Conversing

[maximus6004]

So, I have been Reading this book. I do not think i am allowed to post it here so i wont but it is about language.

I know chase has mentioned the use of We in conversations but i would like to go deeper and explain what i have discovered by how important it is. After reading the studies from based on how quickly status is determined even by talking to someone online within three minutes each person is probing for information to discover who has the higher status in an interaction. I'll keep this post short, very short and quick analysis of my findings from trying it today.

Basically a person with low status will use a lot of pronouns such as I, me, my etc.

Higher status uses low usage of I words, and higher usage of We, us, our....etc If you would like the book which is highly enlightening send me a message and i'll give the info for it.

Anyways I was working on the plane and decided to try this out. So i saw this Pilot (who is far better shape and better looking than i am) and i decided to spark up a conversation with him. Well the banter went back and fourth and i was careful not to us I, me, my much at all and kept asking questions with you, us, our, we..... the speed in which he opened up and started telling me his life story was phenomenal, I did the exact same thing with the flight attendant in the back.

Here is my challenge to you, experiment with it and see for yourself.

Walk up to random people and start the conversations of with Hi, i'm so and so, keep the conversation going but keep talking about yourself with I, me, my....etc and see how you feel in the situations you will start to notice the other person will use we, us, ours and be more distant, they might even treat you lesser. Then try going up and not using I's it will get easier, to transition to this as our brains can start to pick up Status instantly but pay attention to the differences in how people treat you between both interactions. Watch how the Woman start to react to you.... especially the beautiful woman!

 

[Gentle_Phrases]

BUMP!!

 

[Nova]

well yeh it's one of those neat little connection building tools that can help the two of you feel like a team and create that feeling of togetherness. i wouldn't recommend actively trying to use we and our etc etc in all aspects of conversation whenever possible but instead remember to create this togetherness using words like we and us when you are talking about the future and teasing/flirting with her etc. it's all about creating that us v the world mentality - but don't over do it.

another couple of powerful connection building skills to use during conversation you might be interested in would be active listening & relating.

 

[maximus6004]

Right, it's just crazy when this stuff starts to clock you know.



It may make sense to you guys, but it didn't to me, and there might be others who were in the same position.

You guys talk like it's common sense but there are things that other people know that you don't.... how would you guys take it if chase came in here and made you guys feel stupid?

Just a thought

 

[Chase]

Great note, Maximus. There's no censoring here unless it's just blatant spammy product promotion - what's the book?

Hadn't thought of that before, but it does seem like a big high status / low status thing, yeah. That might be because low status people tend to be extremely self-focused, probably because they're struggling for "social survival." Meanwhile, higher status individuals tend to lead teams and have responsibilities that require and inculcate them to use a lot more "we"s and "our"s in place of "I"s and "my"s, and to speak to many more people about their wants and needs ("you"s and "your"s).

There is some research I shared in one of the articles on the site here that mentioned that bosses on average are more empathetic than their subordinates, because the boss is required to empathize with all of the people working for him to get them to perform at their bests while the subordinate mostly just has to do his job. Thought that was interesting.

Chase

 

[maximus6004]

Right, its just amazing the things we would learn. One of the psychology books I read showed that we think its commin.sense but its not. For example if we learn.something.and.it clicks we go ahh makes sense. Its just that our brains got rid of the old.useless information and replaced it with the new pertenant info. So like you always said when you started people were giving.you advice and now its the opposite.

You should check the book out I was talking about tho very interesting. Its called the secret life of pronouns. Even though I learn a lot of stuff here from.you its still.cool.to see the research behind it..helps.cement it more.

An example of something that happened from the first paragraph. I was browsing through einstein quotes and one said. "If a man can.drive a car perfectly while goving a pretty girl a kiss, he isnt giving.the kiss the attention it deserves"

This reminded me.of the article written on doing oral with a woman and how when you try to do two things at once you really arwnt.giving the one the attention that it needs. I was like goddamn this.makes perfect sense! How stupid of.me. the funny thing is without reading that article and attuining my brain to that thought I would have never gotten it. Its interesting. Seeing as all.inventions in the world are only created due to the need of them. Imagine how.many things we can still do in this world but havent found them because we dont need them as a tool. Since our brains only keep the information that is relevant and when you go through a situation we figure out how to do something with a woman for the reason that it helps us get her. It all interconnects, and well we see what our experiences allow us too and the article on.depression if we think.negative we see negative.

Anyways I could talk for hours and im mummbling on.here, to summarize after reading the secret life of pronouns its opened more.doors because it allows me to see things differently... even just by the mere way someone talks and uses dofferent verbs you can see if they are depressed an angry person. Things we generally would ignore. Thanks for the comment. Later.

 

[Chase]

Thanks Maximus. This sounds wonderful. I just put it on my reading list.

Chase