Marriage Can Sex Toys SAVE His Marriage?

[PaulieFlyn10]

So in a few months, I'll officially graduate as medical doctor.

During training, part of what is required of us to take history of patients. That is find out everything that happened prior to a patient coming to a hospital

Recently, I've seen a rise in more men coming down with Erectile Dysfunction. I'll be referring two cases here

Overall though, some of these cases are due to mental reasons, others are more serious problems like diabetes.

Not long ago, a man will call Mr A (mid 40s) came in with his wife. He has erectile dysfunction. Found out he took drugs for it from another hospital. It worked for a while until he developed high BP so he had to stop.

He was given lifestyle and dietary changes to stick to for about 4 - 6 months so we can monitor the progress.

Problem, is his wife is not so patient. Apparently this has been going on for months and "she's losing patience" and "is tired"

So I'm wondering how sex toys like dildos and vibrators would help their sex life in the time. Of course, medically speaking... there isn't much side effects of this.

However, from the relationship dynamic side of things I'm wondering if this sustainable... and for how long ?
Sure, she can have orgasms from this.... but will this affect their dynamic in any way?
Also will the issue of dildo sizes being bigger than him be an issue.

I'd like to know the various angles you feel this can go?

--Second case is Mr B (mid 30s) similar issues. He has erections but most times not strong or hard enough.

He's also on lifestyle and dietary changes. But in the mean time, is concerned about sex toys.

His concerns how does he explain why he doesn't want to use his dick during sex. Because you fuck a girl with just toys... and she'll start wondering why he doesn't use his dick too


So what are your takes on both

For Mr A, how does using toys like vibrators and dildos affect the dynamic of the relationship? And how sustainable is it? For life? A few years?

For Mr B, any ideas on how he can handle the issue of him not using dick but toys instead if/when girls bring it up?

 

[Warped Mindless]

I’d tell him to get really good with his hands and mouth and be able to give her orgasms that’s way and then to use toys on her in a dominant way.

Direct her, tell her what to do, talk dirty to her while doing it, etc

 

[Will_V]

So in a few months, I'll officially graduate as medical doctor.

During training, part of what is required of us to take history of patients. That is find out everything that happened prior to a patient coming to a hospital

Recently, I've seen a rise in more men coming down with Erectile Dysfunction. I'll be referring two cases here

Overall though, some of these cases are due to mental reasons, others are more serious problems like diabetes.

Not long ago, a man will call Mr A (mid 40s) came in with his wife. He has erectile dysfunction. Found out he took drugs for it from another hospital. It worked for a while until he developed high BP so he had to stop.

He was given lifestyle and dietary changes to stick to for about 4 - 6 months so we can monitor the progress.

Problem, is his wife is not so patient. Apparently this has been going on for months and "she's losing patience" and "is tired"

So I'm wondering how sex toys like dildos and vibrators would help their sex life in the time. Of course, medically speaking... there isn't much side effects of this.

However, from the relationship dynamic side of things I'm wondering if this sustainable... and for how long ?
Sure, she can have orgasms from this.... but will this affect their dynamic in any way?
Also will the issue of dildo sizes being bigger than him be an issue.

I'd like to know the various angles you feel this can go?

--Second case is Mr B (mid 30s) similar issues. He has erections but most times not strong or hard enough.

He's also on lifestyle and dietary changes. But in the mean time, is concerned about sex toys.

His concerns how does he explain why he doesn't want to use his dick during sex. Because you fuck a girl with just toys... and she'll start wondering why he doesn't use his dick too


So what are your takes on both

For Mr A, how does using toys like vibrators and dildos affect the dynamic of the relationship? And how sustainable is it? For life? A few years?

For Mr B, any ideas on how he can handle the issue of him not using dick but toys instead if/when girls bring it up?

I probably don't have a very nuanced concept of sex toys. I've pretty much never used them. One of my girlfriends had a vibrator thing with some kind of apparatus that stuck out so it could stimulate her clit at the same time. She was a very high sex drive girl - like she wanted me to bang her every morning as well as night, and I'm not a fan of morning sex as it takes my edge off during the day. Anyway, so she'd use this vibrator in various different ways, to me it was kind of funny and strange, but I was cool with whatever she liked as long as I was fucking her most of the time.

