- Joined
- Nov 11, 2019
- Messages
- 1,052
As promised to members in the chat, here's a compilation of the posts that helped form my text game philosophy when I was starting out.
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Don't give milk away for free
Make a better impression in the initial interaction and then keep the txting short and boring and pushing toward a meetup VS having big long conversations all day, which she’ll TOTALLY be up for doing, but will lower your value because you're giving the milk (your attention and the emotions you give her) away for free (she gets them over txt putting no effort in). Make a strong impact on her in person and then force her to have to meet up with you to get to experience that again. They have DOZENS of guys who will HAPPILY text them ALLLLLL day long.
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Text Breakdown
Me: Question for you’
Her: Hmmm?
Me: Are you at least 21 or do I have to rob an old lady of her ID so I can get you into bars’
Her: Loll I’m not 21 yet
but….I dont drink haha
Me: Whys that. Not judging
Her: Health issues : / haha
Me: You don’t eat meat, drink, or like dogs. Planning out a date isn’t easy with you is it ;-p
Her: Lolll it must not be if u say so haha’
YaReally: when girls are all passive and shit like this — she’s not quite reacting to what you say — whatever you launched probably just didn’t hit.
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Me: Ok I want to know. What’s your top two vices. Because if you don’t drink or eat meat then it has to be something else.
Me: It’s probably guys in blue sweaters and a large Pokemon card collection
Her: What do u mean lol I don’t understand ur question
YaReally: You keep plowing — good choice, but you keep plowing in the same jokey vein. I’d try something a little different — she just doesn’t seem like she’s going to respond to the ‘make statements about her and build a person’ stuff. So try to DHV in other ways — u saw another girl that reminded you of her, some shit about a girl you kicked out of your place — keyword here is subtle, eg tie it into coming over your place, make a silly rule…’ya but if u come over just make sure you take ur bra. please. omg. u have to take it with u when u leave.’ You did something awesome that her stupid non-meat, non-drinking ass would love and that’s why it’s a funny coincidence, etc. When a girl doesn’t respond to funny-ha-ha humor, I assume that she just expects that from me and needs to be assured of other traits.
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Me: What are your two bad habits or guilty pleasures, silly’
Her: Uhh that would depend on what ur definition of “bad habits” are
Me: Something u really enjoy but would make your conservative parents disown you if they found out’
YaReally: At this point, she’s being difficult and I’d probably change the subject or tease her for being a ballbuster.
‘jesus u a lawyer…’ and change subject or just let it sit.
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‘Her: Hahaha uhhh thats uncomfortable…what if ur a cop lol’
YaReally: See, girls know about this shit because she does it back to you in the next text — she just doesn’t really want to answer this question or get involved with it, so she reframes.
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Me: If I was a cop i would have handcuffed you with my red fuzzy pair already for being so adorable. Now answer my question’
YaReally: Right idea, but I’d tone down the funny stuff. Or, go for funny stuff that will make her bust out laughing….like ‘ANSWER THE QUESTION.’ but that requires some risky calibration cause you could just end up looking dumb if you don’t know her sense of humor well enough. I would give up on this conversation thread and just be fun —
‘o shit i am a cop. im looking for a criminal to bust, u in?’ Who cares if she never answered your questions, girls don’t think like that, just jump from thing to thing. Whatever she gives you to work with, grab on to it and never look back. You have to elicit her emotions from across a fuxing text screen broheim.
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‘Her: Haha why do I have to answer this???
Me: *Sigh* ur no fun’
YaReally: Never insist on this stuff with a girl. Just let it go. Move to greener pastures. ‘why do I have to answer this?’ ‘…u think u have to answer? wow u must thin im really important’ Not letting it go is tingle-death.
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‘Her: Lol k i think u kjow nore about me than I know about u
Me: …
Her: What
(2-3 hours later) Her: Loll is there somwthing u want to hear??’
***Op’s Note: At this point, I was tired of thinking of a response and headed to the gym. I did not respond back that same day***’
YaReally: NOOOOOOOO. NOOOOOO. lol I think this was a crucial opportunity you missed. And if you would have been pushing for the meetup from the start, by this point you’d really have a lot to work with. When she asked you those questions, you could have actually also just went straight to the hangout option as well.
_
‘(Next day, ~12+ hours later)
Me: The only thing I want to hear is “Yessir” when I say hookah Thursday 7pm at XYZ
Her: Ok hookah sounds good wheres XYZ
Me: X ave btwn Yst and Zst
Her: Cool
Her: Do you live around here?
Me: I live in XYZ but will be seeing a friend in XYZ (near hookah spot) on Thursday Why what’s up
Her: Oh I see, no its all good. ill see you on thursday
(Later that same evening)
Her: Burn sesh tnght???
***Ops Note: I thought this may have been a trap and should have DHV’ed and said I already had plans. But, that part of me thought that the girl was inviting me to blaze aka FUCK. It sounded too good to be true and it was.***
Me: Hm where at. I just got back to my place and am soaking wet and cold
Her: Ok shooot I msged wrong man : / but u didn’t have umbrella?
Me: Oh my god I can’t believe ur cheating on me. I’m filing divorce papers and getting custory of the dog.
Her: Lol keep the dog! Sorry I usually only use the text with one person and I forgot haha and u replied so naturally.. didn’t realize I msged the wrong person.
YaReally: I wouldn’t have brought attention to the fact that she meant to txt someone else. Or at least, not that much, even tho what you said was a fun way to play it off. But her telling you to keep the dog —> ugh. If she was interested she probably would have done some sort of ‘ooo nooo I love the dawg, blah blah blah.’ Plus, she’s telling you that she was msging another guy — that also says something.
_
Cons:
– I wouldn’t have used the ellipses there (having a hammer and viewing everything is a nail analogy). The ellipses is for when she’s qualifying herself to you (where she worries you don’t like her answer) or doing something retarded (where she worries that I disapprove of what she did) VS throwing it in when she’s just commenting.
– If she doesn’t play along, drop the thread, don’t harp on it. She wasn’t going along with the vices thing, so I would have switched gears to something else or cold-read what I guess her vices are (and make them a tease).
– Using “cheating” implies that you come from a relationship frame where you want to “own” her, which is totally fine if you're looking for a legit girlfriend etc., but if you're just wanting to keep things in a casual fuckbuddy frame, avoid talking about relationships (even in jest) in traditional ways because she’ll extrapolate from there…a good version of this is in 21 Jump Street where Dave Franco talks about how he doesn’t own his chick’s vag lol it’s that attitude of not believing in traditional relationships that keeps me in the fuckbuddy category in her mind.
– Along those lines, “planning a date” is the same thing. Never ever ever use the D-word. It’s always “hang out” or “chill” or “grab a drink” or “meet up” Never ever ever a “date”. Once I use the word date, you categorize yourself in a “potential provider” label in her mind and set the frame that this is a “date” and with a traditional date come other expectations attached to that event, like the guy trying to impress the girl, the girl playing hard-to-get, the date ending in a kiss at most. Just all terrible things in terms of setting a frame where we can fuck each other.
Pros:
“Me: Are you at least 21 or do I have to rob an old lady of her ID so I can get you into bars”
Solid. Implies that you're fun and adventurous and teasing with a roleplay VS guys txting “so do you like sushi? There’s this nice sushi place we could go to if you want…?”
“Me: What are your two bad habits or guilty pleasures, silly”
Main reason she doesn’t play along here is that you're asking for too much compliance too early. you don’t have the value to her yet, for her to divulge this much personal shit about her. It doesn’t mean she won’t ever tell you, but that you pushed a little too far. So to liken it to being at the bar, it would be like asking her to come home with you to fuck VS asking her to go get after-the-bar food. She might be up for going home with you, but that’s too much compliance to ask for too soon, so she won’t play along…but she might like you enough to get pizza. Then at pizza you build more attraction and say “let’s go watch a movie”, where I might have enough value for her to comply to that. Then at your place you say “the TVs in my bedroom, don’t worry I’ll be a gentleman we’ll just cuddle lol” and she might comply to that, and then eventually we're having sex, but I got there by baby-stepping the compliance.
“Me: If I was a cop i would have handcuffed you with my red fuzzy pair already for being so adorable. Now answer my question”
This was a solid save to her shit-test. Well done! I would have used something similar but worded slightly different:
“if I was a cop, you would be in fuzzy handcuffs right now lol (then change the subject entirely and try a different angle)”
Key diff is leaving off the adorable stuff (too brother/sister sounding) and dropping the “now answer my question” stuff…she’s clearly not complying to it, so just let it go.
“Her: Lol k i think u kjow nore about me than I know about u”
This was a chance to build some attraction/comfort/rapport. you don’t necessarily need to do it, because it’s okay if she doesn’t know much about you, you don’t have to be an open book…but DROPPING the conversation entirely?? you have her attention, do something with it. At least build some more rapport with some back-and-forth, roleplaying, teasing, innuendo, comfort, cold-reading, anything
“Me: The only thing I want to hear is “Yessir” when I say hookah Thursday 7pm at XYZ”
This is solid. Excellent way to turn her question into an opportunity to push for a meet-up. Assumes attraction/success, dominant/leading, stating what’s happening VS asking
“Me: I live in XYZ but will be seeing a friend in XYZ (near hookah spot) on Thursday Why what’s up”
Good move using “friend” instead of like, “buddy” here, so it’s ambiguous whether it’s a girl or not.
“Her: Burn sesh tnght???”
Trap! lol If you had not responded at all, or responded with “already have company sorry” or something, that would’ve passed her shit-test (and possibly made her jealous).
“But, that part of me thought that the girl was inviting me to blaze aka FUCK.”
…which is exactly what the test was designed to do.
“Her: Ok shooot I msged wrong man : / but u didn’t have umbrella?”
Notice that she doesn’t say “wrong person”, she says “wrong MAN”. Because she wants you to get jealous, the same way you used the ambiguous “friend” earlier lol A lot of game comes from reverse engineering the tactics girls use to make us chase them.
“Me: Oh my god I can’t believe ur cheating on me. I’m filing divorce papers and getting custory of the dog.”
“She admits to not being able to develop emotional connections with guys she sees and in the PU I called it out as her not being attracted to the guys.”
Probably an accurate read of her. She’s not incapable of it, she just hasn’t met a guy worth it that triggers the tingles in her in that way because most guys’ game sucks ass.
“She probably bosses them around and loses attraction when they do what she says.”
Yep, also probably a good read. That doesn’t mean you have to ignore her and be laconic and only respond once a week and shit, it just means that she’ll test your frame a lot and you have to be a solid oak tree and not let her fuck with it.
“and from there I riffed how I was going to boss her around, ignore her texts and her eyes lit up.”
Yep…but then you jumped when she invited you for a burn sesh in the rain lol…you just got in out of the freezing soaking rain and were willing to venture back out into it to meet up with a chick you don’t even know gives good head yet. lol
“She verbalized that she doesn’t like being told what to do and I called her out that despite that, she is still attracted to it.
“2) At first I thought her comment of “Lol k i think u know more about me than I know about u” was her way of saying that she wants more comfort/rapport. Seems so on the surface but I saw it as her failing a compliance test and her shit-testing me.”
She was expecting you to offer up info about yourself or ask her to ask you questions about yourself, but all of that is being in her frame. Something that would’ve helped would’ve been like “You make me sound so mysterious lol” where I'm kind of turning it around on her like she’s being dramatic and then waiting to see if she’ll ask me questions (without prompting her to ask them)…if she doesn’t ask questions, change threads entirely and try another tool (cold-reads, roleplay, teasing, etc.), and if she DOES ask questions like (“tell me something about yourself” or “how old are you?” etc.) either handle them in a fun playful comfort-building way, or just go silent and go to the gym leaving her hanging
Leaving her hanging when she wants an answer is different than leaving her hanging when you're annoyed with her not playing along…the former will make her more curious, the latter might make her just wonder if you're butthurt.
“I hemmed and hawed on this and thought I might lose the account but it actually worked.”
