FR Can't concentrate with all these girls around

[SparklingWadah]

Goals​

Today I am working on being a better conversationalist and opening better.

1. Use the Question + Her Response + Pause (let it breathe) + Comment on Response pattern
2. Alternate between smiling BIG and smiling sexily on the opener
3. Be present and do active listening. Pay attention to what she is saying.

Outing​

Today I went out to read at a coffee shop then went to a park. I planned to just do 1-3 approaches today, but focus on studying some self-development material.

---

Approach 1​

While looking for a place to sit, I noticed a empty spot next to a girl who seems cute. I walked over beside her and waved, asking "Is this space available?" She says yes, and that would normally be it for polite conversation, but I tried more of a slow opening approach. After a few seconds I asked about the corndog tray she had, and start chatting with her about food, teasing her that she's a foodie.

I tried a variety of different topics to see if she bites, asking if she's a local (no), and how she came to be here (very few details); asking what kinds of hobbies she was interested in (nothing); what she did for work (didn't say much); complimenting her outfit and asking if she was into fashion (no). I would ping on a topic, if she didn't bite much I would let it hang for a few seconds and look away, then ping after a few seconds.

I also tried asking for compliance, asking if she could help tie a rope on my bracelet (she complied) but didn't seem to get more interested. Since she didn't ask me any questions and everything I tried failed to get much out of her, I let the final silence hang and started reading. She left soon after and said goodbye to me.

Takeaways: I think this girl wasn't interested, the repeatedly slow open pattern might be effective for another time though. I unconsciously cycled through a few SAC tests, checking her similarity (connecting to what she shared), arousal (teasing her a little), and compliance (asking for help). I should keep that in mind more consciously.

---

Approach 2​

While sitting down, I noticed through the window a girl in a gorgeous tight black outfit walk by across the street. After a little debate I got up to try and find her, but noticed she actually entered the coffee shop and was ordering in line. So I got into line and ordered something for myself, pretending to be distracted and not notice her. I distracted myself with some texting for a minute, then eventually decided to "notice" her. Then I walked over and opened with "Excuse me, hi. I just wanted to say, I loved your outfit. You look really elegant today."

She thanked me, and we chatted a little. I forgot to introduce myself, so I figured I'd do it after she asked me a question. So I tried a few topics, asking what she was up to today (she was about to go to work); what she did for work (she worked in government); teased her for being the future president (laughed); and what she was up to later today (going to a political event). I didn't really touch her, and I noticed we were a bit of a polite distance apart. I wasn't sure what kind of compliance I could ask in this scenario.

Then her drink was called, so she went to grab it and said, "Have a nice day!" before leaving. Then my drink was called. I exited the coffee shop to try to catch up but she was already some distance away, and I didn't get much interest from her, so I let her go.

Takeaways: The direct opener might be clumsy in the coffee shop. I could've tried more of a slow opening approach, where I sat next to her to wait, then commented on her outfit. Pause. Then continue the conversation. I also should remember to introduce myself and get closer proximity. I can also touch on a high point when she is laughing. Lastly when she is grabbing her drink, I can say something like "Wait, hold on a second before you go. My drink is right after yours" to see if she complies, and if she does then I can ask her out.

---

Approach 3​

While about to leave the coffee shop, I noticed a pretty girl outside and move to catch up with her. I pretended to be distracted while walking towards her, then focus and "notice" her as she turns around and walks past me. I turned around and caught up to her to approach from the side.

Spoiler: Conversation

Me: "Excuse me. Hello."
Her: "Hi"

Me: "I just saw you pass by back over there, and I had to come say that I thought you looked...incredibly pretty today."
Her: "Thanks" <Laughs>

Me: "I loved your, uh, style. You have a real modern look."
Her: <Laughs> "I appreciate that, thank you"

Me: "Hi, so what's your name?"
Her: <Introduces herself>

Me: <Introduces myself>
Her: "Nice to meet you."

Me: "How are you doing today?"
Her: "I'm good, how are you?"

Me: "Pretty good, I just, uh, got out of the coffee shop. I was just reading a book and chilling today. You?"
Her: "Oh I just came off, we're meeting some friends later. Getting hotdogs and probably boba."

