Cold approached girl who kept testing me

[ChalupaBatman]

I'm a big fan of Chase and Ricardus because of the articles on the site. I had a pretty big breakthrough this weekend and just wanted to share it and get some insights from everyone. I apologize in advance for how long this is, but I wanted to make it detailed for those wanting to offer their advice.

Place: Random bar off of Bourbon Street for Mardis Gras

A cute girl caught my eye across the room and we locked eyes for a second as she was talking to another guy. I saw she blew him off and walked over to the wall alone and started to mess around on her phone. I knew I had to seize the opportunity and I walked over immediately to speak with her.

First, a little back story on myself and pick up in general. I've never been the guy that walks over to girls and just start talking with them, or even ask them out...so this is all very new to me. I walked over and said "Hi, I just had to come over and tell you that I really like your style" (I got this from one of Chase's articles). I'm not sure if this came out too fast because I was pretty nervous, but she seemed receptive and was smiling. Immediately she was challenging me though and asked what I liked about her style, and I replied the way she dressed. She kept on challenging me and being extremely tough and asked how I knew she was stylish. I replied "from magazines", however I feel like I should have taken more time to answer to build sexual tension and think more about my answer. She quickly answered she doesn't read magazines so I changed the subject right away and asked if she had a boyfriend or was she single. I did this while leaning and almost speaking in her ear, mainly because of what Chase's advice to not stand too far away, but also because it was really loud in the bar. She said she was single and I asked what she did for a living.

Now this is where things went downhill really fast...I knew I should have been deep diving and listening very carefully...but I just couldn't hear her over the music. She ended up speaking for a while on what she did, and looking back I should have cut her off a lot sooner and told her I couldn't hear her. However, when she had finished I admitted I could not hear her and told her to follow me to a place that was more quiet. She said she would if I would buy her a drink...I KNEW THIS WAS BAD, because guys do not buy girls drinks, they just don't. This is something I have just learned over the years. I complied, however I told her she had to dance with me later. I grabbed her hand and we walked to the bar. Before I could order, an older man at the bar started to talk with her and she turned away from me and began talking with him. I waited a minute to see if she was just being polite but would blow him off and turn back to me, but she didn't. At this point I was pretty insulted she was neglecting me for an older man, and at that point I was done and I just walked off. To be honest, I didn't want to buy her a drink anyways, even if she was incredibly attractive.

This was a huge achievement for me though, because I have never in my life approached a girl like that and asked if she was single. I was bummed that things didn't work, however I am new, and regardless, this was a huge learning experience for me.

Would anyone please offer their advice on where I went wrong and what improvements y'all would make?

 

[Garrett]

ChalupaBatman,

Hell yeah man! Congrats for doing something none of your friends would ever attempt! Way to go.

The girl was challenging you to see if you were the real deal or just like everyone else. The reason why Chase says don't buy the girl a drink is because you're following HER terms which is an instant attraction killer. Girls want guys who lead and go on their terms, it shows dominance and confidence.

Perhaps you needed an explanation to really solidify the belief of why it's bad to buy girls drinks. Associate buying her drinks when she asks as basically ruining your chances with her, that's how serious it is. Although it was rude on her part to just ignore you, she knew your intentions due to your opener, and she assessed you already, so she figured there was no point keeping you around. I get what you mean by saying, "I'll buy you a drink if you dance with me later." That's not as bad because it's on your terms, but it's still not as good as gracefully rejecting her request, and in return just taking her by the hand, leading, and being the dominant, sexy man who escalates and who she really wants .

In conclusion, yeah a few rookie mistakes, but way to go man! Keep us updated, and don't give up!

Cheers,
Garrett

 

[Franco]

Hey ChalupaBatman,

First of all, I would like to say that your username is awesome. I watch The League religiously because it's hilarious!

Anyway, let's move on to your post.

A cute girl caught my eye across the room and we locked eyes for a second as she was talking to another guy. I saw she blew him off and walked over to the wall alone and started to mess around on her phone. I knew I had to seize the opportunity and I walked over immediately to speak with her.

This is excellent. This girl sensed that you might be a high caliber guy and was hoping you would approach her. Moving off by herself and pulling her phone out is usually a girl's way of leaving herself to be "receptive" to approaches.

