Complex isn't the word for this one

[Anonymous]

This is really a long story but I will try to make it short and sweet. I very seriously dated a girl for the past 2+ years until this past August. We were very close and she was with me through the passing of my father in which she supported me in ways I cannot repay. Time passed and problems arised so we decided to take a break because we weren’t going to have much time for each other in the upcoming weeks and tensions were running high. The truth is she started acting very short and “different” in the weeks leading up to this point.

Anyhow, we didn’t talk for the next month or so in between a time or two I would ask if she wanted to get together only to be denied. That was it I decided to get over it. About 2 months later I hear that her father passed away so I reached out to her and offered advice and my help for anything she needed (This is where I learned that the month of no communication was due to her being with her very ill father). We chatted leading up to the wake until she learned that I had been casually seeing someone (she now admitted the same to me) and that rubbed her the wrong way. She was unsure if I should attend because she didn’t know how she would react to seeing me. I told her I would come, pay respects and leave, which I did.

A week after that she reached out to me and went off about how much she missed me and how wrong she was and she would fight no matter what it takes to get me back. I was very reluctant because I hadn’t seen this side of her in A LONG time and she had just gone through a very emotionally experience. I told her to take some time with her emotions and be there for her family and I will help where I can. But I couldn’t trust if she was being genuine or just using me…. I didn’t want to go through the break up again.A few weeks passed and I asked her to meet to talk and we did and things went great! We ended up meeting up in 3 of the next 4 days and it seemed like we wanted to rehash things.

She went cold with texting and calling immediately after this and through a 180 on me and said she wasn’t sure if she could trust me to get back with because I “wasn’t there” for her like she was for me. So it has been up and down for a few weeks now. One week she will get a hold of me like crazy and other weeks she won’t say a word. I am at a loss... I certainly want her back but I am not going to play this game.


Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. If you made it this far, thank you for taking the time to torture yourself through the drama.

 

[Just_Dave]

Greetings Derek,

First and foremost my condolences for the passing of your father.

Now to the nitty gritty of your situation, its a complex one but, rather it's one that can actually be worked on in both your favor. Seeing how you were both growing through a hard time, I doubt she was really trying to take a stab at you. Women are more controlled by their emotions and she more than likely said that out of the hardship she was going through.

As far as the whole her coming back to what to get back together speech, it's obvious you were caught a little off guard. It's a good sign that you guys are hanging out, this means that she does miss and actually want to see you. It would be a good idea to try to get intimate with her next time you see her to keep the attraction up. As far as a relationship goes, you could simply say "I like you, I wanna talk and see if we can make this work. I'm interested to see where this goes." I would also mention you need time to get your head together. The thing is though, you don't want to over provide good feelings or push her away. Something along those lines would get the point across. The idea here is to give yourself and her sometime to see where you really want to take things. You have to give her the impression that you do want her around, but that you don't need her around. It truly is tricky and fairly complex.

Questions, comments, concerns

Just Dave