Openers Cold Approach & Attractiveness

[Roundy]

I recently had an interesting conversation with my girlfriend about cold approach. A bunch of her female friends have been melancholy about the current dating scene with a few common themes:

- Dating apps are tiresome, the men aren’t sexy
- Nightclubs are miserable, the good-looking men don’t approach. This forces women into approaching which is not enjoyable for them

I thought I’d share this because it’s an interesting perspective I hadn’t heard before (may have been written about on GC at some point) but my GF regularly brings up how glad she is that I approached her when we met. She says it’s sexy, manly, assertive, and she doesn’t remember what I said or any other details apart from me walking up to meet her somehow (I don’t recall either).

She explained to me recently that when women are made to approach (this includes “matching” on apps) that the woman will see herself as the one in control of the relationship right off the bat. If she is made to take moves early on, she’ll view the man as her subordinate to fulfil any of her whims.

On the contrary, and in her words, a man that has the balls to approach “calls the shots” from then on. She said that for women these kind of first impressions are extremely hard for them to shake.

I know a lot of my male friends these choose to sit back and look pretty when meeting women. Don’t be one of those guys, I completely agree with my GF’s opinions on this one!

 

[Chase]

Nice share, @Roundy. I've heard a lot of similar things from women.

I've had plenty of times I've talked to various people and the question of "How'd you meet this or that girl?" comes up.

When you answer with, "I talked to her in an elevator ride," or, "We met on a street corner one day, waiting for a light to change," people just love those responses. If you met her in nightlife, you have to give a bit more of an elaborate story to get the "Wow" response.

The favorite meeting venue is clearly girls I met on/waiting for trains. When people ask how you met and your answer is, "I met her waiting for a train," women just about swoon. I have heard "That is SO romantic! She must be so happy you met that way!" more times than I can count.

That said, for whatever reason, it never seems to register for my girlfriends themselves that we met in any special kind of way.

I used to really try to get them to admit it, too. "Hey, isn't it cool how we met?" <nudge nudge>

Nope... guess the chicks I pick just aren't romantic enough for that!

Chase

 

[Roundy]

I wonder if it’s exaggerated by certain approach styles @Chase. A more indirect/under the radar thing where you spark up a natural conversation hasn’t had the same effect in my experience, where I’ve come in saying something like “who do you know here? (at a party)” and the seduction unfolds more organically. She might then have the story in her head that you didn’t even “approach” her so much as you two happened to meet.

Hard to imagine *that* leads to any negative outcomes though, I’ve had women fall for me very quickly where I’ve successfully employed sprezzatura on the open.

Approach style vs relationship outcomes is pretty interesting these days… a close friend of mine recently had a spectacular breakup after a very attractive young girl approached him in class, and then not long after invited herself to his house (40 minute drive) for sex. As soon as her tried to assert control, even in a small way, this girl lost her mind and broke up with him. At the time I thought, that’s strange, she’s been treating him like the prize all along. But in this context it makes sense.

 

[Chase]

I wonder if it’s exaggerated by certain approach styles @Chase. A more indirect/under the radar thing where you spark up a natural conversation hasn’t had the same effect in my experience, where I’ve come in saying something like “who do you know here? (at a party)” and the seduction unfolds more organically. She might then have the story in her head that you didn’t even “approach” her so much as you two happened to meet.

It probably has an effect.

Yet regardless, I have had girls I opened about as bold as you can get (think "beeline across an open space right to the girl and open direct"), and still, no thoughts or comments later about the approach. Not weeks, months, even years later!

I think it's just a personality thing, whether a girl thinks back on this stuff and decides, "Wow, so amazing!" or if she's not someone who spends much time reviewing the past.

Approach style vs relationship outcomes is pretty interesting these days… a close friend of mine recently had a spectacular breakup after a very attractive young girl approached him in class, and then not long after invited herself to his house (40 minute drive) for sex. As soon as her tried to assert control, even in a small way, this girl lost her mind and broke up with him. At the time I thought, that’s strange, she’s been treating him like the prize all along. But in this context it makes sense.

The girls who will approach guys themselves usually have pretty extreme personalities.

Usually there's some amount of avoidance in there. They also definitely like to be in control much more than the average girl.

Pretty wild for her to dump the guy after him trying to assert control even a bit though. Guess she really likes her men rag dolls...

Chase

 

[King]

She explained to me recently that when women are made to approach (this includes “matching” on apps) that the woman will see herself as the one in control of the relationship right off the bat. If she is made to take moves early on, she’ll view the man as her subordinate to fulfil any of her whims.

On the contrary, and in her words, a man that has the balls to approach “calls the shots” from then on. She said that for women these kind of first impressions are extremely hard for them to shake.

I know a lot of my male friends these choose to sit back and look pretty when meeting women. Don’t be one of those guys, I completely agree with my GF’s opinions on this one!

Wow! Mind blown... That is very deep insight. Thanks a lot for sharing this, I needed to hear this. You rock brother. Keep Slaying!

