- Joined
- Dec 6, 2012
- Messages
- 1,458
Note: A considerable part of this encounter I conducted by using and pulling strategies from TheTool’s First Date Tactics and Logistics post, which is here:
viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3171
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I met a girl at the airport on Sunday while waiting for baggage, grabbed her info (this encounter took about two minutes) and we agreed to grab coffee before I parted ways. Text exchange below leading up to the coffee date (Thursday), time stamps may be useful as her responses were few and far between:
Me 11/03 – 1830: “Hi <Girl>, nice meeting you at Dulles today. Save my number…<Ozz> =)”
Me 11/04 – 1311: “How’s your day going. I remember you have mentioned your week is quite busy, but you’re free later on. What do you think of grabbing coffee Wednesday evening?” <I sent this message because I did not hear back from the first text, so I just assumed that she’s down>
Her 11/04 – 2154: “Hi <Ozz>, my day was good, thanks! Coffee sounds nice but would Thursday work for you? Maybe 6 or so somewhere in DuPont?”
Me 11/05 – 1133: “Hey there, yes Thursday is fine but around 7 is better for me. Is Dupont where you live? Lucky you!”
Her 11/06 – 1116: “Thursday at 7 works for me. Just let me know where you’d like to go in DuPont and I’ll meet you there. Hope you have a good day!”
Me 11/06 – 1515: “Great, what do you think of Soho tea and coffee at 22nd and P St? Hope your day is fabulous as well, don’t cause too much trouble.”
Her 11/06 – 1827: “That sounds good! See you tomorrow!”
Anti-flake on 11/07, Thursday:
Me 11/07 – 1244: Hey <Girl>, hope your day’s going well. When you get to Soho tonight I’ll meet you by the front door.
Her 11/07 – 1702: Great, thanks! See you soon!
----
I was slightly late, but she came a few minutes later. This coffee date, while only an hour, felt a little bit exhausting.
I see her walking towards me, and I’m leaning back against a wall:
Me: “Hey <girl>, nice to see you!” <Get off wall and give her a hug>
Her: “Nice to see you too!”
Me: “What sorts of trouble have you gotten yourself into today?”
Her: “<Laughing hard> Oh, lots of trouble like always!”
Me: “Cool, trouble is always good” with a smile
I lead her through the door by the small of her back, and we’re at the counter. This was pretty awesome, as we both bantered and laughed over a small conversation with the baristas. I could tell instantly that she was a fun, excited type, and that overall her energy level is pretty high.
We talked a lot about her work, and her travels. She’s from the San Francisco area, went to U-Chicago, and has been in DC for a few years now doing social research in education and healthcare. This, and playing soccer, are some of her biggest passions in life, the latter being the reason she actually went to Chicago. She’s a halfie, and we spend a considerable amount of time talking about her part Indian background as well as her adventures in that part of the world. She’s traveled considerably, especially to India which is her favorite place to visit thus far. She has siblings who are also highly athletic, and she continues to practice soccer regularly. She likes the tv shows Modern Family and Arrested Development but doesn’t watch too much to begin with.
Additionally, she lives in a house of four girls near that coffee shop who are all her age, and they hang out regularly. She seems to be a bit of a social butterfly, spending lots of time at happy hours and the like.
In contrast to some of my recent dates, this girl asked endless questions about me. Where did I go to school? Where did I grow up? Where have I lived? What do I do? What’s my background? Why was I traveling last week and where did I go? What are my hobbies and interests? Etc…And most of these I answered quite straight forward but gave small challenges on a few of them as well.
<In retrospect, perhaps this was a mistake as I did not maintain sufficient levels of intrigue. I answered mostly all her questions directly and straightforwardly so that she could build upon them, and in the process she learned nearly everything about me except my age.>
She laughed a lot, as I shared some funny stories, we related over experiences we've both had, and I took advantage of her gullibility. There were many, many times when she smiled and would fall back in the seat laughing or giggling, and I also noticed that she frequently played with her hair. For most of the time her body posture was leaning into the chair, and at times she had her arms crossed, but not a typical closed off stance. It was more a cross with her hands placed near her shoulders instead of into her arms/elbows, and her elbows supporting her on the table.