“no doubt she meant that for one of her beta orbiters (or fuckbuddies, hey)”
Or it was meant for a girlfriend and she just used “man” to shit-test whether you get jealous…or there’s no one at all and she was literally just doing it to see what you’d do lol
“I tried to recover as best as I could by acting like I didn’t really care”
A better recovery would’ve been just a “lol” then silence for the night (where it’s ambiguous and she can wonder about if you're mad or not), or a “tsk tsk, leading on a long line of broken-hearted guys chasing you eh? such a player.” followed by silence for the night (where you're forcing her to react to an accusation and showing that you “get it” that she leads on chumps which separates you from them.)
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"And do what?" text
Girl-code for “you just want sex don’t you? ”This tells me she needs to do something that isn’t sex-related so I would drop something like: “I want to go see MovieX. Come with me.” lets go for a walk, there’s an awesome place I want to show you.
And calibrating to her personality type, I also throw in a sex disqualifier like “no sex tonight, I’m exhausted. I just want to hang out, haven’t seen you in a while.” or something that’s semi-ambiguous but hints that I might see her as more than a lay.
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You don’t have to respond to every text
Before you respond, ask yourself “Does this really need a response? Right now? If I was taking a nap right now and didn’t respond would the world end?” It helps whittle away a lot of gay beta txting habits guys have.
Dont plow. Calibrate.
Her: “I want to see you so bad”.
Me: “Come over after work”.
Radio silence. I send a ping:
Me: “Done work, on way home.”
Her: ru going to tell me you have other gf’s/lovers
Me: bring dessert
Her: you didn’t reply
Me: keep me satisfied and I won’t have to. want someone serious
Her: that’s not the answer I was looking for. lets not waste time
YaReally: You got this from her:
“Her: ru going to tell me you have other gf’s/lovers, whatever.”
…specifically because when she sent this:
“I want to see you so bad”
…you sent this:
“Come over after work”
…instead of noticing her ASD was spiking and she was trying to get you to return her feelings of wanting to see HER, specifically HER, because she’s a special snowflake. So her ASD was hoping you would send something like:
“mmm me too babe I’ve been thinking about you all night. can’t even focus on work. come over tonight after work.”
Same end result but she feels special.
Because you didn’t give her that, you got this:
“ru going to tell me you have other gf’s/lovers, whatever.”
IF you had diffused this early the way I just described, you would NOT BE FACING THIS TEXT. having to deal with this text happened BECAUSE you weren't paying attention and missed the chance to avoid this by diffusing things sooner.
when a car is going by your dog as you're walking it, you have to give the dog a little kick to distract it when the dog is still at like a 3 on the 1-10 scale of crazy. If you don’t kick it that soon and you let the dog get to a 7 then you've got a situation on yout hands, and if you let it get to a 10, you are fucked.
She got to a 7 because you didn’t snuff it out at 3, and you didn’t snuff it out at 3 because you were plowing without calibrating.
Don’t get sloppy and stop calibrating or you're gonna’ build bad habits where you write the girl off as “crazy” instead of stopping and looking objectively at your game and going “oh you know what? that was actually my bad, shit”
Then again when she sent that, you still plowed instead of calibrating and dismissed her level 7 ASD with:
“bring dessert”
Sending her into level 10, full barking at a car rage mode.
The Art of Calibrating: Keeping the balance at 0
Calibration is going just beta enough at just the right time. A lot of guys will pick a level of alpha/beta and then just plow ahead with that to the end goal and beyond. So you've picked hardcore alpha no fucks given and regardless of what signals she’s throwing at you, you're plowing ahead with your gameplan in the same way a super beta guy would miss the signals she’s giving that she needs him to be decisive or aloof and just plow ahead with his gameplan of being too needy and supplicative. Neither guy is calibrating to her. Calibration is being very aware of what she’s throwing at you and why, and it’s different for every girl (though they tend to fall into groups and patterns in general) It’s not that I lie or change my entire personality for her, it’s that I let out just enough beta when she needs it so that she feels special. A lot of naturals get enough abundance that they stop calibrating because they get into the mindset of “whatever, if she isn’t going to just jump on my dick like these other bitches then fuck her, NEXT!!” Which is fine, you can DO that…but it leads to problems and down the road you end up in situations where you keep losing your fuckbuddies or have trouble retaining new ones beyond a bang or two or they throw lots of drama at you and it gets frustrating and you blame them instead of your game. Youre looking at the lay as the “end”. Youre mentality right now is venturing toward: “if I got the lay then what I did must have been “right” and she should just always want to bang me after that and I should just stick to whatever worked to get that first bang and if she doesn’t want to bang me again she’s crazy and fuck figuring that shit out”.
But even if you get the lay, you have to be calibrating afterward, to stay balanced between her feeling used/slutty like you're too aloof, and her feeling too close and like it’s getting too serious and running or giving the “I can’t do this if we aren’t going to be BF/GF” ultimatum.
“so where is the next step/learning?”
Retaining them consistently for weeks/months/years with casual sex-based relationships that have low drama and a lot less of this “now she wants me, now she doesn’t want me, who knows wtf is wrong with her, I shot her something and it seems to be working but I dunno who knows?”uncertainty.
You can’t retain them all, obviously, but i have pretty solid consistency with keeping fuckbuddies on the line for months/years without them feeling slutty or falling too in love with me. And I can tell where each of them is in terms of that scale at any given time…like I know exactly which girls I need to shoot a “saw this thing that reminded me of this cute thing you did the first time we met that told me you were going to be a fun girl” beta text and which girls’ texts I need to ignore for the weekend.
So I don’t get a lot of the drama and puzzles and back and forth because I’m constantly calibrating and looking at why they’re saying what they say and where in that balancing act they are, and when they’re at a 3 toward feeling slutty or in love, I pull them back with a little beta/alpha so they always stay (using that dog whisperer scale again say 0 is ideal and -10 they feel slutty like I'm just using them for sex and they aren’t special, and 10 they feel too close (and deliver an Ultimatum to date them monogamously) or feel like I'm getting too needy and they need space) around -3 to 3 and rarely dip into -7 to 7 and really rarely end up at a -10 or 10 where shit gets way out of hand unrecoverable.
Im doing what Tyler’s joked about that newbies do where he tells them “ok when she asks what your job is, don’t give her a straight answer right away” and the guy takes that concept and runs it into the ground so their interaction looks like:
“what do you do?”
“I work at taco bell”
“lol no seriously what do you do?”
“I work at pizza hut”
“…no, c’mon, really what do you do?”
“I work at mcdonalds, I’m the head fry chef.”
“sigh…(leaves)”
…and it bombs because the first goofing around was great, the second was like oookay that’s funny but seriously I need to know, and then the last one is like, just uncalibrated and went too far. She was trying to communicate to you “I need to know something about you to feel like I know you and like we have comfort/rapport so we can fuck” But you were sticking to your gameplan and missed that signal.
Calibration is something you just learn from fucking up a bunch and losing a bunch of girls. i went through the same growing pains to get where I am. Had girls falling in love with me too much, then couldn’t get girls to come back, then it was all over the map, until I learned to gauge where they are on that slut/too close chart and nudge them when they need it.
Right now you sent some beta shit to that chick and now she loves you, so instinctively your brain may go “okay so be beta with this girl” but that was only in that moment because she was heading way off balance toward feeling slutty. Now that she’s back to loving you, it starts over…you can go back to being aloof because you’ve given her enough beta to make her happy for now. But down the road you may go too aloof and have to drop some more beta, or you may drop too much beta and she needs to miss you a bit or fear losing you. It’s a constant calibration.
you don’t have to think about it when you get used to it…like I don’t really consciously think about this with my girls. I’m just going by the “vibe” now, but a “vibe” is really just my brain quickly calculating a bunch of variables/signals and comparing them to my reference experiences and spitting out what to do…I wouldn’t have that ability if I didn’t have those reference experiences of dealing with this and of spotting those variables/signals. But for me I basically just feel when to show more beta/alpha.
And showing beta isn’t even showing gay beta, you can tell her you miss her or are thinking of her in an alpha way. Hell I’ve gone as far as using like “disappointed yet again…why don’t other girls know how to fuck the way you do?” lol I don’t recommend using that one (it was a special case) but my point is that you can make the girl feel special without coming off like a virgin in scarcity crying yourself to sleep over her.
Some examples of balancing:
– if you haven’t seen her in a while and being aloof she’ll feel unspecial and you’ll lose her…so you make her feel special and you can keep things burning while youre away from her…but then if you start seeing her two or three times a week, that same making her feel special shit will make her fall too in love and fuck it up so when your seeing her a few times a week you'd be more aloof via text. So your always keeping her around that 0 mark.
– if I get drunk and have a shitty night I might fuck up and text a girl I was Soft Next’ing with something that when I wake up I’m like “fuck that was gay” because it wasn’t calibrated and too needy…and I’ll know “ok BECAUSE I sent that stupid text, now I have to ignore her for a couple weeks to balance it out” lol if I didn’t pull back I would end up sabotaging myself, but because I know whereabouts she is on that scale and what my text likely caused her to feel in terms of that scale, I know how to bring it back to 0.
– if a girl starts to take me for granted, like she shows up not dressed sexy and in a good mood, or she’s not initiating texts, then I know I need to ignore her for a weekend so she experiences a bit of dread game to appreciate me again
– if a girl is getting super clingy with me, I know to be “busy with work” so that we can only see each other once every week or two instead of whatever frequency we were seeing each other, so her oxytocin and shit can settle.
– if she’s feeling used and slutty like I’m just using her for sex, I’ll do something very slightly romantic/beta that reminds her that she’s special and not like the other girls.
And this could all be the same girl over the course of a year lol I’m calibrating as things develop and just always keeping that 0 balance. It’s not mandatory, but the % chance of things being “over” with her go up when you let her slide around on that scale too far…sometimes that’s okay because you don’t care that much about her or just have other priorities in life, but it’s important to be consciously aware that that’s a decision on your part to not calibrate to her signals anymore.
Don’t use “lol” when giving a command
do not use “lol” in situations where your aggressively pushing forward in a way that she could shoot you down
Me: “bla bla lol bla”
Her: “lolol bla bla”
Me: “You’re funny. You should come out tonight.” (no lol)
Her: “Why?”
Me: “Because I want to see you.” (no lol)
when youre making a Statement of Interest or giving a “command”, do it with just a period and wait for her response.
In a live pickup I might dick around and tease her and not be fully facing her, and then she says something interesting and I suddenly turn to her, stare her in the eyes with laser intense focus, step in her space, drop my voice into a serious tone, and calmly state my intentions.
part of demonstrating high-value *IS* risking getting shot down. ie – going direct is, in itself, attractive, because youre saying “I’m willing to risk not seeing you again, to make my intentions known” when you drop a hard SOI with no lol via txt her first thought is “…isn’t he going to write a lol? No? oh wow…he’s being serious when he says he wants me, that’s fucking hot…”
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texting a married chick (while she’s on vacation)
1) “cool, we’ll hang when you get back”
2) don’t txt her while she’s on vacation, she’s doing other shit right now, but she DOES want to fuck ’cause she said it’s “too bad” you can’t hang out. That’s the signal that she wants to bone ASAP (also the faster we bone the less chance of her getting strings attached so i can move efficient on this, i don’t need 2hr txt convos building comfort/rapport). She’d probably sext with you while she’s on vacation and if she tries to initiate sexting, get into it a little bit, but then leave her hanging with a “we’ll finish this story in person when you get back. I have work to do and you’re a distraction…but a fun distraction lol”
3) don’t expect to hear from her till a few days after she’s back (the closer to when she gets back that she txts me, the hornier she is, the more aggressively you can push for a meetup)
4) when you hear from her, throw her a “cool, welcome back. I talked to santa while you were gone and he said we’re on the naughty list.” to test for flirty/sexual texting (it’s okay now because she’s back in town so it can lead to a meet-up, whereas on vacation you can’t physically arrange a meet-up so it’s a waste).
