Taken from my journal:
March 3
Today was full of ups and downs. I was studying till late last night and I had to force myself out of bed this morning to go to school. So tired. People say that state doesn’t matter, but I find that when I am tired, I do absolutely horrible with women (I talk quiet, I can’t think straight, etc).
So the first approach at school, I do a side opener: “are you single?” She says no, so I ignore it and say: “my names Darren.” She says she’s not interested and keeps walking. Must’ve been my fundamentals.
The second approach is this girl at the library. She’s sitting down and I check her out, trying to decide in my mind if she’s hot enough to approach. This is where I must’ve screwed up because she looked up and saw me staring. I looked away and went to go swipe my school card to get my bus pass. After, I go up to her and ask if the seat beside her is taken. She says no, so I sit down beside her and comment on how cute she is. She looks at me weirdly and says thanks. I introduce myself, and she half-ass shakes my hand before looking back down at her phone. I put on a bored look, but obviously, she didn’t re-initiate me, so I left.
I had a third approach, where I opened: “are you single?” from the side. She said no, so I slowed down my walk to see if she would match my pace. She didn’t.
After these three approaches, I felt absolutely disgusted at myself. I went to the library and tried to study but I couldn’t help but feel sorry for myself. It literally felt like my heart was being torn to pieces. Not for a while have I felt so depressed… so hurt… so angry. I’ve put in so much hard work and haven’t even gotten my first lay yet. At one point, I actually thought of jumping off the third floor of the library so that the girls who rejected me would feel sorry for me. However, mixed within this destructive mindset were thoughts like: “But you will never give up. You will be strong, and you will get through this. You’ve come this far already, it’s only a matter of time… just a matter of time…” Eventually, I passed out.
Looking back now, I can’t help but smile. It was so silly of me to think like that, but I really did feel bad then. Thanks to everyone who has commented on my threads so far; you guys have really helped.
Anyways, I wake up and I remember thinking to myself: “wow, I just went through hell and back.” I turn to my side and there’s a group of guys studying. They are whispering loudly about something. Then all of a sudden, a guy from this group turns around towards the direction of a hot girl who is studying at a table across the library. He puts on his glasses temporarily to check her out, and his group of friends start laughing. I think to myself: “what a bunch of pussies. I’m so much better than them. They can laugh and stare all they want, but I can actually approach.” This is bitter, I know… I was bitter today. But seeing this scenario go down made me feel a tiny bit better. I was thinking of approaching her right then and there just to show those kids up, but I know that anything above a whisper would be heard by the entire library. Instead, I start trying to study again. An hour or so passes, and this hot blonde girl gets up, packs up her stuff, and walks right past where I am studying. “This is my chance,” I tell myself. So, as she is walking down the stairs, leaving the library, I leave all my books and stuff behind, and catch up to her.
I open from the side with “Hello.”
She returns the greeting.
I then say: “I just saw you, and I just haaaddd to say hi.” Funny how much a nap can do to you; I was feeling re-energized and thus, was able to sound like I meant it.
“Thanks,” she says.
Introductions; handshake.
I ask her what she is up to today, and she says she’s going to philosophy class.
I reply: “so you must be a deep thinker.”
“Umm… not as much as I would like to be,” she says.
“Other people in my class participate way more than me.”
“Like, fighting to raise their hands,” I reply.
Her: “Yeah, they actually do. I just try to get in a word here and there… participation marks.”
“Ahh, so you’re the shy girl in the corner of the class” (this was a bad tease, but my intentions were to invite her sexual side out; I wanted her to respond something like: “I’m not always shy)!
But she didn’t. I don’t know how she responded, maybe with a smile or something.
I then backpedaled a bit by trying to relate to her: “I’m like that too. When I was little, I was always the shy kid who never said a word.”
She doesn’t believe me: “Well, you did approach me. Good on you, being able to start up a conversation with a stranger.”
I don’t really say anything, I just reply with a “hm.” I then ask her what her schedule is like: “we should totally grab a coffee.”
She says that she’s not in the mood to be social nowadays.
You know what I say to this? I say: “well… we don’t really have to talk… we can just stare into each other’s eyes.”
She smiles and says: “this is my class, nice meeting you!”
