Cant get over the girl(Onenitis) and extremely angry at myself?

[abond0082]

Sorry if post sound depressive but some professional advice needed

Original post here

She is not responding to my text why?

Two errors here One the old lady cock blocked you, in those situations when with a girl, do NOT BE POLITE TO OLD racist people unless she is clearly giving you the vibe to leave it be. You gotta interrupt the lady and tell her she is being offensive and could she be considerate of others around...

www.skilledseducer.com

KNow I have been doing olympic weightlifting training for a year now, very passionate about it and the training is only twice per week with the sport veteran (That is why I left her on the date smh)

I got rejected and friendzoned thousands of times just not to mess up. The girl is one of the most attractive women I have met and I'm very angry at myself like why do I have to fuk up all the freakin time. Why cant I be this attractive dude for once. THe fact that she suddenly disappeared meant that I'm a NOTHING, and that she prefars other men besides, me and yes I have seen her dinning with an other man.

Soon I will be 35 years old and I still didnt figure any part of my life out. Just damn bad luck with work and women. When I was 18 I dedicated my life to Environmental ENgineering and I did graduate with masters at 28 years old. Yet cant find a job until this day, I have zero skills(Yes guys dont do theory it is not that important)...I regret every decision in my life, now I am uneployeed, no car, unskilled and womanless and I go to a depression nursue. (I live in FInland and my degrees are from Finland)

I'm having a hard time forgiving myself, with the girl, I really liked her and the strange thing it seemed that the reason things went really well (heavy makeouts, talking about fuking, touching sexual body parts, lap dances, grinding, talking about desire for each other) I lose it all in one bad date because I am a freakin idiot...now she has trillions of options because I have some news girl is HOT AS HELL and basically all options are open to her except me...all men have better chance than me and not just that even in the microscopic chance I have with her, I probably well get the worst sex, and I will not get the heavy attraction I got from her


If you are curious what the girl I am talking about looks like pause at minute 8.17 the black girl in yellow shorts can be her twin sister except that the girl I talk about ihas even bigger breasts.

What is this how can a grown ass man be such a failure with everything, to be honest I cant blame her from ditching me, I have nothing going on for me, I was walked over.

By the way I dress good, I have good posture, apparently being athletic pays off, nice body (very skinny though think Bruce Lee with slightly more body fat). Well read, passion for mathematics and history. Being unemployeed, skilless and without a car is currently my greatest insecurity and why I dont feel good enough for women, being skinny is second....Anyways, I am tired of being walked over by people, tired of being unemployeed, tired of lack of skill, tired of being weak,tired of being responsible, tired of not being a masculine strong attractive man especially for women that I am very turned on by like the girl mentioned above. I was out today in a nice city in FInland, lots of attractive women but just not as attractive as she is, she is more my type (They were fabolous and gorgeous though)

I am also scared because it seems the only good thing I am good at is working with autistic kids, which is as noble a job as it is it, not fullfilling in anyway, it is extremely deppressing beyond what you can comprehend, it is just noble and I am scared to be stuck with that. I want to be a successful engineer, maybe with some good computer skills but my degrees has so far been useless

Help a bro out bros.

Blessing and sorry

 

[Seppuku]

I regret every decision in my life, now I am uneployeed, no car, unskilled and womanless and I go to a depression nursue.

It is *NEVER* too late. Never.

There are tons of things you can do to get your life back in the right track.

1. Prioritize. You can't fix everything at once. You need to work your way out of the bottom, one thing at a time. I would suggest you start by solving the work problem. It will help you take confidence in yourself. Later you address women.
2. Take patience. You can't fix all the issues you're facing in one month. Or even one year. It's going to take time and devotion and perseverance.
3. Your work issue: if your diploma doesn't work, get another one. By now you should have an idea of which diplomas would be better. Enroll in classes - evening classes if you have to. Take exams. Get it done. There are plenty of people who enroll in university classes at a late age - and succeed.
4. Another approach to the work thing. If your diploma doesn't sell in the country you live in, maybe it sells better elsewhere. Expatriate yourself if you have to. I see all the graduate young people in France (my country) struggle for 10 years before they can secure a permanent job - and sometimes they down-sell themselves. Yet there are plenty of countries lacking of educated people. But my French fellow countrymen don't like to go out of France. So they prefer to stay in shitty jobs for ten years in an overcrowded job market.
5. The women. This one takes time. After my divorce, during 2012 to 2014 I had 5 dates. I failed all of them. Then I decided to learn dating as a skill - thanks to this website. For the next three years I didn't (really) get a serious girlfriend. All I did was accumulating short term conquests. And gain experience. And in 2017, when I met a super beautiful girl that I really liked, I knew what to do. You can do the same: gain experience with women. Learn about dating. Forget about a girlfriend for now, and just increase your notch count and experience. When the next beautiful one comes around you will know what to do.
6. Last, but most important. Stop beating yourself and take action instead. Over the years on these boards we see plenty of people come and whine about their problems, but not doing anything to solve them. Don't be such a guy. Take action.