Me: "Oh awesome, the Korean corndog place?"
Her: "Yeah they're called hotdogs but..."

Me: "But they look like corndogs"
Her: "I don't know, we always call it hotdogs, so I guess it's just an inside joke for us" <Laughs>

Me: "Okay okay. Well, girls are usually interested in hotdogs." <Chase frame>
Her: <Laughs>

<I'm locked in at this point, leaning against a railing with my side facing her. I notice she has created some distance from me>

Me: "So what kind of boba are you going to get?"
Her: "I'm not yet, we usually get <store name>"

Me: "Oh, I've been to that place. I really liked the watermelon."
Her: "Oh that's seasonal, right? I don't think I've had it yet. I usually get the <drink name>"

Me: "Are you guys boba addicts?"
Her: "A fair amount, yeah" <Laughs>

Me: "I'm part of the, uh, boba anonymous addiction recovery group."
Her: "Have you transitioned to coffee?" <Gestures to my coffee>

Me: "Maybe. Maybe I'm just replacing one vice with another."
Her: "Okay, well things work out, so..."

Me: "Yeah. Are you from around the area or...?"
Her: "Yeah I grew up around here. I went to <school name>"

Me: "Oh, that's pretty prestigious."
Her: "I guess so, when we grow up around here it's just normal for us. You?"

Me: "Yeah, I also grew up around the area. I went not to <her school>, I went to <school name>."
Her: "Okay yeah, that's good too."

Me: "Yeah, did you just graduate?"
Her: "Yeah, I graduated in 2019, went to college in 2022, and just went back afterwards."

Me: "Oh awesome, what did you study?"
Her: "I did stats and data science."

Me: "Oh nice...so you like money, and numbers?" <Teasing her>
Her: <Laughs> "I guess, what about you, what do you do?"

Me: "Uh, I do computer science."
Her: "Classic, classic."

<I noticed that she's backed up a few steps and retreated to a polite distance>

Me: "I noticed you're drifting backwards"
Her: <Laughs> "My friends are over there, I should probably say hi. It was nice talking to you."

Me: "It was nice talking to you. Hope you have a great day."
Her: "You too, hope you have a great rest of your day."

Takeaways: My initial "Excuse me" did not have much volume or authority. I noticed my energy level in my voice was pretty low and I wasn't that animated compared to her. I could do a better job of matching her. My teases also did not sound like teases, the delivery was a bit dry and similar to my normal speaking voice, so I should exaggerate those more. I'm not sure how to resolve the issue of her creating distance from me...is it a sign of disinterest? At the same time, she seemed to be reacting decently well. I should've asked for more compliance, with something like, "Well let's not just stand in the middle of the walkway here, let's go sit down at that bench."

---

Approach 4​

While walking by a park, I noticed a girl with purple streaks in her hair lying down in the grass next to her dog. She seemed cute so I walked over to approach and said hello. She was friendly, although it turned out she was here with her husband who was sitting at a bench nearby, so I just had a friendly conversation with her for a few minutes before ejecting.

Takeaways: This girls positioning did seem a bit suspicious to me, like girls don't usually lie vulnerable on the grass with the same vibe she had when they're actually alone, so I should pay attention to that instinct more.

---

Approach 5​

While parking my car at the park, I noticed a cute girl walk by into the parking lot, so I quickly got out, "noticed her", and followed her. I jogged up and approached her from the side.

Spoiler: Conversation

Me: "Excuse me"
Her: "Hi"

Me: "I just saw you walking, pass by over there, and I wanted to say you had an incredibly cute sense of style. I loved how your colors matched today."
Her: "Oh, thank you"

Me: "With the brown and stuff. So Hi." <I introduce myself>
Her: <She introduces herself>

Me: "Hi. Here, let's not get run over. Let's get out of the way of the cars over here." <Asking for compliance>
Her: "Sure" <she follows me>

Me: "So how are you doing today?"
Her: "Good, are you just walking around here?"

Me: "Yeah, I just came to read a bit. What about you?"
Her: "I'm actually meeting with a friend."

Me: "Oh, at the plaza nearby?"
Her: "No, we're going to meet at her house."