What went wrong here?
I’m thinking it was a mixture of my fundamentals being off, and that slightly hurtful tease. A better tease would’ve been like: “Ahh, so you’re the shy girl in the corner of the class. I think a couple more minutes of hanging out with you, and even I’d turn as silent as the wind!”
I start heading back to my stuff in the library. But on the way there, I see this pretty pink haired girl sitting outside, having a smoke. I turn to her and muster up a sexy walk, although I’m positive it could’ve been done way better; she definitely intimidated me a bit. She sees me acknowledge her, and sees me walking up to her.
I open with: “I’m digging your hair… Your lipstick matches too!” “
Thanks,” she says.
I sit down beside her. Introductions; handshake.
She starts off by showing interest in me, asking what I study here.
I tell her, psychology, and turn the question right back to her.
She says philosophy.
“So you must be a deep thinker,” I say.
“Mmm… a bit,” she replies.
Me: “If only a bit, then what’s the rest of you?”
She responds by listing all these artistic things.
“You are really creative,” I say.
She agrees and turns the question back to me.
I do the thoughtful look by looking away and down, then back to her: “I like reading… writing…” (trying to relate to her with creative hobbies as well).
I write as well,” she says.
I deep dive her: “what do you like about writing?”
“Good question,” she says. “Umm… I don’t know, it’s just something that I’ve done since I was young, I can’t really describe it.” I relate back to her: “yeah, I totally know what you mean. I can’t really explain it either, it’s just this feeling I get when I write.” “Yeah!” she replies. I continue: “this is a cool bond we have here: *give her a nudge on the upper arm… although I think touching her on the elbow would’ve been way more suitable* the ability to love writing, but not really know how to explain why.” She responds: “yeah, but to be able to put it in creative sounding words.” I number close here. She gives me her number and then says she better meet up with her group to study.
I text this girl to meet up, but she responds, saying that she forgot to mention that she is in a relationship, and that she wanted to make that clear. After talking to ProblemSolving, we decided she wasn’t worth the effort; there are single girls out there, I just have to keep looking.
I finally get back to my stuff at the library (good thing it’s still there), but not for long: another cute chick walks past where I’m studying. God damn!
I get back up, catch up to her, and open from the side: “hey!”
She replies: “hey! I remember you!”
“You remember me?” I say (cause I don’t). “Well that’s good! *pause* So what’s new?”
Her: “just stressing, you?”
Me: “going crazy as well.”
This leads to some light-hearted banter about what classes we’re taking and about craziness in general. I relate to her in my ability to suck at essays. She asks me where my backpack is, and I tell her the truth (that she distracted me and I had to chase after her hahaha)!
Her: “so who’s looking after your bag?”
Me: “just some guy.”
Her: “your friend?”
Me: “nope.”
Her: “just some random?”
Me: “yeah… hopefully he doesn’t backstab me.”
Her: “I’m sure he won’t…”
I keep walking alongside her, not saying anything for a few seconds.
Her: “… how long are you going to follow me for? Haha…”
Me: “stop. I want to talk to you more.”
I then deep dive after she stops: “If you’re stressing out so much, why are you taking these classes?” She tells me how she wants to transfer to university. I ask her to do what, and she says she has no idea yet.
Me: “well, let me ask you this, if you could have any job in the world without having to worry about *cha-ching – rub my fingers together,* what would you do?”
She laughs (probably because I was being so theatrical, lol, I’ve said this line like hundreds of times). Her: “I would be an actress.”
Me: “why not be an actress then?”
Her: “it’s unrealistic, I mean you have to start at a young age and be really talented, and blah blah blah.” Me: “you’re starting to sound like your parents.”
Her: *laughs*
Me: “you could start enrolling in acting classes like once a week”
Her: *starts talking about how that would be really hard, about how hard it would be to make money*
Me: “I like how you’re straight to the point. Money! Money! Money!”
Her: “haha yeah, well you’ve got to have money to do things!” (said it like I was stupid lol)
Me: “I can tell that you don’t beat around the bush with your emotions. I can respect that. I’m like that too.”
Her: “yeah… I mean, what do you want to do?”
Me: “hmmm… *thoughtful look* to be honest, all I really want to do is to travel the world.”
