Chase, Quick help on AR?

[Lawliet]

Hey Chase,

Thanks for replying my questions as much as you can. Really appreciate it. I know you're pretty busy and am really thankful for your heads up in the comments.

But I'm gonna have to ask you a favor, just this once.
If there's one time I specifically ask for you though, it's this time.
Since AR is walking on fine line as you said in the article, this is why I want your advice on this case given your experience with AR.

I know, DO NOT CHASE. I'm continuing with approaching girls, and going out. I know.

Reason why I'm still asking this favor is I really want to take on this challenge.
Whatever happens afterwards, that's fine.
It's good experience, but I just want to make sure this is the best shot I can take and get the most learning out of it.
I feel in debt to the girl too, who was attracted to me over a year (I only found this site recently) and to see her go AR over a small compliance over text is just...she'll miss out a lot!
And I'm fascinated in learning how to fix AR in general, It's like an unresolved "What if"....

For what the girl will miss out on, and for using this opportunity to learn (regardless of outcome, I'll drop it after), Please help...just this once

BACKGROUND DETAILS:
It originally came from an Anon posted about some misunderstanding of what text he sent and her thinking it's do compliance or game over. Found here https://www.girlschase.com/content/why-b ... ment-67603. I feel his pain but I'll only post here about my case since I don't know about his

Quick Summary of that comment thread
My case
- Had a year of texting (...if only I read this site earlier and moved faster! Could have avoided it altogether)
- Setting expectations through text, by saying, "I'm a bad man, I'm not gonna stick around and I prefer free right now" to disqualify as bf
- I asked for a selfie (simple compliance)
- She offered counter compliance, but I thought that's bad precedent and kept pushing (Bad)
- Had fluff talk in between (I would talk about other stuff and then push another day again)
- almost a month has passed since this happened

She cuts it after I push hard
- Says "Why would you do this over a selfie?"
- Says I don't want her romantically (due to her misinterpreting my "setting expectations" above)
- Says she's really into me before ending it

Sent afterwards
Explaining
- I was pushing you, but I had a reason <- I tried this and didn't get a response
The Only thing I sent a month ago

Anon's ideas
- 1 year is investment, might work for my cause

- aiming for her logical mind (refuting her accusation active aggressively; Saying directly "It's not an ultimatum" for Anon's case)

- Admitting fault with a twist (umm this was for his case.
He would admit it was an ultimatum only to say "Comply or drop texting" "there's an underlying third choice in my meaning" - asking you out, in person so also results in no texting)

- Use a voice chat app that leaves voice recordings (Hear voice instead of text, fractionation)
Reason, not as intrusive as calling


Lawliet's ideas:
- Whatever follow up is, Getting her out is key (Apply to anon's case and mine I think)
- Using a forced "set up" to pressure her into coming out

"texting isn't a good way to talk, we should talk in person and clear up our misunderstandings, come meet me at [a subway station or coffee shop] at [give 3 days at the same time so she can think] or a time that's free for you. If no other time is given, I'll be there waiting" And then show up those 3 days and see if she does?

- Be warm

- Talk about past good times, and remind her what she told me she liked me about by mirroring

- Calling her (Hear voice instead of text, fractionation)

- Tapping into her subconscious (Point out her investment so she'll say, "Well, might as well meet up")
"You know, we spent a year dancing around this, we might as well meet up and see what happens. So we don't come back to "What if" for the rest of our lives. Just for a few minutes. Since we were "together" for a year, even IF we're breaking up, might as well do it in person properly "
Said in a calm, warm, sexy purring voice
- What if to intrigue her again

Anon #2's idea:
- Claim it's a test

All of you don't need to complicate this.

Auto rejection can be eliminated with a notion of twist!
Instead of trying so hard, all of you can say it was a test after a week.

Congratulations, you passed my test. I wanted to make sure you won't act weird if this was to occur for real after getting together and not like the Overly-Attached girlfriend frenzies. Not desperate, and treating yourself well, I like it!

Be as detailed and genuine sounding

Grey points
1. How to word the follow up?
2. How to end the statement by suggesting a meet up without coming off as needy or chasing, but warm and sexy?

Additional:
what would you say I should do if I bump into her in person, or on the bus maybe weeks or a month later?



So what do you think, Chase? Any ideas suggested are worth in this case? What route would you suggest?

Yours,
Lawliet

P.S. I won't do this again. Just wanted to finish the unresolved possibility in my mind.

Before anyone starts telling me not to chase, I am aware to not chase.
I only want to use this as an opportunity to build this skill, this finesse skill of recovery!
Any insight in recovery appreciated!

 

[ray_zorse]

hey Lawliet bro,

Read this (yes I know it's about "Private" messaging moderators but you really shouldn't be messaging moderators for specific help, as it says here they will help of their own accord if it's a topic they specialize in), and read this.

In answer to your question -- you're way overthinking this. You asked for too much compliance and came across as a dick, endy story, and it's not even a seduction that you really should be concerned too much about, since most of it happened prior to your finding GC. Why don't you go approach some girls and move faster.

