Curwen in the streets

[Curwen]

Hey boys and girls

I have no work until 23.8, and no girlfriend. So I thought I’d go out every day until then (at least). Sometimes it’s quite the emotional rollercoaster, so maybe writing about it will make it easier, and help some of you guys!

ABOUT ME
I’ve written one or two posts here a thousand years ago, so I’m sure no-one knows me.
- I’m 38
- living in a city of about 200,000 ppl.
- I’ve known about game for 18 years. Practiced on and off. Peaks and valleys, two serious relationships
- been good at night game once upon a time. Never very good at cold approach in the daytime, but not terrible
- I don’t know if it’s tasteful to put my lay count here, but let’s say, if I die today, I will die with a smile on my face

Current situation: I started going out two weeks ago, daytime. Last week I was away on a trip. This is all after having a painful breakup in December. So, I haven’t done any game in many years. Now I feel like it’s time to properly learn to talk to women in the daytime. I don’t like to call it daygame, because that messes with my head. I start to obsess over “how it’s going”. So I won’t use that word. But I do love the term cold approach

Major problem/sticking point: my mood is unpredictable when it comes to cold approach. I clearly have some trauma-crap inside, and when I decide to go out, sometimes there’s no problem and sometimes I feel reeeeally bad. I recently started meditating (zazen or Gelong Thubten-style), and that seems to be very helpful! In fact, I'm just as excited about meditation as I am about cold approach I’m generally a happy person with great relationships to friends and family. My social skills are pretty good, I love where I live.


FRIDAY 26.7.2024, four approaches.

1. Skinny girl in skirt
I was riding my bicycle, saw her walk down the street. Parked my bicycle, went up, stopped her as we met on the street. She was wearing headphones and sunglasses. The sunglasses came off. The headphones were not little ones but one big set. She pulled the right one away from her ear so she could hear me. She kept holding it like that all the time.

I said she looks interesting. I said I think long skirts are attractive. She seemed warm, but she wouldn’t take off the headphones for a more relaxed position. A little bit of conversation about travel and what she’s doing this summer. She didn’t really get hooked. After a few minutes I said, anyway, I think she’s attractive, does she want to have a coffee some other time? She winced when I said attractive and told me she was taken. We ended on a good note.

I try to always keep the ending positive. It’s good karma and keeps me in a good mood. Still, I noticed I got a bit frustrated. Not too bad, I turned it into motivation.


2. Cute psychologist
I cycled into a quiet area. A very attractive girl came down the street, but I was going pretty fast and passed her. I didn’t do anything. I could have. Ok, now I noticed I feel slow and a bit low confidence today. It’s probably from nicotine (trying to kick it, it’s going ok, but not perfect) and BAD sleep from the trip I was on (lot’s of parties and stuff).

The area was empty, so I turned back. And here comes the same girl! She had gone to the store to buy something to drink. This time I stopped and opened her.

She seemed really happy to be stopped by me. She was also extraordinarily cute. She had a nice body too, and a cute voice. She was very receptive. Unfortunately, that thing happened where she’s so attractive I get stifled and too polite and not aggressive at all.

She said she’s going to an exam, because she studies psychology. She asked me what I do. I came up with some good things I could have said, “you look more the kind of person who’s into spiritual stuff than the science of psychology” aaand some good transitions into yoga and crystals and stuff… but I was too stifled to say any of those! So the conversation stayed boring!!

Sooo the vibe started dying. I said, well you have to go to your exam, I have to go… but do you want to get a coffee some day? No, she’s taken. But she thanked me for stopping her and wished me a great summer and so on and so on…

This affected me quite a bit. I can’t know, maybe she is in a loving relationship. But maybe she was disappointed since I couldn’t live up to the good first impression I made. I was in pretty bad mood after this. Well, writing about it now I feel like I’m processing it and perhaps can let go of it.


3. Library-goer
After the psychogirl I parked my bicycle in the city center and walked the streets. Missed a couple of approaches just because I felt like crap. This didn’t help my mood

A girl in black appeared. I walked her way. She tried to steer clear of me. Probably because there’s a lot of salesmen and fundraisers in the street. I stopped her. She seemed relieved when I said I’m not selling anything.

