- Joined
- Feb 6, 2013
- Messages
- 18
this ended up being a goddamn saga, but i'm sure some will learn from it if they're somehow newer than me to the game. and i'm equally sure veterans will be able to enjoy my story.
backstory--------
been going to university for a while and wanted to graduate from social autism. spent the first three quarters and have become excellent at socializing and can typically, instantly place myself as someone people like the company of.
learned the hard way though, that a lot of the things i was using in order to socialize, although made me friendly, warm, and approachable, did absolutely nothing for my presence as a man girls wanna bang.
never really met any girls i was too interested in, until i fell real hard for one chick a few months ago (first mistake.) ended up confessing oldschool to her i liked her after 3 weeks of knowing her in class, on a study group thing when we were left alone (second and most fatal mistake, oldschool is so bad now. basically f'ed up everything but somehow i still tried to go on). she gave me a semi positive sign, first said lemme think about it, then later texted a vague green light. i completely overreacted (third mistake) and flooded her with emotions. texted her very soon afterwards to meet up with lunch, she denied. she denied the next three invitations i gave her in the following several weeks.
got fed up, cut off contact thanks to winter vacation, tried to hang out with other girls, (right move)
she ended up sending me a text midbreak (first text chat she's ever initiated). responded once to her text, she responded to my answer, i left it at that (answering to answers is terrible).
we are in the same class next quarter, she's a bit awkward around me but i show nothings awkward by engaging eye contact with her and addressing her existence for the first two weeks of school, even though she purposefully sits far away from me every day of class.
eventually she warms up to me, invites our study group to go see a comedy show on facebook. i see this as an obvious invitation to hang out, since she claimed she didn't want to go alone even though she has many other friends outside of our study group to ask so she "doesn't have to go alone with." starts sitting close to me in class.
i say i'll go, but i don't actually go because everybody else in the study group suddenly wanted to go too after i said i wanted to go.
she seems like she was looking forward to seeing me at the comedy show and is let down a bit. i invite her to hang out soon anyway.
-----------------
actual OR
we meet up for lunch, we both brought our own. can tell she's not very interested. when i look back on it (it's still fresh in my mind, heh, stings like a mf but it's just weakness leaving my game amirite) she was definitely treating our outing like, "eh, i'll throw him a bone. if he's super interesting then we'll go somewhere with it, but if he can't sweep me off my feet, we're friends from now on."
anyway i ate since she wasn't hungry. i did ok in terms of conversation. but i was too emotional. i smiled too wide, too often. i also laughed too often, and showed too much emotion when talking about subjects. ex: when we talked about how something was gross, i'd contort my face and talk about how it was gross. i'm pretty sure the biggest reason i failed was because i lost emotional control. i tried to go in for a kiss at the obvious end of our lunch which she rejected and gave me the lets be friends speech, to which i responded with an incredibly forced, wide grin. the widest grin i've ever made in my life. because i was embarrassed. i grinned like a little boy being caught doing something bad. it was probably one of the worse feelings i've felt in my life.
---------------
things i could have done that wouldn't have saved my situation, but at least let me bow out with more grace.
-battle her "lets be friends" speech
-when the kiss got rejected, simply smirk and say she's missing out
-HAVE MORE EMOTIONAL CONTROL
-never get that emotionally invested in her in the first place so i could actually have emotional control.
the biggest downfall of that OR was how big and wide, and hard my grin was. if you look up embarrassed, you'll find that grin of mine in the dictionary.
--------
psychology behind why oldschool (confessing to the chick you're interested in very seriously) f!@king sucks:
1. you get way too emotionally invested in the chick
2. you end up not being able to mess around with other girls because you feel guilty
3. it gives her way too much power, she's already won. there's nothing interesting bout a guy that shows interest. people don't want what they already have.
4. because i was so emotionally invested in her, i couldn't behave like i can with other girls. which was why i grinned like a little boy. which was why i was too emotional. since i was so emotionally invested, i became more emotional, which was hugely counterintuitive. therefore i started doing BS like acting to get a reaction, losing my cool and smiling to defuse tension, laughing, etc.
5. if you fail (which you probably will, since going oldschool is an incredibly unattractive and makes you look desperate) it hurts pretty bad. the best part? you never even got into a relationship with the chick you were interested in the first place. you feel hurt over literally, nothing. i was stunned and felt sick to my stomach for the rest of the day until i got a full and thorough night's sleep.