Me: "Oh, sounds fun. What are you guys up to? Board games? Saturday night drinking? Talking about boys?" <Teasing a little>
Her: "Probably board games, yeah"

Me: "Okay, sounds fun. Are you a student?"
Her: "Uh, no."

Me: "No, you work around here?"
Her: "Well, I was, but right now I'm unemployed."

Me: "Oh okay, well everybody's kind of hit hard recently. There's like a recession and stuff." <Relating a little>
Her: "Yeah, yeah"

Me: "How is it going with the job search?"
Her: "I am interviewing, so yeah..."

Me: "Okay, things are looking up."
Her: "It's okay, so far."

Me: "What kind of industry are you in?"
Her: "I'm in data."

Me: "Data, so you like numbers?"
Her: "Uh, kinda, I guess."

Me: "No? You just in it for the money?" <Teasing a little>
Her: "Uh, I don't know. Kind of half-half I guess." <Laughs>

Me: "Half and half. Okay. Well how did you get into it? Your parents told you to do it in school? Or did you have a class you really liked?"
Her: "Yeah, my parents told me to do it but...I like data, so..."

Me: "Okay, well what kinds of stuff do you do for yourself? You seem to be into fashion, so, is that a hobby of yours?" <Touch her on the elbow>
Her: "Yeah, well, I feel like this area doesn't really care about fashion that much."

Me: "I disagree, I think a lot of people care about fashion."
Her: "Really?"

Me: "Yeah...you have to pay attention. Just look at who is dressed well. You'll see actually a lot of people."
Her: "Yeah"

Me: "But it's uh, it's definitely under-emphasized compared to some of the other stuff. Actually, if you think about it, all the tech bros wear the same thing, so they care about fashion too."
Her: "Yeah, that makes sense. Are you a student or working?"

Me: "I'm working. I'm working yeah...I uh, graduated a little while ago."
Her: "Ah yeah."

Me: "What about for you?"
Her: "I mean, yeah, I graduated a little while ago too..."

Me: "Yeah? Okay, so how's being an adult? Now that you're out of school?"
Her: "Uh, I don't like it much"

Me: "No, you'd rather go back to being a student?"
Her: "Yeah" <Laughs>

Me: "Things were simpler back then? You got to hang out with your friends all day?"
Her: "Yeah. Well, I actually have to go now."

Me: "Oh, are you in a rush?"
Her: "Yeah."

Me: "Well, hold on one sec. I really love your nails" <Don't let her end first>
Her: "Oh thank you"

Me: "Show me your hand" <Compliance>
Her: <Shows me her nails>

Me: "Oh wow, did you paint those yourself?"
Her: "Oh no, I got it done."

Me: "Wow, I love the colors. It's really beautiful."
Her: "Thank you so much."

Me: "Anyway, I don't want to keep you from meeting your friend. But we should uh, you seem cool, I like your style, and I think we should grab a coffee sometime."
Her: "Um, sure, yeah. You can give me your number."

<We exchange contact information and say goodbye>

Takeaways: My opener did not have good energy or authority. This girl wasn't responding very enthusiastically to me, not sure if she was interested or being polite. I should've asked fewer questions, made fewer banal comments, and repeated more insightful statements to her. I also did not really touch her much at all.

---

Approach 6​

While sitting and reading in the park, I noticed a girl with beautiful multicolored dyed hair walk by. I set down my book, pack up, and decide to catch up to her. I jog up and approach her from the side, then compliment her hair. I noticed she's not very cute from the first, so I pivot to a friendly conversation, and learn that she's a writer. I'm interested in books, so we chat a little bit about fiction versus non-fiction, and she mentions she is studying creative writing and might write romance. I tease her, asking how spicy that romance will be, and pivot into a short story about me sampling the smuttiest romance novels I could find to figure out the appeal. I tease her if she's a connoisseur of smutty romance. Then I ask for some book recommendations and say goodbye.

Takeaways: I could have asked for some compliance, something like "Well hey, let's not just stand in the middle of the path, let's move over a bit." I could've been more loud and authoritative during my opener as well.

---

Outcome​

1 number close.

I discovered that it's hard for me to concentrate and read in public, because I've developed a habit of looking for cute girls and feeling like I have to approach every single one. I only wanted to approach 1 girl today but ended up approaching 6.

