Changing locations for a chance at more of a fulfilling social and love life?

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I put this thread in this section because it seemed so relevant. In improving my life I want to know if moving to a different location might end up being mandatory and something I want to work on first.

The location I live in right now comes off as the kind of location where people usually stick with those they went to high school with and grew up with. On my first thread on this board I talked about how I was home-schooled and my parents didn't let me interact with other kids as much. Over the years I have spent time developing my social skills, approaching women, and trying to get a better social life but it has all ended up being useless. Approaching women in public is not seen as normal here and since it isn't a place the size of NYC, people tend to notice you as that guy who tries to get lucky. Been called out on a few times by guys saying "still trying to get your dick wet pal?" so I stopped.

Another issue I face is that I look very foreign (non-European) and segregation happens a lot in my area (black on one side, white on the other). This has limited my social life and my love life as well because I have had a tough time breaking into a lot of circles.

Now I do notice that the lifestyle this site seems to talk about is not a possibility for most of the guys because society is not too accepting of men like that. I went as far as to talk about this because compared to my friends (all White guys), I do get more left out of the social scene here in Tennessee. Girls here would talk to me but are very cautious about being seen with me out in public. Most of the hottest girls I run into are White and there isn't much variety here meaning I can't even stick to dating my own group. If I did that I would limit myself to a very small pool of girls.

Also I think the kind of look I have (foreign, exotic) doesn't fly too well with women where I am, my Latin and mixed friends have also commented on this. Most women want the muscular country boy that drives a pickup truck and I am far from that.

Somedays I feel like if I moved to a different region, my results would end up skyrocketing and changing because I have already read so much material related to pickup and seduction, done so many approaches, am comfortable talking to women, and put some work into reading about style and experimenting with different ones. I feel like being in the area I am in right now, even if I was to master all that this site teaches and max out, I still won't get the hottest girls due to the kind of look I have.

Anyone else care to share their experience?

 

[kalakol]

Re: Changing locations for a chance at more of a fulfilling social and love life

I know what you mean - ive grown up in the middle east, and there are lot of things that dont translate from some of the great posts on GC.
The pool of women is small, the social conventions are generally against dating, and there are "few opportunities to learn from failure".
Here's what has helped me:
1. putting a LOT more time and effort into lifestyle, developing skills i want to, training more, generally pursuing passion projects
2. setting goals and targets for general social skills, like breaking into groups, getting to know people, being invited to events and so on
3. using social opportunities to interact with new women, but not really pushing too hard towards closing

In the times that ive travelled to other places, ive seen a lot more results - i think about it as an opportunity to put more time into self-
improvement, while I work towards shifting elsewhere.

Cheers

 

[kalakol]

Re: Changing locations for a chance at more of a fulfilling social and love life

forgot to mention:
by doing 1 and 3, you will gain a lot of reference experience, which will carry over into how you interact with people, yr vibe, etc, etc...

 

[PrettyDecent]

Re: Changing locations for a chance at more of a fulfilling social and love life

Yeah, perfect answer from kalakol. I especially respect the positive attitude without any victim mentlity.

I myself moved cities a couple months ago for a bigger pool of women, and man, best decision I've made in a long time. People are more international; more cosmopolitan.

Anyways, there's a post by Chase around here if you dig called "poisonous beliefs about women" or something here on the boards, and you ought to take a look at it because you're swimming in limiting beliefs and victim mentality, my friend . I think you'll feel a bit better after reading it.

~Nick

 

[Estate]

Re: Changing locations for a chance at more of a fulfilling social and love life

I moved from Europe to the States a few years ago.

I won't write every last detail but some things you really need to keep in mind is this:

- Do you REALLY want this... i.e. is PUA the ONLY motivation in life? Does the place you're moving to mean you are giving up family, friends, career options, lifestyle or other goals in life. Really think about it hard. Why are you doing this, how will you manage and is life REALLY all about PUA?

- Research... ok, sounds dumb, of course you'll research but where are you moving? If it's really just for meting women... will the place you are going REALLY be better? I can't stress enough how the grass ALWAYS seems greener... (I have a friend who says the women are so much hotter in NYC, another in Texas, another in LA...) Sure, it MIGHT be true but are you SURE before you do this?

- Are there cultural differences? Pickup in Europe to the States, there's differences. Depends how big a move it is for you.

- What will you do when times are tough? What happens when you expect to move town and suddenly be swimming in a pool of women, but suddenly reality hits and it's just as difficult to meet women in your new town. You begin to feel it wasn't all just about where you lived, but many other factors too? This one is really hard to take, but does happen to most.