Her: “yeah, I want to do that too. But you need money!”
Me: “yeah…”
I try to number close here. She says she’s sort of seeing someone. I reply that I have no intentions of replacing him. Still, she declines. I keep persisting, saying that if he’s not her boyfriend, then what’s the problem? She tells me that she sees him as a potential relationship partner. “Does he see the same in you?” I ask. She says she dunnos. So I keep persisting. Eventually, we’re at a standstill where we’re both staring into each other’s eyes (I ran out of phrases to convince her). Gradually, the tension gets too high and we both burst out laughing. I know it would’ve been better if I didn’t, and only she did, but I couldn’t help myself either lol.
Her: “seriously though. I know I’m laughing, but I’m serious.”
Me: “okay, well if things change, why don’t you take down my number… or I take down your number…”
Her: “I’m pretty sure I already gave you my number.”
Me: “really? Oh, well, I must’ve texted you, and you must’ve not replied, so I must’ve deleted your number.”
Her: “well, there you go; I was just trying to tell you nicely.”
Me: “okay, I guess I’ll let you go then.”
We shake hands and go our separate ways.
What went wrong?
I might’ve creeped her out by telling her that I left my stuff to go chase her.
I followed her for a few minutes without getting her to stop. In this situation, this isn’t okay. It framed me as the chaser (since my stuff was back at the library).
She had a strong frame: she outframed me regarding the deep deep, and during the attempted number close.
March 10
Got two pretty weak numbers today, both from cute blonde girls at school. The first one was sitting down studying, so I opened her direct. Asked if I could take a seat, and she said yes, so I started moving her stuff so that I could sit beside her. I asked her what she was studying and she immediately started qualifying herself to me, telling me about how she got accepted into university and which one it was. It was pretty weird (usually, girls don’t qualify themselves so quickly to me). I asked her how she got into social work. She said that she had a lot of experience working with all kinds of people: children, seniors. I said something like: “oh wow, you must be very non-judgmental, having so much experience working with all those different kinds of people, plus you must also have a caring personality.” I think this is where I went wrong: I shouldn’t have talked so much. Something like, “oh wow, you must be very non-judgmental, having so much experience with all those different kinds of people.” Because the next thing she says is: “…that’s a lot of judgments you made based on one thing.” I responded: “well, is it true?” And she said “yes.” We talked a bit more, and the conversation got pretty awkward; I gave her strong eye contact at one point to put the social pressure on her, since I couldn’t really think of anything to say, and she sort of got awkwarded out. Nevertheless, I still managed to number grab.
The second girl I opened direct. Banter and deep dive about school. Try to close, but she had a boyfriend. I pretty much had to force her to give me her number. Was totally chasing her.
Something funny that I said to another girl:
Me: “hey!”
Her: *looks at me* “hey”
Her: “do I know you…? Oh wait, you’ve hit on me before.”
Me: *give her a nudge on upper arm*
Me: “I don’t hit girls. It’s mean.
Another excerpt from another girl:
I opened this girl direct. Was wearing a pink and white striped shirt, black jeans, and black baseball hat. Found out that she was from out of town, and just checking out the college campus. She asked me if I knew anyone who could show her around. I offered to. Thinking back, I don’t know if this was such a good idea, but I figured it was a good way to move her. We walked around campus talking, but she seemed way more into the environment than me. I was deep diving her, asking her what she likes about Vancouver. She said the weather, the laid-back vibe. I asked her what she wanted to study and why. She said business because she wanted to help company’s grow. I replied that that was very unselfish of her; she wanted to benefit herself, but at the same time, help others. A note:
Me: “yeah… you just looked absolutely stunning in th-”
Her: “shutuppp!”
Me: *silence* (I was defeated here – I shouldn’t have complimented her twice, the opener was enough – nevertheless, I should’ve kept talking and not shown disappointment)
Her: “I’m like too old for you anyways, how old are you?”
Me: “how old areee youuu?”
Her: “29, you?”
Me: “19”
Me: “I think age is just a thing that people make up” (meant to say something like: “Age is a false belief. If you can build a genuine connection with someone, then why does it matter how old they are?”)
