FR Cold Approach At the Gym (DO NOT TRY AT HOME)

[Definitely_not_a_gymrat]

Hey guys, back in my hometown for thanksgiving break, so I only have a week to workout in this gym. Since the gym is the only place I can meet women at home, I decided to approach one girl that I see occasionally, that I thought was very attractive and wanted the balls to approach before. Since were on thanksgiving break from college, I figured that doing a normal style approach wouldn't damage my reputation at all, normally I wouldn't cold approach girls at the gym, and treat it more like a social circle. This was just different circumstances, and I actually made two approaches.

P.S. Can anyone tell me how to condense the conversations? I understand people not wanting to look at the conversations, and only the summaries, but I don't know how to do that, will try to summarize the conversations.

Another P.S. Don't remember the conversations exactly, but will put main things.

GIRL 1

Went to put my hoodie away and saw her standing, resting in between sets. Decided to compliment her on her shoes, since its unique(for the gym) and I don't seem thirsty.

CONVO:

Me: Hey, where'd you get your shoes from?

Her: I got it from [place].

Me: I love your shoes!

Her: Omg, thank you!

We then proceeded to exchange names and chitchat a bit more.

Me: You back for break?

Her: Yea, I go to [school].

Me: No way, you look like you don't go there. What's your major? Actually, lemme guess.

Her: Okay go for it.

Me:[Tried 3 times, could not get it].

Her: I'm actually a pysch major, looking to become a speech pathologist.

I proceeded her to qualify and share a bit about how I needed one as a child, and she shared that she did as well. I told her it was a wholesome full circle moment for us.

Me: Guess my major.

Her: Your major is [my major].

Me: How'd you know that?

Her: It was obvious, when you guessed it for me.

We then proceeded to chitchat more, exchanging thanksgiving plans, more so I wanted to see her logistics for the coming week. Even if thanksgiving doesn't work out, there's always winter break.

Me: You free anytime this weekend, I have a cool ice cream place I can take you?

Her: I actually have a boyfriend.

Me: I actually have a boyfriend, I cheat on him all the time.

She proceeds to laugh.

Me: It's just two people getting ice cream together.

Her: No, I don't think that would be okay.

Me: Okay, that's alright. I guess now we're just gym acquittances.

Her: Yea, we are.

Me: Let me know if you end it with your boyfriend, I got you. For now though, we just say hi to each other whenever we see each other.

I then asked her about her workout, wished her well and gave her a fistbump. Last part was to save a bit of social grace on rejection, and make it sting less, makes me look less weak and needy, and more confident, that I'm able to stay in convo with a girl that just rejected me.

GIRL 2:

Saw her midworkout, and she immediately caught my eye. I said I wouldn't approach her, since I already got one, and she was far away. At the end of my workout, guess who starts working out on the machine right next to me? Her.

I decide to use the same opener, and she was even more receptive than the first girl.

Me: Hey, where'd you get your shoes?

Her: I actually got them from [shoe brand].

Me: I love your shoes, the design and everything is great.

Her: Thank you, your shoes are better though.

I accidentally give her a tap on the leg, which I just brushed off.

Saw her phone case, and said

Me: Do you go to [college name]?

Her: Yes, actually I do! How'd you know?

Me: It's on your phone. I'm just kidding, I'm actually a stalker(used this inside joke throughout the interaction, which she bought up).

We proceeded to talk more, learn more about each other and our thanksgiving plans, as well as use the stalker banter throughout the interaction, having a fun time teasing each other.

At one point, we talk about body parts to train.

Me: I bet your favorite body part to train is legs?

Her: Yes.

Me: All girls love legs, weirdos.

Her: I love training legs on girls, not neccesarily on guys.

Me: What's your favorite body part on guys?

Her: Everything.

Me: I gotta bring up everything then. What about the back?

Her: Ooh, I like a good back.

Me: Good cuz my back is really good but my chest is like nothing compared to my back. (Stopped myself from talking further, was qualifying myself too much).

Her: Yeah, I hate training chest.

Me: Yeah, I can understand why girls hate training chest.(I was thinking that girls don't men staring at their boobs constantly).

Her: Yeah, it's not really important.

Me: No, I was thinking of another reason. (During this I subtly glanced at her cleavage a couple times, made sure not to stare though).

Her: Why is that?(confused tone).

