptop so only she can see me)
- Making stupid noises/ no filter jokes
- Creating silly scenarios questions
etc
To me, these are all positive things, but after hearing quite a few girls tell me they thought I was gay, and I dress and groom in a normal/masculine way (I've asked and also follow the style of manly influencers whose style matches my own), I do start to wonder.
With my ex, I also believe I balanced this out by doing more masculine stuff like leading, randomly "pushing" her to a wall and passionately making out. Being seductive in restaurants or in public where only us 2 can feel it, deciding what we are doing, and providing structure to our lives.
Do you think I need to cut some of this stuff out or am I'm good and I need to focus on other things like holding frames?
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