Anyways, I tried to close near the end of our walk. She said she was only here for two days, and had absolutely no time. Whatever. Waste of my time.
March 12
Had a four hour break in-between classes today, so I headed down to the university. Got one weak number. Girl sitting down. I opened direct. Light bantered about chocolate, since she was eating chocolate. I asked her if she liked chocolate, and she said “sort of, I like fries more.” “Haha,” I said. “Very healthy choice.” She asked me if I liked chocolate. I said: “no, I prefer burgers and sodas.” Found out that she was in kinesiology.
Me: “so if someone broke a bone right now, you would be able to fix it?”
Her: “haha, well, I’m only in first year”
Me: “okay, so you would be able to tell what bone they broke.”
Her: “Haha, yes, I would be able to do that.”
I asked how she got into kinesiology. She told me how she played lots of sports when she was younger, and hurt herself, and seeing how rehabilitation got her better, she decided to pursue kinesiology as a career.
She then asked me what I studied, and asked me how I got into it. I answered her as well as I could (making sure to do thoughtful looks).
I think I made a mistake here of talking more. I should’ve just number closed; kept the interaction short. Instead, I told her that she must have very good nutrition as well (even though we joked earlier that we didn’t). Stupid me. She said that she was surviving off cafeteria food. So I asked where she was from, assuming that she was from out of town. She said Calgary, and I deep dove that. She said she liked the place where she was from more because it was a tightly-knit town where everyone knew each other and you could see a bear in your backyard if you were lucky. “You have nature as your backyard,” I said. After this, I asked her about her schedule. She said she was busy until the end of the term. I told her I was extremely busy as well, but that I should take down her number anyways, “maybe we could find some time.” I then asked her about what sports she did when she was younger. Bantered about that, and then left. Overall, the conversation never really reached a high point, and I found myself struggling to achieve this point, but to no avail. Awkward vibe throughout this conversation.
I’m going to write about one more approach, probably the best approach of the day. This girl was lining up for starbucks, so I figured out, “hey what the hell, I’ll just order a cup of water.”
Me: “hey, excuse me?”
Her: *looks at me*
Me: “can I budge ahead of you?”
Her: “uhhhhhhhhhhh”
Me: “relax. *give her a nudge on the upper arm* I just thought you were incredibly cute”
Her: *starts laughing*
Me: “… and wanted to say hi…”
Me: “I’m Darren”
Her: *shakes my hand, tells me her name*
Me: “so, what’s your favourite drink?”
Her: *laughs* (stupid fucking question I know, but I just wanted to start off with some light banter)
Her: “hmmm... I don’t know what I want… I don’t really drink coffee, so I guess tea.”
Me: “I was just about to say *pause* are you thhaatt spontaneous?”
Her: “haha noo”
Me: “so tea huh? You must be a really relaxing, chill kind of person”
Her: “not really"
Me: "ahhh, so you've got a wild side"
Her: "haha, no, more of in-between" (I could've responded: "it's ok, you don't have to be shy around me)
Me: "ahhh, so you've got that equilibrium about you. That's a cool bond we have. I'm like that too: not too extreme on one side, but not too much on the other either" (use my hands to show this).
Her: "right in the middle"
Me: "right where I want to be" (should've said instead: "right where we want to be")
At this point, we both order our drinks, so I don't talk to her again until we are at the area where we wait for the drinks.
Me: "I hate how this line is always so long"
Her: *smiles*
We get our drinks, and then I try to number close.
Her: "maybeeee not"
Me: "maybeeee yes"
Her: "haha stop changing my words!"
She starts turning her face slowly away from me so that she is looking at me from the corner of her eyes. I do the exact same thing. We smile.
Me: "why, do you have a boyfrieeeenddd?"
Her: "mmm... sort of... I'm sort of seeing someone" (I know what that means)
Me: "me too" (could've added: I'm good at keeping secrets)
Her: "you shouldn't be walking around telling weird girls they're cute"
Me: "you're weird? are you saying you're weird?"
Her: "no"
Lol.
She walks away to put sugar or whatever in her drink. I stay put, just to see if she will come back to talk to me, but she doesn't. Fuck. I could tell this girl was pretty experienced. Thinking about it now, she put off my "spontaneous" and "wild side" frames pretty easily.