She was nice but clearly didn’t want to stay. One minute of attempted banter. I ended in a humorous way, “ok I get it, you’re going to the library, Have a great day”


4. Mandala tattoo
Stopped her. She seemed apprehensive. Again, relieved when I said I don’t sell anything. I said she looks interesting. It was genuine. She said, “no, I’m really not”, and just walked away. Crap. I was gonna start talking about her tattoos. Well, they didn’t look so cool up close anyway

*

Although I haven’t done this systematically in a long time, I’ve done it enough in earlier years to recognize something: when I’m in this mood, nothing works out. On one hand, I then want to do more to 1) get out of the bad mood and 2) see if I can practice more technical game, meaning executing without being a more natural flow state. The question is not easy to resolve. There is of course meta-levels of self-fulfilling prophecy in this one. Also, since the days have such wild variation, it's hard to grab onto any one problem or plan. Not complaining, just articulating the current challenge!

Tomorrow I start over. I don’t know what my plan will be. Option 1 is absolute crazy-man and approach no matter what. I’m probably capable of this, but if the mood is like today, it might send me into an even worse inner state. Option 2, walk around until I see something that REALLY sparks my interest. Better chance of first approach going well, which might lead to a better session. Of course, it would be best to be resilient and steady so that no single approach can affect me so much. We’ll see what tomorrow brings.

 

[Curwen]

One thing is clear: after understanding the basics, it’s not tech that has made THE difference in my game. It’s mood… night, online, daytime, when I’m in a good mood, I can do “anything”.

Project number 1 is managing my mood, as I go out daily. Today that went pretty well!

SATURDAY 27.7.2024

First I walked around for 20 min doing nothing. Maybe I missed an approach or two, but I didn’t make a big deal out of it. I met an old friend and talked to her for probably 15 min, that was nice. And it raised my mood a bit! Soon after I approached the first person.

1. Ukrainian skirt
I was standing in this little market square. There were stone stairs with 3 steps. I was at the top, throwing an empty gum pack in the trash. Two girls headed for the stairs came my way. The first was a blonde with weird style. Good! No, wait… not attractive.

Behind her came a woman with black hair, a short black skirt and sunglasses. I said hi. She acknowledged my hi very lightly and sort of continued walking. I went in a bit stronger (smile, hand waive, moved towards her at a calibrated pace) “Hey. Hi! Hello.” She stopped. This is something I’m really good at.

I told her she looks interesting and I like her skirt. It kind of flowed out in a natural manner. She was now fully engaged and replied in English. I explained to her, in English, that I think she looks interesting, I like her skirt, I wanted to talk to her. All good! The conversation started very naturally about languages. She’s learning mine, cause she lives here, I told her about learning Spanish in South America. We talked for 5-10 min.

One thing I noticed was that she kept a certain distance, slightly turned away from me. I had opened somewhat direct, so she knew why I was talking to her. In order to maintain the subtle sexual element, I did the following: I kept moving closer to her. Then, as soon as I sensed her reacting to that, I stopped and retreated a bit. Then I started moving closer again.

I think this worked pretty well. We were standing next to a cherry tree, and she wanted to show me a photo of her next to the tree, taken in spring when it was in blossom. We both moved and stood quite close as she showed it. I said, I consider myself a good photographer, so when I see something everyone else is doing (like taking selfies by the Sakura blossom), I think, “I’m better than that” Pretty good improvisation if I may say so

She was looking at her watch several times. At one point, when I sensed she had to go, I asked her if she’s in a hurry.

- Yes, to catch the bus
- Ok. Well I like talking to you, we should get a drink sometime. (very steady delivery)
- Maybe it’s possible (slight smile, sounded genuine)
- Can I take your Whatsapp?

She put her digits in my phone. We have exchanged a couple of texts. Trying to get her out tomorrow night.

MISSED girl getting one of those electric scooters
There’s these electric scooters or whatever you call them all over the city. I think you get an app and then you can rent them and drive around, and leave them anywhere. I saw a slim girl, followed her for a bit, saw that she was getting one of these. I thought, I better hurry. I COULD HAVE opened her, but as I got close, she was kind of hopping on the thing already. Total excuse-making, I could easily have engaged. Oh well.

2. Bad girl
Saw this young looking slim blonde with small shorts, big hair, big shoes… very hot. She was also smoking, which I find attractive. I was now really loose and happy and ran a few steps to catch up. Approached her from the side. Said she looks interesting but also like she’s trouble/naughty/bad girl.

She did stop and looked interested, but very soon she just kind of blew me off and went on her way. I know the exact reasons. She didn’t hear my opener, or understand it, so I patiently explained it to her. This was weak. It killed the excitement and replaced it with logic and information. Also, there was the slightest hint of neediness in my face. I could feel it.