I did think about it a fair bit at the time, wondering if my reaction was 'normal'. And my conclusion was that it's probably normal for a guy not to be too comfortable sitting there with his dick hanging between his legs and watching a girl orgasm from something else. I mean, the best, most self-solidifying feeling as a man is to be feeling her grabbing you and listening to her gasp and moan as you thrust into her. That's where everything comes together psychologically and physically. To put it bluntly, comparing that to using a vibrator on her is almost like comparing it to watching porn.

If I wasn't able to do that with my dick, second best to me would be using my fingers and tongue, because at least that's me doing it, it's direct action and effect, I'm not just a tripod for some vibrator that's doing its own thing. One girl I was with told me about how she dated a guy with a micropenis and he was really good with oral, and how that made her not care so much about the size of his cock. I've also found women often go really wild when your start licking around down there, though I'm not so much into oral unless she tastes really good. So my sense is that this is what a girl thinks of as second best.

Briefly on the subject of erectile disfunction, I think that this is almost always psychological and related to self esteem and inhibition of self-expression. As such I'm not convinced that sex toys are a good solution for that - they may disassociate a guy from his dick even more. But again, I'm no expert on toys, and can only speak from very limited personal experience with them.

 

[PaulieFlyn10]

I’d tell him to get really good with his hands and mouth and be able to give her orgasms that’s way and then to use toys on her in a dominant way.

Direct her, tell her what to do, talk dirty to her while doing it, etc

Nice!

Mouth and fingers are no brainer in this situation lol

But I like the idea of using toys in a dominant way

What about the second guy? Any ways to handle the "you haven't fucked me with your dick yet" concern?

 

[PaulieFlyn10]

I probably don't have a very nuanced concept of sex toys. I've pretty much never used them. One of my girlfriends had a vibrator thing with some kind of apparatus that stuck out so it could stimulate her clit at the same time. She was a very high sex drive girl - like she wanted me to bang her every morning as well as night, and I'm not a fan of morning sex as it takes my edge off during the day. Anyway, so she'd use this vibrator in various different ways, to me it was kind of funny and strange, but I was cool with whatever she liked as long as I was fucking her most of the time.

I did think about it a fair bit at the time, wondering if my reaction was 'normal'. And my conclusion was that it's probably normal for a guy not to be too comfortable sitting there with his dick hanging between his legs and watching a girl orgasm from something else. I mean, the best, most self-solidifying feeling as a man is to be feeling her grabbing you and listening to her gasp and moan as you thrust into her. That's where everything comes together psychologically and physically. To put it bluntly, comparing that to using a vibrator on her is almost like comparing it to watching porn.

If I wasn't able to do that with my dick, second best to me would be using my fingers and tongue, because at least that's me doing it, it's direct action and effect, I'm not just a tripod for some vibrator that's doing its own thing. One girl I was with told me about how she dated a guy with a micropenis and he was really good with oral, and how that made her not care so much about the size of his cock. I've also found women often go really wild when your start licking around down there, though I'm not so much into oral unless she tastes really good. So my sense is that this is what a girl thinks of as second best.

Briefly on the subject of erectile disfunction, I think that this is almost always psychological and related to self esteem and inhibition of self-expression. As such I'm not convinced that sex toys are a good solution for that - they may disassociate a guy from his dick even more. But again, I'm no expert on toys, and can only speak from very limited personal experience with them.

Yeah...

Most cases are psychological... however there are a few with health conditions lie diabetes, obesity that makes matters worse

To clarify, the sex toys stuff will be him using it on her... not him watching her use it. Probably something like dirty talking in her ears while using it or something. Don't know if that changes your view on things


But yeah, every man would prefer his dick doing the heavy lifting lol. Tough spot for both guys but we're looking to see the pros and cons and sustainability of it all till they both get better

 

[Will_V]

Yeah...

Most cases are psychological... however there are a few with health conditions lie diabetes, obesity that makes matters worse

Well, both of those are conditions for which there are more or less lifestyle treatments. I don't want to get on my soapbox but that's probably what I would be looking to reinforce in his mind. If he's well aware of those possibilities and still prefers to use a dildo, sure go ahead.