March 3
Today was full of ups and downs. I was studying till late last night and I had to force myself out of bed this morning to go to school. So tired. People say that state doesn’t matter, but I find that when I am tired, I do absolutely horrible with women (I talk quiet, I can’t think straight, etc).
So the first approach at school, I do a side opener: “are you single?” She says no, so I ignore it and say: “my names Darren.” She says she’s not interested and keeps walking. Must’ve been my fundamentals.
The second approach is this girl at the library. She’s sitting down and I check her out, trying to decide in my mind if she’s hot enough to approach. This is where I must’ve screwed up because she looked up and saw me staring. I looked away and went to go swipe my school card to get my bus pass. After, I go up to her and ask if the seat beside her is taken. She says no, so I sit down beside her and comment on how cute she is. She looks at me weirdly and says thanks. I introduce myself, and she half-ass shakes my hand before looking back down at her phone. I put on a bored look, but obviously, she didn’t re-initiate me, so I left.
I had a third approach, where I opened: “are you single?” from the side. She said no, so I slowed down my walk to see if she would match my pace. She didn’t.
After these three approaches, I felt absolutely disgusted at myself. I went to the library and tried to study but I couldn’t help but feel sorry for myself. It literally felt like my heart was being torn to pieces. Not for a while have I felt so depressed… so hurt… so angry. I’ve put in so much hard work and haven’t even gotten my first lay yet. At one point, I actually thought of jumping off the third floor of the library so that the girls who rejected me would feel sorry for me. However, mixed within this destructive mindset were thoughts like: “But you will never give up. You will be strong, and you will get through this. You’ve come this far already, it’s only a matter of time… just a matter of time…” Eventually, I passed out.
Looking back now, I can’t help but smile. It was so silly of me to think like that, but I really did feel bad then. Thanks to everyone who has commented on my threads so far; you guys have really helped.
Anyways, I wake up and I remember thinking to myself: “wow, I just went through hell and back.” I turn to my side and there’s a group of guys studying. They are whispering loudly about something. Then all of a sudden, a guy from this group turns around towards the direction of a hot girl who is studying at a table across the library. He puts on his glasses temporarily to check her out, and his group of friends start laughing. I think to myself: “what a bunch of pussies. I’m so much better than them. They can laugh and stare all they want, but I can actually approach.” This is bitter, I know… I was bitter today. But seeing this scenario go down made me feel a tiny bit better. I was thinking of approaching her right then and there just to show those kids up, but I know that anything above a whisper would be heard by the entire library. Instead, I start trying to study again. An hour or so passes, and this hot blonde girl gets up, packs up her stuff, and walks right past where I am studying. “This is my chance,” I tell myself. So, as she is walking down the stairs, leaving the library, I leave all my books and stuff behind, and catch up to her.
I open from the side with “Hello.”
She returns the greeting.
I then say: “I just saw you, and I just haaaddd to say hi.” Funny how much a nap can do to you; I was feeling re-energized and thus, was able to sound like I meant it.
“Thanks,” she says.
Introductions; handshake.
I ask her what she is up to today, and she says she’s going to philosophy class.
I reply: “so you must be a deep thinker.”
“Umm… not as much as I would like to be,” she says.
“Other people in my class participate way more than me.”
“Like, fighting to raise their hands,” I reply.
Her: “Yeah, they actually do. I just try to get in a word here and there… participation marks.”
“Ahh, so you’re the shy girl in the corner of the class” (this was a bad tease, but my intentions were to invite her sexual side out; I wanted her to respond something like: “I’m not always shy)!
But she didn’t. I don’t know how she responded, maybe with a smile or something.
I then backpedaled a bit by trying to relate to her: “I’m like that too. When I was little, I was always the shy kid who never said a word.”
She doesn’t believe me: “Well, you did approach me. Good on you, being able to start up a conversation with a stranger.”
I don’t really say anything, I just reply with a “hm.” I then ask her what her schedule is like: “we should totally grab a coffee.”
She says that she’s not in the mood to be social nowadays.
You know what I say to this? I say: “well… we don’t really have to talk… we can just stare into each other’s eyes.”
She smiles and says: “this is my class, nice meeting you!”
What went wrong here?