5) push for the meet-up ASAP and have fun. don’t reveal anything about yourself that you don’t have to, and just act like you do this all the time and it’s no big deal.
If she rejects meeting up it’s only because she has to work around her hubby and she just needs me to be cool with not freaking out or getting butt-hurt Just brush it off as “cool, it’s all good, we’ll try again next time you’re free” like you understand that she has an unpredictable schedule to juggle to make this happen.
“you’re free this weekend? cool, we’ll hang. oh your hubby came home and you have to flake? all good, we’ll try again another time”. Like I'm always assuming it’ll EVENTUALLY happen. Just vague and open-ended until she lets you know she’s free and then you make it happen.
Ordinarily I don’t meet a woman on her terms because it’s a trap but this situ is different because she’s cheating and she just wants reliable drama-free cock, not to play mind-games like a ditzy 18yo single club-girl lol
pushing for a meetup. get her in state first
If I came up to you on the street on a day that you’re having a crappy day and said “give me a dollar.” you’d probably tell me to fuck off. But if I came up to you on the street and casually chatted with you, joked around and got you laughing and feeling good emotions, built a little connection with you swapping stories about our dogs that died when we were kids, got you laughing again and then said “hey you got a dollar on you? I’m half asleep and I have a business meeting and need to grab a coffee but I left my wallet at home.” you would probably give me a dollar, or a $5’er if you didn’t have a dollar handy.
The difference between those two scenarios is that in the first one I didn’t have high-value to you or a connection or comfort/rapport AND you weren’t in a good state. It’s not that you wouldn’t be open to giving me a dollar, it’s that I was being uncalibrated and just barging in instead of pacing your reality and leading you into a good state and then pitching the dollar request.
Sometimes you’ll catch the girl in a great state and the convo is just a quick push of:
“hey”
“hi!!”
“wow someone’s excited”
“I just got a new job!!”
“great then drinks are on you tonight”
“lol no way”
“fine, we’ll go dutch. BarName, 7pm.”
“lol i dunno…”
“shush don’t be gay.”
“lol fuck you”
“we’ll celebrate your new job. 7pm, BarName.”
“lol okay”
Sometimes the girl is totally out of state or having a bad week and you have to invest in a long txt convo or multiple txt convos to get her into a good state. So you kind of throw out a normal txt first…I like to re-open with a cocky/funny tease like “don’t think I didn’t notice you sneaking around the bushes outside my bedroom window last night”, where she’s pretty much forced to respond even if it’s to be like “oh god lol” or “you wish”…like I just need ANY response, good or bad, because all I’m doing is trying to gauge what kind of state she’s in.
Based on her response I’ll calibrate and if she’s in a receptive state I’ll start to push for the meet-up, and if she’s not in a receptive state I’ll joke, tease, roleplay and get her laughing and into a better state. If she doesn’t respond or responds slow with one-word replies I’ll try to figure out from what I know about her whether she’s just busy at work or with something happening in real life on her end, or if she’s not interested at all but usually it’s the former so I’ll back off and end the convo and try again in a couple days at a different time of day (maybe every day around 10am she has work stress but 2 days later I text her at 8pm and she’s done work and relaxed watching some funny TV show and is horny/flirty).
Once I know she’s lol’ing on her end, I’ll push for the meet-up and try to neutralize any of her objections either with hardcore plowing responses (like “i have plans” gets “cancel them, I’m more fun” or “i have lab tomorrow” gets “it’s fine, one drink, we’ll have you home asleep for your lab by 10.”) or neutralizing them in advance (I know she’ll object to meeting up because she thinks I’m going to try to have sex with her so I’ll say “one drink, but we’re not having sex, I have an early morning tomorrow.” and kind of take that objection away before she can use it).
If you made a super boss impression on her when you first met her and got the number, and it’s within a few days of that interaction, you can probably be more aloof/direct. Brad Pitt could txt “let’s get coffee.” out of the blue a month later but it’s because he has massively high value to the girl by default.
But if you only made a decent impression or if you made a super boss impression but it’s a week or two later, or she was drunk that night, or for whatever reason maybe she’s embarrassed from making out with you that night or she’s hungover and tired and not feeling flirty or a million other things, then you have to build your value up again (reminding her of how high-value you are since she exchanged numbers with you at a point where she saw you as high-value) and THEN push for coffee.
your value to her is ALWAYS in a state of fluctuation and if she doesn’t know you well, it’s in a state of slowly trickling downward. Like Brad Pitt will always have high value even if she never sees or talks to him again in her life. But the guy from the bar that one night’s value will slowly trickle downward over time, esp as she meets other guys from the bar that one night and they make newer impressions on her or they make bad impressions and she associates them with you. when you re-engage her via txt, assume that your re-sarging her from the start…it’s a smaller shorter faster sarge because you already know she can be attracted to you since you have her number, but you still have to go through the motions.
spike her Buying Temperature through flirting/teasing via txt, then when you know she’s in a good mood from that, push for the Day 2 and get her to agree to it solidly (if she’s wishy-washy, pull the offer away or flake on her and try again next week).
when you guys meet up, flirt and tease, build comfort/rapport, escalate, and take her back to your place (“As much as I like paying $10 for a rye and coke, I have a bottle of wine at my place just up the street. Let’s go there and drink instead.”) and stay in and fuck all night.
only respond to sexual stuff she texts and pushing towards a meetup
I had a regular FB recently start sending me just stupid pics of her day that she Snapchats to other guys. Like some food she was eating or a funny thing she saw. I just ignore that shit. The more mindless go-nowhere friendy texting you do, the more you put yourself in the orbiter frame. So even after you’ve banged them they’ll still TRY to see if you’ll fall into an orbiter frame, it’s just their natural testing of your frame.
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when they try to goad you into a discussion
She’ll win by default simply because your entering her frame by even entertaining it. your mindset should be “lol no you’re overreacting, I didn’t do anything to apologize for, you’re being silly, and I’m already moving on to the next topic”. She’s NOT actually hurt or sad or crying herself to sleep it’s all bullshit. Instinctively it frustrates her but in a “why can’t I control this guy???” way that will lead to sex.
Her: “(big rant) i was going to tell you my news…”
You: “ok you can tell me your news in person. 7pm at Restaurant. Wear heels.”
And if she puts up a fuss just go “lol ok” and do radio silence till Monday (unless she txts late at night on the weekend and then just allow her to come over to your hotel and bang her).
There’s a good chance she’ll flake, like “no way im mad at you not till you apologize”, so don’t actually EXPECT to meet up tonight lol…im kind of throwing out a half-bluff because the part that’s really going to hit her is when you respond “lol ok” to her stirring up a fuss. THAT’S the no-fucks-given alpha part that’s going to make her txt you drunk on the weekend to bang.
Breakdown of responding to, "my boyfriend might be cheating on me” txt
- “You’re fat, take what you can get.”
Her BF isn’t cheating, she just wants to cheat and needs to justify it.
My text:
1) Doesn't give attention whores attention. I don't ask for details or get into a discussion. Same way i handle “I think I have [covid]” or “I’m mad at you…” Total disregarding of the topic.
2) Hot girls can handle negs. guys don’t neg her, so i’ll stand out as unimpressed by her looks.
3) Neg about something obviously false or that she can change. If you neg her about her choice in shirt, she can wear a different shirt. as a personal trainer she’s not fat and is in fact the exact opposite and proud of it, so calling her fat is CLEARLY teasing her. flirt with a 9 at the bar and pinch her belly and say “look at all this fat, you’re disgusting, no more beer for you”. She’ll lol her face off.
4) Never insult the boyfriend, ALWAYS talk good about him. I'm telling her to stick with him instead of trying to vulture her away from him or talk shit about him. By telling her she should be with him, she’ll instinctively push away from him.
5) Outcome independence. youre telling her to go be with him instead of you, so your showing you give no fucks about her, which is extra bait for a hot girl who’s used to guys fawning over her.
6) Not apologizing for or softening what you say. No emoticons or lols. I work in a baby grinding factory.” sounds weirdly proud of it. “I work in a baby grinding factory.” comes off as a deadpan joke.
7) Self-amusement. deadpanning it instead of cushioning it with smileys and lols turns it into self-amusement because you don’t care if she gets that it’s a joke or is offended. your just making yourself lol
8) Give her the full range of emotions. The best movies take you on an emotional rollercoaster. This will give her a moment of “!!! Gasp!! OMG you’re are SUCH an asshole!!”
9) Disqualifying her. your calling her fat and pushing her away, which could potentially result in her qualifying herself to you with something like sending a pic of her abs and trying to talk shit, which should be easy to turn into her sending you sexy pics and setting a sexual frame to escalate to a lay effortlessly.
10) Instigates a shit-test. Saying offensive stuff prods her to shit-test you in return, which gives you a chance to pass that shit-test and spike attraction faster.
Jumbrotron text
If your texts were given a public airing, the Verizon Center jumbotron, you should feel comfortable with what you have written for the world to see. You should not feel an urge to wince, because it will be clear to everyone reading it how alpha you are. If the thought of someone other than you and your girl reading your permanently archived romantic exchanges makes you cringe with embarrassment, then you are doing something wrong that will eventually lead to your girl dumping you.
She has to appreciate the opportunity she gets to be around you
chick ”whatcha doin tonight?”
she can’t just randomly text you and expect you to be available, she has to appreciate the opportunity she gets to be around you since she’s been taking that for granted with her shitty lack of texting, and so she can let her imagination wander (“hmm he approached me at work and seems confident, maybe he has another date??”). And when you re-engage her you wouldn’t acknowledge the ghosting, you would just start a convo as normal like “saw a (something teasing so it’s not really flattery) that made me think of you today” and proceed as normal (VS saying “sorry I’ve been busy with work, saw a thing that made me think of you today” or “sorry I was on a date, saw a thing that made me think of you today”). you don’t talk about where you’ve been or why you haven’t texted unless she demands to know and if she does you just tease her with a “what are we married? lol relax stalker” so she feels silly. you don’t owe her explanations. And if she continues to demand to know, just give her another round of radio silence to train that behavior out of her.
Ignore her
If you can ignore her for a week or two, youll see her flip through her rolodex of approaches to get you to react
it goes something like “you don’t care about me” (you ignore for a bit) “fine fuck you then” (you ignore for a few days) “i hate that we fight so much i just want us to be like we were before” (you keep ignoring) “fine I can see you don’t care anymore, and probably never did. I didn’t realize our relationship meant nothing to you, stupid me believing in fairy tales” (ignore her some more) “I thought you were different from other guys but I guess I was wrong” (keep ignoring) “fine this is my last txt then don’t worry I won’t bother you or ruin your life anymore since I know you hate me now” (a month later) “(funny meme image of an in-joke you two had)” (more ignoring her) “i miss you”
Notice the pattern of pendulum swings, it’ll usually be something where she’s blaming you, then something where she’s taking the blame, then something where she’s being sweet, then something where she’s aggressive and pushing you away, then trying to pull you in, then trying to get you to laugh, then trying to tug on your sentimental strings, then trying to threaten/embarrass/scare you, then trying to piss you off, then trying to be sweet again
It goes all over the map as she hits every extreme she can think of, trying to get a reaction out of you because “any reaction is a good reaction” to her, just like in marketing any press is good press, even negative press.
That’s why most guys can’t hold strong on a ghosting, especially without having a fuckbuddy or dude-friends they can go out to bars with…because eventually the girl hits some trigger for the guy especially when he’s at a low point and that gets him to react and BOOM, she knows she still has him hooked and it starts all over again. She promises she’ll make things better and work on herself and never wants to fight again ever ever ever we’re so perfect together I miss you so much baby.
And then a month goes by and it’s the same ol’ shit…why? BECAUSE IT KEEPS WORKING AND GETTING THE GUY BACK lol why WOULD she change it up, he’s feeding her his blueprint: abuse me and I’ll let you be in my life.
"Confirming" a meet
“I also predict she is waiting for me to ask about Tuesday and try to confirm before she says anything.”