Your girl: I quickly read the story. The other senior guys are correct. When you meet a girl, you are running against an invisible clock. Once the timer expires, the game is essentially over. And the timer is always shorter than you would like. You need to make sex happen with her before the end of the timer, or else, you observe just exactly what you described. It's almost mathematical. If you have to learn one thing from all the posts here it is this: seduce her on date 1, because there might not be a date 2.

There is no magic that is going to change what is done. She is lost to you. Get over it. And start thinking of the future. What will you do the next time a beautiful girl passes by? What can you do today to make things better tomorrow? That is what matters ultimately.

Good luck
Seppuku

 

[Carousel]

With regards to the skills/career part of the situation: You can teach yourself a lot of programming and computer science on the internet these days. Employers don't care where you have learned the stuff as long as you are able to write production-level code and know the tools of the trade. Maybe this is everything that is needed to make the domain-knowledge in your degree relevant to the job market.

 

[abond0082]

It is *NEVER* too late. Never.

There are tons of things you can do to get your life back in the right track.

1. Prioritize. You can't fix everything at once. You need to work your way out of the bottom, one thing at a time. I would suggest you start by solving the work problem. It will help you take confidence in yourself. Later you address women.
2. Take patience. You can't fix all the issues you're facing in one month. Or even one year. It's going to take time and devotion and perseverance.
3. Your work issue: if your diploma doesn't work, get another one. By now you should have an idea of which diplomas would be better. Enroll in classes - evening classes if you have to. Take exams. Get it done. There are plenty of people who enroll in university classes at a late age - and succeed.
4. Another approach to the work thing. If your diploma doesn't sell in the country you live in, maybe it sells better elsewhere. Expatriate yourself if you have to. I see all the graduate young people in France (my country) struggle for 10 years before they can secure a permanent job - and sometimes they down-sell themselves. Yet there are plenty of countries lacking of educated people. But my French fellow countrymen don't like to go out of France. So they prefer to stay in shitty jobs for ten years in an overcrowded job market.
5. The women. This one takes time. After my divorce, during 2012 to 2014 I had 5 dates. I failed all of them. Then I decided to learn dating as a skill - thanks to this website. For the next three years I didn't (really) get a serious girlfriend. All I did was accumulating short term conquests. And gain experience. And in 2017, when I met a super beautiful girl that I really liked, I knew what to do. You can do the same: gain experience with women. Learn about dating. Forget about a girlfriend for now, and just increase your notch count and experience. When the next beautiful one comes around you will know what to do.
6. Last, but most important. Stop beating yourself and take action instead. Over the years on these boards we see plenty of people come and whine about their problems, but not doing anything to solve them. Don't be such a guy. Take action.

"Your girl: I quickly read the story. The other senior guys are correct. When you meet a girl, you are running against an invisible clock. Once the timer expires, the game is essentially over. And the timer is always shorter than you would like. You need to make sex happen with her before the end of the timer, or else, you observe just exactly what you described. It's almost mathematical. If you have to learn one thing from all the posts here it is this: seduce her on date 1, because there might not be a date 2.

There is no magic that is going to change what is done. She is lost to you. Get over it. And start thinking of the future. What will you do the next time a beautiful girl passes by? What can you do today to make things better tomorrow? That is what matters ultimately."

Last, but most important. Stop beating yourself and take action instead. Over the years on these boards we see plenty of people come and whine about their problems, but not doing anything to solve them. Don't be such a guy. Take action.

Good luck
Seppuku

Your girl: I quickly read the story. The other senior guys are correct. When you meet a girl, you are running against an invisible clock. Once the timer expires, the game is essentially over. And the timer is always shorter than you would like. You need to make sex happen with her before the end of the timer, or else, you observe just exactly what you described. It's almost mathematical. If you have to learn one thing from all the posts here it is this: seduce her on date 1, because there might not be a date 2.

There is no magic that is going to change what is done. She is lost to you. Get over it. And start thinking of the future. What will you do the next time a beautiful girl passes by? What can you do today to make things better tomorrow? That is what matters ultimately.