If you want a technical description of auto-rejection... (and note BigDaddySc if you're reading this, I notice you occasionally say things like "she auto-rejected me" when you meant "she rejected me"), auto rejection is a very specific phenomenon which I will explain. It is tied to attainability, which you also have to understand before you can understand auto-rejection.

Attainability: Loosely, from Chase's ebook, attainability is the phenomenon that we think a lot and ruminate about getting things that are just within or just beyond our reach, but we don't expend any mental cycles on things which are totally out of our reach. The example he gave is, how many of the guys reading this post dream of having a yacht?... practically none, right? And it's not because yachts aren't totally awesome... your own home on the seas, total freedom to travel wherever and whenever you want, all those pleasures of fishing and swimming and chasing the seasons, experiencing nature's glorious thunderstorms, waves, sun drenched beaches, coral diving, ... not to mention all the tanned bikini clad hotties lounging on your decks waiting for the party to start... BUT, we don't dream of this because it's pointless. If you did say "YES" then you're probably a stockbroker or a successful entrepreneur right? You actually DO HAVE a crack at getting together the $1M or more spare cash that a yacht would require.

Girls get the same thing -- e.g. she's knows she's fat and unpopular, so she doesn't think she has a crack at the track team leader who probably has his pick of hot cheerleader bitches... for guys who have experienced major scarcity and been jealous of women's ability to decide between potential sexual partners... it's hard to understand that girls have similar issues just slightly different. Honestly, attainability problems are more common than you think, I would never have believed this if I hadn't experienced it. Girls' egos are quite fragile, and there are plenty of things you can do or say that make a girl think she has no chance with you. For example, missing a window -- she was throwing herself at you and you didn't notice. She can't quite believe you were that obtuse, and so she feels that you must not like her at all.

So the way to get girls with whom you think you might have attainability problems, is to be ultra genuine and nice to her and try to convince her that you are for real. The questions in her mind (again quoting Chase) are "1. is this dude for real? 2. can a girl like me get a dude like him? 3. something else that I can't remember, check Chase's ebook". A great way to increase your attainability is to qualify her. Say "it is SO FANTASTIC that you are studying accounting, I think that's one of the most important skills a person could have in today's society"... she's more likely to think you are for real, if you say WHY you like her. And to use touch well, touch her on the elbow while looking deeply into her eyes and she will feel a connection to you, rather than feeling like she is just a fuck who will be used today and discarded tomorrow.

Remember that value != attainability. In fact too much value can decrease your attainability... you are in the track team and a star footballer... you have a huge trust fund... you are charming and popular... but have a crush on history-nerd girl who sits in the back of your classes. Is she gonna believe you are for real? Versus you're a geeky Star Wars nerd and you hang out with other nerds, will she believe you now?

Auto rejection is simply that she feels you are too low-attainability, or too high-value for her, she cannot get you and so she convinces herself she hates you in order to salve her ego. And may well act bitchy towards you, even if she likes you. In fact we've all probably done the same thing, acting like a little bitch towards someone in class who was being nice to us, just because they're more popular and well liked.

As a final comment I will note that attainability comes in various flavours which depend on what the girl wants. If she's looking for marriage and relationship, she'll auto-reject if she feels you are a playboy looking for casual relationships and sex. She can't get what she wants from you. Conversely if she's a party girl and you met in a nightclub, and you talk too much about career and relationships and so forth, she may auto reject thinking you're a great guy but just too serious for her, you probably have a lot of options among smart college girls but you'd like to date and court them, not sleep with them on the night. Again she can't get what she wants from you. So she acts bitchy and disappointed and starts trying to trash your obvious value. I've experienced both these kinds of auto-rejections until I learned to walk a line.

Ray

 

[Lawliet]

Thanks ray. You're right, It's best for me to keep going.
But I thought, might as well take a shot to end this. It needs closure.

Thanks for your advice. Really appreciate it.
One question, so assuming she likes me, and giving it a last shot, Would reminding her good memories be a thing to do?


Ex. "Been thinking of those good times, times we flirted, times we had happy moments together and most importantly, I missed us being chill and non possessive over text."
This qualifies her ? Then ending it with a direct

"Let's make it happen this time. What's your schedule next week?"

Trying to think of a qualifying her and being warm that doesn't come off as needy.
If you've got an example, that'll help tons!

What do you think ray?

Best,
Lawliet

 

[ray_zorse]

Don't overthink or try to game her or be manipulative. Just forget all that completely. Don't refer to the drama in any way. It was a month ago and it's ancient history now. Remember also you are in boyfriend/provider territory (or orbiter in the worst case) cos you courted her for a year without moving forwards. This is why she shit tested you with her "romantic" bullshit. Don't get your hopes up as you'll have to work hard and show a lot of commitment to get the honey. Your time ie better spent on new girls who see you as a lover. Anyway, call her by voice and try to recapture some of the good feelings and ask her out on a high point. If you don't have her no. I would not double text but it's up to you.
Ray

 

[Lawliet]

So don't bring it up, and apologize about the asking too much and too pushy?

