- Joined
- Nov 25, 2012
- Messages
- 293
Hey everybody, I know it's been forever since I posted in here. Anyways, I've put a few notches on my belt since then, and I'm finding it easier and easier to handle situations that would have previously sent me into long nail biting sessions, lol (which is why I haven't been as active recently) However, this one is a bit different than most of the girls that I date, and I need some advice.
I've been dating this girl on and off since the beginning of the semester, and I've gotten myself into an dilemma. I'll start from the beginning to give you some context, but feel free to skip to the end for the question if you need to.
I'm a Junior this year, and I was tabling for one of the clubs I was in during the orientation. While I was at the table, I spotted a girl. She was about 5'5" and thin, asian with long, rich black hair with bright red streaks. She kind of had a rebellious nerd look about her
(which figures, because she's wicked smart, lol). Just absolutely adorable. She says she stopped by the table briefly, but I don't remember being able to talk to her. However, I do remember making a mental note to keep an eye out for her. We didn't run into each other again for a few weeks, then I discovered that she had a class in the same room as I did in the following period. We ran into each other in the hallway a couple times, then I asked her out when I realized that we were never going to have any substantial conversation between classes.
We were originally planning to eat lunch together, but things didn't work out for several weeks, and we ended up watching the pilot for LOST in one of the Commons one evening (terrible show for a first date btw; just don't ever do that). In the meantime, I had slightly changed my route to lunch to purposely run into her, which kept her warm until the date. Unfortunately, the chemistry wasn't really there for some reason, and it ended up being the most awkward two hours of my life! Instead of getting closer and letting me put my arm around her, she sat on the other side of the couch with her knees to her chest the whole show. I went away from that thinking that I had either terribly misread her, or that I had just screwed something up on the date. Apparently she went away thinking the same thing. I reverted back to my normal route to lunch (just a slightly faster route, but I didn't see any future between us),and I didn't see her after that.
Skip forward six weeks. She was about to go to a conference with the freshman Honors Community, and she texted me asking if we could talk about it over lunch so I could give her some advice about going (I had been to the conference twice, including my sophomore year, because I was in the Honors Community as well and my cousin goes to the school where the conference was held and I wanted to see her). I figure it couldn't hurt, so we went to Chick-Fil-A for lunch. We talked about the trip for about 30 min while we ate, then we ended up talking about random stuff for another hour and a half, and I realized that she did like me after all. Long story short, we had some scheduling conflicts again (we're both legitimately very busy people), but we eventually were able to figure out a time that was good for both of us towards the end of October.
We grabbed lunch in the cafeteria, then I told her to come with me after we were done eating. She followed, and I took her over to one of the classrooms in the commons where they have a projector and a sound system. From there, I turned on some music and taught her how to swing dance, which she really enjoyed. I've been swing dancing for years, and she picked it up faster than anyone I had ever taught. After that, we ended up watching an episode of Sherlock, since she really enjoyed the show, but she hadn't seen all of it (Sherlock is one of my favorites as well). This time, she was quite comfortable and I think we both really enjoyed the date.
We went on a few more dates like this, and I found out that she had never dated anyone before, which explained her awkwardness the first time. Towards the middle of November, we started seeing each other more often, and although I had already asked my other swing dance partner to the Honors formal (I am part of a swing dance club on campus, but she had scheduling conflicts that prevented her from attending), we ended up dancing most of the songs together and really were able to show off to everyone, most of whom didn't even realize that we knew each other. Needless to say, when we were doing lifts and flips together, people were pretty impressed, lol. She's very introverted, but she really enjoyed the attention.
We had several late night conversations where she learned that I am an non-believer and that I am not a virgin by any stretch of the imagination. She is a very conservative Christian, and is trying to save herself for marriage (including the kiss), so those revelations rocked her world (her words). She had never met anyone like me before, but really liked the way that I looked positively at things and how I see so much beauty in the world (which is why I'm a photographer). Towards the end of one of these conversations, the exchange kind of died down and she paused for a sec, looked up at me, and exclaimed "You're dangerous!" I laughed and asked her what she meant. She told me that she would be afraid to tell her pastor about me because she knows exactly what he would say, but that she finds me very attractive anyways (thanks for that article on "Edge", Chase!).
A few nights later, she told me that she didn't think she could date me because we'd be "unequally yoked" and that she didn't think it would work out because of that difference, but that she still wanted to be friends (she was about to cry as she said this, so it wasn't your typical LJBF. She was legitimately torn up about it). I did what I usually do when she says stuff that she's clearly repeating from someone else, and I gently challenged her on it, flipping the frame. I asked her why exactly she didn't think it would work out, then I told her that I knew there was attraction between us, but that trying to just be platonic friends was a path to a lot of drama and heartache, which she seemed to understand and agree with. At that point, I told her that even though we weren't going to be platonic friends I didn't think that it was wise to be exclusive when I'm leaving for LA in a few weeks and won't be able to see her for a long time. She agreed with me, and we have continued to see each other for the past couple of weeks.