To clarify, the sex toys stuff will be him using it on her... not him watching her use it. Probably something like dirty talking in her ears while using it or something. Don't know if that changes your view on things

There's two specific things with dildos:
1. She's not feeling your skin and touch through the dildo, so that is a huge physical disconnect.
2. At least with vibrators, it shakes around and vibrates on its own, you're really there just propping it up.

I don't know, I just can't shake the feeling that using a vibrator or dildo is somehow like being a third wheel, whereas tongue and fingers is not. When I'm licking her she's feeling me, my tongue is whats doing the job, everything she's responding to is my actions and contact with my body, and she's tearing my hair out and rubbing herself in my face, that's a lot better of a deal to me.

If my cock got caught in an escalator, I know what I'd be doing afterward.

 

[Will_V]

Well, both of those are conditions for which there are more or less lifestyle treatments. I don't want to get on my soapbox but that's probably what I would be looking to reinforce in his mind. If he's well aware of those possibilities and still prefers to use a dildo, sure go ahead.

Just to clarify what I'm suggesting here, because obviously there's conditions that require some kind of treatment.

IMO, if a guy is:

- Physically fit and is at a reasonable weight
- Eating a good quality diet
- Has healthy blood work, testosterone levels, etc
- Has his life in order, isn't unduly stressed, and is psychologically sound
- Is able to get his needs met in the nonsexual aspects of the relationship
- Is being medically treated for whatever health conditions still require medical treatment after the above conditions are satisfied

and still has erectile issues, sure, it's definitely worth considering what accessories or techniques he can use to give himself a boost.

If I was in that situation, I'd probably be focusing first on techniques to increase my own stimulation - what positions I prefer, what things she does that turn me on the most, etc - and then figuring out how to get her off and satisfy her while still having my own optimal experience.

I guess the simplest way to put my thoughts is that, if erectile problems are substantially psychological, focusing on ways to strengthen the mind-cock connection would be preferable to substituting it with a dildo, which (it seems to me) might have something of the opposite effect.

 

[PaulieFlyn10]

Just to clarify what I'm suggesting here, because obviously there's conditions that require some kind of treatment.

IMO, if a guy is:

- Physically fit and is at a reasonable weight
- Eating a good quality diet
- Has healthy blood work, testosterone levels, etc
- Has his life in order, isn't unduly stressed, and is psychologically sound
- Is able to get his needs met in the nonsexual aspects of the relationship
- Is being medically treated for whatever health conditions still require medical treatment after the above conditions are satisfied

and still has erectile issues, sure, it's definitely worth considering what accessories or techniques he can use to give himself a boost.

If I was in that situation, I'd probably be focusing first on techniques to increase my own stimulation - what positions I prefer, what things she does that turn me on the most, etc - and then figuring out how to get her off and satisfy her while still having my own optimal experience.

I guess the simplest way to put my thoughts is that, if erectile problems are substantially psychological, focusing on ways to strengthen the mind-cock connection would be preferable to substituting it with a dildo, which (it seems to me) might have something of the opposite effect.

Yeah... I agree with this. I was surprised to find out how much stress and psychological issues affect perfomance

 

[PaulieFlyn10]

@Skills @Chase any thoughts you have on this?

 

[Chase]

@PaulieFlyn10,

Nice going on the upcoming graduation. That's a long, hard slog making it to full MD.

On the erection stuff, have you gone through the material in this thread with these patients?

Erectile Dysfunction - Fixing "Too Soft Erections": Full Set of PROVEN Tips

Nitric Oxide & Erections One of the essentials to having a solid erection is Nitric Oxide (NO). NO is used by many processes in your body, and making enough is essential to health. The primary source of NO is the lining of your blood vessels. The total surface area of this part of your body...

www.skilledseducer.com

IME, the guys who use sex toys are also the same guys that end up opening up their relationships/marriages. i.e., dudes cool with her dicking down with a dildo, probably also going to be cool with her dicking down with an actual dick (that isn't yours). I'm sure there are some exceptions, but that's a pattern I have seen.