Immediately she was challenging me though and asked what I liked about her style, and I replied the way she dressed. She kept on challenging me and being extremely tough and asked how I knew she was stylish. I replied "from magazines", however I feel like I should have taken more time to answer to build sexual tension and think more about my answer. She quickly answered she doesn't read magazines so I changed the subject right away and asked if she had a boyfriend or was she single.

Keep in mind that she just blew a guy off, and chances are, if she is as attractive as you mentioned, she probably has a lot of experience challenging men. She was definitely testing you, and your answers actually weren't bad at all, although with a bit more proficiency you might even learn to turn those challenges around towards her (or even properly cut that thread and smoothly lead into another question that will also challenge her back on a different subject, but this comes with practice and confidence).

Now this is where things went downhill really fast...I knew I should have been deep diving and listening very carefully...but I just couldn't hear her over the music. She ended up speaking for a while on what she did, and looking back I should have cut her off a lot sooner and told her I couldn't hear her. However, when she had finished I admitted I could not hear her and told her to follow me to a place that was more quiet.

Your instinct to move her here was good; however, as you realized, it would have been better to let her know sooner that you couldn't hear her. This is actually a good opportunity to get investment from her. You can look at her and then gesture your hand in a "come hither" motion toward your ear to let her know that you need her to move closer so that you can hear her. From there, you can reward her for moving closer to you by putting your hand on the small of her back as she speaks into your ear.

She said she would if I would buy her a drink...I KNEW THIS WAS BAD, because guys do not buy girls drinks, they just don't.

If she was asking you to buy her a drink, she probably sensed a bit of the nervousness in you and figured she was the higher value individual. As you get more practice and gain more confidence, the result of it will begin to show through your fundamentals and women will be trying to please you rather than having you try to please them.

In the meantime, I can give you one little trick that may work in a situation where she has deemed you as lower value and is trying to get you to do things for her. I have only done this once, and the one time I had done it, it actually worked (at least to a certain degree). If she asks you to buy her a drink, you can say something along the following lines:

"If you're just looking to have someone buy you a drink, then I'm sure there are plenty of other gentlemen here who are willing to do that for you. However, if you're looking to meet a guy who has a genuine interest in getting to know you, then I'll be right by the [wall/bar/table/etc.] over there, Ms. [Her Name]."

And then, of course, proceed to move to that area and go about your business as if you weren't phased at all by her.

For women who have a lot of confidence, throwing them a curve ball like this can really pique their interest. Again, this is a gamble type of move in the sense that the girl may not have the courage to re-approach you afterward, but if she does manage to approach and speak to you again, it can also help you recover from an otherwise lost situation.

Ideally, keep approaching women and improving your fundamentals as well as your social skills and these types of things will begin to happen less and less. It sounds like you already gained a lot of confidence from this approach, so try to go out and meet some more women while you're still running off of the high!

Cheers,

Franco

 

[ChalupaBatman]

ChalupaBatman,

Hell yeah man! Congrats for doing something none of your friends would ever attempt! Way to go.

The girl was challenging you to see if you were the real deal or just like everyone else. The reason why Chase says don't buy the girl a drink is because you're following HER terms which is an instant attraction killer. Girls want guys who lead and go on their terms, it shows dominance and confidence.

Perhaps you needed an explanation to really solidify the belief of why it's bad to buy girls drinks. Associate buying her drinks when she asks as basically ruining your chances with her, that's how serious it is. Although it was rude on her part to just ignore you, she knew your intentions due to your opener, and she assessed you already, so she figured there was no point keeping you around. I get what you mean by saying, "I'll buy you a drink if you dance with me later." That's not as bad because it's on your terms, but it's still not as good as gracefully rejecting her request, and in return just taking her by the hand, leading, and being the dominant, sexy man who escalates and who she really wants .

In conclusion, yeah a few rookie mistakes, but way to go man! Keep us updated, and don't give up!

Cheers,
Garrett

Thank you Garrett! There were a lot of drunk guys in that bar and on Bourbon St, so I am figuring that is another reason she could have had her guard up so much. Everything you are saying makes so much sense, especially about how she assessed me right off the bat and pretty much dismissed me at the bar. To think, this was even before I bought her the drink...ouch! I never realized the drink scenario was so serious. I have a lot to learn and hopefully I'll have some positive updates in the future.