Through a series of coincidences, we both ended up meeting each other's parents. My parents immediately fell in love with her because she's super sweet, but very quiet and thoughtful. In a lot of ways, she's an introverted, Asian version of my mom. Her parents also seemed to like me a lot, but I wasn't sure how much they actually knew about me. Either way, I made a good first impression.
[SKIP TO HERE IF YOU DON"T CARE TO READ THE BACKGROUND]
It's been getting to the point where we are becoming very close. I like her a lot, but she's head over heels for me. She normally drives about an hour each way to see me, and she's super thoughtful. She's not very experienced, so I've been able to maintain frame control fairly easily. I've worked especially hard to make sure she doesn't think that she has me, and I've stayed edgy enough to keep her on her toes. I have enough experience under my belt where I would be fine walking away if I needed to, but I think she would be very hurt, thus my dilemma.
My dilemma is twofold. First, I'm leaving for LA in a week and a half, and I know there will be plenty of girls that I'll want to be with out there. However, I'd like to continue seeing her when I get back. I'm not exactly sure how to play this. Second, because she's very conservative, we haven't gone very far physically. It's interesting, because she's a very physically affectionate person, but she has strong convictions about what she can and cannot do. She actually told me that she wanted to make sure we weren't touching each other as often as we had been because she enjoyed it too much. I acknowledged her, then promptly proceeded to ignore it, much to our mutual enjoyment, lol. The problem is that she actually seems serious about keeping those commitments (she doesn't even want to kiss until she's at the altar), and I've read enough about the SMP to where I would feel really bad if I pushed for something, and then we didn't see each other at all after I left for LA. I'm only 20, and I have no plans to get married anytime soon, but she's the first girl I've dated that I could realistically see myself with long term. I'm going slow with her mainly because I'm not sure how to proceed. In many ways I'm ethically conflicted in a way that I'm usually not with other girls. The last thing I want to do is to hurt her, but I don't really know how not to. I would like to encourage her to branch out and see other guys, but she's expressed to me that she doesn't have too many options because she's was a super quiet homeschooler who doesn't go out much, so I don't know what to tell her.
In many ways, this is a case of spectacularly bad timing. Getting together a month and a half before I leave for LA, meeting now instead of when I might consider settling down, etc. I'm really not sure how the timing could be worse, lol. Honestly, if I weren't leaving in a week, I wouldn't be having these thoughts. I'd just slowly warm her up, but I don't have the luxury of time. I'll be seeing her on Wednesday for the last time before I leave, so I want to make sure I leave properly.
Do you guys have any advice?
I've been dating this girl on and off since the beginning of the semester, and I've gotten myself into an dilemma. I'll start from the beginning to give you some context, but feel free to skip to the end for the question if you need to.
I'm a Junior this year, and I was tabling for one of the clubs I was in during the orientation. While I was at the table, I spotted a girl. She was about 5'5" and thin, asian with long, rich black hair with bright red streaks. She kind of had a rebellious nerd look about her
(which figures, because she's wicked smart, lol). Just absolutely adorable. She says she stopped by the table briefly, but I don't remember being able to talk to her. However, I do remember making a mental note to keep an eye out for her. We didn't run into each other again for a few weeks, then I discovered that she had a class in the same room as I did in the following period. We ran into each other in the hallway a couple times, then I asked her out when I realized that we were never going to have any substantial conversation between classes.We were originally planning to eat lunch together, but things didn't work out for several weeks, and we ended up watching the pilot for LOST in one of the Commons one evening (terrible show for a first date btw; just don't ever do that). In the meantime, I had slightly changed my route to lunch to purposely run into her, which kept her warm until the date. Unfortunately, the chemistry wasn't really there for some reason, and it ended up being the most awkward two hours of my life! Instead of getting closer and letting me put my arm around her, she sat on the other side of the couch with her knees to her chest the whole show. I went away from that thinking that I had either terribly misread her, or that I had just screwed something up on the date. Apparently she went away thinking the same thing. I reverted back to my normal route to lunch (just a slightly faster route, but I didn't see any future between us),and I didn't see her after that.
Skip forward six weeks. She was about to go to a conference with the freshman Honors Community, and she texted me asking if we could talk about it over lunch so I could give her some advice about going (I had been to the conference twice, including my sophomore year, because I was in the Honors Community as well and my cousin goes to the school where the conference was held and I wanted to see her). I figure it couldn't hurt, so we went to Chick-Fil-A for lunch. We talked about the trip for about 30 min while we ate, then we ended up talking about random stuff for another hour and a half, and I realized that she did like me after all. Long story short, we had some scheduling conflicts again (we're both legitimately very busy people), but we eventually were able to figure out a time that was good for both of us towards the end of October.