It’s a shit-test. Handle it by saying NOTHING. Act as if we don’t even have plans together. Like if she brings it up all “are we going out tonight still?” then cool go for it. But if she brings it up to flake you can shoot a simple ambiguous “k” and then radio silence ignore her for a few days (Soft Next for flaking). And if she doesn’t bring it up, don’t bring it up.
I know this is annoying because it’d be nice if I could know in the morning whether we're hanging out or not at night, but right now we're playing a little game. Also if it becomes inconvenient for you, like she txts you at 7:30pm “are we still on for 8?” and your like, in your underwear watching important kitten videos on YouTube and it would be a hassle to make it, just txt her back “sorry, didn’t hear from you so I made other plans. We’ll try again next week.” She’ll be pissed but she’ll get over it and chase because she likes you and will learn “if I play these games he’s perfectly willing to ditch me”.
Leading and Making her chase
Did you get the lay? No…so what DID you get?: you got milked for dinner/drinks, teased and left with blue-balls, having to drive her home, and the “chance” for another date where you can spend more money on her while she “gets to know you”. you are on the Provider Track. you might still bang her, but she’s probably going to milk a couple dates out of you and try to make you date her as a monogamous BF/GF before putting out, or turn you into an Orbiter. The rules exist for a reason. They’re to keep you off of the Provider Track.
Key points:
“She declined a few offers to hang out with excuses, but never totally blew me off. After about 3 weeks of no contact”
She was probably fucking someone else.
“SHE reinitiated contact a few weeks ago, asking for another coffee date.”
Shit probably didn’t work out with that dude, so she’s looking for a replacement.
“I actually think she thinks it’s cute and it doesn’t hurt me”
Did she fuck you, or is she making you wait?
“she gets sarcasm not beta infatuation”
She blew you off a few times until you gave up, then snapped her fingers and you jumped to instantly respond with stuff like “I just can’t wait to see you!!!!!” and offering to take her to expensive dinners. Combine that with how if she’s super hot, most guys she meets say that stuff but mean it for REAL, and, well, you can’t really be sure she’s reading it as sarcasm, esp via text. She’s seeing it from her perspective, not yours.
“Me (20 min later): [cool steak restaurant]. 8. Is your little black dress clean?”
This is super-solid. I approve.
"it was a big turning point for me when I started telling girls what to wear and that I expect them to doll-up for me chicks get me rock hard so after hooking up with enough girls who’d show up dressed in plain clothes I decided to start being a dick about it. I tell them it’s because I’m shallow and spent too much time in stripclubs when I was younger
Most chicks like dressing up for a guy. The worry about “will he like how I look? Is this what he wanted??” is fun to them. They stress about it the whole way to the meet, and then when i see them i give them the slow down and up checkout with my eyes, tell them they look gorgeous, and relieve all that tension they had over it. That’s a fun emotional rollercoaster for them that the guy who says “I love all women no matter what they look like” doesn’t give them. And it’s something a high-value man who has options and can BE picky/demanding, would do
“Her (4 min later): Yes it is, but is cold today! So I am not sure if I should wear it ; )”
shit-testing to see if you’ll back down or demand she wear it.
“Me (14 min later): I will keep you warm. But we can do jeans if u want.”
ergh…that first sentence was beautiful. The second was like going “mmmm when I see you, I’m going to pin you up against the wall and run my hand slowly down your body as I bite your neck…….IF THAT’S COOL WITH YOU! IF NOT WE CAN DO SOMETHIN ELSE?? LEMME KNOW LOLOL!!” lol. Like, don’t back down or go wishy-washy when i make demands. Let HER bring up “is it okay if I wear jeans? It’s cold ” and then I can say “hmmm, alright. But you owe me a night of sexy lingerie in the future. ”
“Me (7 min later): wait no u should ; )”
“Me (15 min later): Yay! See u soon”
This just kind of enhances the wishy-washy…”Wear a sexy outfit. Well, it’s okay if you don’t. No wait, you should! You will?? YAY!!!!”
I know to you the “Yay!” thing isn’t super gay and is just sarcasm, but…well, did she fuck you or is she making you wait?
“maid came yesterday so my apartment was sweet”
This kind of stuff, while bad-ass, helps put you on the Provider Track because your clearly a guy with money and all his shit together and she’s a single mom with The Wall approaching. I actually leave my room a bit messy, to help avoid being seen as a Provider. It’s part of why I don’t mind living with a roommate and not having a car either. Combine all that with not taking them out for dinners, and women know not to bother putting me on the slow Provider Track, and I get to skip all that and get right to fucking.
“Waited a bit too long but eventually did go in for the kiss.”
Try kissing her as soon as you meet up, on future Day 2′s, to set the tone. Like she walks out in her little black dress and you can look her down and up, eye-fuck her, tell her she looks gorgeous, cut the space, hand on her cheek, and give her a light kiss, with a “Couldn’t resist. Let’s go.” and lead her to wherever, arm-in-arm. The longer you wait to set a sexual tone, the more awkward it feels to go in for the kiss. In my early days I actually went entire Day 2′s without any action, not even kissing, because I didn’t set a sexual tone fast enough and it felt too awkward. Of course the girls often wouldn’t bother wanting to hang out again since I demonstrated I was too chickenshit to pull the trigger.
“I actually though would be a bang…she was so hot in that little black dress….she pulled away though”
lol, ya, I figured this would be the result when I read that she came back to your apartment without any resistance and when I read that you hadn’t kissed her yet. She knew she was in control of the situation and that you weren’t really a sexual threat so she knew she could tease you for a bit (the dumbbell stuff) and leave you hanging with blue-balls but dying to see her again. Girls who are worried they’re going to bang put up some resistance going back to the guy’s apartment…this girl knew she wasn’t going to bang you tonight. Note that this whole thing is you chasing her. you asked to set up a date, you picked her up, you took her to dinner/drinks (did you pay or split the bill?), you drooled all over her dress, you invited her over and gave her beer, you had my place nice and clean to impress her (at least from her point of view), you leered at her while she did dumbbell moves, you let her dictate how much sex there’d be, you played guitar for her, you drove her home, There’s not really a point where she’s chasing you or trying to impress you, aside from throwing on a dress. The whole date is me qualifying yourself to her, hoping she’ll let you have sex.
Best way to describe it I guess would be a really good boxer VS a defensive amateur boxer…the really good boxer can tell pretty quick that while ya, they’re in a fight, realistically they’re the ones setting the tone/rhythm of the fight. The defensive amateur boxer is never really going to have him on his heels stumbling backwards trying to re-gain his composure. He might even stick his chin out (enter your apartment) and let the guy take a few swings so he feels like he has a shot, but realistically he knows he can end the fight whenever he wants to.
The situation you want to create is one where she’s on her heels trying to play catch-up and regain her balance as you barrage her with emotional fists of fury. Where she’s reacting to you and scared to give you a free shot because she knows you'll land a knock-out punch the second she lets her guard down and you plow through that guard like it’s nothing and take her and she gets swept away into a fantasy. This date is kind of a good example of how guys come up with the ideas that “you have to have really nice shoes, girls notice your shoes” or “you have to have an expensive watch, invest in a good watch, women notice these things”…cause guys take girls on nice comfortable non-sexually-threatening dates where the girl is having fun but not off-balance or on much of an emotional rollercoaster…she’s on an emotional canoe ride instead, so she has time to analyze him and check out his shoes and his watch and quiz him on what he does for work and see his guitar skills and qualify him on how good a Provider he’d be.
I’m not saying you did bad, it sounds like a fun night all-around…but your read on the situation is a little off. You broke a lot of rules and ended up categorized as a Provider Beta to her. you can still probably get the lay, but it’ll likely come with strings-attached. This is all a very subtle dynamic…but a 31yo hottie who’s meeting up with Internet dudes knows how to play the game. The way you keep saying “but she seemed genuinely sorry, like not in a being-polite-to-a-beta way” just means that she’s good at it. You’re not supposed to catch on.
“I flat told her you know I had to make a move or she’d wrongly think I was too shy.”
lol, you don’t have to justify making a move to her. This kind of makes it sound like you only kissed her so that she wouldn’t think i'm a pussy, VS kissing her because youre a man who
goes for what he wants. Again, it’s a subtle dynamic…this kind of vibe is what told her she
would be able to walk out of your apartment without fucking you, which is why she came there so easily in the first place.
“She was, like, looking in my eyes and gushing what a good time she was having”
I bet! It sounds like it was an awesome date! She got everything she could have wanted…driven around, dinner, drinks, validation from a quality dude, musical entertainment, a ride home…that was a great night…for HER. But the important question is: did you get what you wanted?
“she’s having a lot of fun getting to know me”
lol, of course. It’ll probably take her a few dates to “get to know you”. Try inviting her over for a movie or for a $1 coffee instead of taking her out somewhere nice, and see if she still wants to get to know you.
“and basically saying there will be a future date.”
Of course. Why wouldn’t she want another one of these nights? She made out like a bandit while you spanked it to porn after she left.
“she was gushing about what a good time she had, not in the (I think) usual be-polite-to-a-beta way.”
I’m sure she legitimately had an amazing time. And I’m sure she likes you. But she’s put you on the Provider Track.
“So there it is….thoughts? I plan radio silence for 5 days now.”
No more spending $ on her. Make her invest in the relationship. Have her meet you somewhere, to do something that doesn’t cost $. It’s not that you can’t afford it or anything, it’s that the more you invest, the more of a Provider you become. you could take her on 3 or 4 expensive dates, shower her with a bunch of stuff, and probably get the lay eventually…but your not really using “game”, your just doing what every other guy does and you'll end up having sex on her terms, not yours. Radio silence thru the weekend, arrange a date, then flake with something like “sorry, have to cancel on tonight. A friend I haven’t seen in years is in town and she’s taking me to dinner to catch up. We’ll reschedule for next week k?” where she knows your meeting up with a female but doesn’t know exactly who it is and can think that maybe it’s an ex-GF or something and she might lose you if she plays too many games. The general idea is to 1) break out of the Provider frame and 2) flip the script so she’s chasing you. Otherwise your just playing the same “keep trying to impress her until hopefully she lets me sleep with her” game that every normal guy plays.
"I’m so horny” text trap
She wants you to think she’s horny so you’ll go “okay let’s meet up!!” and then she gets your validation. She won’t ACTUALLY let you come over and fuck her or anything. This is a really common trap, especially with hot girls, and most guys fall for it. It doesn’t mean they’re sluts or horny or even fucking anyone in general. I know girls who will be like “I’m sooo horny I want your cock so bad babe” and as soon as you txt back “where you at?”, they go radio silent and the next day they’re all “sorry babe my phone died, I really wanted to see you ” And then you go “okay let’s hang out Wednesday.” “okay!! god I can’t wait, I want to fuck you so bad!” And then Wednesday comes and she “falls asleep” and flakes. It goes on and on and on until you do something to completely fuck with her world and the validation conveyor belt you’ve helped her set up: like ignore her completely.
Her reason for flaking is irrelevant
if you show her you assume it’s legit, youre beta: naive. if you show you assume it’s not true your beta: insecure.
what’s beta in either case is *caring whether it’s true*
To see it as an IOD or as flaking and to be disappointed or mad is misguided as well. we live in sexual abundance: her flaking is irrelevant. most likely she’s lying. but if you feel you need to call her on it, it shows your disappointment, thus her weight in your life, thus that you are a lightweight compared to her, thus that you are not worthy of her. she will not be attracted anymore. why does she do this? because she thinks it’s possible that you are *very hot* indeed. and now she wants to see if you really are. the greater the challenge she presents to you, the hotter she imagines you to be (but she needs to make sure).
so: what she is doing is actually a compliment.
the key: demonstrate that this has no weight for you.
one option: no response at all.
she will be frustrated because of the lack of effect of her message and will likely contact you again to meet up. otherwise you can contact her — perhaps two weeks later — completely ignoring the incident. (plans are options, you accepted she was busy, so were you. say sorry I forgot to txt back, if she asks.)
