Coach

[JeffB883]

I’m wondering - is in person, real world coaching actually a thing and could it help me?

I’m a 34 year old guy living in Chicago, in shape, relatively good looking, and well groomed/dressed. I have a good job and make good money.

I go on lots of first dates with pretty attractive girls that I meet online (not a Tinder user though). Almost all of my dates go nicely and we have a friendly conversation (yes, I can hold one) but they never respond to texts after that. I do pretty much exclusively online dating as it’s hard for me to meet girls organically or when going out.

I’ve seen a dating coach before (one on one but not in the real world, like watching a date or something). I’ve read more articles, books and techniques than I can count and have tried all sorts of behavioral adjustments and combinations. I’m not looking to become a pua - I just really need to figure out what I’m doing wrong and how to build attraction with women. The closest feedback I’ve gotten from a woman is that maybe I don’t seem real or emotional enough and so it makes it hard for women to connect with me.

I’m really out of ideas.

 

[Bboy100]

Yes, dating coaching can be helpful. But it has a few caveats:

1. One session will usually not be super useful for you unless you have some glaring holes in your "game" and once pointed out, you can fix them immediately. If you want results, you'll probably need to invest a lot of money into repeatedly seeing him.

2. Know who he is. I got dating coaching one time without looking into him very well. He was trash. Worst $700 of my life. I would ask yourself the following questions: Does he have what you want out of dating right now? If not, I wouldn't go with him. So if you want to be married to a great girl...does he at least appear to be married to the kind of girl you want? If not, say no. If you want to just fuck as many girls as you can...how does he go about doing that? Could you see yourself doing the same? Same applies for everything in between. What works for one person might not be optimal for another. So you'd ideally want to pick someone who's a lot like you. Both in how he interacts in women, and his general beliefs and outlooks about life. There are some guys out there who are great. But I couldn't imitate what they do for the life of me. And I do pretty well too. But I bet they couldn't do what I do. Cause we're just different people at our core. You want to avoid this problem. That's why it's important that the guy be similar to you in personality type.

3. Also, keep in mind that a lot of these guys are straight scammers. Not just bad matches or not good at what they do. Literally will take your money and just make stuff up. There's no regulation on the dating market. Anyone can say he's a "dating coach". So look into who you pick. If you're already decent with women, you'll be able to tell them apart very quickly based on how they look, act and what they say. But if you're newer, it's hard to tell the difference. So if that's the case for you, I would look for some sort of evidence that this guy actually knows what he's doing beyond just the words that come out of his mouth. Does he have "infield footage"? Was he featured in a newspaper or reviewed positively somewhere? Do you know someone who has good things to say about him? Just...any information you can get about his credability outside of what HE advertises.

"The closest feedback I've gotten from a women is that maybe I don't seem real or emotional enough and it makes it hard for women to connect with me

You're 34. You have plenty of life experience. I'm guessing you understand women from an informational perspective enough to be successful. In addition, women are telling you stuff like ^. This is not a problem I would look to a dating coach to solve. It's a prime candidate for psychotherapy. It's an inherently emotional issue. Not a technical/informational issue.


In a nutshell, it translates to: you're being inauthentic. Either you're too focused on techniques and external behavior which causes you to look fake. Or the more likely scenario- there's a 6 foot wall of shit between you and your ability to express emotions on dates (because you fear vulnerability and getting hurt. Consciously or not. It's a defense mechanism. I actually used to date a girl like this.). This looks very creepy to women and makes them uncomfortable. Rightfully so. Anyways...I would definitely look into solving for that first. However you choose. Because if everything you say about yourself is true, this is probably pretty close to the root of the problem.

Just as a side note:

I’m a 34 year old guy living in Chicago, in shape, relatively good looking, and well groomed/dressed. I have a good job and make good money.

I go on lots of first dates with pretty attractive girls that I meet online (not a Tinder user though). Almost all of my dates go nicely and we have a friendly conversation (yes, I can hold one) but they never respond to texts after that.

They don't see it the same way man. If this was true, at least some of them would go out for a second date. Not trynna be a dick. But the proof is in the pudding. Something is off here. Like I said...my instinct tells me that women is right about the inauthenticity.

 

[JeffB883]

Thanks bboy.

I definitely don’t think I’m doing well. In fact I’m doing pretty terribly. I was just saying that I’m not going on dates and having the woman run off in the middle because I’m an ass.

As for a therapist - I do see one. This sort of stuff does come up but it’s never been very helpful at least in this regard. I’ve had a couple of good longer healthy relationships and have never had a problem keeping a woman once she’s actually decided she’s into me.

So, if I’m looking for a coach, at least to understand more about what I’m doing wrong, how and where would you suggest looking?

Thanks again

 

[Bboy100]

So, if I’m looking for a coach, at least to understand more about what I’m doing wrong, how and where would you suggest looking?

Honestly, I'm not a good authority on this. I've only had two dating coaches in my entire life. One of them being the guy who was absolute shit. The other guy though...he was good:
https://www.austensummers.com/

And here's a video of him on youtube. If you like his style, he might be a good match for you:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gAZivHVPcE

Also, keep in mind that the rest of his videos are with a company he's no longer a part of or are comedy pickup videos. They aren't what he would actually do. He's just trynna make them funny by dressing up as something ridiculous and going out to pickup girls. So I wouldn't take them seriously

Other than that, idk what to tell you. I mostly went off free material, therapy and some inexpensive GC stuff to get good. Didn't do much coaching. But if I had the money to afford it, I definitely would have.

Finally, I would check this out:
http://thematinggrounds.com/helping-joe-part-1/

Just watch that podcast series when you have time. They take an emotionally stunted guy who can't get a girl to save his life, work through a lot of his relevant issues. By the end, he's not doing too bad (still wouldn't say he's superstar. But he's universes away from how he begins). I personally was able to relate to a lot of his problems. And it got me better at identifying mine. Was almost like coaching to me. I'm sure you'll benefit a lot from it.

 

[Big Daddy]

And here's a video of him on youtube. If you like his style, he might be a good match for you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gAZivHVPcE

Damn that guy is legit.