Makes sense, I actually think my biggest mistake was not sleeping with her on day one, that was when the iron was really hot and she was etremely receptive...I am angry still about my own arrogance, and why cant I keep a woman\s attention for too long. I dont know why I cant keep a womans interest for too long, why my impact is so weak that once the date is over she disappears instantly, I take full blame and I cant blame her, if I was in her shoes, I WOULD DO THE SAME...BUt, donest mean I cant be angry at myself, I got freindzoned thousands of times for this freakin moment and I still blew it. Why cant I be the man the number man for once in my life when it really mattered?


"Last, but most important. Stop beating yourself and take action instead. Over the years on these boards we see plenty of people come and whine about their problems, but not doing anything to solve them. Don't be such a guy. Take action. "

This is the most terrifying thing you wrote because I have been doing that a lot, I have been doing some action but that action so far has not been good enough. Lack of direction and indecisvness freakin suks, also absent father....This line is the most terrifying to me, I pray that I will NEVER this whiny inactive person.

Thank you very much and blessings

 

[Michal]

First, believe in what Seppuku says and take his advice to the heart. Especially the prioritize.

Second, I will bring another perspective which took me a lot of time to digest (still digesting tbh). And I see it here in you as well. Thing is, women are not like a level in a game or a thing to be acquired. It is not that once you have them, it is all set and you just need maintainance and be happy. I can tell you that the chances you two would break up are very high. And you would be absolutely destroyed, much more than you feel right now. So it is a good thing even if it does not seem like it. Trust me about this. I am the "want a perfect girlfriend and have a family with her" type of guy. And I had a really strong feeling during my university years that I met "the one". A classmate. It sucks but I know I was not equiped and prepared. It would fail after some time anyways. So try to see some positive in this, you learned a lesson. The worst thing that can happen now is if you ever get to that point again, and do the same mistake. It is better to fail sooner, than 10 years in with much more being at stake.

Third, depression - what Seppuku pointed out - make an action plan. Right now, it is winter, it is super cold, dark all the time, but it will be better in 4 months. Use this along with other tools that fill in our hearts and egos with fulfillment - progress. Setup a training goal, to get more buff, lift certain weight by a certain date. And make yourself accountable. Drink more water. Start going to kung fu classes or whatever. Point is, set goal in an area you want to grow and go after it.

Forth, while game and everything here is good and all, if you are a beginner, most of your successes will depend on how you feel. So if you tackle in your inner bad feelings, work on them and get nore satisfaction with yourself, it will do a lot. You have a penis, we evolved over millions of yours. Seduction is about basics. The advanced stuff is cool, but the basics need to be set. Like logistics, your hygiene, some sort of chemistry, that it clicks between you two on some level, good sex. While it can feel overwhelming, it does not mean there is no chance in hell for you to go out yesterday and fuck a cute girl. I could have had sex on my 2nd tinder that ever. 3rd date in my life actually. And yi fucked up because I did not have condoms and was too afrsid to tell her or buy some on the way to her place.

Fifth, this a numbers came. Let's say a HOT AS HELL girl like her, on her level, was chatting with you these days. You would feel less devastated because she would not be so special to you. So you need more options. What I did for that, as a total socially awkward loser about 5 years ago.. online dating profiles. And even if you match with girls half across the globe, some of them will be HOT AS HELL to at least give you hope that you can do it again and more confidence in your own attractiveness. Put yourself out there. A lot of us have stories where we felt like shit or were not on our A game and some really cute girl was interested. Hell if my trauma from when I was 7 was not strong enough to keep me from having sex, you can overcome your existentional crisis. It took 2 years of on and off trial and error but hey. Once it's done, who cares.

Sixth, like Carousel mentioned.. you don't need degree in technological fields. It helps but technology evolves so fast that practical experience is what matters. So much resources online. I am a consultant now, we work with a cloud platform. There is a quite big company working with that platform in your country - Tieto. In 3 months, you cat get good knowledge, in 6 you will be confident in some of that skill, in a year, you can strive to a senior position and be a senior 18 months after you started.

Seventh, I encourage you to prioritize like Seppuku suggested. One big problem at a time.

-------
Last notes, as I was walking home, this is what I thought.
Be mindful and remember following:
A) confirmation bias - you might think being skinny is bad (I kinda feel the same) but be careful not to look at all the couples and use the "red car on the road" cognitive bias to confirm this false limiting belief. Otherwise you can put yourself down a lot and reinforce those beliefs.
B) your 10 is not my 10. Dont shy away from action if you ever find your 10. She might actually be an objective 7 and all the superlatives you assume about her might be wrong
C) when bad happens, try to account that to circumstances, not your inability. If good happens, celebrate, you did a good job. I had to train myself in this, but for a low self esteem guy who is a percectionist, this helped me over couple of years respect myself more.
D) write reports of interactions. When I used to do the online dating, I took screenshots, openers and it helped me in couple of instances to refresh thr memory, navigate through currently in progress girls and get dates.
E) you might feel you're a 6 or 7/10. But there may be a girl who thinks you are a 9/10, because you remind her of her father. Dont question it and just seduce her at that point.