I’m thinking it was a mixture of my fundamentals being off, and that slightly hurtful tease. A better tease would’ve been like: “Ahh, so you’re the shy girl in the corner of the class. I think a couple more minutes of hanging out with you, and even I’d turn as silent as the wind!”
I start heading back to my stuff in the library. But on the way there, I see this pretty pink haired girl sitting outside, having a smoke. I turn to her and muster up a sexy walk, although I’m positive it could’ve been done way better; she definitely intimidated me a bit. She sees me acknowledge her, and sees me walking up to her.
I open with: “I’m digging your hair… Your lipstick matches too!” “
Thanks,” she says.
I sit down beside her. Introductions; handshake.
She starts off by showing interest in me, asking what I study here.
I tell her, psychology, and turn the question right back to her.
She says philosophy.
“So you must be a deep thinker,” I say.
“Mmm… a bit,” she replies.
Me: “If only a bit, then what’s the rest of you?”
She responds by listing all these artistic things.
“You are really creative,” I say.
She agrees and turns the question back to me.
I do the thoughtful look by looking away and down, then back to her: “I like reading… writing…” (trying to relate to her with creative hobbies as well).
I write as well,” she says.
I deep dive her: “what do you like about writing?”
“Good question,” she says. “Umm… I don’t know, it’s just something that I’ve done since I was young, I can’t really describe it.” I relate back to her: “yeah, I totally know what you mean. I can’t really explain it either, it’s just this feeling I get when I write.” “Yeah!” she replies. I continue: “this is a cool bond we have here: *give her a nudge on the upper arm… although I think touching her on the elbow would’ve been way more suitable* the ability to love writing, but not really know how to explain why.” She responds: “yeah, but to be able to put it in creative sounding words.” I number close here. She gives me her number and then says she better meet up with her group to study.
I text this girl to meet up, but she responds, saying that she forgot to mention that she is in a relationship, and that she wanted to make that clear. After talking to ProblemSolving, we decided she wasn’t worth the effort; there are single girls out there, I just have to keep looking.
I finally get back to my stuff at the library (good thing it’s still there), but not for long: another cute chick walks past where I’m studying. God damn!
I get back up, catch up to her, and open from the side: “hey!”
She replies: “hey! I remember you!”
“You remember me?” I say (cause I don’t). “Well that’s good! *pause* So what’s new?”
Her: “just stressing, you?”
Me: “going crazy as well.”
This leads to some light-hearted banter about what classes we’re taking and about craziness in general. I relate to her in my ability to suck at essays. She asks me where my backpack is, and I tell her the truth (that she distracted me and I had to chase after her hahaha)!
Her: “so who’s looking after your bag?”
Me: “just some guy.”
Her: “your friend?”
Me: “nope.”
Her: “just some random?”
Me: “yeah… hopefully he doesn’t backstab me.”
Her: “I’m sure he won’t…”
I keep walking alongside her, not saying anything for a few seconds.
Her: “… how long are you going to follow me for? Haha…”
Me: “stop. I want to talk to you more.”
I then deep dive after she stops: “If you’re stressing out so much, why are you taking these classes?” She tells me how she wants to transfer to university. I ask her to do what, and she says she has no idea yet.
Me: “well, let me ask you this, if you could have any job in the world without having to worry about *cha-ching – rub my fingers together,* what would you do?”
She laughs (probably because I was being so theatrical, lol, I’ve said this line like hundreds of times). Her: “I would be an actress.”
Me: “why not be an actress then?”
Her: “it’s unrealistic, I mean you have to start at a young age and be really talented, and blah blah blah.” Me: “you’re starting to sound like your parents.”
Her: *laughs*
Me: “you could start enrolling in acting classes like once a week”
Her: *starts talking about how that would be really hard, about how hard it would be to make money*
Me: “I like how you’re straight to the point. Money! Money! Money!”
Her: “haha yeah, well you’ve got to have money to do things!” (said it like I was stupid lol)
Me: “I can tell that you don’t beat around the bush with your emotions. I can respect that. I’m like that too.”
Her: “yeah… I mean, what do you want to do?”
Me: “hmmm… *thoughtful look* to be honest, all I really want to do is to travel the world.”