Some toys like a small vibrator are helpful in training a woman to orgasm. If you're having to rely on toys to keep a woman satisfied though you are going to have serious difficulties. There are various studies showing penis-in-vagina orgasm is the only one that leads to across the board relationship and sexual satisfaction gains. There's at least one study showing that sexual encounters where hands are involved (either the man's or the woman's manually getting the woman off) are encounters women rate as less satisfying as pure hands-off dicking downs. (I think that last one is more symptomatic than causal... i.e., if you're having to use your hands to warm her up first, she wasn't begging for it already, and if you're having to use your hands to finish her off, you didn't fuck the stuffing out of her with your cock)

You can do a Google Scholar search for "penis-in-vagina orgasm" or "PIV orgasm" if you want the studies on that. They're good.

What I have seen with guys having sexual issues who go the toys route is it goes like this:

(sequence of events)

1. Man fails to satisfy wife. Wife gets impatient.
2. Man gets toys to try to make wife happy. Wife uses the toys to get off and is satisfied for a while.
3. Wife starts to miss the same thing. Realizes toys are better than husband. But a real man would be better than toys.
4. Everything gets way, way worse for the guy, in easily predictable ways.

Honestly... maybe it is debatable... but I would argue it is actually better for her to remain frustrated while you figure out the erection issue than that you switch her over to getting off with toys. There's a whole Pandora's box there you are opening up if you aren't already getting the job done with your cock.

As for the dude not using his dick who wants an explanation for it... I don't know if this guy is single or whatnot.

But I have had the experience where I whacked off and then literally 10 minutes later a chick comes over wanting to get fucked and I have to be like, "Look, I will give you some hands or whatever, but I literally JUST whacked off. So unless you get me really turned on or something it's just gonna be hands for now."

Of course if Mr. B is not single and is doing this over and over with the same chick, he is not going to be able to use that excuse every time.

I haven't been in that situation but if it was me I would just tell her the damn truth to get all the pressure off.

That's the thing with most of these guys... they are putting all this fucking pressure on themselves to try to be Mr. Hard-On and then deflect the focus from their limp dicks and try to hide it from women when they can't be that it is literally impossible to be in the moment and get turned on.

This dude just needs to be able to tell women, "I don't know what it is, my plumbing's not working right now. Working on getting that fixed. In the meantime I'm an ace with my hands and mouth."

And make sure he reads the GC articles on giving girls orgasms orally...

How to Give a Girl (Amazing) Oral Sex: 4 Simple Steps

A reader asks: “Hey Chase, any quick tips on performing oral sex on girls and stimulating the clit specifically? I checked out the other articles but I couldn't get anything specific on the subject.” We seem to get asked this one a lot... and always on articles that have nothing to do with sex...

www.girlschase.com

How to Eat a Girl Out: Tips from an Ex-Porn Star

Note from Chase: this is a guest post from Big Mike, ex-porn star and author of Secrets to Lasting Longer. Here’s Mike’s detailed guide on how to eat a girl out. Women secretly desire to find a man who knows how to eat a girl out... otherwise known as “perform cunnilingus.” It has even been said...

www.girlschase.com

How to Eat Pu**y Like a Pro

Video Details: 01:00 - For women it's a total body experience 03:00 - SLATHER IT ALLLLLLLLLL 03:25 - ENTHUSIASM BEATS TECHNIQUE 07:20

www.girlschase.tv

Should You Eat Ass ?

Eating ass. It's a movement. A religion. A hype. A way of life. Should you do it? Does it make you more

www.girlschase.tv

Seriously, if this guy takes the pressure off by telling girls "yeah, my stupid dick's not working right now, so here comes my fucking goddamn MASTERFUL tongue" and then blows their minds with oral and he isn't even worried about getting it up at all, he will discover his dick miraculously starts getting rock hard, I can almost guarantee.

He just needs to be able to give himself permission to fully please a woman with his tongue and put ZERO pressure on himself to get a hard dick... like "I'm not even going to try and fuck her with my dick; I'm just going to blow her mind with my mouth."

btw, mouth > hands > toys, in terms of the woman's satisfaction with the sex and her feelings toward the man.

