- Joined
- Feb 21, 2023
- Messages
- 3
Oh man where do I start..
I've been with my girlfriend (23) and I'm (30) for 6 years and 2 months roughly and last friday she broke up with me and told me she's moving out within 1 to maximum 2 months. We live together in a single room in a shared flat in London and need to give 1m notice at least plus we're both not financially stable.
Our relationship has been pretty bad when things are bad and incredible when things are good. However we've been stuck in a rut for about 3 years of living pay-check to pay-check and working jobs we absolutely hate and have been living in a single room for about 4 years without any privacy.
She told me her "reasons" in her breakup message (she was on her way to see her aunt for the weekend) that she's not attracted to me anymore, that my clinging to her irks her because she's the only thing going for me (i have no friends, i hate my job, i wake up miserable and get home miserable and just want to relax and go to sleep and just constantly talk about starting my business, getting a better job, writing a book, us traveling together and making all there promises for years and i've done nothing about it but sit at home watching YouTube and reading philosophy books.. which I realise is absolutely pathetic).
Also that i cling to her soo much that it has pushed her away that I'm terrified of losing her (she's even said in past arguments that I can't get other girls that's why she doesn't trust that I truly love her and feels that i'm with her just because i can't get any other girl).
Another thing she said is that she feels no sexual attraction towards me and that she's decided that art is important to her and wants people in her life that she can share artistic values with.
And at the end she said that i've lied to her, deceived her, emotionally abused her by constantly having arguments and fights over the smallest things, that I'd get so easily hurt or upset that she'd have to watch every word around me so I wouldn't get triggered and that I'm a man at 30 who's very smart and capable but I constantly dumb myself down seeking approval and can't have an opinion of my own and always just agree with her and follow her lead of ask her to make decisions when she's told me repeatedly throughout the years that she hates making decisions as she's indecisive and if she's dating a man she wants to be dating a man and not to be the man in the relationship.. She ended with that she doesn't believe that I love her and me saying words won't change her mind as words mean nothing.
And she's mentioned that she wants to get away from me because I "ruin almost every day of her life with some drama or bullshit when all she wants is to have peace and fun and not to worry, as she's very anxious" so I see it also as her wanting to get away to have some peace and quiet.
Thing is our lives have been a living hell as we've been depressed and in a rut of working to pay rent and bills and not doing anything fun.. maybe go for a coffee and a walk once every 2 weeks, we do absolutely nothing exciting, don't travel, don't have any fun.. and sex has been boring for 2-3 years.. we'd have sex once ever week or two and sometimes go weeks or a month without it and it's always the same routine of get home, eat food, watch a movie or sth go to bed and have sex in the same bed, same positions, and she's told me it feel nice physically but emotionally there's no excitement or anything much there. Though on rate times when I've been feeling dominant and just "taken her" and done whatever I wanted she'd stare afterwards at me with wide eyes and tell me how she's never been more attracted to me. She's one of those girls that plays it all "i'm a strong independent woman" but then is super passive and has mentioned that in bed she has to be submissive and to be dominated.
We would't talk about meaningful things but rather just how our day went and what bullshit happened at work and would complain to each other how we hate our lives.. So I understand why she'd feel no emotional connection as there is nothing we do together, nothing fun, no excitement and no talking and connecting..
And even thought all of this she has still stuck with me for 6 years and especially the last 4 years of this hell she still hasn't left or found another man and she's told me in the past that there is a part of her that cannot let go of me and hopes I get my shit together so we can be happy.
This has happened before when she's tried to breakup with me and I've talked her out of it but this time she's acting super cold like she's made a final decision. However while she was gone during the weekend she'd message me "what's up" and yesterday randomly called me and she spoke in the most softest-nicest voice to let me know she's coming home and then she said "I'm finishing work at 8, just to let you know" again spoken super softly and feminine. Then i offered to go the gym together after work and she said yeah but a bit lated told me she's not feeling well and offered to go for a drink instead. Then when i came back home the softness and femininity was gone and she was a bit indifferent so we went out and she'd be telling me things and how she wants to "move on with her life" and move out soon and i said "Yes me to, i want to move on with my life as soon a possible" and told her that some things she said hurt me and i can't forgive her and she was super quiet while I was talking why it doesn't workout for me and why I don't want to get back with her. At which she said "I don't want to stay here talking for an hour why our relationship didn't workout it won't fix anything" and I said "I don't to fix anything with you don't get the wrong idea, I'm done and moving on" She said that her reason is that "we've changed" and that "we're too different" nothing else, and after she tried to act all cool and like she doesn't care but once we got home she softened up and this morning she was all friendly and pleasant again.