 

[Bismarck]

In the developed West in 2023 for 18-21-year-old girls dating apps have more social frame than cold approach day game.

 

[Bill]

I’ve heard women say this too, but it confuses me as I’d assume a man approaching is by default “chasing“ her and leaving it up to her to accept or reject, whereas if they meet by accident, introduction, or she approaches it would be equal ground or her in the chasing position from the get go.

 

[Skills]

This is similar effect of women having 100s of comment in Instagram and "no guys like me effect".. they are just not getting approached by their ideal type guys...guys are cold approaching, at least on night game....I wish what she is claiming was true....

 

[TomInHo]

I recently had an interesting conversation with my girlfriend about cold approach. A bunch of her female friends have been melancholy about the current dating scene with a few common themes:

- Dating apps are tiresome, the men aren’t sexy
- Nightclubs are miserable, the good-looking men don’t approach. This forces women into approaching which is not enjoyable for them

I wouldn't take what single women say very seriously. I mean think about it, if they were successful would they complain this much? It's not really the guys but more a reflection on the women in question

I thought I’d share this because it’s an interesting perspective I hadn’t heard before (may have been written about on GC at some point) but my GF regularly brings up how glad she is that I approached her when we met. She says it’s sexy, manly, assertive, and she doesn’t remember what I said or any other details apart from me walking up to meet her somehow (I don’t recall either).

She's your GF so she might be telling you that just to make you feel good ya know

She explained to me recently that when women are made to approach (this includes “matching” on apps) that the woman will see herself as the one in control of the relationship right off the bat. If she is made to take moves early on, she’ll view the man as her subordinate to fulfil any of her whims.

PURE BS.... She can approach but the man still needs to lead the interaction for sex to happen

She's just talking up her ass because if the guy was attractive enough that she approached him, then there's a high chance he has lots of options besides her too. Because women don't tend to approach guys that are just average

On the contrary, and in her words, a man that has the balls to approach “calls the shots” from then on. She said that for women these kind of first impressions are extremely hard for them to shake.

Lololol.... This is pointless honestly

If she approaches a guy then there was something extraordinary about him that made her do it. Also if that same guy approaches she can now rationalize that he was super manly

But then you also forget about all the other super manly men that approached her but she rejected... But why did she do that? Doesn't it mean the men were calling the shots?

I know a lot of my male friends these choose to sit back and look pretty when meeting women. Don’t be one of those guys, I completely agree with my GF’s opinions on this one!

Ah I see.... it's lowkey envy

Look, if you're good looking enough to not have to do much and girls approach you then it's cool. Doesn't mean you're a weaker man or whateva but it also doesn't make you superior

And if you're not that blessed genetically and you have to approach women more often to get what you want it doesn't make you a better man either or make you less superior to your good looking peers that get results with less effort

Quite silly when you think about it and it's more productive to think... hey am I meeting and fucking the girls I want with my current approach? If yes, keep doing ya thing. If no, then something(s) need to change

 

[Roundy]

I wouldn't take what single women say very seriously. I mean think about it, if they were successful would they complain this much? It's not really the guys but more a reflection on the women in question



She's you're GF so she might be telling you that just to make you feel good ya know



PURE BS.... She can approach but the man still needs to lead the interaction for sex to happen

She's just talking up her ass because if the guy was attractive enough that she approached him, then there's a high chance he has lots of options besides her too. Because women don't tend to approach guys that are just average



Lololol.... This is pointless honestly

If she approaches a guy then there was something extraordinary about him that made her do it. Also if that same guy approaches she can now rationalize that he was super manly

But then you also forget about all the other super manly men that approached her but she rejected... But why did she do that? Doesn't it mean the men were calling the shots?



Ah I see.... it's lowkey envy

Look, if you're good looking enough to not have to do much and girls approach you then it's cool. Doesn't mean you're a weaker man or whateva but it also doesn't make you superior

And if you're not that blessed genetically and you have to approach women more often to get what you want it doesn't make you a better man either or make you less superior to your good looking peers that get results with less effort

Quite silly when you think about it and it's more productive to think... hey am I meeting and fucking the girls I want with my current approach? If yes, keep doing ya thing. If no, then something(s) need to change

Hey Tom,

Thanks for the feedback. Granted this is based on women I’ve dated and with whom I’ve talked at length about the subject matter - haven’t conducted a survey here. I personally have the used the strategy some of my friends describe (“let them come to you”) and it definitely can work well. But given that a lot of PU is based around learning how to cold approach effectively, and with culture currently discouraging it in a number of ways, it’s cool to know how much women really appreciate it once you figure it out.

 

[Gladiator]

I largely tend to agree with @Skills and @TomInHo but I think it also depends on the girl and they're far and few.. I only Daygame and one will encounter them more than in nightgame..

For a social butterfly chic, she'd get approached left and right since she puts herself out there.. in parties and nightlife.. etc but for the shy ones, I think it's serendipitous..