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Don't give milk away for free
Make a better impression in the initial interaction and then keep the txting short and boring and pushing toward a meetup VS having big long conversations all day, which she’ll TOTALLY be up for doing, but will lower your value because you're giving the milk (your attention and the emotions you give her) away for free (she gets them over txt putting no effort in). Make a strong impact on her in person and then force her to have to meet up with you to get to experience that again. They have DOZENS of guys who will HAPPILY text them ALLLLLL day long.
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Text Breakdown
Me: Question for you’
Her: Hmmm?
Me: Are you at least 21 or do I have to rob an old lady of her ID so I can get you into bars’
Her: Loll I’m not 21 yet
but….I dont drink hahaMe: Whys that. Not judging
Her: Health issues : / haha
Me: You don’t eat meat, drink, or like dogs. Planning out a date isn’t easy with you is it ;-p
Her: Lolll it must not be if u say so haha’
YaReally: when girls are all passive and shit like this — she’s not quite reacting to what you say — whatever you launched probably just didn’t hit.
—
Me: Ok I want to know. What’s your top two vices. Because if you don’t drink or eat meat then it has to be something else.
Me: It’s probably guys in blue sweaters and a large Pokemon card collection
Her: What do u mean lol I don’t understand ur question
YaReally: You keep plowing — good choice, but you keep plowing in the same jokey vein. I’d try something a little different — she just doesn’t seem like she’s going to respond to the ‘make statements about her and build a person’ stuff. So try to DHV in other ways — u saw another girl that reminded you of her, some shit about a girl you kicked out of your place — keyword here is subtle, eg tie it into coming over your place, make a silly rule…’ya but if u come over just make sure you take ur bra. please. omg. u have to take it with u when u leave.’ You did something awesome that her stupid non-meat, non-drinking ass would love and that’s why it’s a funny coincidence, etc. When a girl doesn’t respond to funny-ha-ha humor, I assume that she just expects that from me and needs to be assured of other traits.
—
Me: What are your two bad habits or guilty pleasures, silly’
Her: Uhh that would depend on what ur definition of “bad habits” are
Me: Something u really enjoy but would make your conservative parents disown you if they found out’
YaReally: At this point, she’s being difficult and I’d probably change the subject or tease her for being a ballbuster.
‘jesus u a lawyer…’ and change subject or just let it sit.
—
‘Her: Hahaha uhhh thats uncomfortable…what if ur a cop lol’
YaReally: See, girls know about this shit because she does it back to you in the next text — she just doesn’t really want to answer this question or get involved with it, so she reframes.
—
Me: If I was a cop i would have handcuffed you with my red fuzzy pair already for being so adorable. Now answer my question’
YaReally: Right idea, but I’d tone down the funny stuff. Or, go for funny stuff that will make her bust out laughing….like ‘ANSWER THE QUESTION.’ but that requires some risky calibration cause you could just end up looking dumb if you don’t know her sense of humor well enough. I would give up on this conversation thread and just be fun —
‘o shit i am a cop. im looking for a criminal to bust, u in?’ Who cares if she never answered your questions, girls don’t think like that, just jump from thing to thing. Whatever she gives you to work with, grab on to it and never look back. You have to elicit her emotions from across a fuxing text screen broheim.
—
‘Her: Haha why do I have to answer this???
Me: *Sigh* ur no fun’
YaReally: Never insist on this stuff with a girl. Just let it go. Move to greener pastures. ‘why do I have to answer this?’ ‘…u think u have to answer? wow u must thin im really important’ Not letting it go is tingle-death.
—
‘Her: Lol k i think u kjow nore about me than I know about u
Me: …
Her: What
(2-3 hours later) Her: Loll is there somwthing u want to hear??’
***Op’s Note: At this point, I was tired of thinking of a response and headed to the gym. I did not respond back that same day***’
YaReally: NOOOOOOOO. NOOOOOO. lol I think this was a crucial opportunity you missed. And if you would have been pushing for the meetup from the start, by this point you’d really have a lot to work with. When she asked you those questions, you could have actually also just went straight to the hangout option as well.
_
‘(Next day, ~12+ hours later)
Me: The only thing I want to hear is “Yessir” when I say hookah Thursday 7pm at XYZ
Her: Ok hookah sounds good wheres XYZ
Me: X ave btwn Yst and Zst
Her: Cool
Her: Do you live around here?
Me: I live in XYZ but will be seeing a friend in XYZ (near hookah spot) on Thursday Why what’s up
Her: Oh I see, no its all good. ill see you on thursday
(Later that same evening)
Her: Burn sesh tnght???
***Ops Note: I thought this may have been a trap and should have DHV’ed and said I already had plans. But, that part of me thought that the girl was inviting me to blaze aka FUCK. It sounded too good to be true and it was.***
Me: Hm where at. I just got back to my place and am soaking wet and cold
Her: Ok shooot I msged wrong man : / but u didn’t have umbrella?
Me: Oh my god I can’t believe ur cheating on me. I’m filing divorce papers and getting custory of the dog.
Her: Lol keep the dog! Sorry I usually only use the text with one person and I forgot haha and u replied so naturally.. didn’t realize I msged the wrong person.
YaReally: I wouldn’t have brought attention to the fact that she meant to txt someone else. Or at least, not that much, even tho what you said was a fun way to play it off. But her telling you to keep the dog —> ugh. If she was interested she probably would have done some sort of ‘ooo nooo I love the dawg, blah blah blah.’ Plus, she’s telling you that she was msging another guy — that also says something.
_
Cons:
– I wouldn’t have used the ellipses there (having a hammer and viewing everything is a nail analogy). The ellipses is for when she’s qualifying herself to you (where she worries you don’t like her answer) or doing something retarded (where she worries that I disapprove of what she did) VS throwing it in when she’s just commenting.
– If she doesn’t play along, drop the thread, don’t harp on it. She wasn’t going along with the vices thing, so I would have switched gears to something else or cold-read what I guess her vices are (and make them a tease).
– Using “cheating” implies that you come from a relationship frame where you want to “own” her, which is totally fine if you're looking for a legit girlfriend etc., but if you're just wanting to keep things in a casual fuckbuddy frame, avoid talking about relationships (even in jest) in traditional ways because she’ll extrapolate from there…a good version of this is in 21 Jump Street where Dave Franco talks about how he doesn’t own his chick’s vag lol it’s that attitude of not believing in traditional relationships that keeps me in the fuckbuddy category in her mind.
– Along those lines, “planning a date” is the same thing. Never ever ever use the D-word. It’s always “hang out” or “chill” or “grab a drink” or “meet up” Never ever ever a “date”. Once I use the word date, you categorize yourself in a “potential provider” label in her mind and set the frame that this is a “date” and with a traditional date come other expectations attached to that event, like the guy trying to impress the girl, the girl playing hard-to-get, the date ending in a kiss at most. Just all terrible things in terms of setting a frame where we can fuck each other.
Pros:
“Me: Are you at least 21 or do I have to rob an old lady of her ID so I can get you into bars”
Solid. Implies that you're fun and adventurous and teasing with a roleplay VS guys txting “so do you like sushi? There’s this nice sushi place we could go to if you want…?”
“Me: What are your two bad habits or guilty pleasures, silly”
Main reason she doesn’t play along here is that you're asking for too much compliance too early. you don’t have the value to her yet, for her to divulge this much personal shit about her. It doesn’t mean she won’t ever tell you, but that you pushed a little too far. So to liken it to being at the bar, it would be like asking her to come home with you to fuck VS asking her to go get after-the-bar food. She might be up for going home with you, but that’s too much compliance to ask for too soon, so she won’t play along…but she might like you enough to get pizza. Then at pizza you build more attraction and say “let’s go watch a movie”, where I might have enough value for her to comply to that. Then at your place you say “the TVs in my bedroom, don’t worry I’ll be a gentleman we’ll just cuddle lol” and she might comply to that, and then eventually we're having sex, but I got there by baby-stepping the compliance.
“Me: If I was a cop i would have handcuffed you with my red fuzzy pair already for being so adorable. Now answer my question”
This was a solid save to her shit-test. Well done! I would have used something similar but worded slightly different:
“if I was a cop, you would be in fuzzy handcuffs right now lol (then change the subject entirely and try a different angle)”
Key diff is leaving off the adorable stuff (too brother/sister sounding) and dropping the “now answer my question” stuff…she’s clearly not complying to it, so just let it go.
“Her: Lol k i think u kjow nore about me than I know about u”
This was a chance to build some attraction/comfort/rapport. you don’t necessarily need to do it, because it’s okay if she doesn’t know much about you, you don’t have to be an open book…but DROPPING the conversation entirely?? you have her attention, do something with it. At least build some more rapport with some back-and-forth, roleplaying, teasing, innuendo, comfort, cold-reading, anything
“Me: The only thing I want to hear is “Yessir” when I say hookah Thursday 7pm at XYZ”
This is solid. Excellent way to turn her question into an opportunity to push for a meet-up. Assumes attraction/success, dominant/leading, stating what’s happening VS asking
“Me: I live in XYZ but will be seeing a friend in XYZ (near hookah spot) on Thursday Why what’s up”
Good move using “friend” instead of like, “buddy” here, so it’s ambiguous whether it’s a girl or not.
“Her: Burn sesh tnght???”
Trap! lol If you had not responded at all, or responded with “already have company sorry” or something, that would’ve passed her shit-test (and possibly made her jealous).
“But, that part of me thought that the girl was inviting me to blaze aka FUCK.”
…which is exactly what the test was designed to do.
“Her: Ok shooot I msged wrong man : / but u didn’t have umbrella?”
Notice that she doesn’t say “wrong person”, she says “wrong MAN”. Because she wants you to get jealous, the same way you used the ambiguous “friend” earlier lol A lot of game comes from reverse engineering the tactics girls use to make us chase them.
“Me: Oh my god I can’t believe ur cheating on me. I’m filing divorce papers and getting custory of the dog.”
“She admits to not being able to develop emotional connections with guys she sees and in the PU I called it out as her not being attracted to the guys.”
Probably an accurate read of her. She’s not incapable of it, she just hasn’t met a guy worth it that triggers the tingles in her in that way because most guys’ game sucks ass.
“She probably bosses them around and loses attraction when they do what she says.”
Yep, also probably a good read. That doesn’t mean you have to ignore her and be laconic and only respond once a week and shit, it just means that she’ll test your frame a lot and you have to be a solid oak tree and not let her fuck with it.
“and from there I riffed how I was going to boss her around, ignore her texts and her eyes lit up.”
Yep…but then you jumped when she invited you for a burn sesh in the rain lol…you just got in out of the freezing soaking rain and were willing to venture back out into it to meet up with a chick you don’t even know gives good head yet.
lol“She verbalized that she doesn’t like being told what to do and I called her out that despite that, she is still attracted to it.
“2) At first I thought her comment of “Lol k i think u know more about me than I know about u” was her way of saying that she wants more comfort/rapport. Seems so on the surface but I saw it as her failing a compliance test and her shit-testing me.”
She was expecting you to offer up info about yourself or ask her to ask you questions about yourself, but all of that is being in her frame. Something that would’ve helped would’ve been like “You make me sound so mysterious lol” where I'm kind of turning it around on her like she’s being dramatic and then waiting to see if she’ll ask me questions (without prompting her to ask them)…if she doesn’t ask questions, change threads entirely and try another tool (cold-reads, roleplay, teasing, etc.), and if she DOES ask questions like (“tell me something about yourself” or “how old are you?” etc.) either handle them in a fun playful comfort-building way, or just go silent and go to the gym leaving her hanging
Leaving her hanging when she wants an answer is different than leaving her hanging when you're annoyed with her not playing along…the former will make her more curious, the latter might make her just wonder if you're butthurt.
“I hemmed and hawed on this and thought I might lose the account but it actually worked.”