Me: Actually I'm not gonna say.(Didn't want to say anything too creepy and off putting, was already subtly glancing at her cleavage.

Her: Okay.

We talk a bit more, and eventually, I go for the ask.

Me: Hey, do you like icecream? Actually what am I saying everyone loves icecream.

Her: Agrees with me.

Me: I have a cool place for ice cream if you're free thanksgiving, if not we can always do winter break.

Her: Yeah for sure!

I proceed to get her number, although I realized I didn't qualify her enough. I asked for her major, asked if that was her dream, and told her I love when people chase their dreams.

Me: Well I need to let you get back to your workout, although I can talk to you anytime, I have your number, and I know where you live(not true, obvious joke). Have a good workout!

Her: You too!

I sent her an icebreaker text an hour later: Hey [GIRL 2] nice meeting you at the gym today. -Your stalker, [me].

We'll see what happens from here, if I don't receive a text back, I'm not doing anything till Friday, since I can't meet her till then anyways.

TAKEAWAYS

Anyways any advice? I know GIRL 1 I could've teased more, and GIRL 2 I could have qualified more, need to find the right balance. Both openers were done in a socially calibrated way where neither felt awkward. Also didn't touch GIRL 1 at all, and by the end, my hands were in my pockets. GIRL 2 I made sure to touch a bit more, but not too much since we were in the gym.

 

[alexlaguma]

Sounds like good interactions to me, you were calm/chill enough to have some good banter and make it all seem very normal.

On girl 1 - she didn't reject you. She's got a bf, she is unavailable. You can't take those ones as rejections. If she didn't have a bf she would have 100% give you her number.

On girl 2 - seemed good, but yeh you've kinda called it out yourself there you qualified yourself a bit much, talking about having a strong back etc. You basically never wanna directly 'sell' yourself ... all that stuff should happen indirectly. I personally wouldn't have put that 'stalker' thing in the text either. Others will disagree and make the argument that its kind of an in-joke between you guys. But for me getting 'cute' or funny in texts just doesn't seem to work, too high risk. But all depends on your style

Overall - good interactions bro. Gym game isn't easy !

 

[Definitely_not_a_gymrat]

Sounds like good interactions to me, you were calm/chill enough to have some good banter and make it all seem very normal.

Thanks brother, trying to keep it more calm and chill! I remember when I first started approaching I was super nervous, and it was obvious. Now I’m at the point where I see a cute girl and I can talk to her in any reasonable way, that’s just what I do.

On girl 1 - she didn't reject you. She's got a bf, she is unavailable. You can't take those ones as rejections. If she didn't have a bf she would have 100% give you her number.

Maybe, she could have also been saying that to soft reject me, which isn’t true. To be fair I asked her a bit more and she provided details, doesn’t seem like bs. She was really receptive to the shoe compliment and convo, so yea ig it doesn’t really count. Sucks cuz she was pretty hot and my type. Nothing else I can do though.

On girl 2 - seemed good, but yeh you've kinda called it out yourself there you qualified yourself a bit much, talking about having a strong back etc. You basically never wanna directly 'sell' yourself ... all that stuff should happen indirectly. I personally wouldn't have put that 'stalker' thing in the text either. Others will disagree and make the argument that it’s kind of an in-joke between you guys. But for me getting 'cute' or funny in texts just doesn't seem to work, too high risk. But all depends on your style

On me qualifying with my back, yeah I would’ve kept going, classic gym talk, but a voice in my head started telling me that I can’t do this if I want a chance with the girl, and i shut up. On the stalker thing, in my personal opinion, I don’t see it as a huge deal since it was reinforced as an inside joke throughout the conversation. Either way I plan to give her a call in a few days when I’m free if she doesn’t respond. Also quick update it’s been a few hours and she hasn’t responded. Tbh logistics over thanksgiving break are awful anyways, with both of us back at parents house and pretty much busy for the week.

Overall - good interactions bro. Gym game isn't easy !

Thanks man, appreciate the feedback! Gym game certainly isn’t easy, but tbh complimenting a gym girl on her shoes really helps! Or asking her for any favor as you would anyone, and work into a conversation. Hopefully I can work some logistics with Girl 2 with a phone call, or even down the line meet her. But yea this was unexpected, but in a pleasant way.

