- Joined
- Nov 14, 2017
- Messages
- 315
Back in my crappy Western country I should not be writing FRs, I should remain focused on leaving again.
With that said, I ended up writing this one a month or so ago after hitting the megamall for 7 hours one Saturday.
This day was a quick experiment in the midst of rethinking my approach. I can pull from the mall, but not routinely. Thatʼs mainly because I simply donʼt approach enough — a problem I could overcome better living elsewhere — but Iʼm also looking for other improvements.
I game mostly in stores, and typically I open indirectly, with a prop-based joke. In past Iʼve followed with a compliment on natural Afro hair, eyes, or failing that, a simple, “youʼre cute.” Today I was only allowed to go direct and compliment fashion — something that usually doesnʼt impress me.
I almost didnʼt post this, because further discussions and thinking after this was written have led separately to different opening strategies than what I was attempting here. However, some of it is still relevant, so Iʼll post it anyway.
Approach #1: [FU] Toxic Beauty Trainwreck
In a grocery section I spot a tall black girl, a bit taller than me, with stunning facial features and complexion — definitely my type.
Alas, she’s wearing a weave — meaning her beautiful, naturally coiled Afro-textured hair is hidden beneath a net and replaced with an Indian chickʼs long, straight hair, providing a look her own hair typically canʼt achieve. This concealment reflects the self-perpetuating beauty standard that convinces many black women their natural hair is undesirable, which deeply frustrates me.
For a long time, I avoided approaching women in weaves, greatly fearing theyʼd assume I was attracted by the weave. I didn’t want to reinforce the toxic beauty standard — that the only way to be attractive is to look like something you’re not.
Lately, however, I’ve started approaching them, but only by making it clear that the weave did not attract me. I’ll tell them directly, “You would be so cute in an Afro puff.” This assertion lets me feel better about the interaction.
Most women seem to take it as a compliment, more or less. Some mention they wear their natural hair sometimes, while others give typical excuses like “protective style.” One was friendly but showed visible cognitive dissonance — probably went her whole life equating beauty with straight hair — and that’s the moment I’m most glad I spoke up.
Iʼve been warned this isn’t seductive, and I get it. On this day I try to ignore the weave. Ok, so tell her what I do like about her — but that’s not going to cut it today, either. So, what else? Sheʼs wearing dark blue jeans that, I guess, are nice. Not that they attract me, but had I been a girl, I mightʼve bought them.
She’s browsing the freezers. I step into her space. My hesitation is through the roof. I already struggle with inhibition, and now I’m about to endorse a disgrace to African beauty, which only makes it worse.
Timing’s terrible. As I move in, she moves to exit the aisle, and we end up abruptly face-to-face. She looks startled and tells me so. I don’t usually get this — maybe 1 in 30 or 40 approaches — and I don’t handle it well. Should’ve teased her, but, flustered, I just mumble, “Oh.”
Body language is now out the window, and the rest isn’t worth mentioning. I did say, “Nice jeans,” but it didn’t matter.
Next time a girlʼs in weave, I think I’ll stick to saying my piece. It clears my mind and lets me approach without that nagging disgust throwing me off. When I did say it, I was way more cool and relaxed, and things went much better.
Next Time
Iʼve thought of a likely better way to disclaim the weave. I could either open with this or follow up with it.
“Hey, let me ask you, whatʼs your favorite ladiesʼ hairstyle?”
After answering, she might ask mine; otherwise, Iʼll say, “Take a guess what mine is.”
After a likely wrong guess, “Nah. Afro puff.”
I know this approach isnʼt ideal. For one, I let on rather early to black girls being my “type,” and this risks putting my attainability too high. But at least Iʼm neither preaching nor being her gay friend giving her style advice — Iʼm just sharing what I like.
Iʼm open to suggestions for dealing with weave-wearing girls, but not mentioning natural hair at all is not an option. I’ll take the hit if I have to.
Approach #2: Indian Girl
Clothing store. Asia Indian girl with a small build, fairly cute but wearing cosmetics, which I don’t care for. I generally don’t pay much attention to a girlʼs clothes, but today I was looking for them, so I noted her black puffer jacket with a sheen.
I approached as she was browsing sweaters. Since I was supposed to open direct today, I skipped my usual prop-based jokes. But feeling awkward about just blurting out a compliment, I deviated in the moment.
I pointed to a sweater she was looking at, frontmost on the rack, and asked, “You like it?”
She was quiet but pleasant, giving a short, affirmative reply.
I then said, “Nice jacket,” but since we were in a clothing store, she thought I was referring to the jackets on a wall nearby.
“No, yours!”
She smiled and thanked me.
She added a bit of distance, but her body language didn’t feel dismissive. As she moved, I added that her jacket matched the gold chain on her purse, pointing to it.
My delivery was fairly low-energy, almost like I was just saying it. (Maybe because I was, in a way.)