 

[ChalupaBatman]

Hey ChalupaBatman,

First of all, I would like to say that your username is awesome. I watch The League religiously because it's hilarious!

Anyway, let's move on to your post.

A cute girl caught my eye across the room and we locked eyes for a second as she was talking to another guy. I saw she blew him off and walked over to the wall alone and started to mess around on her phone. I knew I had to seize the opportunity and I walked over immediately to speak with her.

This is excellent. This girl sensed that you might be a high caliber guy and was hoping you would approach her. Moving off by herself and pulling her phone out is usually a girl's way of leaving herself to be "receptive" to approaches.

Immediately she was challenging me though and asked what I liked about her style, and I replied the way she dressed. She kept on challenging me and being extremely tough and asked how I knew she was stylish. I replied "from magazines", however I feel like I should have taken more time to answer to build sexual tension and think more about my answer. She quickly answered she doesn't read magazines so I changed the subject right away and asked if she had a boyfriend or was she single.

Keep in mind that she just blew a guy off, and chances are, if she is as attractive as you mentioned, she probably has a lot of experience challenging men. She was definitely testing you, and your answers actually weren't bad at all, although with a bit more proficiency you might even learn to turn those challenges around towards her (or even properly cut that thread and smoothly lead into another question that will also challenge her back on a different subject, but this comes with practice and confidence).

Now this is where things went downhill really fast...I knew I should have been deep diving and listening very carefully...but I just couldn't hear her over the music. She ended up speaking for a while on what she did, and looking back I should have cut her off a lot sooner and told her I couldn't hear her. However, when she had finished I admitted I could not hear her and told her to follow me to a place that was more quiet.

Your instinct to move her here was good; however, as you realized, it would have been better to let her know sooner that you couldn't hear her. This is actually a good opportunity to get investment from her. You can look at her and then gesture your hand in a "come hither" motion toward your ear to let her know that you need her to move closer so that you can hear her. From there, you can reward her for moving closer to you by putting your hand on the small of her back as she speaks into your ear.

She said she would if I would buy her a drink...I KNEW THIS WAS BAD, because guys do not buy girls drinks, they just don't.

If she was asking you to buy her a drink, she probably sensed a bit of the nervousness in you and figured she was the higher value individual. As you get more practice and gain more confidence, the result of it will begin to show through your fundamentals and women will be trying to please you rather than having you try to please them.

In the meantime, I can give you one little trick that may work in a situation where she has deemed you as lower value and is trying to get you to do things for her. I have only done this once, and the one time I had done it, it actually worked (at least to a certain degree). If she asks you to buy her a drink, you can say something along the following lines:

"If you're just looking to have someone buy you a drink, then I'm sure there are plenty of other gentlemen here who are willing to do that for you. However, if you're looking to meet a guy who has a genuine interest in getting to know you, then I'll be right by the [wall/bar/table/etc.] over there, Ms. [Her Name]."

And then, of course, proceed to move to that area and go about your business as if you weren't phased at all by her.

For women who have a lot of confidence, throwing them a curve ball like this can really pique their interest. Again, this is a gamble type of move in the sense that the girl may not have the courage to re-approach you afterward, but if she does manage to approach and speak to you again, it can also help you recover from an otherwise lost situation.

Ideally, keep approaching women and improving your fundamentals as well as your social skills and these types of things will begin to happen less and less. It sounds like you already gained a lot of confidence from this approach, so try to go out and meet some more women while you're still running off of the high!

Cheers,

Franco

Thanks Franco! That and Archer are two of my favorite shows.

I really appreciate the breakdown for this scenario. Chase is definitely right when he says to go home and write down encounters after they happen. As I was writing, there were things I noticed I could have done better, as y'all saw me comment on above.

Your trick to use about what to tell her when she asks for a drink is pure gold...I almost can't wait to use it, although I know it's not good if I have to. Would y'all say that if a girl asks this then I am pretty much hosed? It sounds like once she has me deemed as lower value it is super hard to recover. I'm also going to have to use that "come hither" motion next time with the small of the back!

I'm still trying to work up the courage to go out alone, and I'm also trying to complete Chase's Newbie Assignment. I really need to slow down and just focus on the girl and the image I want to convey to the girl. It's just soo hard when you're nervous and she's gorgeous.