That's all I'd say. Not trying to discourage you at all... I say go for it, if its what you want... but really think it through hard.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Changing locations for a chance at more of a fulfilling social and love life

Yeah, perfect answer from kalakol. I especially respect the positive attitude without any victim mentlity.

I myself moved cities a couple months ago for a bigger pool of women, and man, best decision I've made in a long time. People are more international; more cosmopolitan.

How did you find the right city though? I know some cities are terrible for the kind of life I am looking for.

 

[Tim Iron]

Re: Changing locations for a chance at more of a fulfilling social and love life

Just like Chase asked in one of his articles - should u learn how to sell fridges to eskimos or do u move to the tropics to sell fridges? My advice {based on my own experiences}, where ever you are make sure that you make your fundamentals so tight and on point that even the local girls would drool at you, approach as much as you can and also learn as much as you can from sites like GirlsChase.com, then make a mini leap - travel to the place where u think you would find abundance to scout first before making the leap - there are so many factors that you can overlook. If you don't make money online then you would have problem with getting a job! Chase and so many others all know that PUA is not the only thing in life.

 

[Big Daddy]

Re: Changing locations for a chance at more of a fulfilling social and love life

I moved from Europe to the States a few years ago.

I won't write every last detail but some things you really need to keep in mind is this:

- Do you REALLY want this... i.e. is PUA the ONLY motivation in life? Does the place you're moving to mean you are giving up family, friends, career options, lifestyle or other goals in life. Really think about it hard. Why are you doing this, how will you manage and is life REALLY all about PUA?

- Research... ok, sounds dumb, of course you'll research but where are you moving? If it's really just for meting women... will the place you are going REALLY be better? I can't stress enough how the grass ALWAYS seems greener... (I have a friend who says the women are so much hotter in NYC, another in Texas, another in LA...) Sure, it MIGHT be true but are you SURE before you do this?

- Are there cultural differences? Pickup in Europe to the States, there's differences. Depends how big a move it is for you.

- What will you do when times are tough? What happens when you expect to move town and suddenly be swimming in a pool of women, but suddenly reality hits and it's just as difficult to meet women in your new town. You begin to feel it wasn't all just about where you lived, but many other factors too? This one is really hard to take, but does happen to most.

That's all I'd say. Not trying to discourage you at all... I say go for it, if its what you want... but really think it through hard.

That's why having a structured life helps in decisions like this. It was a great reminder. Thanks, State.

Recently, I'm constantly thinking about moving to another city and having done it once, I can say that everything that you said is true. Girls aren't the main reason for me to move, though they might account for 10-20%. I just want to make sure that they're cool enough then it's OK, otherwise I'll be indeed pointlessly arguing where the hottest girls are.

One thing that I've been thinking about too is that - giving up your family and friends. While talking to random girls and taking them to bed seems straightforward, creating a social circle out of thin air is more complicated. I'm also considering that you have a business and won't have people from to work to connect with (at least, initially). Do you have any experience to share regarding this, Estate?

 

[Estate]

Re: Changing locations for a chance at more of a fulfilling social and love life

Since it's a big topic on the forum recently... I even had a short conversation with Zphix about his up-coming move for college, Ithink it would be a great topic for an article if Chase or any of the other contributors felt they could add anything.

For me, I've written a bit here and in other threads. Though admittedly you can sum up my approach as for someone who is literally starting from scratch.
So it might go against the grain of the idea on this site of trying to pick-up top quality women when I say that, if you are building a social circle from scratch that it's really a case of this...

Working harder, sometimes more than the rewards seem to justify in the very beginning and lowering your standards.

Low standards? Huh? I know right!
But again, I'm coming at this from the angle of where I was at a few years back. Quiet guy, lots of interests but not very out-going in terms of meeting people.
Lowing your standards just means, if you are starting from the bottom, you can't be picky. Don't write a guy off because he seems a bit nerdy or isn't into pickup. He might still be the guy you play video games with. Some guys might be your soccer buddy but he doesn't hit the nightlife. Nothing wrong with that. Have a variety of friends. Same goes for girls. Sure, date hot women, but befriend lots of girls, hot or not. Hot once can give social value sure... but don't dismiss women in a social circle as not being worthy of friendship if they are not hot. You're looking for friends, not dates here.

That's just my opinion. As your social circle evolves, you can add more people, cut others loose if they REALLY don't click with you. Over time you'll build your core group and a solid group of acquantances.