She thanked me again, and while her body language seemed gracious and not closed off, she continued to add a bit of distance as she shopped. She stayed about four feet away, still shopping. I didn’t follow, since I don’t like to chase. I soon wandered off, and that was the end of it.
Looking back, I think I should’ve switched gears after the initial compliment — maybe cycle to a different opener, since she seemed somewhat receptive but not really hooked.
Calibration Problem with Indian Girls?
For most of my day game career, I focused exclusively on black girls (stubborn preference), but lately back in my Western country, Iʼm hitting on all flavors. While I donʼt have enough data points yet, I’m starting to wonder if I might be poorly calibrated to Asia Indian girls compared to black girls, due to cultural differences.
Iʼve noticed something with Indian girls that I’m not used to. Their body language often seems halfway receptive, but shortly after I open, they create some distance — not leaving, just stepping a little ways off. But there’s no obviously dismissive body language.
Some weeks ago, I encountered an Indian girl who responded to my open with what seemed like extreme shyness. She was trying on a jacket from a circular rack, and I stood maybe 90° from her. When she had the jacket on, I casually asked, “Is it warm?” She gave a stiff nod and a barely audible “Yes,” looking at me with a timid disposition — not startled, afraid, or disinterested, but timid. I just walked away befuddled. Of the many black girls Iʼve interacted with Iʼve scarcely met one that seemed even half that shy.
Black girls are usually decisive in how they respond. Either they stay and engage confidently, or their body language makes it clear they’re not interested and will eject or shut down the interaction. This is what I am used to.
Is this a difference anyone else has noticed? If not, it could be that Iʼm giving off a different vibe unconsciously, because Iʼm much more attracted to black girls than other types. Maybe with the others Iʼm unintentionally expressing a lower attainability, or not being as aggressive, or something.
The Girls I Didnʼt Approach
There was a girl making a complete and intentional fool of herself — golden for a situational opener — but those being off‑limits today, I didn’t open her. I gave her a skeptical look, though, and she responded with playful embarrassment. Probably could’ve opened her easily. Damn the experiment!
This particular opportunity I lost to the dayʼs ground rules. But more generally, I lose 95% of my approach opportunities to inhibition. Even a good day only nets me four approaches.
The resulting snail pace of data point collection in turn leads me to over-intellectualize game, where I could be adapting more organically. It also stifles experimentation and leads to tactical inflexibility.
If I disappear from the forum, it is not because I gave up or got married
, but because I must refocus on again leaving the Western hellhole that bred this inhibition in the first place. Living where my favourite females are abundant will inspire many more approaches. Iʼll be back. 
With that said, I ended up writing this one a month or so ago after hitting the megamall for 7 hours one Saturday.
This day was a quick experiment in the midst of rethinking my approach. I can pull from the mall, but not routinely. Thatʼs mainly because I simply donʼt approach enough — a problem I could overcome better living elsewhere — but Iʼm also looking for other improvements.
I game mostly in stores, and typically I open indirectly, with a prop-based joke. In past Iʼve followed with a compliment on natural Afro hair, eyes, or failing that, a simple, “youʼre cute.” Today I was only allowed to go direct and compliment fashion — something that usually doesnʼt impress me.
I almost didnʼt post this, because further discussions and thinking after this was written have led separately to different opening strategies than what I was attempting here. However, some of it is still relevant, so Iʼll post it anyway.
Approach #1: [FU] Toxic Beauty Trainwreck
In a grocery section I spot a tall black girl, a bit taller than me, with stunning facial features and complexion — definitely my type.
Alas, she’s wearing a weave — meaning her beautiful, naturally coiled Afro-textured hair is hidden beneath a net and replaced with an Indian chickʼs long, straight hair, providing a look her own hair typically canʼt achieve. This concealment reflects the self-perpetuating beauty standard that convinces many black women their natural hair is undesirable, which deeply frustrates me.
For a long time, I avoided approaching women in weaves, greatly fearing theyʼd assume I was attracted by the weave. I didn’t want to reinforce the toxic beauty standard — that the only way to be attractive is to look like something you’re not.
Lately, however, I’ve started approaching them, but only by making it clear that the weave did not attract me. I’ll tell them directly, “You would be so cute in an Afro puff.” This assertion lets me feel better about the interaction.
Most women seem to take it as a compliment, more or less. Some mention they wear their natural hair sometimes, while others give typical excuses like “protective style.” One was friendly but showed visible cognitive dissonance — probably went her whole life equating beauty with straight hair — and that’s the moment I’m most glad I spoke up.
Iʼve been warned this isn’t seductive, and I get it. On this day I try to ignore the weave. Ok, so tell her what I do like about her — but that’s not going to cut it today, either. So, what else? Sheʼs wearing dark blue jeans that, I guess, are nice. Not that they attract me, but had I been a girl, I mightʼve bought them.
She’s browsing the freezers. I step into her space. My hesitation is through the roof. I already struggle with inhibition, and now I’m about to endorse a disgrace to African beauty, which only makes it worse.