I did okay on my goals but failed in keeping them in mind most of the time. Maybe I would be better off focusing on really high quality approaches where I focus very strongly on my goals.

I noticed my opener quality is declining recently, I need to do a remedial session to improve the energy and authority.

I need to practice the tonality of my teases and flirtations to be more obvious.

 

[Chase]

@SparklingWadah,

I like how thorough these reports are!

You put a lot of detail in here. It makes it easy to see what you're doing right and where you can tweak things.

Some comments:

Takeaways: I think this girl wasn't interested, the repeatedly slow open pattern might be effective for another time though. I unconsciously cycled through a few SAC tests, checking her similarity (connecting to what she shared), arousal (teasing her a little), and compliance (asking for help). I should keep that in mind more consciously.

Yeah, well done.

Not every girl is going to hook.

You ran through each of S, A, and C, and she didn't bite on any of them; you covered your bases.

Sometimes you can persist and win girls like this over but most of the time it isn't worth it.

Approach 2​

While sitting down, I noticed through the window a girl in a gorgeous tight black outfit walk by across the street. After a little debate I got up to try and find her, but noticed she actually entered the coffee shop and was ordering in line. So I got into line and ordered something for myself, pretending to be distracted and not notice her. I distracted myself with some texting for a minute, then eventually decided to "notice" her. Then I walked over and opened with "Excuse me, hi. I just wanted to say, I loved your outfit. You look really elegant today."

She thanked me, and we chatted a little. I forgot to introduce myself, so I figured I'd do it after she asked me a question. So I tried a few topics, asking what she was up to today (she was about to go to work); what she did for work (she worked in government); teased her for being the future president (laughed); and what she was up to later today (going to a political event). I didn't really touch her, and I noticed we were a bit of a polite distance apart. I wasn't sure what kind of compliance I could ask in this scenario.

Then her drink was called, so she went to grab it and said, "Have a nice day!" before leaving. Then my drink was called. I exited the coffee shop to try to catch up but she was already some distance away, and I didn't get much interest from her, so I let her go.

Takeaways: The direct opener might be clumsy in the coffee shop. I could've tried more of a slow opening approach, where I sat next to her to wait, then commented on her outfit. Pause. Then continue the conversation. I also should remember to introduce myself and get closer proximity. I can also touch on a high point when she is laughing. Lastly when she is grabbing her drink, I can say something like "Wait, hold on a second before you go. My drink is right after yours" to see if she complies, and if she does then I can ask her out.

The direct opener in the coffee shop is somewhat sub-optimal. Ideally you want to find your way next to her and open her incidentally with something relevant to the situation.

However, you're doing well with your approaches using direct. You're also not coming in super direct or anything ("I love your outfit, you look elegant" --> this is fine; another woman could say this to her, or a gay guy; it's not too much). Considering your other focuses, I wouldn't stress myself over trying to make openers perfect right now. I'd just keep using genuine compliment openers while you focus on other aspects of the approach.

Approach 3​

While about to leave the coffee shop, I noticed a pretty girl outside and move to catch up with her. I pretended to be distracted while walking towards her, then focus and "notice" her as she turns around and walks past me. I turned around and caught up to her to approach from the side.

Spoiler: Conversation

Me: "Excuse me. Hello."
Her: "Hi"

Me: "I just saw you pass by back over there, and I had to come say that I thought you looked...incredibly pretty today."
Her: "Thanks" <Laughs>

Me: "I loved your, uh, style. You have a real modern look."
Her: <Laughs> "I appreciate that, thank you"

Me: "Hi, so what's your name?"
Her: <Introduces herself>

Me: <Introduces myself>
Her: "Nice to meet you."

Me: "How are you doing today?"
Her: "I'm good, how are you?"

Me: "Pretty good, I just, uh, got out of the coffee shop. I was just reading a book and chilling today. You?"
Her: "Oh I just came off, we're meeting some friends later. Getting hotdogs and probably boba."

Me: "Oh awesome, the Korean corndog place?"
Her: "Yeah they're called hotdogs but..."