We grabbed lunch in the cafeteria, then I told her to come with me after we were done eating. She followed, and I took her over to one of the classrooms in the commons where they have a projector and a sound system. From there, I turned on some music and taught her how to swing dance, which she really enjoyed. I've been swing dancing for years, and she picked it up faster than anyone I had ever taught. After that, we ended up watching an episode of Sherlock, since she really enjoyed the show, but she hadn't seen all of it (Sherlock is one of my favorites as well). This time, she was quite comfortable and I think we both really enjoyed the date.
We went on a few more dates like this, and I found out that she had never dated anyone before, which explained her awkwardness the first time. Towards the middle of November, we started seeing each other more often, and although I had already asked my other swing dance partner to the Honors formal (I am part of a swing dance club on campus, but she had scheduling conflicts that prevented her from attending), we ended up dancing most of the songs together and really were able to show off to everyone, most of whom didn't even realize that we knew each other. Needless to say, when we were doing lifts and flips together, people were pretty impressed, lol. She's very introverted, but she really enjoyed the attention.
We had several late night conversations where she learned that I am an non-believer and that I am not a virgin by any stretch of the imagination. She is a very conservative Christian, and is trying to save herself for marriage (including the kiss), so those revelations rocked her world (her words). She had never met anyone like me before, but really liked the way that I looked positively at things and how I see so much beauty in the world (which is why I'm a photographer). Towards the end of one of these conversations, the exchange kind of died down and she paused for a sec, looked up at me, and exclaimed "You're dangerous!" I laughed and asked her what she meant. She told me that she would be afraid to tell her pastor about me because she knows exactly what he would say, but that she finds me very attractive anyways (thanks for that article on "Edge", Chase!).
A few nights later, she told me that she didn't think she could date me because we'd be "unequally yoked" and that she didn't think it would work out because of that difference, but that she still wanted to be friends (she was about to cry as she said this, so it wasn't your typical LJBF. She was legitimately torn up about it). I did what I usually do when she says stuff that she's clearly repeating from someone else, and I gently challenged her on it, flipping the frame. I asked her why exactly she didn't think it would work out, then I told her that I knew there was attraction between us, but that trying to just be platonic friends was a path to a lot of drama and heartache, which she seemed to understand and agree with. At that point, I told her that even though we weren't going to be platonic friends I didn't think that it was wise to be exclusive when I'm leaving for LA in a few weeks and won't be able to see her for a long time. She agreed with me, and we have continued to see each other for the past couple of weeks.
Through a series of coincidences, we both ended up meeting each other's parents. My parents immediately fell in love with her because she's super sweet, but very quiet and thoughtful. In a lot of ways, she's an introverted, Asian version of my mom. Her parents also seemed to like me a lot, but I wasn't sure how much they actually knew about me. Either way, I made a good first impression.
[SKIP TO HERE IF YOU DON"T CARE TO READ THE BACKGROUND]
It's been getting to the point where we are becoming very close. I like her a lot, but she's head over heels for me. She normally drives about an hour each way to see me, and she's super thoughtful. She's not very experienced, so I've been able to maintain frame control fairly easily. I've worked especially hard to make sure she doesn't think that she has me, and I've stayed edgy enough to keep her on her toes. I have enough experience under my belt where I would be fine walking away if I needed to, but I think she would be very hurt, thus my dilemma.
My dilemma is twofold. First, I'm leaving for LA in a week and a half, and I know there will be plenty of girls that I'll want to be with out there. However, I'd like to continue seeing her when I get back. I'm not exactly sure how to play this. Second, because she's very conservative, we haven't gone very far physically. It's interesting, because she's a very physically affectionate person, but she has strong convictions about what she can and cannot do. She actually told me that she wanted to make sure we weren't touching each other as often as we had been because she enjoyed it too much. I acknowledged her, then promptly proceeded to ignore it, much to our mutual enjoyment, lol. The problem is that she actually seems serious about keeping those commitments (she doesn't even want to kiss until she's at the altar), and I've read enough about the SMP to where I would feel really bad if I pushed for something, and then we didn't see each other at all after I left for LA. I'm only 20, and I have no plans to get married anytime soon, but she's the first girl I've dated that I could realistically see myself with long term. I'm going slow with her mainly because I'm not sure how to proceed. In many ways I'm ethically conflicted in a way that I'm usually not with other girls. The last thing I want to do is to hurt her, but I don't really know how not to. I would like to encourage her to branch out and see other guys, but she's expressed to me that she doesn't have too many options because she's was a super quiet homeschooler who doesn't go out much, so I don't know what to tell her.
In many ways, this is a case of spectacularly bad timing. Getting together a month and a half before I leave for LA, meeting now instead of when I might consider settling down, etc. I'm really not sure how the timing could be worse, lol. Honestly, if I weren't leaving in a week, I wouldn't be having these thoughts. I'd just slowly warm her up, but I don't have the luxury of time. I'll be seeing her on Wednesday for the last time before I leave, so I want to make sure I leave properly.
Do you guys have any advice?