6. everything you do with her suddenly becomes a big deal because you're so in to her, so even if you try to convince yourself that trying to kiss her isn't a big deal, you'll lose composure in the end, unless you're superhuman.
i look back to the very beginning of when we met, and i can tell she was at least interested. but i screwed up when i got her phone number and tried to text her casually with DAILY conversation (probably once a day, ugh) instead of restricting it only to meeting up. but when she decided to come to lunch with me, i could tell a significant portion of her interest had died. she was just there to see if my previous actions were just all a fluke, and if i was actually an incredibly confident and smooth sailor, she'd give me a chance.
it's one of those things where i feel like if i went back and time knowing what i know now, i could've done much better. i remember reading on the blog posts that, "a girl is trusting you won't get weird on her when she gives you her phone number, and that you'll just use it to schedule a date." shoulda learned about this website in the beginning of september, heh.
=in a more positive light, this experience has thoroughly broken my oldschool mentality. i've always been a fan of long term monogamous relationships. doing it the old way, going to the girl you like every night and singing her songs and other garbage. but like this blog says, it's mostly because i didn't understand absolute abundance. if there are 3.5 billion chicks on the planet, i'm sure there's more than one i could have a blast with.
this experience although incredibly painful, was like bootcamp in a sense. i learned how to play some game with her back to at least get her interested and okay with meeting up for lunch even though i failed our lunch meeting. it also woke me up; it's never good to just go after one girl. it's never good to go after girls period. just agitate them properly and bring them down asap. i've learned way more about guy girl interaction after this and i'd say i'm more confident in what i should and shouldn't do anyway, and i know other chicks are interested in me so i know that i'm still an attractive guy, i just screwed my approach.
lastly it showed me that the key thing i lacked, and that i also feel is necessary towards future success for anyone playing the inevitable game, is emotional control and keeping my cool. i now make a conscious effort to react much less to things than i used to, in simple day to day conversation. i feel my entire socializing life i've always played a jester. like i stated earlier, chase says to "say how you feel, don't say and SHOW how you feel." if you're angry about something, say with an unchanging face about how upset it made you. the main reason i understand this makes you much more, just attractive and appealing in general, is because i know another guy that's incredibly attractive. women gravitate to him. and i've never fully noticed it until i read this blog, but he does exactly that. he says how upset he is. he says how sad something is. he says how happy something makes him. but he never really shows it on his face.
------
parting thoughts
i'll be seeing her in class, and i'm gonna give her a smirk and a nod, since ignoring is stupid and childlike. i know i shouldn't have, but i basically sent her a text thanking her for helping me learn so much, and that if by chance we meet again in a few years i'll sweep her off her goddamn feet. there was no recovering from that embarrassed man-boy beaming smile anyway, that completely depleted any standing i had as a man to her. good thing we were in private.
but the thing that burns the most isn't that i got turned down. and i'm not upset because she rejected me. i know she rejected my approach, not me, which was terrible since it was so injected with uncontrolled emotion.
the thing that burns the most, is that she probably hoped to an extent i could be a new exciting guy she could have a great time with. i could tell she was interested in me. i let her down. it's on me that she didn't have a good time. the second i saw her in class, i shouldn't have even tried to do a lame roundabout study group. i should have just approached her and asked if she wanted to get lunch sometime after talking to her a bit (ironically is what i can do easily now with other girls, since i'm free from my obsession over her.) it really sucks. really bad. for the sake of future girls i meet, i vow to do my best to never get so heavily emotionally invested, so i don't let them down.
just reading through more and more of GC's blog posts have been rehabilitating and helped me clear my head of my disappointment in myself. i was feeling pretty down in the dumps. the first thing i did was review all the things i did wrong. the second thing i did was work out. and the third and most helpful thing i did was start reading the blog posts as much as possible. the OR went down on monday, since then i've probably spent about 8-9+ hours reading GC posts. a large amount of them have shown me what i did wrong in my lunch date, and they're helping me keep myself focused. and they help me realize more and more the law of absolute abundance. they also help me understand how to just stop screwing up in the first place. so i do mean it from the depths of my heart when i say, thanks for making this blog. i think the advice is much more realistic, applicable, and more no-nonsense.