Me: "But they look like corndogs"
Her: "I don't know, we always call it hotdogs, so I guess it's just an inside joke for us" <Laughs>

Me: "Okay okay. Well, girls are usually interested in hotdogs." <Chase frame>
Her: <Laughs>

<I'm locked in at this point, leaning against a railing with my side facing her. I notice she has created some distance from me>

Me: "So what kind of boba are you going to get?"
Her: "I'm not yet, we usually get <store name>"

Me: "Oh, I've been to that place. I really liked the watermelon."
Her: "Oh that's seasonal, right? I don't think I've had it yet. I usually get the <drink name>"

Me: "Are you guys boba addicts?"
Her: "A fair amount, yeah" <Laughs>

Me: "I'm part of the, uh, boba anonymous addiction recovery group."
Her: "Have you transitioned to coffee?" <Gestures to my coffee>

Me: "Maybe. Maybe I'm just replacing one vice with another."
Her: "Okay, well things work out, so..."

Me: "Yeah. Are you from around the area or...?"
Her: "Yeah I grew up around here. I went to <school name>"

Me: "Oh, that's pretty prestigious."
Her: "I guess so, when we grow up around here it's just normal for us. You?"

Me: "Yeah, I also grew up around the area. I went not to <her school>, I went to <school name>."
Her: "Okay yeah, that's good too."

Me: "Yeah, did you just graduate?"
Her: "Yeah, I graduated in 2019, went to college in 2022, and just went back afterwards."

Me: "Oh awesome, what did you study?"
Her: "I did stats and data science."

Me: "Oh nice...so you like money, and numbers?" <Teasing her>
Her: <Laughs> "I guess, what about you, what do you do?"

Me: "Uh, I do computer science."
Her: "Classic, classic."

<I noticed that she's backed up a few steps and retreated to a polite distance>

Me: "I noticed you're drifting backwards"
Her: <Laughs> "My friends are over there, I should probably say hi. It was nice talking to you."

Me: "It was nice talking to you. Hope you have a great day."
Her: "You too, hope you have a great rest of your day."

Takeaways: My initial "Excuse me" did not have much volume or authority. I noticed my energy level in my voice was pretty low and I wasn't that animated compared to her. I could do a better job of matching her. My teases also did not sound like teases, the delivery was a bit dry and similar to my normal speaking voice, so I should exaggerate those more. I'm not sure how to resolve the issue of her creating distance from me...is it a sign of disinterest? At the same time, she seemed to be reacting decently well. I should've asked for more compliance, with something like, "Well let's not just stand in the middle of the walkway here, let's go sit down at that bench."

Not bad! But too many questions here. Too many boring questions without much else.

A few boring questions is fine. You need something to kick things off with.

But then you've got to inject some life and intrigue into the conversation.

For instance, on your convo here...

Me: "Excuse me. Hello."​

Her: "Hi"​

​

Me: "I just saw you pass by back over there, and I had to come say that I thought you looked...incredibly pretty today."​

Her: "Thanks" <Laughs>​

​

Me: "I loved your, uh, style. You have a real modern look."​

Her: <Laughs> "I appreciate that, thank you"​

​

Me: "Hi, so what's your name?"​

Her: <Introduces herself>​

​

Me: <Introduces myself>​

Her: "Nice to meet you."​

​

Me: "How are you doing today?"​

Her: "I'm good, how are you?"​

​

Me: "Pretty good, I just, uh, got out of the coffee shop. I was just reading a book and chilling today. You?"​

Her: "Oh I just came off, we're meeting some friends later. Getting hotdogs and probably boba."​

Doing okay so far. I would:

1. Work more on creating genuine compliments that aren't about the girl being pretty/hot/etc. e.g., more in line with how you complimented the coffee shop girl on her style. If you're not sure what to compliment, ask yourself what ABOUT the girl makes you FEEL LIKE she is pretty, and you'll have a few things to compliment her on right away.
   
   
2. Introduce yourself directly after the compliment opener. So "I just saw you pass over there and I had to come say that you have the most carefree hair I have seen all day. It's really nice. I'm SparklingWadah." [extend hand]
   
   
3. Use a cold read rather than ask how she is. "How are you?" always leads to "Fine, how are you?" which is just treading water. I am a big fan of following up the opener with a cold read right away. e.g., "You look like you're on an important mission."
   
