Compliance and attainability from her POV (how it feels for her)

[JasonH]

Hey guys,

Could you help me understand how differing levels of attainability and compliance feel to her from her pov (ie how she experiences it). Once I’m able to understand it from women’s perspective it makes a lot more sense to me.

High value makes sense to me - Feels like you’re out of her league, she doesn’t feel very secure, uncertain and like she might get rejected and therefore won’t take the risk with you. (I think this is easily correctable by being warm, investing more)

Too attainable and low value also make sense to me - you feel too boring to her, no challenge. It’s too easy relative to your value, she feels like she doesn’t have to work to get your attention, it’s easily accessible.

How does it feel to her when she is being too compliant or self investing more than you? What do women do in response to this?

How does it feel when you’re unattainable to her? (What traits make you unattainable).

Thanks guys

 

[TwoNameGame]

How does it feel to her when she is being too compliant or self investing more than you? What do women do in response to this?

2 things happen: comfort and pace.

If she does 10 things for you, she feels like she's known you longer and feels more comfortable sharing without it being awkward. For example, if you ask her to share pictures, she'll feel like "I can show him things without feeling pushy. I can be open!" It feels relieving. There is less doubt, just do. It's a clear sunny day. Just take another step. And just like that, you're made warm. Again. And again. Comfort.

Additionally, she'll feel like its more of a rollarcoaster of emotions and something constantly happening. It's exciting. It's interesting. She is present and feels more of what she feels. It's not autopilot. She doesn't feel fine like when everyone answers "I'm fine, how are you?" she feels glad that you took an interest, she feels proud that you liked her contribution, she feels annoyed that her eyes didn't do that thing like she wanted, and she feels frustrated that she's losing you because of her inaction. It's like hearing a song you like with better headphones and better quality. You notice new things and you're feeling higher highs and newer lows. Wait, you heard a new instrument. A new meaning in the same few minutes you thought you new what to expect. You can say the same lyrics as always, but you receive a new sensation as you devote more focus. Pacing.

How does it feel when you’re unattainable to her? (What traits make you unattainable).

It feels frustrating, like being told "We regret to inform you that we went with a more qualified applicant, but wish you the best in your future endeavors." Did I mention you thought the posting literally described you?

Her efforts aren't enough and she lost an opportunity she though she could have had. She feels helpess. And then you go and keep being cool, rubbing in her face how much she wanted you while offering meaningless platitudes. She lost, so why bother? Thank them for the time or don't. Who cares? They don't. Maybe you don't either. Maybe. The best she can do is save face. It's not a logical "face death with dignity", she is so bummed out that she retreats into herself and cannot see that you AREN'T rejecting her.

Some women start to lie to raise their value in response to your unattainability, but that's a grief-filled sense of self-doubt that she isn't good enough. She has to push herself for any scrap she can find. It's like being told you're being laid off after you handle your last client. You try to embody a concept you know isn't real and play devil's advocate for something you no longer believe in. You don't like her. She doesn't like who she has to be. But what else can she do? She needs this because it's what she wants, but it's still within reach of a a version of her with less mistakes along the road. Oh, well, weren't you happy before knowing what it was like? Can't remember?

TL;DR
Put yourself in her shoes. Now, discard logic for better or worse. No problems, no solutions. Just now and everything you feel and maybe a soundtrack.

 

[JasonH]

A

2 things happen: comfort and pace.

If she does 10 things for you, she feels like she's known you longer and feels more comfortable sharing without it being awkward. For example, if you ask her to share pictures, she'll feel like "I can show him things without feeling pushy. I can be open!" It feels relieving. There is less doubt, just do. It's a clear sunny day. Just take another step. And just like that, you're made warm. Again. And again. Comfort.

Additionally, she'll feel like its more of a rollarcoaster of emotions and something constantly happening. It's exciting. It's interesting. She is present and feels more of what she feels. It's not autopilot. She doesn't feel fine like when everyone answers "I'm fine, how are you?" she feels glad that you took an interest, she feels proud that you liked her contribution, she feels annoyed that her eyes didn't do that thing like she wanted, and she feels frustrated that she's losing you because of her inaction. It's like hearing a song you like with better headphones and better quality. You notice new things and you're feeling higher highs and newer lows. Wait, you heard a new instrument. A new meaning in the same few minutes you thought you new what to expect. You can say the same lyrics as always, but you receive a new sensation as you devote more focus. Pacing.


It feels frustrating, like being told "We regret to inform you that we went with a more qualified applicant, but wish you the best in your future endeavors." Did I mention you thought the posting literally described you?

Her efforts aren't enough and she lost an opportunity she though she could have had. She feels helpess. And then you go and keep being cool, rubbing in her face how much she wanted you while offering meaningless platitudes. She lost, so why bother? Thank them for the time or don't. Who cares? They don't. Maybe you don't either. Maybe. The best she can do is save face. It's not a logical "face death with dignity", she is so bummed out that she retreats into herself and cannot see that you AREN'T rejecting her.

Some women start to lie to raise their value in response to your unattainability, but that's a grief-filled sense of self-doubt that she isn't good enough. She has to push herself for any scrap she can find. It's like being told you're being laid off after you handle your last client. You try to embody a concept you know isn't real and play devil's advocate for something you no longer believe in. You don't like her. She doesn't like who she has to be. But what else can she do? She needs this because it's what she wants, but it's still within reach of a a version of her with less mistakes along the road. Oh, well, weren't you happy before knowing what it was like? Can't remember?

TL;DR
Put yourself in her shoes. Now, discard logic for better or worse. No problems, no solutions. Just now and everything you feel and maybe a soundtrack.

Appreciate the response! This makes deeper sense to me.

With regard to women complying, you’ve described it as mostly being positive which makes sense - especially when it’s rewarded. Would you say the response to women complying too much is pulling back?

I have recently been asking for more from women in general (I’m testing how far can push investment/compliance) and she is relatively investing more than me.
Example they are replying to my social media & I engage in convo but don’t follow them back or engage their social media.

I ask them to do stuff like but drinks etc I reward them in the moment but don’t self invest into them or initiate messages.

Now some of these women have gone cold/started pulling back. Not initiating messages etc.

I’m starting to feel like they are probably auto-rejecting. So I’m not quite aware of the balance of investment and my relative value. Ie I need to escalate/reward more rather than wait for more investment…

What are your thoughts?

 

[TwoNameGame]

Would you say the response to women complying too much is pulling back?

If a woman complies too much without a reward, she may auto-reject since nothing she does is enough.

I have recently been asking for more from women in general (I’m testing how far can push investment/compliance) and she is relatively investing more than me.

Good. Asking for compliance is a big hurdle.

I’m starting to feel like they are probably auto-rejecting. So I’m not quite aware of the balance of investment and my relative value.

Correct, they auto-reject. The balance is that you need to invest enough to earn the next step in their investment. Reward them, then lead things forward. For example, initiate conversation sometimes with something interesting you want to share (ex. related to mutual interests or places). She needs to feel like you want her too.

 

[OldGuy]

Attainability is partly how desperate you seem. That can make low SMV women believe they can obtain you (sometimes correctly). That is why you can see guys with women and wonder why they are with them. Other women see that too and wonder what is wrong with the guy. The most attactive women who want you is the best measure of your SMV.