Timing’s terrible. As I move in, she moves to exit the aisle, and we end up abruptly face-to-face. She looks startled and tells me so. I don’t usually get this — maybe 1 in 30 or 40 approaches — and I don’t handle it well. Should’ve teased her, but, flustered, I just mumble, “Oh.”
Body language is now out the window, and the rest isn’t worth mentioning. I did say, “Nice jeans,” but it didn’t matter.
Next time a girlʼs in weave, I think I’ll stick to saying my piece. It clears my mind and lets me approach without that nagging disgust throwing me off. When I did say it, I was way more cool and relaxed, and things went much better.
Next Time
Iʼve thought of a likely better way to disclaim the weave. I could either open with this or follow up with it.
“Hey, let me ask you, whatʼs your favorite ladiesʼ hairstyle?”
After answering, she might ask mine; otherwise, Iʼll say, “Take a guess what mine is.”
After a likely wrong guess, “Nah. Afro puff.”
I know this approach isnʼt ideal. For one, I let on rather early to black girls being my “type,” and this risks putting my attainability too high. But at least Iʼm neither preaching nor being her gay friend giving her style advice — Iʼm just sharing what I like.
Iʼm open to suggestions for dealing with weave-wearing girls, but not mentioning natural hair at all is not an option. I’ll take the hit if I have to.
Approach #2: Indian Girl
Clothing store. Asia Indian girl with a small build, fairly cute but wearing cosmetics, which I don’t care for. I generally don’t pay much attention to a girlʼs clothes, but today I was looking for them, so I noted her black puffer jacket with a sheen.
I approached as she was browsing sweaters. Since I was supposed to open direct today, I skipped my usual prop-based jokes. But feeling awkward about just blurting out a compliment, I deviated in the moment.
I pointed to a sweater she was looking at, frontmost on the rack, and asked, “You like it?”
She was quiet but pleasant, giving a short, affirmative reply.
I then said, “Nice jacket,” but since we were in a clothing store, she thought I was referring to the jackets on a wall nearby.
“No, yours!”
She smiled and thanked me.
She added a bit of distance, but her body language didn’t feel dismissive. As she moved, I added that her jacket matched the gold chain on her purse, pointing to it.
My delivery was fairly low-energy, almost like I was just saying it. (Maybe because I was, in a way.)
She thanked me again, and while her body language seemed gracious and not closed off, she continued to add a bit of distance as she shopped. She stayed about four feet away, still shopping. I didn’t follow, since I don’t like to chase. I soon wandered off, and that was the end of it.
Looking back, I think I should’ve switched gears after the initial compliment — maybe cycle to a different opener, since she seemed somewhat receptive but not really hooked.
Calibration Problem with Indian Girls?
For most of my day game career, I focused exclusively on black girls (stubborn preference), but lately back in my Western country, Iʼm hitting on all flavors. While I donʼt have enough data points yet, I’m starting to wonder if I might be poorly calibrated to Asia Indian girls compared to black girls, due to cultural differences.
Iʼve noticed something with Indian girls that I’m not used to. Their body language often seems halfway receptive, but shortly after I open, they create some distance — not leaving, just stepping a little ways off. But there’s no obviously dismissive body language.
Some weeks ago, I encountered an Indian girl who responded to my open with what seemed like extreme shyness. She was trying on a jacket from a circular rack, and I stood maybe 90° from her. When she had the jacket on, I casually asked, “Is it warm?” She gave a stiff nod and a barely audible “Yes,” looking at me with a timid disposition — not startled, afraid, or disinterested, but timid. I just walked away befuddled. Of the many black girls Iʼve interacted with Iʼve scarcely met one that seemed even half that shy.
Black girls are usually decisive in how they respond. Either they stay and engage confidently, or their body language makes it clear they’re not interested and will eject or shut down the interaction. This is what I am used to.
Is this a difference anyone else has noticed? If not, it could be that Iʼm giving off a different vibe unconsciously, because Iʼm much more attracted to black girls than other types. Maybe with the others Iʼm unintentionally expressing a lower attainability, or not being as aggressive, or something.
The Girls I Didnʼt Approach
There was a girl making a complete and intentional fool of herself — golden for a situational opener — but those being off‑limits today, I didn’t open her. I gave her a skeptical look, though, and she responded with playful embarrassment. Probably could’ve opened her easily. Damn the experiment!
This particular opportunity I lost to the dayʼs ground rules. But more generally, I lose 95% of my approach opportunities to inhibition. Even a good day only nets me four approaches.
The resulting snail pace of data point collection in turn leads me to over-intellectualize game, where I could be adapting more organically. It also stifles experimentation and leads to tactical inflexibility.
If I disappear from the forum, it is not because I gave up or got married
, but because I must refocus on again leaving the Western hellhole that bred this inhibition in the first place. Living where my favourite females are abundant will inspire many more approaches. Iʼll be back. 