If it's about networking. If you do move. Consider HOW you will meet people also. Maybe you got a deal on a cool condo, but do you think you'll make friends f the neighbours or locals? Are they in your age range, etc? How abut your job? Are they similar to you? Or will everyone be older, settled down and married? Is there any social aspect to your job, like after work drinks, etc? Some places are great for this, some aren't. It's a GREAT start in a new city if you have a few default drinks buddies at work which you can join.
It's just all stuff like that. People think about the big things but if social scene and pickup actually ARE an important part of your move... do consider the small nuances of exactly where you are going.

I mean, I find it hard to go along with "My town is small, there's more hot women in X city".
If X city is bigger, then of course it has a bigger population, thus more hot women, but also more guys capable of competing, and by transition of a larger population... for every hot girl, there is many not so hot girls.... I think the ratios are the more important factor but in reality they don't vary WILDLY from place to place.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Changing locations for a chance at more of a fulfilling social and love life

Estate, I admire your passion but you know nothing about my situation. You are a WHITE MALE and I am a man of color in one of the most racist parts of this country, so please refrain from giving me advice. Yes location matters, a lot, in everything, especially when it comes to getting girls.

 

[Estate]

Re: Changing locations for a chance at more of a fulfilling social and love life

Estate, I admire your passion but you know nothing about my situation. You are a WHITE MALE and I am a man of color in one of the most racist parts of this country, so please refrain from giving me advice. Yes location matters, a lot, in everything, especially when it comes to getting girls.

Um... I didn't even mention race!?!?
And while I might be a white male. I'm not American. I'm not Immune from cultural differences and trying to adjust to them...

It's weird though how just because I'm a white male it's not like I could have EVER had any problems in my life or ever dealt with any sort of discrimination, stereotyping or prejudice right? Dude my whole countries 1000+ year history is based on the above. I have a grand father who fought and died for the freedoms I luckily have today. I'm far from immune my friend... stereotyping on my nationality is just a daily occurrence for me. there is a big bad world out there which you might want to educate yourself on. But here's the thing... I get on with my life anyway.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Changing locations for a chance at more of a fulfilling social and love life

Quit comparing your struggle to mines, the Irish are seen as white and if you change your accent most girls will not reject you for your race or be scared to be seen with you in public. My skin is dark and so are my hair and eyes, no matter what I do I will always have issues getting the kind of girls I like if I am in the wrong location. To a guy that looks like me, location is everything.

 

[Estate]

Re: Changing locations for a chance at more of a fulfilling social and love life

Quit comparing your struggle to mines, the Irish are seen as white and if you change your accent most girls will not reject you for your race or be scared to be seen with you in public. My skin is dark and so are my hair and eyes, no matter what I do I will always have issues getting the kind of girls I like if I am in the wrong location. To a guy that looks like me, location is everything.

Dude. You're problem is not learning PUA. Seriously. WTF?

 

[Richard]

Re: Changing locations for a chance at more of a fulfilling social and love life

When it comes to moving and changing location - I strongly recommend taking Estate's advice because as he said he moved from Europe to the U.S. a couple years back and he has given me quite a lot of information about moving: namely because I'm moving in Fall and he's helped me understand a lot.

Anyway - on the matter of changing your location for pick-up: race is never an excuse for doing poorly with women - it's a crutch I see many newer guys use. Strong fundamentals pretty much supersede whatever racial "problems" you think you have. I live in a very ghetto environment where women predominantly go after black guys who sag their pants, where baggy shirts, etc. and they generally "will not go for white guys" like me. My area for other white guys is horrible for them and they blame it on the fact that the girls simply don't like white guys.

Bullshit - I clean up because I know what to do with women.

I've got black friends in the whitest parts of the country - and I'm talking about white women who "can't stand the thought of doing anything with black guys" and yet they are also doing quite well with the white women.

Race, culture, whatever can be overcome and in my opinion - if you're only changing location for PUA reasons then you're moving for the wrong reasons buddy because your problems won't change no matter how much you think they will.

Moving from El Barrio in New York to the California coast won't change your PUA skill.

Because you're using race as your crutch - I'll give you another example.

My buddy DeAndre lives in the back lands of Mississippi - where racism is still very prevalent. White families still raise their kids to be leery of black people, and he's black. He cleans up with women because he has super fucking tight fundamentals that he developed when he was young to appease the older white crowd. He handles himself very very well and uses that racism to his advantage to sleep with women.

I've even got a story or two about him literally wrestling around in the hay with a girl or two.

Nothing against you or your "struggle" it's just something I see a lot from guys who aren't doing as well with women as they'd like to and instead of looking inward for solution you look outward first. There's only one thing in the world you can control and that's you - even if you move you have no supreme control over how the women will view you, you only have the supreme control to change yourself to maximize the control you "do" have over women.