“no doubt she meant that for one of her beta orbiters (or fuckbuddies, hey)”
Or it was meant for a girlfriend and she just used “man” to shit-test whether you get jealous…or there’s no one at all and she was literally just doing it to see what you’d do lol
“I tried to recover as best as I could by acting like I didn’t really care”
A better recovery would’ve been just a “lol” then silence for the night (where it’s ambiguous and she can wonder about if you're mad or not), or a “tsk tsk, leading on a long line of broken-hearted guys chasing you eh? such a player.” followed by silence for the night (where you're forcing her to react to an accusation and showing that you “get it” that she leads on chumps which separates you from them.)
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"And do what?" text
Girl-code for “you just want sex don’t you? ”This tells me she needs to do something that isn’t sex-related so I would drop something like: “I want to go see MovieX. Come with me.” lets go for a walk, there’s an awesome place I want to show you.
And calibrating to her personality type, I also throw in a sex disqualifier like “no sex tonight, I’m exhausted. I just want to hang out, haven’t seen you in a while.” or something that’s semi-ambiguous but hints that I might see her as more than a lay.
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You don’t have to respond to every text
Before you respond, ask yourself “Does this really need a response? Right now? If I was taking a nap right now and didn’t respond would the world end?” It helps whittle away a lot of gay beta txting habits guys have.
Dont plow. Calibrate.
Her: “I want to see you so bad”.
Me: “Come over after work”.
Radio silence. I send a ping:
Me: “Done work, on way home.”
Her: ru going to tell me you have other gf’s/lovers
Me: bring dessert
Her: you didn’t reply
Me: keep me satisfied and I won’t have to. want someone serious
Her: that’s not the answer I was looking for. lets not waste time
YaReally: You got this from her:
“Her: ru going to tell me you have other gf’s/lovers, whatever.”
…specifically because when she sent this:
“I want to see you so bad”
…you sent this:
“Come over after work”
…instead of noticing her ASD was spiking and she was trying to get you to return her feelings of wanting to see HER, specifically HER, because she’s a special snowflake. So her ASD was hoping you would send something like:
“mmm me too babe I’ve been thinking about you all night. can’t even focus on work. come over tonight after work.”
Same end result but she feels special.
Because you didn’t give her that, you got this:
“ru going to tell me you have other gf’s/lovers, whatever.”
IF you had diffused this early the way I just described, you would NOT BE FACING THIS TEXT. having to deal with this text happened BECAUSE you weren't paying attention and missed the chance to avoid this by diffusing things sooner.
when a car is going by your dog as you're walking it, you have to give the dog a little kick to distract it when the dog is still at like a 3 on the 1-10 scale of crazy. If you don’t kick it that soon and you let the dog get to a 7 then you've got a situation on yout hands, and if you let it get to a 10, you are fucked.
She got to a 7 because you didn’t snuff it out at 3, and you didn’t snuff it out at 3 because you were plowing without calibrating.
Don’t get sloppy and stop calibrating or you're gonna’ build bad habits where you write the girl off as “crazy” instead of stopping and looking objectively at your game and going “oh you know what? that was actually my bad, shit”
Then again when she sent that, you still plowed instead of calibrating and dismissed her level 7 ASD with:
“bring dessert”
Sending her into level 10, full barking at a car rage mode.
The Art of Calibrating: Keeping the balance at 0
Calibration is going just beta enough at just the right time. A lot of guys will pick a level of alpha/beta and then just plow ahead with that to the end goal and beyond. So you've picked hardcore alpha no fucks given and regardless of what signals she’s throwing at you, you're plowing ahead with your gameplan in the same way a super beta guy would miss the signals she’s giving that she needs him to be decisive or aloof and just plow ahead with his gameplan of being too needy and supplicative. Neither guy is calibrating to her. Calibration is being very aware of what she’s throwing at you and why, and it’s different for every girl (though they tend to fall into groups and patterns in general) It’s not that I lie or change my entire personality for her, it’s that I let out just enough beta when she needs it so that she feels special. A lot of naturals get enough abundance that they stop calibrating because they get into the mindset of “whatever, if she isn’t going to just jump on my dick like these other bitches then fuck her, NEXT!!” Which is fine, you can DO that…but it leads to problems and down the road you end up in situations where you keep losing your fuckbuddies or have trouble retaining new ones beyond a bang or two or they throw lots of drama at you and it gets frustrating and you blame them instead of your game. Youre looking at the lay as the “end”. Youre mentality right now is venturing toward: “if I got the lay then what I did must have been “right” and she should just always want to bang me after that and I should just stick to whatever worked to get that first bang and if she doesn’t want to bang me again she’s crazy and fuck figuring that shit out”.
But even if you get the lay, you have to be calibrating afterward, to stay balanced between her feeling used/slutty like you're too aloof, and her feeling too close and like it’s getting too serious and running or giving the “I can’t do this if we aren’t going to be BF/GF” ultimatum.
“so where is the next step/learning?”
Retaining them consistently for weeks/months/years with casual sex-based relationships that have low drama and a lot less of this “now she wants me, now she doesn’t want me, who knows wtf is wrong with her, I shot her something and it seems to be working but I dunno who knows?”uncertainty.
You can’t retain them all, obviously, but i have pretty solid consistency with keeping fuckbuddies on the line for months/years without them feeling slutty or falling too in love with me. And I can tell where each of them is in terms of that scale at any given time…like I know exactly which girls I need to shoot a “saw this thing that reminded me of this cute thing you did the first time we met that told me you were going to be a fun girl” beta text and which girls’ texts I need to ignore for the weekend.
So I don’t get a lot of the drama and puzzles and back and forth because I’m constantly calibrating and looking at why they’re saying what they say and where in that balancing act they are, and when they’re at a 3 toward feeling slutty or in love, I pull them back with a little beta/alpha so they always stay (using that dog whisperer scale again say 0 is ideal and -10 they feel slutty like I'm just using them for sex and they aren’t special, and 10 they feel too close (and deliver an Ultimatum to date them monogamously) or feel like I'm getting too needy and they need space) around -3 to 3 and rarely dip into -7 to 7 and really rarely end up at a -10 or 10 where shit gets way out of hand unrecoverable.
Im doing what Tyler’s joked about that newbies do where he tells them “ok when she asks what your job is, don’t give her a straight answer right away” and the guy takes that concept and runs it into the ground so their interaction looks like:
“what do you do?”
“I work at taco bell”
“lol no seriously what do you do?”
“I work at pizza hut”
“…no, c’mon, really what do you do?”
“I work at mcdonalds, I’m the head fry chef.”
“sigh…(leaves)”
…and it bombs because the first goofing around was great, the second was like oookay that’s funny but seriously I need to know, and then the last one is like, just uncalibrated and went too far. She was trying to communicate to you “I need to know something about you to feel like I know you and like we have comfort/rapport so we can fuck” But you were sticking to your gameplan and missed that signal.
Calibration is something you just learn from fucking up a bunch and losing a bunch of girls. i went through the same growing pains to get where I am. Had girls falling in love with me too much, then couldn’t get girls to come back, then it was all over the map, until I learned to gauge where they are on that slut/too close chart and nudge them when they need it.
Right now you sent some beta shit to that chick and now she loves you, so instinctively your brain may go “okay so be beta with this girl” but that was only in that moment because she was heading way off balance toward feeling slutty. Now that she’s back to loving you, it starts over…you can go back to being aloof because you’ve given her enough beta to make her happy for now. But down the road you may go too aloof and have to drop some more beta, or you may drop too much beta and she needs to miss you a bit or fear losing you. It’s a constant calibration.
you don’t have to think about it when you get used to it…like I don’t really consciously think about this with my girls. I’m just going by the “vibe” now, but a “vibe” is really just my brain quickly calculating a bunch of variables/signals and comparing them to my reference experiences and spitting out what to do…I wouldn’t have that ability if I didn’t have those reference experiences of dealing with this and of spotting those variables/signals. But for me I basically just feel when to show more beta/alpha.
And showing beta isn’t even showing gay beta, you can tell her you miss her or are thinking of her in an alpha way. Hell I’ve gone as far as using like “disappointed yet again…why don’t other girls know how to fuck the way you do?” lol I don’t recommend using that one (it was a special case) but my point is that you can make the girl feel special without coming off like a virgin in scarcity crying yourself to sleep over her.
Some examples of balancing:
– if you haven’t seen her in a while and being aloof she’ll feel unspecial and you’ll lose her…so you make her feel special and you can keep things burning while youre away from her…but then if you start seeing her two or three times a week, that same making her feel special shit will make her fall too in love and fuck it up so when your seeing her a few times a week you'd be more aloof via text. So your always keeping her around that 0 mark.
– if I get drunk and have a shitty night I might fuck up and text a girl I was Soft Next’ing with something that when I wake up I’m like “fuck that was gay” because it wasn’t calibrated and too needy…and I’ll know “ok BECAUSE I sent that stupid text, now I have to ignore her for a couple weeks to balance it out” lol if I didn’t pull back I would end up sabotaging myself, but because I know whereabouts she is on that scale and what my text likely caused her to feel in terms of that scale, I know how to bring it back to 0.
– if a girl starts to take me for granted, like she shows up not dressed sexy and in a good mood, or she’s not initiating texts, then I know I need to ignore her for a weekend so she experiences a bit of dread game to appreciate me again
– if a girl is getting super clingy with me, I know to be “busy with work” so that we can only see each other once every week or two instead of whatever frequency we were seeing each other, so her oxytocin and shit can settle.
– if she’s feeling used and slutty like I’m just using her for sex, I’ll do something very slightly romantic/beta that reminds her that she’s special and not like the other girls.
And this could all be the same girl over the course of a year lol I’m calibrating as things develop and just always keeping that 0 balance. It’s not mandatory, but the % chance of things being “over” with her go up when you let her slide around on that scale too far…sometimes that’s okay because you don’t care that much about her or just have other priorities in life, but it’s important to be consciously aware that that’s a decision on your part to not calibrate to her signals anymore.
Don’t use “lol” when giving a command
do not use “lol” in situations where your aggressively pushing forward in a way that she could shoot you down
Me: “bla bla lol bla”
Her: “lolol bla bla”
Me: “You’re funny. You should come out tonight.” (no lol)
Her: “Why?”
Me: “Because I want to see you.” (no lol)
when youre making a Statement of Interest or giving a “command”, do it with just a period and wait for her response.
In a live pickup I might dick around and tease her and not be fully facing her, and then she says something interesting and I suddenly turn to her, stare her in the eyes with laser intense focus, step in her space, drop my voice into a serious tone, and calmly state my intentions.
part of demonstrating high-value *IS* risking getting shot down. ie – going direct is, in itself, attractive, because youre saying “I’m willing to risk not seeing you again, to make my intentions known” when you drop a hard SOI with no lol via txt her first thought is “…isn’t he going to write a lol? No? oh wow…he’s being serious when he says he wants me, that’s fucking hot…”
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texting a married chick (while she’s on vacation)
1) “cool, we’ll hang when you get back”
2) don’t txt her while she’s on vacation, she’s doing other shit right now, but she DOES want to fuck ’cause she said it’s “too bad” you can’t hang out. That’s the signal that she wants to bone ASAP (also the faster we bone the less chance of her getting strings attached so i can move efficient on this, i don’t need 2hr txt convos building comfort/rapport). She’d probably sext with you while she’s on vacation and if she tries to initiate sexting, get into it a little bit, but then leave her hanging with a “we’ll finish this story in person when you get back. I have work to do and you’re a distraction…but a fun distraction lol”
3) don’t expect to hear from her till a few days after she’s back (the closer to when she gets back that she txts me, the hornier she is, the more aggressively you can push for a meetup)
4) when you hear from her, throw her a “cool, welcome back. I talked to santa while you were gone and he said we’re on the naughty list.” to test for flirty/sexual texting (it’s okay now because she’s back in town so it can lead to a meet-up, whereas on vacation you can’t physically arrange a meet-up so it’s a waste).
