FR Cold days and cold receptions

[SparklingWadah]

Goals​

Today I am working on being more of a challenge to women and being a more interesting conversationalist.

1. STRONG eye contact
2. Drop the smile after the opener and use a bored look
3. Relate with insightful comments instead of questions

Outing​

It was a cold day today and I felt low energy, but I decided to visit a local farmer's market to see if there was any activity.

---

Approach 1​

I walked past a girl outside a coffee shop in a cute outfit sitting down and absorbed in her phone. After grabbing a drink from the coffee shop, I walked out and "noticed" her as I walked by, then approached her. She didn't hear me when I gave my compliment and I had to repeat myself. Then she looked confused, and it turned out she didn't speak much English. She wasn't really responding that great and I wouldn't be able to communicate well so I ejected.

Takeaways: I didn't speak with enough volume on the approach. I had to lean over a little bit to talk and communicate, when instead I should have leaned back. I probably could have given her a bored look when she wasn't responding well.

---

Approach 2​

I saw a pretty girl walking towards me, and observed that she didn't make an effort to divert her path away from mine. She passed by pretty close to me. I didn't see any eye contact or signs of interest, but I guessed it might be an approach invitation, so I turned around and caught up to her. However when I approached, she barely reacted and kept walking, saying she was busy.

Takeaways: I opened her with a more low energy voice and a smaller smile, maybe if I had more energy and used a louder voice she would've stopped. This was probably not an approach invitation.

---

Approach 3​

While walking by the mall I noticed two girls sitting down. I was about to pass by but noticed one of them was pretty, and felt like I had to do something. I approached the friend first, but the angles got a bit messed up and the girl I liked made eye contact with me first. The other girl was a bit confused and turned to face me after. They looked a bit young and I got a bit lost on what to do, so I complimented them on the interesting patterns on their converse sneakers. Then I chatted with them a little, but the conversation lost steam after the compliment so I ejected shortly after.

Takeaways: I could have approached from a better angle to talk to the friend first, so I could have adjusted and started talking to the girl I liked first. I could have asked something like "So what are you girls up to today? Shopping for fall outfits to post on Instagram?" to continue the conversation after the compliment and keep it lighthearted.

---

Approach 4​

While walking past a coffee shop, I noticed a girl in a elegant outfit with colorful dyed hair. I thought she was alone, so I approached. I was a bit too far from her when I opened and waved instead of pre-opening. I had a bit of nervousness in my voice while I was pacing the opener, but she responded fairly positively. I asked about the coffee she was holding and noticed that she had a friend behind her who was ordering a drink. I felt a bit unconfident in a approach with two girls and didn't feel that attracted to this girl, so I had a mostly platonic conversation about coffee at the shop. I didn't really tease much or ask for any compliance, and the conversation felt a bit boring.

Takeaways: My voice should have been stronger and less hesitant. I should have gotten more into her space so I could pre-open her since she was stationary. I could have made the conversation more emotional by getting off the impersonal topic of coffee and say something like, "So, did you just wake up and need a bit of caffeine or do you just really like coffee?"

---

Approach 5​

While walking across the street, I noticed a girl with these cool leather boots ahead of me. I didn't think she was that attractive but figured I would see if I could strike up a conversation. I walked up and said "Excuse me," but she pretty much ignored me as I was complimenting her boots, turned her face and body away from me, so I left her alone.

Takeaways: I didn't find her very attractive, although I did like her boots, but maybe she was able to sense some insincerity. My voice was also a bit weak during this opener.

---

Approach 6​

While walking past a coffee shop, I noticed a pretty girl sitting down at a table deep within a series of table. Her body language was a bit closed and her shoulders were more pointed inwards. I didn't notice that at the time but I decided to approach. I walked up to her directly, but seemed to sense something like discomfort or the anticipation of "Oh, some guy is approaching me again, ugh." It gave me a bit of a bad vibe but I complimented her outfit anyway. She thanked me positively, and I asked about her shoes. She replied that she was waiting for her boyfriend. Good to know but I ignored that and repeated the question, we chat a couple lines, then I eject and she thanked me again.

Takeaways: I could've recognized from her body language while sitting that she probably was not very open to being approached. Also from how she was not sitting in a easy to reach place.

---

Approach 7​

While throwing away some trash, I noticed a girl in a pretty dress walking towards me about to pass by very close. I guessed it might be an approach invitation so I quickly blurt out a "Hi! I love your dress." She passed by me but turns around to say thank you. Her body was facing away and it looked like she is still in motion, so I guessed it wasn't a approach invitation and let her keep going.

Takeaways: It's possible she was just a bit startled, so I could have tested her interest with something like "What's your name?" to see if she turns to face more of her body towards me. I put some more energy into this opener but I could've stepped slightly into her path to stop her and let her go around if she doesn't want to stop.