What about saying "I miss this time or that with her"?

 

[Lawliet]

Don't overthink or try to game her or be manipulative. Just forget all that completely. Don't refer to the drama in any way. It was a month ago and it's ancient history now. Remember also you are in boyfriend/provider territory (or orbiter in the worst case) cos you courted her for a year without moving forwards. This is why she shit tested you with her "romantic" bullshit. Don't get your hopes up as you'll have to work hard and show a lot of commitment to get the honey. Your time ie better spent on new girls who see you as a lover. Anyway, call her by voice and try to recapture some of the good feelings and ask her out on a high point. If you don't have her no. I would not double text but it's up to you.
Ray

I'll keep that in mind, but I'll give her a shot just to see if anything happens.

So don't bring it up, and apologize about the asking too much and too pushy?

What about saying "I miss this time or that with her"?

Absolutely not. That is the definition of you chasing. That is a turn off, unless it comes from a very genuine place and you're in complete abundance. Still then, it'd be an advanced move with the intent of raising your own attainability if you had hurt her in the past or something.. I would not do this, you do not have enough attraction it seems.

Then how do we provoke good emotions without reminding her times together or callback (nicknames, inside jokes)?

Incidentally, I'm pretty sure she was attracted. She asked me out on dates multiple times, I just didn't take them before (trying to set up logistics, but I was always too busy with other errands and never got to it). Her texts are lengthy and she puts the effort with witty texts. I'm pretty sure she was attracted. She even called me stupid and said how obvious does she need to be for me to get it.

Lawliet

 

[Lawliet]

Anything bros? Ray? radeng? anyone?

Just need to formulate what to say on the phone, to bring back good feelings and then hit it with a "Let's make something happen this time" and ask her out and get it over with.

Quoting from "Can't stop thinking about her" article, I want to get rid of "hope" by making the last best shot, and move on with freedom.

Any advice or feedback (from suggestions above) appreciated!
Lawliet

 

[Lawliet]

You're both right. I'll give her a call some time this week and get it done with.
A little genuine validation and proposing meeting next week.
Muck it up, and that's fine.
It's not worth thinking about this anymore.

Thanks Ray and radeng!
Lawliet

 

[JimmyB]

Lawliet, I'd suggest not calling her. If you do you will likely realize it is a mistake, and like you said "get rid of hope", which maybe isn't so bad an idea. You have to learn from experience. So if that's what you want to do, give it a shot.
You're really in the chasing mode with this one, and that's never good. What you need to realize is it's not your attraction level to her, it's hers to you that is why you're not together. If she's not attracted to you currently, doing anything to chase her will backfire. You're way overthinking this. You want to be putting effort into girls that are interested in you, not going after the ones that clearly aren't (anymore). You'll kill your ROI and confidence doing that.

 

[Lawliet]

@Jimmy thanks for the advice. I dunno why, I like to hurt myself, challenge my limits.
But no doubt it really hurts and I can understand how risky it could be to my ego! Thanks for the caveat bro.
I still went for it, just to free myself.

Done. Gave her a call, and set up a date this week.
Thanks everyone for advice and feedback. Either way, this was a good experience.
I expected a rejection or voice mail.

I didn't expect this twist.
Was going to move forward whatever the result may be.
But definitely, it was tough. Had to force my game to levels it wasn't at and mastered the phone call.

Thanks for everything bros! Radeng, Ray, Jimmy! Appreciate it!
Couldn't have done it without all the bros from GC. It's not my win, it's ours
Franco, Chase and Alek too. Your advice also played a part in my game plan

Re Advice:
Ray
Bf material. From what I interpreted with her responses, I do suspect that I landed myself in bf land

radeng and ray
I didn't bring it up like you bros said, but she brought it up! She said she's still mad.

1. She kept asking me "Why now?" on the phone. I didn't address it though.
2. She also said, "You told me you didn't want a relationship. Why are you doing this?"
3. If she brings up the selfie mess during the date, what should I do here?

What do you bros think? Ray? radeng? Jimmy? Chase?
Need to prepare to defuse bombs in person...


Yours,
Lawliet

 

[JimmyB]

I'd say there's a solid chance she tries to flake, which you need to be prepared to deal with. If she tries to pull any b.s. about If you do go on the date, you need to hold firm with everything, time and place etc. If she does not flake, which would be a very good sign, she's going to do a lot of testing to see where you actually stand. You said it; you will be defusing bombs. You need to figure that out beforehand. You can't give in to any of her bullshit so you can prove to her you're the real deal. Find out what you want with her and how to communicate that with her.
I only got the gist of the whole selfie thing so can't chime in about that. Sounds like some rookie blunders you were making at the time that now you need to just let pass. You need to focus on being present on the date. Explain to her like "Look I don't want to talk about before or the future, I just want to have a good time here with you tonight" etc. and make it clear you're not going to discuss anything from before.