5) push for the meet-up ASAP and have fun. don’t reveal anything about yourself that you don’t have to, and just act like you do this all the time and it’s no big deal.
If she rejects meeting up it’s only because she has to work around her hubby and she just needs me to be cool with not freaking out or getting butt-hurt Just brush it off as “cool, it’s all good, we’ll try again next time you’re free” like you understand that she has an unpredictable schedule to juggle to make this happen.
“you’re free this weekend? cool, we’ll hang. oh your hubby came home and you have to flake? all good, we’ll try again another time”. Like I'm always assuming it’ll EVENTUALLY happen. Just vague and open-ended until she lets you know she’s free and then you make it happen.
Ordinarily I don’t meet a woman on her terms because it’s a trap but this situ is different because she’s cheating and she just wants reliable drama-free cock, not to play mind-games like a ditzy 18yo single club-girl lol
pushing for a meetup. get her in state first
If I came up to you on the street on a day that you’re having a crappy day and said “give me a dollar.” you’d probably tell me to fuck off. But if I came up to you on the street and casually chatted with you, joked around and got you laughing and feeling good emotions, built a little connection with you swapping stories about our dogs that died when we were kids, got you laughing again and then said “hey you got a dollar on you? I’m half asleep and I have a business meeting and need to grab a coffee but I left my wallet at home.” you would probably give me a dollar, or a $5’er if you didn’t have a dollar handy.
The difference between those two scenarios is that in the first one I didn’t have high-value to you or a connection or comfort/rapport AND you weren’t in a good state. It’s not that you wouldn’t be open to giving me a dollar, it’s that I was being uncalibrated and just barging in instead of pacing your reality and leading you into a good state and then pitching the dollar request.
Sometimes you’ll catch the girl in a great state and the convo is just a quick push of:
“hey”
“hi!!”
“wow someone’s excited”
“I just got a new job!!”
“great then drinks are on you tonight”
“lol no way”
“fine, we’ll go dutch. BarName, 7pm.”
“lol i dunno…”
“shush don’t be gay.”
“lol fuck you”
“we’ll celebrate your new job. 7pm, BarName.”
“lol okay”
Sometimes the girl is totally out of state or having a bad week and you have to invest in a long txt convo or multiple txt convos to get her into a good state. So you kind of throw out a normal txt first…I like to re-open with a cocky/funny tease like “don’t think I didn’t notice you sneaking around the bushes outside my bedroom window last night”, where she’s pretty much forced to respond even if it’s to be like “oh god lol” or “you wish”…like I just need ANY response, good or bad, because all I’m doing is trying to gauge what kind of state she’s in.
Based on her response I’ll calibrate and if she’s in a receptive state I’ll start to push for the meet-up, and if she’s not in a receptive state I’ll joke, tease, roleplay and get her laughing and into a better state. If she doesn’t respond or responds slow with one-word replies I’ll try to figure out from what I know about her whether she’s just busy at work or with something happening in real life on her end, or if she’s not interested at all but usually it’s the former so I’ll back off and end the convo and try again in a couple days at a different time of day (maybe every day around 10am she has work stress but 2 days later I text her at 8pm and she’s done work and relaxed watching some funny TV show and is horny/flirty).
Once I know she’s lol’ing on her end, I’ll push for the meet-up and try to neutralize any of her objections either with hardcore plowing responses (like “i have plans” gets “cancel them, I’m more fun” or “i have lab tomorrow” gets “it’s fine, one drink, we’ll have you home asleep for your lab by 10.”) or neutralizing them in advance (I know she’ll object to meeting up because she thinks I’m going to try to have sex with her so I’ll say “one drink, but we’re not having sex, I have an early morning tomorrow.” and kind of take that objection away before she can use it).
If you made a super boss impression on her when you first met her and got the number, and it’s within a few days of that interaction, you can probably be more aloof/direct. Brad Pitt could txt “let’s get coffee.” out of the blue a month later but it’s because he has massively high value to the girl by default.
But if you only made a decent impression or if you made a super boss impression but it’s a week or two later, or she was drunk that night, or for whatever reason maybe she’s embarrassed from making out with you that night or she’s hungover and tired and not feeling flirty or a million other things, then you have to build your value up again (reminding her of how high-value you are since she exchanged numbers with you at a point where she saw you as high-value) and THEN push for coffee.
your value to her is ALWAYS in a state of fluctuation and if she doesn’t know you well, it’s in a state of slowly trickling downward. Like Brad Pitt will always have high value even if she never sees or talks to him again in her life. But the guy from the bar that one night’s value will slowly trickle downward over time, esp as she meets other guys from the bar that one night and they make newer impressions on her or they make bad impressions and she associates them with you. when you re-engage her via txt, assume that your re-sarging her from the start…it’s a smaller shorter faster sarge because you already know she can be attracted to you since you have her number, but you still have to go through the motions.
spike her Buying Temperature through flirting/teasing via txt, then when you know she’s in a good mood from that, push for the Day 2 and get her to agree to it solidly (if she’s wishy-washy, pull the offer away or flake on her and try again next week).
when you guys meet up, flirt and tease, build comfort/rapport, escalate, and take her back to your place (“As much as I like paying $10 for a rye and coke, I have a bottle of wine at my place just up the street. Let’s go there and drink instead.”) and stay in and fuck all night.
only respond to sexual stuff she texts and pushing towards a meetup
I had a regular FB recently start sending me just stupid pics of her day that she Snapchats to other guys. Like some food she was eating or a funny thing she saw. I just ignore that shit. The more mindless go-nowhere friendy texting you do, the more you put yourself in the orbiter frame. So even after you’ve banged them they’ll still TRY to see if you’ll fall into an orbiter frame, it’s just their natural testing of your frame.
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when they try to goad you into a discussion
She’ll win by default simply because your entering her frame by even entertaining it. your mindset should be “lol no you’re overreacting, I didn’t do anything to apologize for, you’re being silly, and I’m already moving on to the next topic”. She’s NOT actually hurt or sad or crying herself to sleep it’s all bullshit. Instinctively it frustrates her but in a “why can’t I control this guy???” way that will lead to sex.
Her: “(big rant) i was going to tell you my news…”
You: “ok you can tell me your news in person. 7pm at Restaurant. Wear heels.”
And if she puts up a fuss just go “lol ok” and do radio silence till Monday (unless she txts late at night on the weekend and then just allow her to come over to your hotel and bang her).
There’s a good chance she’ll flake, like “no way im mad at you not till you apologize”, so don’t actually EXPECT to meet up tonight lol…im kind of throwing out a half-bluff because the part that’s really going to hit her is when you respond “lol ok” to her stirring up a fuss. THAT’S the no-fucks-given alpha part that’s going to make her txt you drunk on the weekend to bang.
Breakdown of responding to, "my boyfriend might be cheating on me” txt
- “You’re fat, take what you can get.”
Her BF isn’t cheating, she just wants to cheat and needs to justify it.
My text:
1) Doesn't give attention whores attention. I don't ask for details or get into a discussion. Same way i handle “I think I have [covid]” or “I’m mad at you…” Total disregarding of the topic.
2) Hot girls can handle negs. guys don’t neg her, so i’ll stand out as unimpressed by her looks.
3) Neg about something obviously false or that she can change. If you neg her about her choice in shirt, she can wear a different shirt. as a personal trainer she’s not fat and is in fact the exact opposite and proud of it, so calling her fat is CLEARLY teasing her. flirt with a 9 at the bar and pinch her belly and say “look at all this fat, you’re disgusting, no more beer for you”. She’ll lol her face off.
4) Never insult the boyfriend, ALWAYS talk good about him. I'm telling her to stick with him instead of trying to vulture her away from him or talk shit about him. By telling her she should be with him, she’ll instinctively push away from him.
5) Outcome independence. youre telling her to go be with him instead of you, so your showing you give no fucks about her, which is extra bait for a hot girl who’s used to guys fawning over her.
6) Not apologizing for or softening what you say. No emoticons or lols. I work in a baby grinding factory.
” sounds weirdly proud of it. “I work in a baby grinding factory.” comes off as a deadpan joke.7) Self-amusement. deadpanning it instead of cushioning it with smileys and lols turns it into self-amusement because you don’t care if she gets that it’s a joke or is offended. your just making yourself lol
8) Give her the full range of emotions. The best movies take you on an emotional rollercoaster. This will give her a moment of “!!! Gasp!! OMG you’re are SUCH an asshole!!”
9) Disqualifying her. your calling her fat and pushing her away, which could potentially result in her qualifying herself to you with something like sending a pic of her abs and trying to talk shit, which should be easy to turn into her sending you sexy pics and setting a sexual frame to escalate to a lay effortlessly.
10) Instigates a shit-test. Saying offensive stuff prods her to shit-test you in return, which gives you a chance to pass that shit-test and spike attraction faster.
Jumbrotron text
If your texts were given a public airing, the Verizon Center jumbotron, you should feel comfortable with what you have written for the world to see. You should not feel an urge to wince, because it will be clear to everyone reading it how alpha you are. If the thought of someone other than you and your girl reading your permanently archived romantic exchanges makes you cringe with embarrassment, then you are doing something wrong that will eventually lead to your girl dumping you.
She has to appreciate the opportunity she gets to be around you
chick ”whatcha doin tonight?”
she can’t just randomly text you and expect you to be available, she has to appreciate the opportunity she gets to be around you since she’s been taking that for granted with her shitty lack of texting, and so she can let her imagination wander (“hmm he approached me at work and seems confident, maybe he has another date??”). And when you re-engage her you wouldn’t acknowledge the ghosting, you would just start a convo as normal like “saw a (something teasing so it’s not really flattery) that made me think of you today” and proceed as normal (VS saying “sorry I’ve been busy with work, saw a thing that made me think of you today” or “sorry I was on a date, saw a thing that made me think of you today”). you don’t talk about where you’ve been or why you haven’t texted unless she demands to know and if she does you just tease her with a “what are we married? lol relax stalker” so she feels silly. you don’t owe her explanations. And if she continues to demand to know, just give her another round of radio silence to train that behavior out of her.
Ignore her
If you can ignore her for a week or two, youll see her flip through her rolodex of approaches to get you to react
it goes something like “you don’t care about me” (you ignore for a bit) “fine fuck you then” (you ignore for a few days) “i hate that we fight so much i just want us to be like we were before” (you keep ignoring) “fine I can see you don’t care anymore, and probably never did. I didn’t realize our relationship meant nothing to you, stupid me believing in fairy tales” (ignore her some more) “I thought you were different from other guys but I guess I was wrong” (keep ignoring) “fine this is my last txt then don’t worry I won’t bother you or ruin your life anymore since I know you hate me now” (a month later) “(funny meme image of an in-joke you two had)” (more ignoring her) “i miss you
”Notice the pattern of pendulum swings, it’ll usually be something where she’s blaming you, then something where she’s taking the blame, then something where she’s being sweet, then something where she’s aggressive and pushing you away, then trying to pull you in, then trying to get you to laugh, then trying to tug on your sentimental strings, then trying to threaten/embarrass/scare you, then trying to piss you off, then trying to be sweet again
It goes all over the map as she hits every extreme she can think of, trying to get a reaction out of you because “any reaction is a good reaction” to her, just like in marketing any press is good press, even negative press.
That’s why most guys can’t hold strong on a ghosting, especially without having a fuckbuddy or dude-friends they can go out to bars with…because eventually the girl hits some trigger for the guy especially when he’s at a low point and that gets him to react and BOOM, she knows she still has him hooked and it starts all over again. She promises she’ll make things better and work on herself and never wants to fight again ever ever ever we’re so perfect together I miss you so much baby.
And then a month goes by and it’s the same ol’ shit…why? BECAUSE IT KEEPS WORKING AND GETTING THE GUY BACK lol why WOULD she change it up, he’s feeding her his blueprint: abuse me and I’ll let you be in my life.
"Confirming" a meet
“I also predict she is waiting for me to ask about Tuesday and try to confirm before she says anything.”