---

Approach 8​

While browsing the market, I noticed a girl in a cute outfit buying some groceries. I hang out around the way, waiting for an opportune moment to approach her. Eventually I end up at a taco stand, checking out the items, when I notice her nearby in my peripheral vision. Then she comes to stand right next to me to grab the last free sample. I immediately open with, "Grabbing the free samples? They look delicious...don't worry, you can take the last one, I'm just browsing." I observe her reaction and see she doesn't really react much or say anything. I chat with her a little about the food but she starts moving away and I get the feeling she's not interested, so I don't continue engaging her and let her go. I guess it's because her body is turned away from me.

Takeaways: I might have opened too fast, like I was ready for her. I could've waited a few seconds then said, "Go ahead and take the last sample...I can see you eyeing it," which is phrased a bit more like a command. I could have made a comment like, "I don't suppose you're a connoiseur of the fine art of tacos?" to test her response. I think I could've also adopted more of a bored look when she wasn't responding very well.

---

Approach 9​

While talking with approach 8, this girl was nearby ordering some tacos. I noticed her earlier because her back was kind of arched and sticking her butt out. This seemed like lordotic posture to attract attention. After approach 8 I moved over to check out some roasted chicken, and noticed this girl walk over and sit nearby me. I guessed it might be an approach invitation so I approached her after a few moments. She had a positive reaction, like a eager "Hi!" and started brushing her hair and talking to me with good energy. I asked her about her taco and she was happy to talk about it. I moved around a bit to lock in by sitting next to her.

Spoiler: CONVERSATION

We chatted for a bit (I didn't record the conversation for this one) but I noticed she was willing to ask me questions and seemed generally receptive. We introduced ourselves. I didn't want to go pure indirect so I followed up with complimenting her style. It was more of a trendy, casual look, so I asked if she was into fashion, and commented it seemed like a bit of a Gossip Girl look. She laughed and said no, Gossip Girl was more dressy, so I agreed and said "Yeah, more like East-side budget Gossip Girl" as a bit of a tease.

I continued the conversation asking what she was up to, and whether she was from around the area. She said she was a local, and I asked if she was a student or working around here. <This was kind of a boring fact exchange, I should've said something like, "Yeah that makes sense. You totally have the local vibe." as a bit of tease.>

She replied that she was a student, so I probed a bit about what she was studying. I could have instead used a cold read, like "Wait, let me guess...culinary appreciation" while gesturing to her food as a little bit of a tease. Actually she was pre-med, so I deep dived a bit about her wanting to be a doctor and why she wanted to become one. <This was probably not the best time to deep dive, I should have saved that for after I got more compliance. I could have instead said something like, "Oh, really? That's impressive. But you seem like a relaxed person...how do you handle all the studying without going crazy?" then continued with light conversation>

She asked "What about you?" after, and I replied "What about me?" with a slight smile. "I'm not pre-med." I then commented that she seemed to be really enjoying her taco, and asked if I could try a bite. She declined, saying she was actually really hungry. I persisted once, saying "Not even a bit of sauce?" but she declined that too. <I should have adopted a bored look here, unimpressed that she declined the compliance>

Then I shifted the topic to ask what kinds of plans she had for the rest of the day. She mentioned she would be going home to study for her medical school exam and hang out with her boyfriend. I noted that in my head while commenting that the studying sounded super boring, and transitioned to ejecting out of the conversation shortly after. She thanked me for coming to talk with her again, and we shared some nice goodbyes.

Takeaways: This probably was an approach invitation. I think it would've been better to open direct instead of indirect, to make my intentions more clear. I should have asked for more compliance early, and said something like, "Here, scoot over a little bit and make some room for me." Or I could've moved closer and said, "By the way, this is a beautiful necklace...do you mind?" while leaning over to touch it.

I could've leaned into a chase frame about tacos, something like, "It seems like you're pretty good at eating out a taco," or "You're imagining me eating out a taco right now, aren't you?"

I also should've shifted the conversation off of boring factual topics and more onto her story and emotional topics, or bantered some more. She was giving a lot of signs of interest but she also had a boyfriend, so maybe she was not very happy with him, so I could've asked something like "How's your relationship working out for you?" Or this might be a girl who just wanted attention.

---

Outcome​

I was pretty low energy today and didn't use my voice that well. I should warm up my voice before going out to mitigate this.

I got more cold receptions than I usually do. Maybe this was due to my low energy levels or just some random variance. If I pay attention to women's signals I might be able to tell better which girls will not respond well.

I should have taken more of a risk and slightly escalated the courtship with some of these girls, at least continuing on to "What's your name?" after the opener if they didn't reject me and are still hanging around. It feels uncomfortable if I get the feeling they're just being polite but I should test this instinct for accuracy.

I didn't do very well at using the bored look intentionally and didn't have a lot of opportunities to make comment. I should continue practicing and looking for opportunities for these.