Her: “yeah, I want to do that too. But you need money!”
Me: “yeah…”
I try to number close here. She says she’s sort of seeing someone. I reply that I have no intentions of replacing him. Still, she declines. I keep persisting, saying that if he’s not her boyfriend, then what’s the problem? She tells me that she sees him as a potential relationship partner. “Does he see the same in you?” I ask. She says she dunnos. So I keep persisting. Eventually, we’re at a standstill where we’re both staring into each other’s eyes (I ran out of phrases to convince her). Gradually, the tension gets too high and we both burst out laughing. I know it would’ve been better if I didn’t, and only she did, but I couldn’t help myself either lol.
Her: “seriously though. I know I’m laughing, but I’m serious.”
Me: “okay, well if things change, why don’t you take down my number… or I take down your number…”
Her: “I’m pretty sure I already gave you my number.”
Me: “really? Oh, well, I must’ve texted you, and you must’ve not replied, so I must’ve deleted your number.”
Her: “well, there you go; I was just trying to tell you nicely.”
Me: “okay, I guess I’ll let you go then.”
We shake hands and go our separate ways.
What went wrong?
I might’ve creeped her out by telling her that I left my stuff to go chase her.
I followed her for a few minutes without getting her to stop. In this situation, this isn’t okay. It framed me as the chaser (since my stuff was back at the library).
She had a strong frame: she outframed me regarding the deep deep, and during the attempted number close.
March 10
Got two pretty weak numbers today, both from cute blonde girls at school. The first one was sitting down studying, so I opened her direct. Asked if I could take a seat, and she said yes, so I started moving her stuff so that I could sit beside her. I asked her what she was studying and she immediately started qualifying herself to me, telling me about how she got accepted into university and which one it was. It was pretty weird (usually, girls don’t qualify themselves so quickly to me). I asked her how she got into social work. She said that she had a lot of experience working with all kinds of people: children, seniors. I said something like: “oh wow, you must be very non-judgmental, having so much experience working with all those different kinds of people, plus you must also have a caring personality.” I think this is where I went wrong: I shouldn’t have talked so much. Something like, “oh wow, you must be very non-judgmental, having so much experience with all those different kinds of people.” Because the next thing she says is: “…that’s a lot of judgments you made based on one thing.” I responded: “well, is it true?” And she said “yes.” We talked a bit more, and the conversation got pretty awkward; I gave her strong eye contact at one point to put the social pressure on her, since I couldn’t really think of anything to say, and she sort of got awkwarded out. Nevertheless, I still managed to number grab.
The second girl I opened direct. Banter and deep dive about school. Try to close, but she had a boyfriend. I pretty much had to force her to give me her number. Was totally chasing her.
Something funny that I said to another girl:
Me: “hey!”
Her: *looks at me* “hey”
Her: “do I know you…? Oh wait, you’ve hit on me before.”
Me: *give her a nudge on upper arm*
Me: “I don’t hit girls. It’s mean.
Another excerpt from another girl:
I opened this girl direct. Was wearing a pink and white striped shirt, black jeans, and black baseball hat. Found out that she was from out of town, and just checking out the college campus. She asked me if I knew anyone who could show her around. I offered to. Thinking back, I don’t know if this was such a good idea, but I figured it was a good way to move her. We walked around campus talking, but she seemed way more into the environment than me. I was deep diving her, asking her what she likes about Vancouver. She said the weather, the laid-back vibe. I asked her what she wanted to study and why. She said business because she wanted to help company’s grow. I replied that that was very unselfish of her; she wanted to benefit herself, but at the same time, help others. A note:
Me: “yeah… you just looked absolutely stunning in th-”
Her: “shutuppp!”
Me: *silence* (I was defeated here – I shouldn’t have complimented her twice, the opener was enough – nevertheless, I should’ve kept talking and not shown disappointment)
Her: “I’m like too old for you anyways, how old are you?”
Me: “how old areee youuu?”
Her: “29, you?”
Me: “19”
Me: “I think age is just a thing that people make up” (meant to say something like: “Age is a false belief. If you can build a genuine connection with someone, then why does it matter how old they are?”)
Anyways, I tried to close near the end of our walk. She said she was only here for two days, and had absolutely no time. Whatever. Waste of my time.