   
4. Describe what you're doing in a more interesting way. "I was just reading and chilling" makes you sound uninteresting. Cool people are busy and have cool stuff going on. You can either be on your way somewhere ("I was on my way to the new art exhibit they just opened up") or be coming back from somewhere ("I'm just making my way back from this insane business meeting my company holds on Sundays for reasons I can't comprehend"). It doesn't matter what it is; just make it interesting. You might want to spend 2 or 3 minutes just thinking up how to describe whatever it is you are doing that day in an interesting way in case you're asked.

On this part:

Me: "Oh awesome, the Korean corndog place?"​

Her: "Yeah they're called hotdogs but..."​

​

Me: "But they look like corndogs"​

Her: "I don't know, we always call it hotdogs, so I guess it's just an inside joke for us" <Laughs>​

Got to pick your battles.

If a girl correct you on something minor, usually just make a joke of it rather than stick to your guns and get hung up on it:

YOU: Oh awesome, the Korean corndog place?​

​

HER: Yeah they're called hotdogs but...​

​

YOU: Oh my God, they're changing the names of everything now, I can't keep up!​

​

HER: [laughs]​

On this bit:

Me: "Yeah. Are you from around the area or...?"​

Her: "Yeah I grew up around here. I went to <school name>"​

​

Me: "Oh, that's pretty prestigious."​

Her: "I guess so, when we grow up around here it's just normal for us. You?"​

​

Me: "Yeah, I also grew up around the area. I went not to <her school>, I went to <school name>."​

Her: "Okay yeah, that's good too."​

​

Me: "Yeah, did you just graduate?"​

Her: "Yeah, I graduated in 2019, went to college in 2022, and just went back afterwards."​

​

Me: "Oh awesome, what did you study?"​

Her: "I did stats and data science."​

​

Me: "Oh nice...so you like money, and numbers?" <Teasing her>​

Her: <Laughs> "I guess, what about you, what do you do?"​

​

Me: "Uh, I do computer science."​

Her: "Classic, classic."​

​

<I noticed that she's backed up a few steps and retreated to a polite distance>​

• Too many questions. Make statements or use cold reads.
  
  
• Never act wowed by a girl. "That's pretty prestigious" implies higher status for her than you.
  
  
• Make yourself interesting. "I do computer science" is about as boring and nerdy as you can phrase that! How about "I teach machines how to talk to each other" or "I figure out how to build better versions of stuff like that [point to her phone]." There's always a cool way to phrase anything. Find what's interesting about it and pull that out.

That was funny you calling her out on backing away.

Generally unless a girl is really interested, you only have a short amount of time to intrigue her and hook her in.

If it goes on too long with too many boring questions, too little intrigue bait, etc., she is going to want to bail.

You have to hook her in.

Approach 5​

While parking my car at the park, I noticed a cute girl walk by into the parking lot, so I quickly got out, "noticed her", and followed her. I jogged up and approached her from the side.

Spoiler: Conversation

Me: "Excuse me"
Her: "Hi"

Me: "I just saw you walking, pass by over there, and I wanted to say you had an incredibly cute sense of style. I loved how your colors matched today."
Her: "Oh, thank you"

Me: "With the brown and stuff. So Hi." <I introduce myself>
Her: <She introduces herself>

Me: "Hi. Here, let's not get run over. Let's get out of the way of the cars over here." <Asking for compliance>
Her: "Sure" <she follows me>

Spoiler: Conversation

Nice opener and nice work moving her and getting the compliance right off the bat.

Me: "So how are you doing today?"
Her: "Good, are you just walking around here?"

Me: "Yeah, I just came to read a bit. What about you?"
Her: "I'm actually meeting with a friend."

There is that overly-innocuous question again ("How are you doing today?" -> "Fine how are you?").

Replace that with a cold read: "Out for a sunshine-y stroll?" "Taking your afternoon promenade?" "Come here to listen to the birds in the trees?" etc.

Also, do not accept girls frames of "oh are you just doing something weird and boring?" (which is what "are you just walking around here?" is -- you answered with "Yeah").

This exchange:

HER: Are you just walking around here?​

​

YOU: Yeah, I just came to read a bit. What about you?​

​

HER: I'm actually meeting with a friend.​

... frames you as the unimportant one with nothing going on, and her as the busy one who is also social (meeting a friend).