What I'm thinking is this: This girl is the most patient girl on planet earth as every other woman would've left me soooo long ago and she's been waiting for years and she's reaching an age (23 soon 24) where she's not a child anymore and cannot afford to be with a man who's a loser and doesn't seem to have a future or confidence even.. I'm betting it's instinctual and understandable why she's not attracted to me and would like to live on her own to maybe find another man who at least can be a man and live his life.
Also her family doesn't like me as they tell her i'm not doing anything with my life and for her not to trust my promises of success as I'm a man of 30 and haven't got a real job or any money and they understandably don't want this for her daughter.. they want a man who can take care of her and want grandkids and for her to have a good life.
So last few days I've actually gotten a real kick in the ass and started building my website, started working on creating a tiktok page and youtube as I'm a personal trainer and invented my own method that I used to lose 60kg of fat and build a ton of muscle(i have all the before and after pics as well) so I've been wanting to put myself out there for a while and get clients , drafted a book proposal to send to literally agents, and started working on starting my business and getting clients. I booked a social event this saturday (a speed dating for young people in London and afterwards everyone chats and gets to know each other). I'm booking other social events like an arts class where people meet and learn to pain while drinking wine. I chatted up a girl on the train and we exchanged numbers and she even showed me where she lives and we talked about going out on the weekend.
My plan is this: to absolutely work my ass off this next 1-2 months to 1000% get my business up and running, organise group classes with lots of people attending (and she'll come to take photos and videos as she's good with a camera), get a book deal or at least be in a good position. Make cool new friends that I go out with and meet a bunch of new girls and go on dates (of course she'll know as we live together and she will ask where i'm going or who i'm chatting with, etc) or even bring a girl home and ask her to leave for a few hours. She's always told me how she wants to just live life and have fun as she's 23 and we haven't even been to a club dancing or even a bar.. she's never went to a club in her life.. so I'm thinking to go to a nice club right when she's in peak ovulation (i know when it will be as
I'm thinking even if she's 100000000% certain she wants nothing with me and no amount of actual success, confidence, attractiveness, pre-selection, having cool friends, etc will get her back. At least I'll be in a good position when we separate: i'll have some friends, a business, a good future path, new girls in my life, possibly a new girlfriend. And if I don't do any of that I'll be crushed and a sorry mess after the breakup as I'll have nothing.. and things will go very bad from there.
I have read some from this site and know that if I chase her even 1% it will trigger her almost feeling disgust and that i'm pathetic and not a man, so I've been staying strong and repeating that I also want to separate and get on with my life and haven't mentioned fixing things, getting back together, giving each other another chance, etc. Which i bet is throwing her off at least a bit because every other time in the past I've been chasing and pleading and promising and saying how I'll do everything if she gives me another chance so I bet on some level she expected some of that.
My major question I guess is this: "Do you guys think that if I do those things, not even achieve them at 100% but she's never asked for me to be rich or famous to love me, just for me to do something and to quote "make something of myself" and "make a life for myself" and she’s not successful or has a good job either so the bar is not high at all. If she sees me confident and dressed and groomed well (as I've been neglecting myself) and being social with cool friends and constatly going out while she's all alone at home and even going on dates. Do you guys think she will change her mind the moment she's attracted to me again and can see that yes I do have a future an have finally changed and gotten my shit together? It will help that her family absolutely simp for successful men and idolise them.. so as soon as they find out what I'm doing they will start talking me up big time..
I forgot to mention that her plans are to get her own room in a shared house but as she's working part-time and will not make enough to even cover her bills not to mention food, clothes or any going out or fun money.. she will have to get a fulltime job and she's never been able to stick to one for more than a couple of months before she quits and her live is all work work and she repeatedly keeps saying she just wants to live her life and make a graphic design portfolio and get a better job but she can't if she's woking and depressed. So she will either have to get a fulltime job that she'll probably hate or be supported by her family which won't last so her future won't be as peachy and she's imagining it to be in my opinion. And she also doesn't have any friends like me so she won't be all going out and having fun.
Please give me any an all thoughts and ideas you have and any tips and suggestions!!! I will read everything and respond and give more details if asked!