-Richard

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Changing locations for a chance at more of a fulfilling social and love life

WOW lol you have absolutely no fucking idea.

First of all, if you are a black or white guy, GTFO with your bullshit excuses because your excuses are literally in your head. I live in the south myself, black is seen as normal and is way more accepted than foreign (arab or brown).

As for white, OMFG quit making excuses for your fucking race, no one looks down on whites as superior and white guys with looks and fundamentals clean up everywhere.

Yes, my struggle is fucking unique and no most of you who are trying to help have no fucking idea of what the fuck you are talking about. First Estate with his bullshit about being irish and not being seen as american, dude WTF everyone in america is claiming they are irish you have no fucking idea of what I am going through. As for black guys, there will be women everywhere whether it is italy, england, sweden, mississippi, or texas who will screw a black guy just to try it out.

In my situation I am foreign looking and in a part of the country where they hate anyone that is "unamerican", I am going after girls that are white and frankly I have no chance because of my ethnic appearance. So yes, I do want to move because I have no choice. Fuck all this fundamentals bullshit when every cute white girl hates you for your skin color alone and because of what she hears about you. And yes I will move to an area where I can have a chance of an amazing love life because that shit matters more than money too, there are rich motherfuckers with some fucking problems because they cannot get a fucking girlfriend and I want a fair shot at the kind of women I like.

Ya there you go.

I am fucking frustrated.
I have almost given up.
I have been reading and trying this game shit for years and it doesn't fucking work in my area.
And yes I will fucking move because I want a chance at getting the kind of girls I like.

In case you haven't notice, I am fucking hostile right now because I have not been getting the answers that could help me.

 

[Richard]

Re: Changing locations for a chance at more of a fulfilling social and love life

Damn you're entertaining.

Talk some more - I'm loving this ^_^

It seems you haven't learned a thing from a year of socializing - acting like your situation is soooo different than anything anyone has gone through before. So because nobody here has been in 100% same situation as you you cast it aside because it doesn't provide the confirmation you're seeking.

Segregation and ostracization happen everywhere for every reason - being segregated because of your foreign appearance is no different than being segregated for being socially awkward when you face the same problems - and I did as a white guy.

Your problem isn't your foreign appearance. Period.

Believe whatever you want - act however you want. Take your hostility and your attitude somewhere else. You ask for help - we provide answers you don't like so you cast them aside.

Regardless - the problem remains yours.

Good luck.

 

[Chase]

Re: Changing locations for a chance at more of a fulfilling social and love life

Let's take it down a notch.

Altair, the commenters in this thread are attempting to help you because you've asked for help.

I realize that from YOUR PERSPECTIVE they "don't get it" and it feels to you as though they are trivializing the challenge you face and are cornering you with irrelevant solutions. This is NOT what they are doing; you're misreading their intentions and message.

If you have a worldview that is centered on maintaining an understanding of yourself as a helpless victim, these boards will not be the right place for you, because the stuff here only works if you're past that.

If you're still in the "woe is me, life is so unfair, I'm so unlucky" phase, these boards will be PRETTY useless to you, because the advice here is 100% reliant on you being able to say the problem is not the world, the problem is me, so let me go fix me and the results will follow.

You can get mad at the world and the people within it, and nothing will change.

Or you can get mad at yourself, and fix yourself, and everything changes.

The choice is yours, but until you've made it, this place will do you no good.

Chase

 

[Estate]

Re: Changing locations for a chance at more of a fulfilling social and love life

I was going to post a long winded reply but this guy is actually so ignorant it would fall on deaf ears.

The problems you have with race in America are exactly the problems caused by religion where I am from so get a clue about the world. But I guess the problems of anyone else or the world are inconsequential to you bot being a frat boy!?!?!. You clearly know sweet fuck all and are an ignorant little twit. If this is how you present yourself to women.. then I get why you can't get laid.

Dude... answer us one question. You want these blonde bombshells... but you must move across the world to do it? Ok... so how many "bombshells" have you approached and talked to today and how many of then turned you away or insulted you based on race.

I'm pretty sure if I bet my house on "zero" being the answer to both queations... I wouldn't be in any danger.

And if moving WILL mean all these women will just fall in your lap... why don't you just go???? And by all means.. send us all the address of this magical land you know of... I'm sure we'd all love to go.

 

[Chase]

Re: Changing locations for a chance at more of a fulfilling social and love life

I'm closing this post. The discussion has become abstract and adversarial and hence no longer productive.

Chase