I don’t care. It took megaballs to approach her. She was very hot. It probably looked inappropriate since she was young and I’m a 38-yo dirty man, and there were people around us in this quiet pedestrian street. I felt like a king after, even if I fucked up a little. I THINK she was interested initially! Yesterday, when I fucked up with the psychogirl, I was devastated. Today, I didn’t care so much.

( 3. Danish chicks )
This wasn’t really an approach, but it illustrates where I actually want to get with all this game stuff. I was sitting on my bicycle in a bicycle parking thing, and two girls rolled up to park their bikes. They had a lot of stuff, clearly travelling.

I opened them sitting on my bike by just saying “hi” pretty loud. They were less than 3 meters away. I asked them where they are from (Denmark), they asked me the same… this sounds boring, but hey, I’m sure you know, when you’re on fire, you can flow into conversations with this stuff and the underlying vibe does the heavy lifting, at the first 1-30 seconds or whatever. I wasn’t actually trying to get anything from this, since they weren’t so attractive… I mentioned a Danish TV-show I watch with a farmer guy, and they liked it too. I asked them if they think he’s hot, is he sexy… “noooo hahaha”.

Quick transition back to other topics to not press on the sexy thing. Bla bla this and that. One was more talkative. I don’t think she was into me. The other one was more quiet, but stared at me. I think she was attracted. I talked to the more talkative one, looking at them both.

THIS is where I want to get. To be able to park my bicycle and just naturally STRIKE UP a seductive conversation. I have some miles to go yet. I have always wanted this ability. I’ve done it many times, but those times are rare and random. At some point I believed I can’t be like that, it’s impossible… now I know it’s possible, but the way I see it, systematic practice is the only way to get to this kind on non-systematic, natural ability. By natural I don’t mean no tech, I mean just being able to do it LIKE THIS, without mood swings and walking around for 1,000 hours.

Like I said, they weren’t attractive in my eyes. Also leaving the same day. So we went our separate ways.

MISSED small girl
I definitely have a thing for short women. Always had. Maybe most men do? I don’t know. This missed approach illustrates something I may want to fix.

I was going along, leading my bike so I could easily approach if the opportunity presented itself. I saw a short woman coming my way. Blonde, attractive. No other people around. Good moment. However! There was NOTHING interesting about her except her physical appearance. Her clothing style and purse were so mega-ordinary that I felt an aversion to talking to her. I didn’t open despite the perfect situation.

This is an issue for sure… I miss a lot of approaches because of this. I keep turning this around in my head: should I approach anyway? What if she’s really interesting? There’s nothing to lose really. Still, if I don’t FEEL it, it’s also very difficult for me to be enthusiastic and positive.

I think I should figure this out at some point. I spend a lot of time walking around and do only few approaches. For now this is fine, since my priority is learning to regulate my mood and stay positive, and I have unlimited time. After this, however, I think the next project will be starting faster (less walking around doing nothing at the start of the session) AND related to that, taking more opportunities. Right now the opportunities are comparatively abundant, but winter is coming, I’ll probably have a full-time job and then I really can’t afford to fuck around.

Whew. Great day! I was happy to be out, did some real approaches and even got a number.

 

[Curwen]

SUNDAY 28.7.2024

Today was a sleepy day. I felt a bit fatigued emotionally from this stuff. I have developed a couple of hacks to manipulate myself:

1. Be kind to yourself. Be ok that it feels heavy today. Don’t think you have to produce some amazing result on this outing.
2. My opening hack: I think to myself SLOW, BIG, OPEN, SMILE, HELLO! First four refer to body language. I have a certain way of opening (not referring to what I say, but all the non-verbals). Hello with an exclamation mark reminds me of a certain way I say hello that’s compelling. I know I’m good at this so thinking about it makes opening surprisingly easy.

1. DANCER
I used these hacks and pretty soon opened a girl coming towards me. I don’t know if there’s anything special to mention about it… except one thing. After messing up a couple of times, I made a point to myself NOT to be affected by her beauty. She was very beautiful, and she told me she’s a dancer. I did quite well, and finally qualified her by saying I like her vibe with all the dancing and travelling… and asked her out. She could not, she is in a relationship. Don’t tell me any boyfriend tactics, I’m NOT ready to go there yet… gotta get my fundamentals down first. We chatted for a minute after this. She said she thinks it’s really cool that I came up to her, no-one does that anymore. Then we went out separate ways.