It’s a shit-test. Handle it by saying NOTHING. Act as if we don’t even have plans together. Like if she brings it up all “are we going out tonight still?” then cool go for it. But if she brings it up to flake you can shoot a simple ambiguous “k” and then radio silence ignore her for a few days (Soft Next for flaking). And if she doesn’t bring it up, don’t bring it up.
I know this is annoying because it’d be nice if I could know in the morning whether we're hanging out or not at night, but right now we're playing a little game. Also if it becomes inconvenient for you, like she txts you at 7:30pm “are we still on for 8?” and your like, in your underwear watching important kitten videos on YouTube and it would be a hassle to make it, just txt her back “sorry, didn’t hear from you so I made other plans. We’ll try again next week.” She’ll be pissed but she’ll get over it and chase because she likes you and will learn “if I play these games he’s perfectly willing to ditch me”.
Leading and Making her chase
Did you get the lay? No…so what DID you get?: you got milked for dinner/drinks, teased and left with blue-balls, having to drive her home, and the “chance” for another date where you can spend more money on her while she “gets to know you”. you are on the Provider Track. you might still bang her, but she’s probably going to milk a couple dates out of you and try to make you date her as a monogamous BF/GF before putting out, or turn you into an Orbiter. The rules exist for a reason. They’re to keep you off of the Provider Track.
Key points:
“She declined a few offers to hang out with excuses, but never totally blew me off. After about 3 weeks of no contact”
She was probably fucking someone else.
“SHE reinitiated contact a few weeks ago, asking for another coffee date.”
Shit probably didn’t work out with that dude, so she’s looking for a replacement.
“I actually think she thinks it’s cute and it doesn’t hurt me”
Did she fuck you, or is she making you wait?
“she gets sarcasm not beta infatuation”
She blew you off a few times until you gave up, then snapped her fingers and you jumped to instantly respond with stuff like “I just can’t wait to see you!!!!!” and offering to take her to expensive dinners. Combine that with how if she’s super hot, most guys she meets say that stuff but mean it for REAL, and, well, you can’t really be sure she’s reading it as sarcasm, esp via text. She’s seeing it from her perspective, not yours.
“Me (20 min later): [cool steak restaurant]. 8. Is your little black dress clean?”
This is super-solid. I approve.
"it was a big turning point for me when I started telling girls what to wear and that I expect them to doll-up for me chicks get me rock hard so after hooking up with enough girls who’d show up dressed in plain clothes I decided to start being a dick about it. I tell them it’s because I’m shallow and spent too much time in stripclubs when I was younger
Most chicks like dressing up for a guy. The worry about “will he like how I look? Is this what he wanted??” is fun to them. They stress about it the whole way to the meet, and then when i see them i give them the slow down and up checkout with my eyes, tell them they look gorgeous, and relieve all that tension they had over it. That’s a fun emotional rollercoaster for them that the guy who says “I love all women no matter what they look like” doesn’t give them. And it’s something a high-value man who has options and can BE picky/demanding, would do
“Her (4 min later): Yes it is, but is cold today! So I am not sure if I should wear it ; )”
shit-testing to see if you’ll back down or demand she wear it.
“Me (14 min later): I will keep you warm. But we can do jeans if u want.”
ergh…that first sentence was beautiful. The second was like going “mmmm when I see you, I’m going to pin you up against the wall and run my hand slowly down your body as I bite your neck…….IF THAT’S COOL WITH YOU! IF NOT WE CAN DO SOMETHIN ELSE?? LEMME KNOW LOLOL!!” lol. Like, don’t back down or go wishy-washy when i make demands. Let HER bring up “is it okay if I wear jeans? It’s cold ” and then I can say “hmmm, alright. But you owe me a night of sexy lingerie in the future. ”
“Me (7 min later): wait no u should ; )”
“Me (15 min later): Yay! See u soon”
This just kind of enhances the wishy-washy…”Wear a sexy outfit. Well, it’s okay if you don’t. No wait, you should! You will?? YAY!!!!”
I know to you the “Yay!” thing isn’t super gay and is just sarcasm, but…well, did she fuck you or is she making you wait?
“maid came yesterday so my apartment was sweet”
This kind of stuff, while bad-ass, helps put you on the Provider Track because your clearly a guy with money and all his shit together and she’s a single mom with The Wall approaching. I actually leave my room a bit messy, to help avoid being seen as a Provider. It’s part of why I don’t mind living with a roommate and not having a car either. Combine all that with not taking them out for dinners, and women know not to bother putting me on the slow Provider Track, and I get to skip all that and get right to fucking.
“Waited a bit too long but eventually did go in for the kiss.”
Try kissing her as soon as you meet up, on future Day 2′s, to set the tone. Like she walks out in her little black dress and you can look her down and up, eye-fuck her, tell her she looks gorgeous, cut the space, hand on her cheek, and give her a light kiss, with a “Couldn’t resist. Let’s go.” and lead her to wherever, arm-in-arm. The longer you wait to set a sexual tone, the more awkward it feels to go in for the kiss. In my early days I actually went entire Day 2′s without any action, not even kissing, because I didn’t set a sexual tone fast enough and it felt too awkward. Of course the girls often wouldn’t bother wanting to hang out again since I demonstrated I was too chickenshit to pull the trigger.
“I actually though would be a bang…she was so hot in that little black dress….she pulled away though”
lol, ya, I figured this would be the result when I read that she came back to your apartment without any resistance and when I read that you hadn’t kissed her yet. She knew she was in control of the situation and that you weren’t really a sexual threat so she knew she could tease you for a bit (the dumbbell stuff) and leave you hanging with blue-balls but dying to see her again. Girls who are worried they’re going to bang put up some resistance going back to the guy’s apartment…this girl knew she wasn’t going to bang you tonight. Note that this whole thing is you chasing her. you asked to set up a date, you picked her up, you took her to dinner/drinks (did you pay or split the bill?), you drooled all over her dress, you invited her over and gave her beer, you had my place nice and clean to impress her (at least from her point of view), you leered at her while she did dumbbell moves, you let her dictate how much sex there’d be, you played guitar for her, you drove her home, There’s not really a point where she’s chasing you or trying to impress you, aside from throwing on a dress. The whole date is me qualifying yourself to her, hoping she’ll let you have sex.
Best way to describe it I guess would be a really good boxer VS a defensive amateur boxer…the really good boxer can tell pretty quick that while ya, they’re in a fight, realistically they’re the ones setting the tone/rhythm of the fight. The defensive amateur boxer is never really going to have him on his heels stumbling backwards trying to re-gain his composure. He might even stick his chin out (enter your apartment) and let the guy take a few swings so he feels like he has a shot, but realistically he knows he can end the fight whenever he wants to.
The situation you want to create is one where she’s on her heels trying to play catch-up and regain her balance as you barrage her with emotional fists of fury. Where she’s reacting to you and scared to give you a free shot because she knows you'll land a knock-out punch the second she lets her guard down and you plow through that guard like it’s nothing and take her and she gets swept away into a fantasy. This date is kind of a good example of how guys come up with the ideas that “you have to have really nice shoes, girls notice your shoes” or “you have to have an expensive watch, invest in a good watch, women notice these things”…cause guys take girls on nice comfortable non-sexually-threatening dates where the girl is having fun but not off-balance or on much of an emotional rollercoaster…she’s on an emotional canoe ride instead, so she has time to analyze him and check out his shoes and his watch and quiz him on what he does for work and see his guitar skills and qualify him on how good a Provider he’d be.
I’m not saying you did bad, it sounds like a fun night all-around…but your read on the situation is a little off. You broke a lot of rules and ended up categorized as a Provider Beta to her. you can still probably get the lay, but it’ll likely come with strings-attached. This is all a very subtle dynamic…but a 31yo hottie who’s meeting up with Internet dudes knows how to play the game. The way you keep saying “but she seemed genuinely sorry, like not in a being-polite-to-a-beta way” just means that she’s good at it. You’re not supposed to catch on.
“I flat told her you know I had to make a move or she’d wrongly think I was too shy.”
lol, you don’t have to justify making a move to her. This kind of makes it sound like you only kissed her so that she wouldn’t think i'm a pussy, VS kissing her because youre a man who
goes for what he wants. Again, it’s a subtle dynamic…this kind of vibe is what told her she
would be able to walk out of your apartment without fucking you, which is why she came there so easily in the first place.
“She was, like, looking in my eyes and gushing what a good time she was having”
I bet! It sounds like it was an awesome date! She got everything she could have wanted…driven around, dinner, drinks, validation from a quality dude, musical entertainment, a ride home…that was a great night…for HER. But the important question is: did you get what you wanted?
“she’s having a lot of fun getting to know me”
lol, of course. It’ll probably take her a few dates to “get to know you”. Try inviting her over for a movie or for a $1 coffee instead of taking her out somewhere nice, and see if she still wants to get to know you.
“and basically saying there will be a future date.”
Of course. Why wouldn’t she want another one of these nights? She made out like a bandit while you spanked it to porn after she left.
“she was gushing about what a good time she had, not in the (I think) usual be-polite-to-a-beta way.”
I’m sure she legitimately had an amazing time. And I’m sure she likes you. But she’s put you on the Provider Track.
“So there it is….thoughts? I plan radio silence for 5 days now.”
No more spending $ on her. Make her invest in the relationship. Have her meet you somewhere, to do something that doesn’t cost $. It’s not that you can’t afford it or anything, it’s that the more you invest, the more of a Provider you become. you could take her on 3 or 4 expensive dates, shower her with a bunch of stuff, and probably get the lay eventually…but your not really using “game”, your just doing what every other guy does and you'll end up having sex on her terms, not yours. Radio silence thru the weekend, arrange a date, then flake with something like “sorry, have to cancel on tonight. A friend I haven’t seen in years is in town and she’s taking me to dinner to catch up. We’ll reschedule for next week k?” where she knows your meeting up with a female but doesn’t know exactly who it is and can think that maybe it’s an ex-GF or something and she might lose you if she plays too many games. The general idea is to 1) break out of the Provider frame and 2) flip the script so she’s chasing you. Otherwise your just playing the same “keep trying to impress her until hopefully she lets me sleep with her” game that every normal guy plays.
"I’m so horny” text trap
She wants you to think she’s horny so you’ll go “okay let’s meet up!!” and then she gets your validation. She won’t ACTUALLY let you come over and fuck her or anything. This is a really common trap, especially with hot girls, and most guys fall for it. It doesn’t mean they’re sluts or horny or even fucking anyone in general. I know girls who will be like “I’m sooo horny I want your cock so bad babe
” and as soon as you txt back “where you at?”, they go radio silent and the next day they’re all “sorry babe my phone died, I really wanted to see you ” And then you go “okay let’s hang out Wednesday.” “okay!! god I can’t wait, I want to fuck you so bad!” And then Wednesday comes and she “falls asleep” and flakes. It goes on and on and on until you do something to completely fuck with her world and the validation conveyor belt you’ve helped her set up: like ignore her completely.Her reason for flaking is irrelevant
if you show her you assume it’s legit, youre beta: naive. if you show you assume it’s not true your beta: insecure.
what’s beta in either case is *caring whether it’s true*
To see it as an IOD or as flaking and to be disappointed or mad is misguided as well. we live in sexual abundance: her flaking is irrelevant. most likely she’s lying. but if you feel you need to call her on it, it shows your disappointment, thus her weight in your life, thus that you are a lightweight compared to her, thus that you are not worthy of her. she will not be attracted anymore. why does she do this? because she thinks it’s possible that you are *very hot* indeed. and now she wants to see if you really are. the greater the challenge she presents to you, the hotter she imagines you to be (but she needs to make sure).
so: what she is doing is actually a compliment.
the key: demonstrate that this has no weight for you.
one option: no response at all.
she will be frustrated because of the lack of effect of her message and will likely contact you again to meet up. otherwise you can contact her — perhaps two weeks later — completely ignoring the incident. (plans are options, you accepted she was busy, so were you. say sorry I forgot to txt back, if she asks.)
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