you gotta let yourself get stomped on so you can grow back stronger.
backstory--------
been going to university for a while and wanted to graduate from social autism. spent the first three quarters and have become excellent at socializing and can typically, instantly place myself as someone people like the company of.
learned the hard way though, that a lot of the things i was using in order to socialize, although made me friendly, warm, and approachable, did absolutely nothing for my presence as a man girls wanna bang.
never really met any girls i was too interested in, until i fell real hard for one chick a few months ago (first mistake.) ended up confessing oldschool to her i liked her after 3 weeks of knowing her in class, on a study group thing when we were left alone (second and most fatal mistake, oldschool is so bad now. basically f'ed up everything but somehow i still tried to go on). she gave me a semi positive sign, first said lemme think about it, then later texted a vague green light. i completely overreacted (third mistake) and flooded her with emotions. texted her very soon afterwards to meet up with lunch, she denied. she denied the next three invitations i gave her in the following several weeks.
got fed up, cut off contact thanks to winter vacation, tried to hang out with other girls, (right move)
she ended up sending me a text midbreak (first text chat she's ever initiated). responded once to her text, she responded to my answer, i left it at that (answering to answers is terrible).
we are in the same class next quarter, she's a bit awkward around me but i show nothings awkward by engaging eye contact with her and addressing her existence for the first two weeks of school, even though she purposefully sits far away from me every day of class.
eventually she warms up to me, invites our study group to go see a comedy show on facebook. i see this as an obvious invitation to hang out, since she claimed she didn't want to go alone even though she has many other friends outside of our study group to ask so she "doesn't have to go alone with." starts sitting close to me in class.
i say i'll go, but i don't actually go because everybody else in the study group suddenly wanted to go too after i said i wanted to go.
she seems like she was looking forward to seeing me at the comedy show and is let down a bit. i invite her to hang out soon anyway.
-----------------
actual OR
we meet up for lunch, we both brought our own. can tell she's not very interested. when i look back on it (it's still fresh in my mind, heh, stings like a mf but it's just weakness leaving my game amirite) she was definitely treating our outing like, "eh, i'll throw him a bone. if he's super interesting then we'll go somewhere with it, but if he can't sweep me off my feet, we're friends from now on."
anyway i ate since she wasn't hungry. i did ok in terms of conversation. but i was too emotional. i smiled too wide, too often. i also laughed too often, and showed too much emotion when talking about subjects. ex: when we talked about how something was gross, i'd contort my face and talk about how it was gross. i'm pretty sure the biggest reason i failed was because i lost emotional control. i tried to go in for a kiss at the obvious end of our lunch which she rejected and gave me the lets be friends speech, to which i responded with an incredibly forced, wide grin. the widest grin i've ever made in my life. because i was embarrassed. i grinned like a little boy being caught doing something bad. it was probably one of the worse feelings i've felt in my life.
---------------
things i could have done that wouldn't have saved my situation, but at least let me bow out with more grace.
-battle her "lets be friends" speech
-when the kiss got rejected, simply smirk and say she's missing out
-HAVE MORE EMOTIONAL CONTROL
-never get that emotionally invested in her in the first place so i could actually have emotional control.
the biggest downfall of that OR was how big and wide, and hard my grin was. if you look up embarrassed, you'll find that grin of mine in the dictionary.
--------
psychology behind why oldschool (confessing to the chick you're interested in very seriously) f!@king sucks:
1. you get way too emotionally invested in the chick
2. you end up not being able to mess around with other girls because you feel guilty
3. it gives her way too much power, she's already won. there's nothing interesting bout a guy that shows interest. people don't want what they already have.
4. because i was so emotionally invested in her, i couldn't behave like i can with other girls. which was why i grinned like a little boy. which was why i was too emotional. since i was so emotionally invested, i became more emotional, which was hugely counterintuitive. therefore i started doing BS like acting to get a reaction, losing my cool and smiling to defuse tension, laughing, etc.
5. if you fail (which you probably will, since going oldschool is an incredibly unattractive and makes you look desperate) it hurts pretty bad. the best part? you never even got into a relationship with the chick you were interested in the first place. you feel hurt over literally, nothing. i was stunned and felt sick to my stomach for the rest of the day until i got a full and thorough night's sleep.