I've been with my girlfriend (23) and I'm (30) for 6 years and 2 months roughly and last friday she broke up with me and told me she's moving out within 1 to maximum 2 months. We live together in a single room in a shared flat in London and need to give 1m notice at least plus we're both not financially stable.
Our relationship has been pretty bad when things are bad and incredible when things are good. However we've been stuck in a rut for about 3 years of living pay-check to pay-check and working jobs we absolutely hate and have been living in a single room for about 4 years without any privacy.
She told me her "reasons" in her breakup message (she was on her way to see her aunt for the weekend) that she's not attracted to me anymore, that my clinging to her irks her because she's the only thing going for me (i have no friends, i hate my job, i wake up miserable and get home miserable and just want to relax and go to sleep and just constantly talk about starting my business, getting a better job, writing a book, us traveling together and making all there promises for years and i've done nothing about it but sit at home watching YouTube and reading philosophy books.. which I realise is absolutely pathetic).
Also that i cling to her soo much that it has pushed her away that I'm terrified of losing her (she's even said in past arguments that I can't get other girls that's why she doesn't trust that I truly love her and feels that i'm with her just because i can't get any other girl).
Another thing she said is that she feels no sexual attraction towards me and that she's decided that art is important to her and wants people in her life that she can share artistic values with.
And at the end she said that i've lied to her, deceived her, emotionally abused her by constantly having arguments and fights over the smallest things, that I'd get so easily hurt or upset that she'd have to watch every word around me so I wouldn't get triggered and that I'm a man at 30 who's very smart and capable but I constantly dumb myself down seeking approval and can't have an opinion of my own and always just agree with her and follow her lead of ask her to make decisions when she's told me repeatedly throughout the years that she hates making decisions as she's indecisive and if she's dating a man she wants to be dating a man and not to be the man in the relationship.. She ended with that she doesn't believe that I love her and me saying words won't change her mind as words mean nothing.
And she's mentioned that she wants to get away from me because I "ruin almost every day of her life with some drama or bullshit when all she wants is to have peace and fun and not to worry, as she's very anxious" so I see it also as her wanting to get away to have some peace and quiet.
Thing is our lives have been a living hell as we've been depressed and in a rut of working to pay rent and bills and not doing anything fun.. maybe go for a coffee and a walk once every 2 weeks, we do absolutely nothing exciting, don't travel, don't have any fun.. and sex has been boring for 2-3 years.. we'd have sex once ever week or two and sometimes go weeks or a month without it and it's always the same routine of get home, eat food, watch a movie or sth go to bed and have sex in the same bed, same positions, and she's told me it feel nice physically but emotionally there's no excitement or anything much there. Though on rate times when I've been feeling dominant and just "taken her" and done whatever I wanted she'd stare afterwards at me with wide eyes and tell me how she's never been more attracted to me. She's one of those girls that plays it all "i'm a strong independent woman" but then is super passive and has mentioned that in bed she has to be submissive and to be dominated.
We would't talk about meaningful things but rather just how our day went and what bullshit happened at work and would complain to each other how we hate our lives.. So I understand why she'd feel no emotional connection as there is nothing we do together, nothing fun, no excitement and no talking and connecting..
And even thought all of this she has still stuck with me for 6 years and especially the last 4 years of this hell she still hasn't left or found another man and she's told me in the past that there is a part of her that cannot let go of me and hopes I get my shit together so we can be happy.
This has happened before when she's tried to breakup with me and I've talked her out of it but this time she's acting super cold like she's made a final decision. However while she was gone during the weekend she'd message me "what's up" and yesterday randomly called me and she spoke in the most softest-nicest voice to let me know she's coming home and then she said "I'm finishing work at 8, just to let you know" again spoken super softly and feminine. Then i offered to go the gym together after work and she said yeah but a bit lated told me she's not feeling well and offered to go for a drink instead. Then when i came back home the softness and femininity was gone and she was a bit indifferent so we went out and she'd be telling me things and how she wants to "move on with her life" and move out soon and i said "Yes me to, i want to move on with my life as soon a possible" and told her that some things she said hurt me and i can't forgive her and she was super quiet while I was talking why it doesn't workout for me and why I don't want to get back with her. At which she said "I don't want to stay here talking for an hour why our relationship didn't workout it won't fix anything" and I said "I don't to fix anything with you don't get the wrong idea, I'm done and moving on" She said that her reason is that "we've changed" and that "we're too different" nothing else, and after she tried to act all cool and like she doesn't care but once we got home she softened up and this morning she was all friendly and pleasant again.