She is higher value; you are lower value.

Better:

HER: Are you just walking around here?​

​

YOU: I'm in search of a nice sunny spot in which to read a little Tarzan [show book].​

​

HER: Oh wow, blah blah, I didn't know that was a book, etc., etc.​

Me: "Oh, at the plaza nearby?"
Her: "No, we're going to meet at her house."

Me: "Oh, sounds fun. What are you guys up to? Board games? Saturday night drinking? Talking about boys?" <Teasing a little>
Her: "Probably board games, yeah"

Me: "Okay, sounds fun. Are you a student?"
Her: "Uh, no."

Me: "No, you work around here?"
Her: "Well, I was, but right now I'm unemployed."

ALERT!

Heavy questions bombardment!

Don't ask her too many questions in a row.

4 questions in a row at the start of a conversation is way too much.

Mix statements, comments, and cold reads in instead.

Me: "Oh okay, well everybody's kind of hit hard recently. There's like a recession and stuff." <Relating a little>
Her: "Yeah, yeah"

Too much sympathizing too soon.

You should be SCREENING early, not letting girls off the hook.

Her being unemployed is a black mark on her card. She knows it. If you just met her and don't know anything about her and right away are telling her, "Don't worry about it, it is fine!" the first thing she is going to think is, "What does this guy want from me?"

When "down on her luck" stuff like this comes up early, deflect it. e.g.:

HER: Right now I'm unemployed.​

​

YOU: Ah, sorry to hear that. More time for yourself then, right?​

Me: "How is it going with the job search?"
Her: "I am interviewing, so yeah..."

Me: "Okay, things are looking up."
Her: "It's okay, so far."

Me: "What kind of industry are you in?"
Her: "I'm in data."

Me: "Data, so you like numbers?"
Her: "Uh, kinda, I guess."

The Mad Questioner strikes again!

Really, you've got to cool it with all these questions, brother.

If you can't think of anything else to say, just turn the questions into statements:

YOU: Bet you're killing it on that job search.​

​

HER: Well, I wouldn't say THAT, but...​

​

YOU: Let me guess: you're in nursing.​

​

HER: Haha, no. I'm in data.​

​

YOU: That was gonna be my next guess.​

Takeaways: My opener did not have good energy or authority. This girl wasn't responding very enthusiastically to me, not sure if she was interested or being polite. I should've asked fewer questions, made fewer banal comments, and repeated more insightful statements to her. I also did not really touch her much at all.

Yeah, see, you know this stuff already.

I'm not telling you anything you're not aware of.

That's a good sign. If you're already aware of it, it's going to be a lot easier to fix.

I did okay on my goals but failed in keeping them in mind most of the time. Maybe I would be better off focusing on really high quality approaches where I focus very strongly on my goals.

Here's what you do:

Write them down on a little piece of paper and stick them in your pocket.

Take them out every so often to review, then slip them back in.

You'll stick to your goals a whole lot more consistently.

I noticed my opener quality is declining recently, I need to do a remedial session to improve the energy and authority.

I need to practice the tonality of my teases and flirtations to be more obvious.

Good on the steady improvement, man.

Keep making those approaches, keep writing the reports and breaking things down for yourself, keep setting goals and executing on them, and you will sharpen your game and get better and better receptions from girls as you go.

Chase

 

[SparklingWadah]

Considering your other focuses, I wouldn't stress myself over trying to make openers perfect right now. I'd just keep using genuine compliment openers while you focus on other aspects of the approach.

This is useful insight. I have trouble with judging which part of my game is currently "the worst" and needs the most prioritization. This will save me a lot of effort on something I don't need yet!

Doing okay so far. I would:

1. Work more on creating genuine compliments that aren't about the girl being pretty/hot/etc. e.g., more in line with how you complimented the coffee shop girl on her style. If you're not sure what to compliment, ask yourself what ABOUT the girl makes you FEEL LIKE she is pretty, and you'll have a few things to compliment her on right away.
   
   
2. Introduce yourself directly after the compliment opener. So "I just saw you pass over there and I had to come say that you have the most carefree hair I have seen all day. It's really nice. I'm SparklingWadah." [extend hand]
   
   
3. Use a cold read rather than ask how she is. "How are you?" always leads to "Fine, how are you?" which is just treading water. I am a big fan of following up the opener with a cold read right away. e.g., "You look like you're on an important mission."
   