 

[BigPapa]

Amigo , you can go to Malta and work in the igaming industry . There is a lack of finish speaking people over there and the pay would be around 25k gross per year , which would give you a decent standard of living in a country that is sunny all year round . The country is full of expats and it would be a good way to uplift your self esteem from all the expats and tourist that are over there

 

[abond0082]

First, believe in what Seppuku says and take his advice to the heart. Especially the prioritize.

Second, I will bring another perspective which took me a lot of time to digest (still digesting tbh). And I see it here in you as well. Thing is, women are not like a level in a game or a thing to be acquired. It is not that once you have them, it is all set and you just need maintainance and be happy. I can tell you that the chances you two would break up are very high. And you would be absolutely destroyed, much more than you feel right now. So it is a good thing even if it does not seem like it. Trust me about this. I am the "want a perfect girlfriend and have a family with her" type of guy. And I had a really strong feeling during my university years that I met "the one". A classmate. It sucks but I know I was not equiped and prepared. It would fail after some time anyways. So try to see some positive in this, you learned a lesson. The worst thing that can happen now is if you ever get to that point again, and do the same mistake. It is better to fail sooner, than 10 years in with much more being at stake.

Third, depression - what Seppuku pointed out - make an action plan. Right now, it is winter, it is super cold, dark all the time, but it will be better in 4 months. Use this along with other tools that fill in our hearts and egos with fulfillment - progress. Setup a training goal, to get more buff, lift certain weight by a certain date. And make yourself accountable. Drink more water. Start going to kung fu classes or whatever. Point is, set goal in an area you want to grow and go after it.

Forth, while game and everything here is good and all, if you are a beginner, most of your successes will depend on how you feel. So if you tackle in your inner bad feelings, work on them and get nore satisfaction with yourself, it will do a lot. You have a penis, we evolved over millions of yours. Seduction is about basics. The advanced stuff is cool, but the basics need to be set. Like logistics, your hygiene, some sort of chemistry, that it clicks between you two on some level, good sex. While it can feel overwhelming, it does not mean there is no chance in hell for you to go out yesterday and fuck a cute girl. I could have had sex on my 2nd tinder that ever. 3rd date in my life actually. And yi fucked up because I did not have condoms and was too afrsid to tell her or buy some on the way to her place.

Fifth, this a numbers came. Let's say a HOT AS HELL girl like her, on her level, was chatting with you these days. You would feel less devastated because she would not be so special to you. So you need more options. What I did for that, as a total socially awkward loser about 5 years ago.. online dating profiles. And even if you match with girls half across the globe, some of them will be HOT AS HELL to at least give you hope that you can do it again and more confidence in your own attractiveness. Put yourself out there. A lot of us have stories where we felt like shit or were not on our A game and some really cute girl was interested. Hell if my trauma from when I was 7 was not strong enough to keep me from having sex, you can overcome your existentional crisis. It took 2 years of on and off trial and error but hey. Once it's done, who cares.

Sixth, like Carousel mentioned.. you don't need degree in technological fields. It helps but technology evolves so fast that practical experience is what matters. So much resources online. I am a consultant now, we work with a cloud platform. There is a quite big company working with that platform in your country - Tieto. In 3 months, you cat get good knowledge, in 6 you will be confident in some of that skill, in a year, you can strive to a senior position and be a senior 18 months after you started.

Seventh, I encourage you to prioritize like Seppuku suggested. One big problem at a time.

-------
Last notes, as I was walking home, this is what I thought.
Be mindful and remember following:
A) confirmation bias - you might think being skinny is bad (I kinda feel the same) but be careful not to look at all the couples and use the "red car on the road" cognitive bias to confirm this false limiting belief. Otherwise you can put yourself down a lot and reinforce those beliefs.
B) your 10 is not my 10. Dont shy away from action if you ever find your 10. She might actually be an objective 7 and all the superlatives you assume about her might be wrong
C) when bad happens, try to account that to circumstances, not your inability. If good happens, celebrate, you did a good job. I had to train myself in this, but for a low self esteem guy who is a percectionist, this helped me over couple of years respect myself more.
D) write reports of interactions. When I used to do the online dating, I took screenshots, openers and it helped me in couple of instances to refresh thr memory, navigate through currently in progress girls and get dates.
E) you might feel you're a 6 or 7/10. But there may be a girl who thinks you are a 9/10, because you remind her of her father. Dont question it and just seduce her at that point.