2. SHAMAN
God damn it. One of those where I almost did well, but fucked up just a little bit… soooo frustrating, but also I think this was an awesome opportunity to get in some hard practice and learn… ok:

I stood in this intersection between two pedestrian streets. There was one possible girl going left, another on my right, going for her bicycle (this is Shaman). The one on the left seemed somehow more good-looking at first… but not quite. Shaman was wearing a hippy skirt, but I couldn’t see her so well. I took a few steps, she got her bicycle and started leading it my way. I saw her better now.

Young, very cute, necklaces with shells and crystals, strange tattoos. YES, thank you! I actually prayed for strength before going out, maybe I wasn’t given strength but instead this?? Haven’t prayed since I was a child.

I went towards her. She glanced at me a couple of times. I said hi. She immediately started giggling and blushing. I walked up. Mega good vibe, we just sort of smiled and laughed at each other. I said she has mysterious necklaces. I said I was actually going that way, but then I saw her jewelry and tattoos and I knew I have to come say hi.

STARING, LITTLE TALKING
A lot of the interaction was me staring at her. We also talked of course. But now and then I was just silent and she giggled and stared back. I asked her a hundred questions. She was shy and nervous, but very much enjoying it. The situation was completely non-hurried. Because she was shy, I had to talk a little more than ideal, BUT I tried to balance this! I kept the anecdotes about me short, then asked some new question.

TEASING

Then I found opportunities to tease her a bit. We were both into plants and gardening. She said she likes herbs and medicinal plants. I said “herbs are like pretend-gardening because you can’t survive on those, the real stuff is turnips and potatoes.” Hey, I know for city-dwellers this sounds like weird as hell shit, but it was excellent tease with this girl.

Then, I asked if I can see her tattoos, and gently grabbed her by the wrist. Because of her bicycle, the situation was non-optimal considering distance and positioning, so this was a very good thing. She had a tattoo of Medusa on her arm. I asked her (on purpose!), is that a gorgon? She said no, it’s Medusa. So I told her that’s the same thing, Medusa was one of the gorgons. She responded well again, justifying herself and talking a bit more.

A NEW TECHINQUE
One I learned from Tom Torero but never used before: after talking about her style I asked if there’s something she likes about me! She said she likes my tattoos and my camera. I lifted my sleeve to show her one more tattoo. I don’t know if my muscled arm makes any difference, buuut I threw that in there.

It went on like this for maybe up to 10 minutes. I was both excited and kind of just enjoying it. Now there started to be a looming threat of awkward silences. I managed well to carry on. Another thing I managed again: I did NOT get flustered by her sexiness! Before the end…

THE CLOSE
Oh man. Now comes the frustrating part.

I totally FORGOT to qualify her. Perhaps our mutual interest in nature, plants and spirituality made me assume it was understood that I like her as a person. But looking back, some qualifying would probably have made this more solid. So I said we should get a beer sometime. She said she doesn’t drink alcohol at all.

Late July I had one girl say this, and in that case, I said let’s go in nature, I will bring my gas cooker and make us some non-caffeine tea-thing… with THAT girl it made total sense, with THIS girl it didn’t, but in my childish panic I just said that. She was young, probably doesn’t know about fucking gas cookers because she’s not a camping nerd… the poor girl was confused by this complicated request and hesitantly said “….oook…..”

I tried to salvage. I said hey, no pressure, we can just go out, have a nice moment. When I did this, I went slightly into needy mode. I could feel it in my face again, like with Psychogirl.

Then I did another small mistake, I asked her when she is free. That’s the wrong way to ask after fumbling with the proposal like that. Also, she is a young shaman freak, she probably doesn’t do schedules. “Uuuhh, next week I guess……”

Then I took her number. As I got out my phone to get her digits I said, “but I can’t promise to bring any Ayahuasca, just so you know”. Call-back to an earlier topic. Great, that lightened up the mood a little.

Some little chit-chat after the number close. The conversation was a less tense, in a good way I think. Quick hug and off she went.

*

Aaall right, live and learn! If I get Shaman out on a date, I THINK we will both enjoy it. I have two major things to keep in mind now:
- I feel emotionally invested in Shaman. I have a fear of losing her. The wise thing is to accept that at this point in my journey, I will develop this feeling. At the same time, don’t follow the feeling, but manage my behavior intentionally in the correct way
- if she wants to see me again, it is wise to: don’t get logical, don’t nitpick about technical and logistical details. She loves me, she responds to TEASING, she is open to being touched.

