I'm 19 and I struggle to get erections. It's completely psychological - when I was 17 I had trouble with it. Then I had sex once, and then me and my girlfriend were having sex 3+ times a week. But I haven't had sex for over a year and it's like I'm a virgin again. Masturbating is fine, and I went to a brothel just to check I was actually capable of it (which I was). Is there any advice on getting erections from kissing? I don't like to escalate past kissing because I'm worried I won't be able to get it up. I don't have trouble getting girls which makes it even more frustrating. If I really like them I get so worried, and then it becomes this vicious self-propagating cycle. Sometimes I get the erection from kissing if they trigger me in a certain way, but I can't garuntee they'll touch me in this way, and by the time this happens we've been making out for so long the mood is dead and they're not up for anything sexual. I'm a grower not a shower, so I don't like to take my clothes off till my guy is ready to rumble. What should I do? Maybe try and go down on her till it wakes up? I'm really freaking out here...
Can't control erections when with a girl? Please advise!
- Thread starter wh1rlpool
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Relax broham, we all have had this problem im sure, psychologically espeically if you watch alot of porn or have been with mulitple women its completely normal for some guys not to get an erection untill it is stimulated by either yourself or the woman. I.E her touching it or rubbing against it.
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- Oct 9, 2012
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Whirlpool-
I went through a period like this, where I was picking up girls but I was so in my head from trying to make sure I followed my process just right and escalated things physically just right and guided the entire interaction just right that by the time I had the girl's clothes off and had ripped through her LMR and she was ready to go, I just couldn't perform. I wasn't horny, and I wasn't turned on. I'd have these gorgeous girls, completely naked, wet and moaning for me and begging me to take them, and I was limp as a noodle.
What I figured out was that, for me, there were two things killing my desire:
So, I did two things:
The first bullet is usually enough to get you hard. You just tell yourself, "If I need to lie here and run my limp dick up and down her body for 15 minutes, I'll do it for 15 minutes, and I'm damn for sure going to enjoy it!" and then you just focus on how her skin feels as you rub the underside of your penis up and down various body parts of hers. It does the trick pretty well.
The second one I leave at your discretion... if you're worried about picking something up, or the girl seems remotely sexually liberated, you'd probably want to refrain. But, at least in my case, no matter how limp I was when I went in, I was almost always rock-solid within a few minutes.
The other way I started dealing with this later on was just telling girls, "I need you to get me ready," and gesturing for them to suck my penis. I almost burst out laughing the first couple of times I had some girl complain about it and then start sucking on my limp, shriveled member... but after a while of laying back and just enjoying her mouth on your cock, you're solid. This is pretty much how I always do it now... just lay back and let her do the work. She's naked, her pussy is dripping for you, and her loins are quivering for you... she'll do what she needs to do to get you inside of her.
Chase
I went through a period like this, where I was picking up girls but I was so in my head from trying to make sure I followed my process just right and escalated things physically just right and guided the entire interaction just right that by the time I had the girl's clothes off and had ripped through her LMR and she was ready to go, I just couldn't perform. I wasn't horny, and I wasn't turned on. I'd have these gorgeous girls, completely naked, wet and moaning for me and begging me to take them, and I was limp as a noodle.
What I figured out was that, for me, there were two things killing my desire:
- One was feeling rushed and like I had to do everything perfectly, taking me out of the animalistic state you need to be in for mating.
- Two was the deflated feeling I'd get when I thought about shagging girls with a condom on (it just wasn't exciting to me).
So, I did two things:
- The first was that I told myself once I had a girl's clothes off, I'd just take my time, be with her, put my penis all over her body, and enjoy her and be in the moment for as long as I needed to until I was hard
- The second was that I told myself if I had a beautiful girl naked and ready to go and I was soft, I was just going to enter her soft, without a condom
The first bullet is usually enough to get you hard. You just tell yourself, "If I need to lie here and run my limp dick up and down her body for 15 minutes, I'll do it for 15 minutes, and I'm damn for sure going to enjoy it!" and then you just focus on how her skin feels as you rub the underside of your penis up and down various body parts of hers. It does the trick pretty well.
The second one I leave at your discretion... if you're worried about picking something up, or the girl seems remotely sexually liberated, you'd probably want to refrain. But, at least in my case, no matter how limp I was when I went in, I was almost always rock-solid within a few minutes.
The other way I started dealing with this later on was just telling girls, "I need you to get me ready," and gesturing for them to suck my penis. I almost burst out laughing the first couple of times I had some girl complain about it and then start sucking on my limp, shriveled member... but after a while of laying back and just enjoying her mouth on your cock, you're solid. This is pretty much how I always do it now... just lay back and let her do the work. She's naked, her pussy is dripping for you, and her loins are quivering for you... she'll do what she needs to do to get you inside of her.
Chase