Can't stay hard with the condom on

[Smith]

Hey guys,

I don't know why I'm facing this problem recently. It has never happened before. I can get hard during the foreplay, but during that 10-15 seconds gap to get the condom and put it on, it's very easy for me to go soft, and hard for me to get hard again with the condom on. It's quite frustrating.
I have quit porn and haven't watch it for a month. I rarely masturbate as well, and if I do, I use my imagination.
I'm scared to go raw because of STDs.
Any tips would be appreciated

Cheers
Smith

 

[Franco]

Smith,

It sounds to me like you might still be focusing too much on the "process" when you're in the moment with a girl. You're so focused on making sure that you try to get your penis in her while simultaneously knowing that the condom introduces all sorts of problems (i.e. maybe she sees the condom and decides against sex or maybe you get soft immediately, like you mentioned).

As far as STDs, it's good to keep them in mind, but you also don't want the concept of them to hurt you from succeeding. In reality, the chances that you catch some form of malicious STD are pretty low (unless you're gay and "poking" other men from behind), so it's a fear that is warranted, but sometimes an inhibitor as well.

Sometimes what I do with girls is I'll just penetrate her raw for a few thrusts (so that you basically "initiate" sex with her, which will more than likely break any final resistance), and then quickly say something along the lines of, "hold on, you're so damn hot that I'm not even thinking straight right now. Let me grab a condom really quick."

After being inside her raw for a bit, you should be pretty firm for a good 30-45 seconds. One trick you can use is, before you even go on the date with a girl (or before you go out to pick up), have a condom already under your bed or under the pillow that has been "opened" but not removed. That way, when the time comes, you can quickly grab the condom and slap it on your hard cock before you get soft. It's basically just a shortcut to cutting down on the time where you start to get flaccid again.

Most of all, just try to stay relaxed through the whole thing. Generally, guys get so focused on "omg, I need to get this condom on quickly before I get soft or before she realizes what's happening!" that they basically dig their own graves. Just enjoy the moment -- even while you're slipping the condom on, you can be sucking her tits or licking her stomach/legs up and down to keep her excited (and help keep you excited). It also helps you be more in the moment.

Hope that helps!

- Franco

 

[Smith]

Thanks Franco,

That was really helpful!

Generally, guys get so focused on "omg, I need to get this condom on quickly before I get soft or before she realizes what's happening!" that they basically dig their own graves.

I think you're right. This is like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I think I'm trying too hard to have good sex and it's actually doing more harm than good haha.

Cheers

 

[Anonymous]

Hello Smith,

maybe the condom is not the real reason for your problem of not stying hard all the time.

For quite a long time I also had the problem that I couldn't stay hard every time I used a condom and I also thought that the reason for that was because I simply couldn't feel anything with the condom. However, if you are really honest to yourself you probably still feel a lot during sex with a hot girl, even if you were a condom. Otherwise you wouldn't be able to come.

In my case I found out that the real problem was not the condom, but the fact that I was extremely nervous every time I had sex with a girl I never had sex with before. The nervousness, the excitement and the fumbling around with the condom box eventually made my dick limp.

The only reason why I always thought that the condoms were the problem is because I always wear condoms when I am single and when I have multiple girls in my life. When I am in a relationship with a girl she takes the pill and I don't have to wear condoms.

Maybe it is just the nervousness and the excitement before having sex with a new girl that causes the problem, not the condom itself.

I hope that helps.

Sebastian

 

[someone]

I had the very same problem, and it went away when I changed condoms.

For years I struggled to stay hard with condoms. My ex and I gave up on them and went with the FAM method plus withdrawal.

When I got back into dating, I had to go back to condoms, and it was embarassing to go from rock hard to flaccid once inside. I didn't want the girl to think I wasn't attracted to her... Well, one lady made a suggestion that changed everything for me. I don't say this brag by the way, but I think it might be more common than most people realize. She was very experienced with men and said to me "you're really big, I think you need a bigger condom." I'm only a bit over 6 inches, so the thought of a Magnum never crossed my mind. 6" is average, right? Wrong! Condoms are measured by length AND girth. Actually, in my case, my girth is in the upper-limit for Magnum condoms, though my length clearly is not.

With smaller condoms, the tight ring would impede blood flow to my penis, and it hurt quite a bit. Once I made the switch to Magnums I had absolutely no other problems. I don't know if that would help you, but you may want to measure your girth and compare it to condom sizing standards to see what you should be wearing. Penis size is more than just length!

 

[Whizzy]

It could also be due to condom size possibly, I had this problem when I first started out and felt like crap because I had no idea why I couldn't stay hard when using condums