Of course, a good dicking down is king... but if that's not on the table, you'd best know how to lick that shit like a popsicle!

Chase

 

[Chase]

If my cock got caught in an escalator, I know what I'd be doing afterward.

Desperately trying to get it un-caught?

Sorry, couldn't resist...

 

[Will_V]

Desperately trying to get it un-caught?

Sorry, couldn't resist...

I mean, sure, but I'd have to figure out something until the cast came off .. unless ..

 

[L8D8]

Hello everybody,

Short time lurker here, this thread finally motivated me to post.

ON TOPIC
Studies have shown, and in my experience, only approximately 30% of women can climax during intercourse. It's wonderful when your GF or wife can do this and it's not too difficult to time it for simultaneous orgasm. However, for the other 70%, I have found it useful to penetrate from behind, laying on our sides, and holding a vibrator on her clit to provide the necessary stimulation for her to climax.

PAINFUL CONFESSION (and somewhat on topic)
A woman I was dating for 3 months broke up with me a few weeks ago. I was able to get her off 100% of the time either orally or with a vibrator. However, I was never able to penetrate her which is driving me crazy. She is petite and very inexperienced (61 yo and only had sex 4 times in her life! Not 4 lovers but only 4 times having sex). She was so tight that when I tried to penetrate she had a very pained grimace on her face. I backed off and tried to loosen her up with my fingers. After reading an article on Girls Chase about dealing with virgins I finally found out what I should have done - forced it in and eventually she would get past the pain and enjoy it. I am extremely frustrated that I couldn't close the deal with her, it would have been really fun. Besides, she would have completed my quest to have sex with all 5 major races/ethnicities.

BACKGROUND
Because of severe performance anxiety I didn't loose my virginity until I was 22. I am now 67 and typically take 50mg of Viagra prior to sex. I don't have ED but just get harder faster and last longer with Viagra than without. I am average height and have total male pattern baldness which I'm sure limits my success with women. However, I have a very fit swimmers body and a good physique as well as some natural game. In part, thanks to GC and this forum, I am doing quite well 6 weeks after the Indian woman dumped me. Two days ago I was on a second date with a very attractive and wealthy (I don't care but at least I know she's not a gold-digger) woman a couple years younger than me. I escalated much faster that I would have in the past but she still said NO. She promised it on our next date. I have several other dates scheduled this week so my momentum is high. One thing I've noticed about dating at my age, women seem to have a more or less 3 date rule for sex. I really haven't gone for first date sex because it would be awkward and probably scare off these older and wiser women.

Cheers,
L8D8

 

[Skills]

@Skills @Chase any thoughts you have on this?

you have the good intentions but the wrong idea of what it is to have sex and intimacy, a toy is not replacement or a substitute for men and women sexual intimacy's.

When i was blue pill, i gave one of my girls a dildo,, and went paranoid that the dildo but substitute me.... But that is not what women crave, a sex toy is just an accessory does not replace a sexual interaction between men and women (most women in the west have toys)

I do use toys at times to spice the relationship, but i can tell you women prefer the real thing...

Unfortunately for your patience i think working on their health and improving sex drive is the solution i don't know if they are diabetic aka fat or their t levels in the toilet which more like what it sound.....

Men also get the coolidge effect, get tire of the same women after months to few years no matter how hot they are...

I personally experience sexual problems in my mid 40s even though i was living a healthy lifestyle due to keto diets that crash my shbg, killing my free t... And did not know what i was doing and jump into trt... looking back i never should have gone on trt... But improving health and managing hormones may be an option no freaking sex toys...

I would take look at their t and free t...

 

[Marty]

But I have had the experience where I whacked off and then literally 10 minutes later a chick comes over wanting to get fucked

Am I alone here in not being able to imagine a lifestyle where women just show up uninvited on the doorstep asking for sex?

I wonder how many years of hard works that takes! And where to even start

 

[truthasker]

I have a friend who's into erotica / bdsm with the women he gets with, and he has told me like twice that he sometimes tells her a story while fingering/vibrator, and the women have told him they love it.