We exchanged a couple of texts already. Tomorrow, I will start to set up the date. It’s gonna be a walk in nature. Near my place. Gotta do this praying thing more.

 

[bgwh]

Very nice, you hit the ground running. Since you don't mention (except for one girl), are these younger? Or are you mostly approaching chicks in their 30s?

 

[Curwen]

Very nice, you hit the ground running. Since you don't mention (except for one girl), are these younger? Or are you mostly approaching chicks in their 30s?

Hey man, thanks for checking in!

These have been about 20-35 I think.

 

[Higher]

Good sets, especially with Shaman - the little hiccups notwithstanding. Sounds like a fun girl!

 

[bgwh]

Hey man, thanks for checking in!

These have been about 20-35 I think.

Perfect. Where I live I mostly see university age or older&married, so it's hard to get a quantity above 22, that's why I was curious.

Have you noticed a difference between 20 vs 25 vs 30?

 

[Curwen]

Perfect. Where I live I mostly see university age or older&married, so it's hard to get a quantity above 22, that's why I was curious.

Have you noticed a difference between 20 vs 25 vs 30?

Cool. I will check out your journal as well

Hmm… I don’t know. I haven’t done game systematically in years. I’ve only done a handful of approaches since I restarted last month.

I have a vague feeling that women around 30 are easier for me. There seems to be more of a “we both know why we are here” -thing going on. Flirting, teasing, getting sexual on dates is something that I will start to re-learn, since right now it takes quite a lot of concentration AND my vague feeling tells me it’s MORE important with younger girls.

But really… these are just my hunches, life and I have changed a lot over the years. Don’t take this as pickup wisdom

Girls under 25 do react differently than they did when I was 30-35.

 

[bgwh]

Cool. I will check out your journal as well

Hmm… I don’t know. I haven’t done game systematically in years. I’ve only done a handful of approaches since I restarted last month.

I have a vague feeling that women around 30 are easier for me. There seems to be more of a “we both know why we are here” -thing going on. Flirting, teasing, getting sexual on dates is something that I will start to re-learn, since right now it takes quite a lot of concentration AND my vague feeling tells me it’s MORE important with younger girls.

But really… these are just my hunches, life and I have changed a lot over the years. Don’t take this as pickup wisdom

Girls under 25 do react differently than they did when I was 30-35.

Oh awesome. Not sure if I noted this in my journal (or under another thread), for me personally I get the best responses from 24-26 year olds for some reason. I'm 40.

 

[Curwen]

No report from yesterday. I planned to go out, but a gigantic logistics hurdle happened and there was no time.

TUESDAY 30.7.2024

All kinds of weird demons today.

”Everyone will know you as that creep in the city centre”
”It’s gonna be awkward since you have nothing in common with her”
“She too far away, can’t reach her”

I wish I could say I laughed in the demons’ face and went right in anyway… after a couple of inspired days, today was a bit harder. For good reasons though! After yesterday’s logistics mess I went to an old friend’s house. We did sauna, had a few beers and talked about everything. One of the most important people in my life. So I came home around 3 am, slightly drunk, and had to get up in a few hours to paint another friend’s house.

I was not present, my mind wandered off to all kinds of crap all the time. So lots of just walking around. Finally, I saw an interesting and attractive girl, but I was way in my head, and she walked in a suboptimal direction, and I made excuses. So missed that one.

At one point I even thought, maybe I’ll just take the 0 today. No!! I didn’t give up. I decided to approach the first girl who looked even a little interesting.

THE ONLY APPROACH TODAY
I saw a girl with an unusual skirt. So I went for it. We talked for over 5 minutes. The entire interaction was a bit awkward. But she seemed to accept the awkwardness and tried to sort of help me out. I forgot EVERYTHING: feeling sexual, maintaining eye contact, relaxing into it… also, when we started talking, I didn’t feel so attracted, so I didn’t really want to be there.

It was still a somewhat nice interaction, although with no spark. I mentioned I have a YouTube channel with nature videos. She asked a lot about that, so I told her about my next project… anyway, it was clear there was nothing going on, so I didn’t even try to push it.

*

I’ve been very kind to myself. Not forcing myself to work too hard. As long as I have a very loose schedule, I’ll milk it: keep going out AND not pushing myself too hard, going for girls who look interesting, even if it takes time to find one. It seems clear to me that at some point I will have to switch from this to some kind of harder work ethic, but it’s too early.