What I'm thinking is this: This girl is the most patient girl on planet earth as every other woman would've left me soooo long ago and she's been waiting for years and she's reaching an age (23 soon 24) where she's not a child anymore and cannot afford to be with a man who's a loser and doesn't seem to have a future or confidence even.. I'm betting it's instinctual and understandable why she's not attracted to me and would like to live on her own to maybe find another man who at least can be a man and live his life.
Also her family doesn't like me as they tell her i'm not doing anything with my life and for her not to trust my promises of success as I'm a man of 30 and haven't got a real job or any money and they understandably don't want this for her daughter.. they want a man who can take care of her and want grandkids and for her to have a good life.
So last few days I've actually gotten a real kick in the ass and started building my website, started working on creating a tiktok page and youtube as I'm a personal trainer and invented my own method that I used to lose 60kg of fat and build a ton of muscle(i have all the before and after pics as well) so I've been wanting to put myself out there for a while and get clients , drafted a book proposal to send to literally agents, and started working on starting my business and getting clients. I booked a social event this saturday (a speed dating for young people in London and afterwards everyone chats and gets to know each other). I'm booking other social events like an arts class where people meet and learn to pain while drinking wine. I chatted up a girl on the train and we exchanged numbers and she even showed me where she lives and we talked about going out on the weekend.
My plan is this: to absolutely work my ass off this next 1-2 months to 1000% get my business up and running, organise group classes with lots of people attending (and she'll come to take photos and videos as she's good with a camera), get a book deal or at least be in a good position. Make cool new friends that I go out with and meet a bunch of new girls and go on dates (of course she'll know as we live together and she will ask where i'm going or who i'm chatting with, etc) or even bring a girl home and ask her to leave for a few hours. She's always told me how she wants to just live life and have fun as she's 23 and we haven't even been to a club dancing or even a bar.. she's never went to a club in her life.. so I'm thinking to go to a nice club right when she's in peak ovulation (i know when it will be as
I'm thinking even if she's 100000000% certain she wants nothing with me and no amount of actual success, confidence, attractiveness, pre-selection, having cool friends, etc will get her back. At least I'll be in a good position when we separate: i'll have some friends, a business, a good future path, new girls in my life, possibly a new girlfriend. And if I don't do any of that I'll be crushed and a sorry mess after the breakup as I'll have nothing.. and things will go very bad from there.
I have read some from this site and know that if I chase her even 1% it will trigger her almost feeling disgust and that i'm pathetic and not a man, so I've been staying strong and repeating that I also want to separate and get on with my life and haven't mentioned fixing things, getting back together, giving each other another chance, etc. Which i bet is throwing her off at least a bit because every other time in the past I've been chasing and pleading and promising and saying how I'll do everything if she gives me another chance so I bet on some level she expected some of that.
My major question I guess is this: "Do you guys think that if I do those things, not even achieve them at 100% but she's never asked for me to be rich or famous to love me, just for me to do something and to quote "make something of myself" and "make a life for myself" and she’s not successful or has a good job either so the bar is not high at all. If she sees me confident and dressed and groomed well (as I've been neglecting myself) and being social with cool friends and constatly going out while she's all alone at home and even going on dates. Do you guys think she will change her mind the moment she's attracted to me again and can see that yes I do have a future an have finally changed and gotten my shit together? It will help that her family absolutely simp for successful men and idolise them.. so as soon as they find out what I'm doing they will start talking me up big time..
I forgot to mention that her plans are to get her own room in a shared house but as she's working part-time and will not make enough to even cover her bills not to mention food, clothes or any going out or fun money.. she will have to get a fulltime job and she's never been able to stick to one for more than a couple of months before she quits and her live is all work work and she repeatedly keeps saying she just wants to live her life and make a graphic design portfolio and get a better job but she can't if she's woking and depressed. So she will either have to get a fulltime job that she'll probably hate or be supported by her family which won't last so her future won't be as peachy and she's imagining it to be in my opinion. And she also doesn't have any friends like me so she won't be all going out and having fun.
Please give me any an all thoughts and ideas you have and any tips and suggestions!!! I will read everything and respond and give more details if asked!
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