March 12
Had a four hour break in-between classes today, so I headed down to the university. Got one weak number. Girl sitting down. I opened direct. Light bantered about chocolate, since she was eating chocolate. I asked her if she liked chocolate, and she said “sort of, I like fries more.” “Haha,” I said. “Very healthy choice.” She asked me if I liked chocolate. I said: “no, I prefer burgers and sodas.” Found out that she was in kinesiology.
Me: “so if someone broke a bone right now, you would be able to fix it?”
Her: “haha, well, I’m only in first year”
Me: “okay, so you would be able to tell what bone they broke.”
Her: “Haha, yes, I would be able to do that.”
I asked how she got into kinesiology. She told me how she played lots of sports when she was younger, and hurt herself, and seeing how rehabilitation got her better, she decided to pursue kinesiology as a career.
She then asked me what I studied, and asked me how I got into it. I answered her as well as I could (making sure to do thoughtful looks).
I think I made a mistake here of talking more. I should’ve just number closed; kept the interaction short. Instead, I told her that she must have very good nutrition as well (even though we joked earlier that we didn’t). Stupid me. She said that she was surviving off cafeteria food. So I asked where she was from, assuming that she was from out of town. She said Calgary, and I deep dove that. She said she liked the place where she was from more because it was a tightly-knit town where everyone knew each other and you could see a bear in your backyard if you were lucky. “You have nature as your backyard,” I said. After this, I asked her about her schedule. She said she was busy until the end of the term. I told her I was extremely busy as well, but that I should take down her number anyways, “maybe we could find some time.” I then asked her about what sports she did when she was younger. Bantered about that, and then left. Overall, the conversation never really reached a high point, and I found myself struggling to achieve this point, but to no avail. Awkward vibe throughout this conversation.
I’m going to write about one more approach, probably the best approach of the day. This girl was lining up for starbucks, so I figured out, “hey what the hell, I’ll just order a cup of water.”
Me: “hey, excuse me?”
Her: *looks at me*
Me: “can I budge ahead of you?”
Her: “uhhhhhhhhhhh”
Me: “relax. *give her a nudge on the upper arm* I just thought you were incredibly cute”
Her: *starts laughing*
Me: “… and wanted to say hi…”
Me: “I’m Darren”
Her: *shakes my hand, tells me her name*
Me: “so, what’s your favourite drink?”
Her: *laughs* (stupid fucking question I know, but I just wanted to start off with some light banter)
Her: “hmmm... I don’t know what I want… I don’t really drink coffee, so I guess tea.”
Me: “I was just about to say *pause* are you thhaatt spontaneous?”
Her: “haha noo”
Me: “so tea huh? You must be a really relaxing, chill kind of person”
Her: “not really"
Me: "ahhh, so you've got a wild side"
Her: "haha, no, more of in-between" (I could've responded: "it's ok, you don't have to be shy around me)
Me: "ahhh, so you've got that equilibrium about you. That's a cool bond we have. I'm like that too: not too extreme on one side, but not too much on the other either" (use my hands to show this).
Her: "right in the middle"
Me: "right where I want to be
" (should've said instead: "right where we want to be")At this point, we both order our drinks, so I don't talk to her again until we are at the area where we wait for the drinks.
Me: "I hate how this line is always so long"
Her: *smiles*
We get our drinks, and then I try to number close.
Her: "maybeeee not"
Me: "maybeeee yes"
Her: "haha stop changing my words!"
She starts turning her face slowly away from me so that she is looking at me from the corner of her eyes. I do the exact same thing. We smile.
Me: "why, do you have a boyfrieeeenddd?"
Her: "mmm... sort of... I'm sort of seeing someone" (I know what that means)
Me: "me too" (could've added: I'm good at keeping secrets)
Her: "you shouldn't be walking around telling weird girls they're cute"
Me: "you're weird? are you saying you're weird?"
Her: "no"
Lol.
She walks away to put sugar or whatever in her drink. I stay put, just to see if she will come back to talk to me, but she doesn't. Fuck. I could tell this girl was pretty experienced. Thinking about it now, she put off my "spontaneous" and "wild side" frames pretty easily.