I've had a few chics who were so excited only cos they got approached in daylight and they couldn't believe it happened.. on the flip side, they're the hardest to seduce cos they "get off" with the approach alone.. so to speak..

I just met one such today who was giggling all the time, she was so excited and shy that she didn't contribute anything to the conversation.. I carried the conversation as long as I could but my back started hurting carrying that conversation and so left lol

P.S: speaking of which, I'm still waiting for that article about shy girls @Chase

 

[Gladiator]

Edit: I think cold-approach is no more special cos every tom and dick talks about it from watching it on YouTube whether or not they do it and for a chic, I'd be surprised if she doesn't know that.. albeit whether or not she gets approached or not is another story...

 

[Bismarck]

Cold approach is and will always be special. It’s a great way to bat above the SMV allocated to you in SCs, which doesn’t tend to be ideal.

The Gen Z are simply less social and more awkward. Chase was spot on when he wrote that a good reason #metoo even happened was the generalized autism girls suffer from in the developed West in this day and age.

 

[Skills]

I largely tend to agree with @Skills and @TomInHo but I think it also depends on the girl and they're far and few.. I only Daygame and one will encounter them more than in nightgame..

For a social butterfly chic, she'd get approached left and right since she puts herself out there.. in parties and nightlife.. etc but for the shy ones, I think it's serendipitous..

I've had a few chics who were so excited only cos they got approached in daylight and they couldn't believe it happened.. on the flip side, they're the hardest to seduce cos they "get off" with the approach alone.. so to speak..

I just met one such today who was giggling all the time, she was so excited and shy that she didn't contribute anything to the conversation.. I carried the conversation as long as I could but my back started hurting carrying that conversation and so left lol

P.S: speaking of which, I'm still waiting for that article about shy girls @Chase

Shy girls get approach too, if you are doing day game, they probably don't get approach as much... Depending on location... Guys don't look at girls and say "is she shy" or "not shy" lol...

 

[Skills]

Cold approach is and will always be special. It’s a great way to bat above the SMV allocated to you in SCs, which doesn’t tend to be ideal.

The Gen Z are simply less social and more awkward. Chase was spot on when he wrote that a good reason #metoo even happened was the generalized autism girls suffer from in the developed West in this day and age.

I find them this year and last different with the social and awkward, in fact the opposite... I think people are just projecting observations in the whole thread.. In fact i totally enjoy more the gen z vibe at clubs and don't like other gen crowds in clubs, i find them to stifle and boring.

 

[HoofHearted]

I don't really feel the original post deserved the "taking to task" that it got.

All it really says is: "my girlfriend presented these reasons for arriving at her conclusion (men approaching can be more attractive), and I agree with her conclusion."

Get ready to cancel me because I really believe my next idea: you can't really ask women about what a man should do without having the means to interpret her answer. That is, the context of being a woman must be imagined/understood, and understanding that her being a woman provides her a vastly different experience in some areas of life.

You don't have to approach to get laid. Literally everybody in the thread knows this.

But the approach is such a wonderful opportunity to demonstrate traits or use skills that are attractive. In this way, if you forfeit your chance to approach, you forfeit an opportunity.

When I translate the Girl-nese from the OP, what I see is a girl describing a scenario she definitely finds attractive, and a lot of communication that she probably likes her boyfriend a lot, and the way he's currently running things. Good job taking care of her.

 

[Lover]

While some women are bold to approach and lead interactions, my experiences are that women only lead to a certain extent. Then they wait for the guy to make the "big" moves - acting on escalation windows, kissing her, arousing her, making sex happen etc. This way, she has plausible deniability to tell her friends that the guy made moves on her. She may have approached him, but after that, he did the rest!

I think the preferred female story to tell people is one where she frames herself being chased, wanted and desired. And then when she has a story to tell, she bents it to frame herself that way, regardless of the actual things that happened

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

The favorite meeting venue is clearly girls I met on/waiting for trains.

STUNNED

I'm a big fan of this sub. Big fan of the game here offered by many of the long time contributers.

But this right here? This is GOLDEN for me specifically.

I'm on the train a lot. I've made the approach here and there, with almost always good results, and the bad results were neutral - but this frame is PERFECT.

Do you know how easy approaching at public transit becomes when you realize this is her dream way to meet, just randomly making connections with some guy at the train station?

Even if this is not true across the board for all girls, as a MAN, having this frame in my mind is perfect.

 

[POB]

She explained to me recently that when women are made to approach (this includes “matching” on apps) that the woman will see herself as the one in control of the relationship right off the bat. If she is made to take moves early on, she’ll view the man as her subordinate to fulfil any of her whims.

On the contrary, and in her words, a man that has the balls to approach “calls the shots” from then on. She said that for women these kind of first impressions are extremely hard for them to shake.

This is interesting.
Personally, I've never been approached by attractive girls.
Don't know if that's just me, but I have to approach girls I find attractive.
And if that develops into a relationship, then I'm the one leading for sure.
Nice take man!

 

[ElderPrice]

Out of curiosity, is this group of female friends all in their 30s?