- Joined
- Nov 29, 2021
- Messages
- 111
This is my first post on this forum, so let me start by saying thanks to all of you. I've been reading this place for the past 2 months or so and have gotten a lot. It's great to see, especially on a forum as old as this one, so many thoughtful and smart people helping each other. I hope to stay active on it and contribute as best as I can.
Anyway, the TLDR of my question is: how does one create a vision for their life to get excited about.
The backstory is as follows: I'm 34. A little over 2 months ago my 11 year LTR ended pretty much out of the blue. My ex girlfriend, with whom I spent the last few years talking about and planning our marriage and trying for a kid (which was supposed to happen next year), in the middle of the renovation of my apartment, where we lived together ( so we can have a nice place for our future life) just came up and said she's been unsure about our relationship for a long while now and that she's ending it. We had our issues, like any relationship, but she didn't give any hints that she was feeling like this. It was a shock to put it mildly.
Now, I've been handling the breakup as well as to be expected (I'm in no contact, have a lots of support from friends and family, trying to focus on myself etc), but I feel like I don't have any excitement in my life right now.
I know "don't make her your purpose", but I wouldn't say I did. I was truly looking forward to making a home with her that would be beautiful and a sanctuary from these crazy times of ours in the world, a great place to entertain friends, to have a kid and all that jazz. Now that she left, the vision I had for my life is gone with her, at least in the short-to-mid term, as it will surely take at least 2-3 years before I'm ready to make that move with someone new. In the meanwhile, I'm not exited by much in my life.
Don't get me wrong, I like my job. I've run my own biz for 5 years now, and the last 2 have seen it grow nicely. But I'm not crazy about it, and honestly, I don't think that I would be about any job. Yes, work is important, but for me, it's not the point of my life. I was quite happy with it being the engine that will enable the lifestyle I wanted to have.
I spend my free time working out, reading, hanging out with friends, of which I have quite a few and love to spend time with them. But I still feel like, to get out of this funk, I need a new thing to pull me forward, something to light that fire in the belly, to make me jump out of bed in the morning, and nothing feels like it would do that. Any new hobby ideas or similar that I think of don't sound exciting to me. I can't tell if I'm just still bummed about the brake-up and need to give it more time, or it's time to be proactive and figure out what would make me fired up about life again. All the stuff that I found interesting as a younger man, while I'd like to do, don't seem that super interesting to me at the moment (traveling, learning languages or various other skills, and so on).I just don't have an exciting vision for myself as a single man right now, and can't figure out how to get it.
Any suggestions, ideas, home remedies?
Anyway, the TLDR of my question is: how does one create a vision for their life to get excited about.
The backstory is as follows: I'm 34. A little over 2 months ago my 11 year LTR ended pretty much out of the blue. My ex girlfriend, with whom I spent the last few years talking about and planning our marriage and trying for a kid (which was supposed to happen next year), in the middle of the renovation of my apartment, where we lived together ( so we can have a nice place for our future life) just came up and said she's been unsure about our relationship for a long while now and that she's ending it. We had our issues, like any relationship, but she didn't give any hints that she was feeling like this. It was a shock to put it mildly.
Now, I've been handling the breakup as well as to be expected (I'm in no contact, have a lots of support from friends and family, trying to focus on myself etc), but I feel like I don't have any excitement in my life right now.
I know "don't make her your purpose", but I wouldn't say I did. I was truly looking forward to making a home with her that would be beautiful and a sanctuary from these crazy times of ours in the world, a great place to entertain friends, to have a kid and all that jazz. Now that she left, the vision I had for my life is gone with her, at least in the short-to-mid term, as it will surely take at least 2-3 years before I'm ready to make that move with someone new. In the meanwhile, I'm not exited by much in my life.
Don't get me wrong, I like my job. I've run my own biz for 5 years now, and the last 2 have seen it grow nicely. But I'm not crazy about it, and honestly, I don't think that I would be about any job. Yes, work is important, but for me, it's not the point of my life. I was quite happy with it being the engine that will enable the lifestyle I wanted to have.
I spend my free time working out, reading, hanging out with friends, of which I have quite a few and love to spend time with them. But I still feel like, to get out of this funk, I need a new thing to pull me forward, something to light that fire in the belly, to make me jump out of bed in the morning, and nothing feels like it would do that. Any new hobby ideas or similar that I think of don't sound exciting to me. I can't tell if I'm just still bummed about the brake-up and need to give it more time, or it's time to be proactive and figure out what would make me fired up about life again. All the stuff that I found interesting as a younger man, while I'd like to do, don't seem that super interesting to me at the moment (traveling, learning languages or various other skills, and so on).I just don't have an exciting vision for myself as a single man right now, and can't figure out how to get it.
Any suggestions, ideas, home remedies?