   
4. Describe what you're doing in a more interesting way. "I was just reading and chilling" makes you sound uninteresting. Cool people are busy and have cool stuff going on. You can either be on your way somewhere ("I was on my way to the new art exhibit they just opened up") or be coming back from somewhere ("I'm just making my way back from this insane business meeting my company holds on Sundays for reasons I can't comprehend"). It doesn't matter what it is; just make it interesting. You might want to spend 2 or 3 minutes just thinking up how to describe whatever it is you are doing that day in an interesting way in case you're asked.

These make good sense, and I appreciate that it's broken down into tactical, specific changes. Sometimes I feel like I have to approach without delay or else I'll keep procrastinating, which I think is why my compliments can get generic and I forget to introduce myself.

The cold read immediately is a good tactic, I don't know why I never thought of it. I'll also think about how to describe things in a more interesting way...had it on my "TODO" of things to learn, now I'll move it up in priority.

• Too many questions. Make statements or use cold reads.
  
  
• Never act wowed by a girl. "That's pretty prestigious" implies higher status for her than you.
  
  
• Make yourself interesting. "I do computer science" is about as boring and nerdy as you can phrase that! How about "I teach machines how to talk to each other" or "I figure out how to build better versions of stuff like that [point to her phone]." There's always a cool way to phrase anything. Find what's interesting about it and pull that out.

That was funny you calling her out on backing away.

Generally unless a girl is really interested, you only have a short amount of time to intrigue her and hook her in.

If it goes on too long with too many boring questions, too little intrigue bait, etc., she is going to want to bail.

You have to hook her in.

You're totally right, I've heard this same advice from other people and noticed how boring it is myself. I'm not proud of it, but for some reason I keep doing it. I think I simply fall down to the level of my habits when under pressure (approaching moving girls on the street). I will look into more ways to break the bad habit.

Maybe I can approach 10 girls and ask ZERO questions, that might be a good exercise.

Too much sympathizing too soon.

You should be SCREENING early, not letting girls off the hook.

Her being unemployed is a black mark on her card. She knows it. If you just met her and don't know anything about her and right away are telling her, "Don't worry about it, it is fine!" the first thing she is going to think is, "What does this guy want from me?"

When "down on her luck" stuff like this comes up early, deflect it. e.g.:

HER: Right now I'm unemployed.​

​

YOU: Ah, sorry to hear that. More time for yourself then, right?​

Oh, never put that much thought into this, but it makes sense. Sometimes I don't know how to react and don't want to kill the vibe with a bad reaction, but I'm thinking about it wrong. She's the one killing the vibe, and by deflecting I'm the one saving it.

The Mad Questioner strikes again!

Really, you've got to cool it with all these questions, brother.

If you can't think of anything else to say, just turn the questions into statements:

YOU: Bet you're killing it on that job search.​

​

HER: Well, I wouldn't say THAT, but...​

​

YOU: Let me guess: you're in nursing.​

​

HER: Haha, no. I'm in data.​

​

YOU: That was gonna be my next guess.​

They should call me the Questioner...surely the DC movies need a exciting new villain for the Batman.

Yeah, see, you know this stuff already.

I'm not telling you anything you're not aware of.

That's a good sign. If you're already aware of it, it's going to be a lot easier to fix.

It's a little embarrassing to keep making mistakes I already know about, but can't seem to fix right away. But getting the problem repeatedly observed definitely helps reinforce the need to fix it!

Here's what you do:

Write them down on a little piece of paper and stick them in your pocket.

Take them out every so often to review, then slip them back in.

You'll stick to your goals a whole lot more consistently.

I did something similar, where I wrote the goals on the Notes app on my phone and reviewed it occasionally. But I will try the pen and paper, maybe that's the missing ingredient.

Good on the steady improvement, man.

Keep making those approaches, keep writing the reports and breaking things down for yourself, keep setting goals and executing on them, and you will sharpen your game and get better and better receptions from girls as you go.

Chase

I appreciate the lengthy analysis and review! The feedback is clear and actionable. I am grateful for all the forum members willing to read and help me improve.