Huge part of it is ego and likness....I always ask why in the world cant I be a woman\s number one priority especially one that I worked my ass off all my life to be ready for. You are right about the part that failure in my case would have been better than succeeding, maybe I would be hurt a lot more if I succeeded and then messed things up that part makes sense.

BUt my frustration is why is so hard to get my life together, in this tech world, ONLY the top makes a career, even getting admitted to a good ICT program is viciously competitive and hard to get to.

So, in a way am angry at myself for not beint "A MAN" who can actually keep a woman attraction and can be someone she admires or respects, the only way I see it is that I couldnt keep her respect neither her admiration and worst part is I cant blame her for rejecting. I am studying now some course but I dont know if I am going to be good at it, having a positive attitude is outright difficult.

But everyday I find it hard to accept that I was not a man enough, I was not a priority, I see men all the time attracting women and this women even chase them and I hate failing to do that with a girl that I am extremely attracted to even if we have so many conflicting values and we might not be suitable. She replaced me like I was a NOTHING if not less.

My biggest frustration is that I cant get rid of my bad habits, I dont belive in myself, bad attitude, cant focus, and can t be successful in a career. I was resposbile in my teens, I didnt spend money on shit, got to degress(Shit as they are, they were easy to get into) and now I am trying to get out of the rut but not succeding.

It really painful when you have woman who is very much your type and she is pursuing you just to disappear like you are less than a dog shit.

Sorry, I am still crying about it but I am trying to man up and focus on what I do.

Thank you friend best wishes to you

 

[BigPapa]

Like I mentioned , change the environment . Malta is a good place to be at the moment . All the time when I go in a bad spiral I start changing things . Women do this , change their hair style , hair color etc

 

[Michal]

She replaced me like I was a NOTHING if not less.
...

It really painful when you have woman who is very much your type and she is pursuing you just to disappear like you are less than a dog shit.

Sorry, I am still crying about it but I am trying to man up and focus on what I do.

Thank you friend best wishes to you

I want address this "she views me as nothing more than a dog shit". We, men, have much different views that this. If you take a house from a billionaire.. he will just go buy a new one. If you take from a guy who worked his entire life and barely is able to pay a mortgage, he will be crushed. Point being, for women, have a guy attracted to them and them enjoying it as well is just not that rare. Yes, there are ugly fat chicks who have one date once every 2 years. But if a girl is decently looking, just like Seppuku said, and what most of have seen as well, women do not really find you that rare just because you make out and do oral. Some even dont care unless you fuck them 5 times a week with multiple orgasms for 3 months because their last two boyfriends were a tantra instructor and a famous actor who happened to sleep with 100+ girls and they know their way around woman's body. It's sad, but that is how it is. That is the imbalance the sexes live in. Imagine going out on dates with super models, having the popular girls always interested in you. And then one day, you wait on a bus stop for a bus and a fairly average girl approaches you. She says she really likes the way you look. She asks questions, she tries to relate to you, she dors all the work. You smile politely, converse because you are a cool guy. She has a good time and she does something she did maybe once or twice in the past, she asks you out. And you're not really interested, she seems cool but you know what she wants and you just don't want that. And as a guy, you want to be honest, you dont want to lie, so you tell her you really appreciate the attention she gives you and that she is a cool person but she is not your type. Would you feel bad about that in an hour after thr bus takes you to your super hot, double d 95-60-95 swedish supermodel friend who just invited you over because her juicer broke at 11 pm, lives alone and told you you can sleep over if you want? I understand if the scenarios feel very different but dick is cheap for girls. Getting hot is cheap for most girls. They doll up, go to a club and just get it. I am generalizing but... women have options that we average guys cannot fanthom in certsin regards.

So let me paint the similar picture but from a woman's perspective. A girl has a guy, she is in love and so is he. Great relationship for 2 years
Out of nowhere, he says he is not attracted to her really and does not feel much for her anymore and just breaks up with her. So while for us it is hard to find a girl who fits our standards and is very much into us, women have this when they get through that sex phase and are on a rocky ground with the guy whether he will stick around now that she opened her legs. Stable relationships with amazing cool guys who stick around, that is not cheap for them, that is like a dimond in a pile of dirt.

If you are mad at yourself, take a lesson. If you are mad at thr girl.. dont be. Think about that new swedish supermodels being into you every week. It took me 3 girls like that to fully accept how it is.