6. everything you do with her suddenly becomes a big deal because you're so in to her, so even if you try to convince yourself that trying to kiss her isn't a big deal, you'll lose composure in the end, unless you're superhuman.
i look back to the very beginning of when we met, and i can tell she was at least interested. but i screwed up when i got her phone number and tried to text her casually with DAILY conversation (probably once a day, ugh) instead of restricting it only to meeting up. but when she decided to come to lunch with me, i could tell a significant portion of her interest had died. she was just there to see if my previous actions were just all a fluke, and if i was actually an incredibly confident and smooth sailor, she'd give me a chance.
it's one of those things where i feel like if i went back and time knowing what i know now, i could've done much better. i remember reading on the blog posts that, "a girl is trusting you won't get weird on her when she gives you her phone number, and that you'll just use it to schedule a date." shoulda learned about this website in the beginning of september, heh.
=in a more positive light, this experience has thoroughly broken my oldschool mentality. i've always been a fan of long term monogamous relationships. doing it the old way, going to the girl you like every night and singing her songs and other garbage. but like this blog says, it's mostly because i didn't understand absolute abundance. if there are 3.5 billion chicks on the planet, i'm sure there's more than one i could have a blast with.
this experience although incredibly painful, was like bootcamp in a sense. i learned how to play some game with her back to at least get her interested and okay with meeting up for lunch even though i failed our lunch meeting. it also woke me up; it's never good to just go after one girl. it's never good to go after girls period. just agitate them properly and bring them down asap. i've learned way more about guy girl interaction after this and i'd say i'm more confident in what i should and shouldn't do anyway, and i know other chicks are interested in me so i know that i'm still an attractive guy, i just screwed my approach.
lastly it showed me that the key thing i lacked, and that i also feel is necessary towards future success for anyone playing the inevitable game, is emotional control and keeping my cool. i now make a conscious effort to react much less to things than i used to, in simple day to day conversation. i feel my entire socializing life i've always played a jester. like i stated earlier, chase says to "say how you feel, don't say and SHOW how you feel." if you're angry about something, say with an unchanging face about how upset it made you. the main reason i understand this makes you much more, just attractive and appealing in general, is because i know another guy that's incredibly attractive. women gravitate to him. and i've never fully noticed it until i read this blog, but he does exactly that. he says how upset he is. he says how sad something is. he says how happy something makes him. but he never really shows it on his face.
------
parting thoughts
i'll be seeing her in class, and i'm gonna give her a smirk and a nod, since ignoring is stupid and childlike. i know i shouldn't have, but i basically sent her a text thanking her for helping me learn so much, and that if by chance we meet again in a few years i'll sweep her off her goddamn feet. there was no recovering from that embarrassed man-boy beaming smile anyway, that completely depleted any standing i had as a man to her. good thing we were in private.
but the thing that burns the most isn't that i got turned down. and i'm not upset because she rejected me. i know she rejected my approach, not me, which was terrible since it was so injected with uncontrolled emotion.
the thing that burns the most, is that she probably hoped to an extent i could be a new exciting guy she could have a great time with. i could tell she was interested in me. i let her down. it's on me that she didn't have a good time. the second i saw her in class, i shouldn't have even tried to do a lame roundabout study group. i should have just approached her and asked if she wanted to get lunch sometime after talking to her a bit (ironically is what i can do easily now with other girls, since i'm free from my obsession over her.) it really sucks. really bad. for the sake of future girls i meet, i vow to do my best to never get so heavily emotionally invested, so i don't let them down.
just reading through more and more of GC's blog posts have been rehabilitating and helped me clear my head of my disappointment in myself. i was feeling pretty down in the dumps. the first thing i did was review all the things i did wrong. the second thing i did was work out. and the third and most helpful thing i did was start reading the blog posts as much as possible. the OR went down on monday, since then i've probably spent about 8-9+ hours reading GC posts. a large amount of them have shown me what i did wrong in my lunch date, and they're helping me keep myself focused. and they help me realize more and more the law of absolute abundance. they also help me understand how to just stop screwing up in the first place. so i do mean it from the depths of my heart when i say, thanks for making this blog. i think the advice is much more realistic, applicable, and more no-nonsense.
you gotta let yourself get stomped on so you can grow back stronger.
now I have to invest again really??) So what are you up to taday