 

[Marty]

P.S. Can anyone tell me how to condense the conversations? I understand people not wanting to look at the conversations, and only the summaries, but I don't know how to do that, will try to summarize the conversations.

Let me see whether I can help.

Try to summarize the thrust of the interaction in a paragraph of prose, then segue smoothly into direct quotations. Please have a look at this field report for an example: FR - BeOfGoodCheer. I picked out that one because it’s a similar situation, an on-campus interaction with a girl who’s studying something, and that subject comes up early in the conversation.

Here’s an example of summarizing the initial approach:

After a few minutes, I walked over and said hello. She reciprocated my greeting very enthusiastically. I told her she looked like a living advertisement for Apple. She laughed and I asked her name. She asked mine, I took her hand, and asked if I might sit down beside her on the grass. She assented.

To go direct, I told her I'd seen her sitting here and hadn't been able to resist coming over and introducing myself. Then I asked her what she was studying, and she told me "Health and Human Performance". I'd never heard of such a degree, but speculated that it involved strenuous physical activity.

She said yes, and told me she was captain of the university all-girl cheerleading team.

And here’s how you segue smoothly into direct quotation:

I asked her at what age she'd gotten into cheerleading, and what had prompted her interest. I speculated that the all-female environment must be very competitive, snide, and bitchy, and was told I'd gotten it exactly right. We conversed for perhaps 20 minutes on a wide array of subjects. She asked about my background and I briefly told her where I was from and where I'd lived.

Now here's where I'm not sure whether I played things right: the date close.

I asked what she had lined up for the afternoon, and she told me that she was going to get some sun for another hour or so and then had a class and had to meet up with a friend later. So I asked:

• Marty: Okay... well I have to get to a meeting soon. Why don't we grab a coffee or bite some other time.
  
  BeOfGoodCheer: Sure, that would be great.
  
  Marty: Good deal. Let me get your cell number.

She input it into my phone, saving it for me with her first and last names—a nice touch. I kissed her on the cheek, got up from the ground and wished her an enjoyable remainder of the afternoon.

Have a go and see whether this helps. Maybe rewrite your FR above as an exercise.

 

[Definitely_not_a_gymrat]

Let me see whether I can help.

Try to summarize the thrust of the interaction in a paragraph of prose, then segue smoothly into direct quotations. Please have a look at this field report for an example: FR - BeOfGoodCheer. I picked out that one because it’s a similar situation, an on-campus interaction with a girl who’s studying something, and that subject comes up early in the conversation.

Here’s an example of summarizing the initial approach:



And here’s how you segue smoothly into direct quotation:



Have a go and see whether this helps. Maybe rewrite your FR above as an exercise.

Hey Marty, thanks for the advice, I will be certain to use this format in my future FR’s, and this update.

Also will quickly update with Girl #2:

She never responded to my icebreaker.

At one point in the initial convo, she mentioned a house party that she was going to for Thanksgiving Eve. I didn’t take this as an invitation of any sort, just her informing me on plans. When I try to tell my friends as we’re making plans, they told me to text her about her plans for Wednesday even though she explicitly told me she wasn’t free. Unfortunately, I listened to them, trying to get an invite to this(Mistake I know), and texted her:

“Hey [name] hope the rest of your Thanksgiving break is going good. Any plans for today or nah?”

Btw, she never responded. This was 2 days ago. U saw her in the gym. After seeing her, I quickly go up to her and ask her how she’s doing. We exchange a quick couple of lines of convo, and she says she’s really busy and has to go, and runs off. Taking this as me doing something wrong, I see her in my vicinity during the rest of my workout, but proceed to ignore her.

Well, at the end of my workout, guess who shows up at the locker next to mine? Her. I ask her if she’s leaving, then ask her about her plans, where we proceed to chat more about shopping and Black Friday malls. She then tells me she’s in a rush again, and goes off. I tell her bye, then that I’ll see her during winter break. She says yea.

What mistakes did I make, besides the obvious texting blunder, and is there a chance I can revive chemistry with this girl around a later time, say in a few weeks where she has a more relaxed schedule. Or was the busy thing just an excuse? Any input welcome.

Also side note, did another approach with a hotter girl, she was receptive to my approach, she was 17 though, so I continued convo for a bit then ejected gracefully. Not really any advice needed for this just thought I’d share that approaching really does seem to be the cure for getting over girls, especially approaching hotter girls.