I did touch her a lot. At one point I asked about a cool ring on her finger, and as I examined it she left her hand lightly sitting in mind for a few seconds before pulling it away. At other times I touched her on the forearm or shoulder to make a point.
At the thirty minute mark, I used a script:
Me: “You know, you’re a very interesting girl…”
Her: “What? What do you mean?”
Me: “I mean, you’re really funny and charming, but I feel that there’ something beneath the surface that you’re afraid to share. But you should be…” <Said with the smile>
Her: “I’m not trying to hide anything, I don’t know what you mean…”
Me: “It’s just a sense, you know…” <then I switched topics>
Now we talked about more of her travels and our hobbies. I’m bantering more in a friendly way, but I’m using touch on her hands, or forearms, or elbow while making a point.
I threw this in there randomly as a chase frame:
Me: “I’m glad you came to see me.”
Her: “Yeah, I’m glad I came too.”
I noticed frequently that her eye contact kept moving between my eyes and my lips. This was happening at around the 40-50 min mark. It just kept shifting back and forth as she was listening to me speaking.
At close to the one hour mark, things started to stagnate and I began to run out of things to say. I thought this would be a good time to try and pull. I used the Yes Ladder:
Me: “Well, I’m having a really good time, and I feel like the night is too young to end, don’t you?”
Her: “I’m having a good time too, but I have to go see my roommate.”
Me: “Well, I’m pretty busy too, but you’re having a good time right?”
Her: “Yeah, I am.”
Me: “Well, why don’t we let it continue a little longer. Don’t you live around here?”
Her: “I do live close to here.”
Me: “I was thinking let’s go watch an episode of modern family, it’ll take twenty minutes, and then you can hang out with your roommate.”
Her: “No, I actually have to go meet with her pretty soon.”
This kept up a little longer before I started talking about other things, like her roommate and what she does. Two minutes later I changed strategy here briefly - what if I push to go to another place for drinks for a few minutes:
Me: “Hey, actually, why don’t we grab a nightcap down the street, and then you can head home and hang out with your roommate?”
Her: “No, I actually really do need to go see her right now.”
Me: “What do you need to see with her?”
Her: “I just haven’t seen her all week.”
Me: “So you want to do this again.”
Her: “Yeah”
Me: “What’s your schedule like?”
Her: “Actually, I don’t know yet. I’ve been meaning to collect myself all week, it’s been kind of crazy.”
Me: “I think the only time I’m free is Sunday”
Her: “I actually have a friend visiting town this weekend, I don’t know what her schedule is like yet. If you text me over the weekend I’ll let you know.”
At this point I started closing out the date with random topics. I feel like I pushed a few times and now she’s not budging, any more and I'll seem super desperate.
I went to the bathroom quickly to collect myself. When I came back:
Me: “Ready to get out of here?”
I led her out the door by the small of her back. Now we’re outside:
Her: “Thanks for coffee!”
Me: “Of course, do you want a ride back?”
Her: “No thanks, I think I’ll walk. Are you going this way?”
Me: “No, I’m actually parked a block that way.”
Her: “Okay, well
Me: “So let’s do this again on Sunday or Monday?”
Her: “Hmm, I’ll see. Text me and I’ll let you know over the weekend. I have to see what my friend’s schedule is like.”
Me: “Cool…have a good night.”
I kissed her on the cheek goodbye while holding her lightly by the arms. I cannot accurately gauge her response, as it seemed somewhat nervous and shocked but also like a part of her was excited. I really cannot tell. She turned away to start walking very quickly, but as she was walking away she gave me a bit of an extended glance with a subtle smile which lasted one or two seconds, directly at me. I turned and walked away.
----
Thoughts? I still feel like I didn’t use enough chase and sexual frames (though better than before) which is still a weak point for me. Her excuse for not wanting to go home seemed pretty weak. Or maybe she is worried about her roommates and I imposed to go to her house?
