Conversationalist VS sexy guy

[lux7]

Hi all,

Chase has done several articles on conversations (like: https://www.girlschase.com/content/get-to-know-a-girl ).

At times though the conversationalist seemed to be too approval-seeking, like from the above link:

Her: Well, actually I sculpt.
You: Really? No way! Sculpt what?
Her: Mostly 12 inch or smaller sculptures (..)
You: Hmm! That's wild. (..) How long have you been doing that?

This seems a little bit at odds with the idea of a sexy man who doesn't need to kiss up to the girl and/or work too hard for her.

So I was wondering:

- Can you imagine different scenarios/situations where it's better being a good conversationalist and other ones where it's better emanating sexual vibes with longer pauses without forcing the conversation flow too hard?

- Can the two things overlap and blend well (it doesn't seem so easy to me)?

- Is it possible to transition from conversationalist to sexy vibes without seeming a different kind of person/weird (I guess it can, but I'm afraid a conversationalist could at times be seen as too "friendly" to fit in the shoes of bad boy/adventurer/lover etc.)?

 

[Nova]

Good question

Conversing is mostly about developing a bond between you and the girl and helping her relate to you. It's about building comfort and trust in a girl.

How and when to spend the majority of your time conversing or when to just be sexy and move things forward is about understanding how the girl sees you, what she wants right now etc etc it comes down to social calibration.

With some girls if you are apt at reading social situations and her signals you will see that she just likes you and if you simply move things forward quickly towards the bedroom your likely to succeed. Think of a nightclub game, you won't spend a lot of time conversing and 'deep diving' but more time screening and moving fast because there will be plenty of girs ready to go without much emphasis on building a lot of trust and comfort. They are looking for a man to take them home.

How much you need to converse in order to develop enough trust and comfort to enable you to move on the the next level with a girl largely depends on who she is, who you are, where she is, how she's feeling. I don't think there is any hard n fast rule.

Continue conversing when she is clearly ready or you to move forward and yes your right she will get frustrated, see you as a friendly happy go lucky social conversationalist kina guy.

On the flip side, fail to converse and get to know a girl enough before launching forward and she sees you as overly aggressive and perhaps even creepy.

It's all about balance. And how much of this and how much of that you need comes down to social calibration and instinct which you will just develop after talking to so many girls.

Either way of course, you must maintain the correct vibe, body language and fundamentals throughout a conversation so that she understands that your a sexy guy who she wouldn't mind doing something with ;-)

 

[Tyme2k]

Hey bro, you can sit here all day on the forums and on the internet, all fucking day, but it WILL NOT make you better with women. You are thinking about this extremely too much and are only going to get in your head worrying about how it's coming accross when you're in a conversation.

In that example the conversationalist was rewarding her for talking about something he likes. This is OK, Screen/qualify.

Stop worrying about it anyways, say what you want to say and how you want to say it, stay chill and just go chat up some girls. You can calibrate it as you go.

 

[lux7]

And what makes you think I spend all time on the forum (this is my 2nd message) and don't go out/chat to girls?

I'm interested in the theory as well (and theory and practice are hardly discernible anyway, you apply ideas in the practice, you derive theories from the practice), and I like to understand things.

In this case, I don't feel I've got it all perfectly clear.
1. The example in the article, and this technique in general, is at risk of being too approval seeking and
2. Why should conversationalist be such an important thing to learn in the pick up field?Why working hard in keeping the flow going and "rewarding her" when you can try to go the road sexy/bad boy?

I can think some situations when conversationalist make sense: beginning of a date (but transition to sexually charged atmosphere could become tricky), more formal situations (i.e. work lunches), situations where other people are around you (her friends, common friends.. ) etc. but I'd like to hear from others as well..

 

[Altimeter]

12 inch or smaller? Man I don't think her profession's sculpture, I'd watch out for her

 

[Dunking Style]

Hi lucifer7,

1. The example in the article, and this technique in general, is at risk of being too approval seeking

Her: Well, actually I sculpt.
You: Really? No way! Sculpt what?

I think this is qualifying. The dude is trying to convey to the girl that "wow..that is really awesome that you do that". It does not ask for approval at all if you think of it that way.

Her: Mostly 12 inch or smaller sculptures (..)
You: Hmm! That's wild. (..) How long have you been doing that?

Again..just letting her know how awesome he think she is. There's also a bit of sexual framing. (That's wild)
When he asks her how long she's been sculpting, he's trying to lead her to talk about herself(Deep diving). Seeking approval would be asking for her opinion.

Ex:
A. Do you think I am handsome? (Seeking for her validation on this one.)
B. How long have you sculpted? (What she says is a fact, not approving.)

 

[lux7]

Good question

Conversing is mostly about developing a bond between you and the girl and helping her relate to you. It's about building comfort and trust in a girl.

How and when to spend the majority of your time conversing or when to just be sexy and move things forward is about understanding how the girl sees you, what she wants right now etc etc it comes down to social calibration.

With some girls if you are apt at reading social situations and her signals you will see that she just likes you and if you simply move things forward quickly towards the bedroom your likely to succeed. Think of a nightclub game, you won't spend a lot of time conversing and 'deep diving' but more time screening and moving fast because there will be plenty of girs ready to go without much emphasis on building a lot of trust and comfort. They are looking for a man to take them home.

How much you need to converse in order to develop enough trust and comfort to enable you to move on the the next level with a girl largely depends on who she is, who you are, where she is, how she's feeling. I don't think there is any hard n fast rule.

Continue conversing when she is clearly ready or you to move forward and yes your right she will get frustrated, see you as a friendly happy go lucky social conversationalist kina guy.

On the flip side, fail to converse and get to know a girl enough before launching forward and she sees you as overly aggressive and perhaps even creepy.

It's all about balance. And how much of this and how much of that you need comes down to social calibration and instinct which you will just develop after talking to so many girls.

Either way of course, you must maintain the correct vibe, body language and fundamentals throughout a conversation so that she understands that your a sexy guy who she wouldn't mind doing something with ;-)

Just leaves me wondering a bit though.

I have a friend who almost talks rather than listening and many girls like it a lot.
He's not particularly smart or well learned, and I have always have a feeling he ends up with "lower value" girls though, most of them I wouldn't wanna date.

Or sometimes I feel cool and can get some girl around me mostly by looking at them. In those occasions, you feel that deep dive isn't really much necessary because some of them would be happy to have superficial talk you feel that a deep dive would be counterproductive as it would be a distraction by focusing the attention away from you and you two and towards the conversation and her (and also a cognitive "work" for her).

Anyway, good reply, I totally agree .