Also, side note: I went to my car and then went right back to the same coffee shop to do a little work (and write this). I talked to one girl while I was there, and may have another date there on Sunday!
viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3171
----
I met a girl at the airport on Sunday while waiting for baggage, grabbed her info (this encounter took about two minutes) and we agreed to grab coffee before I parted ways. Text exchange below leading up to the coffee date (Thursday), time stamps may be useful as her responses were few and far between:
Me 11/03 – 1830: “Hi <Girl>, nice meeting you at Dulles today. Save my number…<Ozz> =)”
Me 11/04 – 1311: “How’s your day going. I remember you have mentioned your week is quite busy, but you’re free later on. What do you think of grabbing coffee Wednesday evening?” <I sent this message because I did not hear back from the first text, so I just assumed that she’s down>
Her 11/04 – 2154: “Hi <Ozz>, my day was good, thanks! Coffee sounds nice but would Thursday work for you? Maybe 6 or so somewhere in DuPont?”
Me 11/05 – 1133: “Hey there, yes Thursday is fine but around 7 is better for me. Is Dupont where you live? Lucky you!”
Her 11/06 – 1116: “Thursday at 7 works for me. Just let me know where you’d like to go in DuPont and I’ll meet you there. Hope you have a good day!”
Me 11/06 – 1515: “Great, what do you think of Soho tea and coffee at 22nd and P St? Hope your day is fabulous as well, don’t cause too much trouble.”
Her 11/06 – 1827: “That sounds good! See you tomorrow!”
Anti-flake on 11/07, Thursday:
Me 11/07 – 1244: Hey <Girl>, hope your day’s going well. When you get to Soho tonight I’ll meet you by the front door.
Her 11/07 – 1702: Great, thanks! See you soon!
----
I was slightly late, but she came a few minutes later. This coffee date, while only an hour, felt a little bit exhausting.
I see her walking towards me, and I’m leaning back against a wall:
Me: “Hey <girl>, nice to see you!” <Get off wall and give her a hug>
Her: “Nice to see you too!”
Me: “What sorts of trouble have you gotten yourself into today?”
Her: “<Laughing hard> Oh, lots of trouble like always!”
Me: “Cool, trouble is always good” with a smile
I lead her through the door by the small of her back, and we’re at the counter. This was pretty awesome, as we both bantered and laughed over a small conversation with the baristas. I could tell instantly that she was a fun, excited type, and that overall her energy level is pretty high.
We talked a lot about her work, and her travels. She’s from the San Francisco area, went to U-Chicago, and has been in DC for a few years now doing social research in education and healthcare. This, and playing soccer, are some of her biggest passions in life, the latter being the reason she actually went to Chicago. She’s a halfie, and we spend a considerable amount of time talking about her part Indian background as well as her adventures in that part of the world. She’s traveled considerably, especially to India which is her favorite place to visit thus far. She has siblings who are also highly athletic, and she continues to practice soccer regularly. She likes the tv shows Modern Family and Arrested Development but doesn’t watch too much to begin with.
Additionally, she lives in a house of four girls near that coffee shop who are all her age, and they hang out regularly. She seems to be a bit of a social butterfly, spending lots of time at happy hours and the like.
In contrast to some of my recent dates, this girl asked endless questions about me. Where did I go to school? Where did I grow up? Where have I lived? What do I do? What’s my background? Why was I traveling last week and where did I go? What are my hobbies and interests? Etc…And most of these I answered quite straight forward but gave small challenges on a few of them as well.
<In retrospect, perhaps this was a mistake as I did not maintain sufficient levels of intrigue. I answered mostly all her questions directly and straightforwardly so that she could build upon them, and in the process she learned nearly everything about me except my age.>
She laughed a lot, as I shared some funny stories, we related over experiences we've both had, and I took advantage of her gullibility. There were many, many times when she smiled and would fall back in the seat laughing or giggling, and I also noticed that she frequently played with her hair. For most of the time her body posture was leaning into the chair, and at times she had her arms crossed, but not a typical closed off stance. It was more a cross with her hands placed near her shoulders instead of into her arms/elbows, and her elbows supporting her on the table.
I did touch her a lot. At one point I asked about a cool ring on her finger, and as I examined it she left her hand lightly sitting in mind for a few seconds before pulling it away. At other times I touched her on the forearm or shoulder to make a point.
At the thirty minute mark, I used a script:
Me: “You know, you’re a very interesting girl…”
Her: “What? What do you mean?”
Me: “I mean, you’re really funny and charming, but I feel that there’ something beneath the surface that you’re afraid to share. But you should be…” <Said with the smile>
Her: “I’m not trying to hide anything, I don’t know what you mean…”
Me: “It’s just a sense, you know…” <then I switched topics>
Now we talked about more of her travels and our hobbies. I’m bantering more in a friendly way, but I’m using touch on her hands, or forearms, or elbow while making a point.
I threw this in there randomly as a chase frame:
Me: “I’m glad you came to see me.”
Her: “Yeah, I’m glad I came too.”
I noticed frequently that her eye contact kept moving between my eyes and my lips. This was happening at around the 40-50 min mark. It just kept shifting back and forth as she was listening to me speaking.
At close to the one hour mark, things started to stagnate and I began to run out of things to say. I thought this would be a good time to try and pull. I used the Yes Ladder:
Me: “Well, I’m having a really good time, and I feel like the night is too young to end, don’t you?”
Her: “I’m having a good time too, but I have to go see my roommate.”
Me: “Well, I’m pretty busy too, but you’re having a good time right?”
Her: “Yeah, I am.”
Me: “Well, why don’t we let it continue a little longer. Don’t you live around here?”
Her: “I do live close to here.”
Me: “I was thinking let’s go watch an episode of modern family, it’ll take twenty minutes, and then you can hang out with your roommate.”
Her: “No, I actually have to go meet with her pretty soon.”
This kept up a little longer before I started talking about other things, like her roommate and what she does. Two minutes later I changed strategy here briefly - what if I push to go to another place for drinks for a few minutes:
Me: “Hey, actually, why don’t we grab a nightcap down the street, and then you can head home and hang out with your roommate?”
Her: “No, I actually really do need to go see her right now.”
Me: “What do you need to see with her?”
Her: “I just haven’t seen her all week.”
Me: “So you want to do this again.”
Her: “Yeah”
Me: “What’s your schedule like?”
Her: “Actually, I don’t know yet. I’ve been meaning to collect myself all week, it’s been kind of crazy.”
Me: “I think the only time I’m free is Sunday”
Her: “I actually have a friend visiting town this weekend, I don’t know what her schedule is like yet. If you text me over the weekend I’ll let you know.”
At this point I started closing out the date with random topics. I feel like I pushed a few times and now she’s not budging, any more and I'll seem super desperate.
I went to the bathroom quickly to collect myself. When I came back:
Me: “Ready to get out of here?”
I led her out the door by the small of her back. Now we’re outside:
Her: “Thanks for coffee!”
Me: “Of course, do you want a ride back?”
Her: “No thanks, I think I’ll walk. Are you going this way?”
Me: “No, I’m actually parked a block that way.”
Her: “Okay, well
Me: “So let’s do this again on Sunday or Monday?”
Her: “Hmm, I’ll see. Text me and I’ll let you know over the weekend. I have to see what my friend’s schedule is like.”
Me: “Cool…have a good night.”
I kissed her on the cheek goodbye while holding her lightly by the arms. I cannot accurately gauge her response, as it seemed somewhat nervous and shocked but also like a part of her was excited. I really cannot tell. She turned away to start walking very quickly, but as she was walking away she gave me a bit of an extended glance with a subtle smile which lasted one or two seconds, directly at me. I turned and walked away.
----
Thoughts? I still feel like I didn’t use enough chase and sexual frames (though better than before) which is still a weak point for me. Her excuse for not wanting to go home seemed pretty weak. Or maybe she is worried about her roommates and I imposed to go to her house?
Also, side note: I went to my car and then went right back to the same coffee shop to do a little work (and write this). I talked to one girl while I was there, and may have another date there on Sunday!
)