When I started in July, I had zero expectations. My interactions were messy but very positive. I had fun. I think the solution is to look inside for that zero-expectations-mind. I’ve gotten bogged down in expectations. I remember from previous years that this always happens to me when I start to have some numbers in my phone. Somehow I can’t take the pressure

Okay. Tomorrow’s plan: 1) meditation, 2) look for the zero-expectations-mind 3) go out

*

Another technique I came up with today (especially for days like this, when it's hard to get going): get the zero-expectations-mind, approach first even mildly attractive person, be flamboyant, be my weird self, ask all the weird and intrusive questions that come to my mind, accept that this might be a bit strange. I have a large aversion for actually hurting anyone (probably high in agreeableness on that Big Five -thing), so I could probably push this quite far without stepping into bad karma.

I'm exhausted. So much to think about. I still have 100% trust in this process and journey.

 

[Curwen]

WEDNESDAY 31.7.2024

There’s one thing about approaching girls in the daytime that enjoy a lot: the micro-logistics of street corners. It’s when you note all the positions in space (your own and the girl, traffic, obstacles…), the distances, trajectories, possible changes in trajectories, and then calculate the most advantageous path for yourself.

Today I took my camera with me. One reason is that if I need to stop and wait for a better position/path, I can take photos, or pretend to. People also ask about the camera.

WARMUP
I often forget or don’t want to do it. When I stepped out, I soon saw a woman (not one I’d approach) with a tiny child. The child was jumping in a puddle of rainwater, enjoying herself greatly. I said something, we exchanged 3-5 lines of nice banter about how great it is that we have these puddles so the kid can enjoy life.

I felt gratitude and awe at how beautiful the world is. This warmup was quite spontaneous.

1. ASIAN SUNGLASSES
I was coming to a pedestrian crossing. Two girls were approaching the crossing from the other side of the street. The first one looked good, but was on the phone. The second one looked good as well. I stopped and turned on my camera. Incidentally, there was interesting view right there, so I actually took some photos. The first girl passed me. She was hot! And she looked at me. This is close to my home, so maybe some day…

The second girl crossed the street. Just as she arrived to my side, I put away my camera and stopped her. I told her she looks good, in my language. She said thanks, in English. So I switched to English and instantly there was a natural topic… where is she from, is she living here etc… She has lived here for a couple of years and understood my direct, local language opener. Anyway, we continued in English.

The conversation was pretty natural. We talked about accents. I said she has an American accent, asked her where she picked that up. We talked about American vs British accents. I proposed we introduce ourselves in exaggerated British accents. She agreed. I went first, but then she didn’t want to give her name. She was still pretty chatty, but didn’t agree to this minimal compliance. I sensed she was not interested in the dirty way.

At some point I said again that I think she’s cute. This didn’t cause any problem, the conversation kept flowing, but she didn’t really respond either.

After a while I asked her if I could see her eyes (she had sunglasses on). This time I actually remembered to look at her imagining we’re having sex, but it was a bit difficult when I couldn’t see her eyes. No compliance here either. The underlying frame battle started to become obvious, so I said to her: “but I think you’re cute. Don’t you think I’m cute?”

Somehow I think this was a pretty good move. She said she has a boyfriend and she can’t really have an opinion on that. So I backed off verbally, expressed that it’s cool and I respect that. We ended on a positive note, she said she thinks it’s great what I did and few people do that. She went.

2. GYM GIRL
After a while I passed a gym. Since I have all the exercise equipment I need at home, I like talking to gym people. I can be playfully (!) arrogant and treat them like poor peasants.

A woman came my way. She looked all right. I stopped her and said she looks good. She accepted the playfulness and wasn’t bothered, but she was also in a hurry to the exact gym where we were standing. I decided to not push it further.

I missed one or two good ones. The second one annoyed me a bit. She was on a bicycle, waiting to cross the street. I masterfully made my micro-logistics calculations and she ended up coming towards me. But then she hopped on her bike and accelerated so hard a black hole would be jealous. I looked at her and she saw my confused gaze. I could possibly have stopped her.

I probably need to get more frustrated to start taking these opportunities. I wasn’t frustrated at all until now. A healthy balance of zen and aggression would be healthier I’m sure.

3. BLONDIE
Walking down a sloping street. Missing the bike girl made me more decisive. I saw something very attractive come up the street, Blondie. I stopped her. She seemed pleased. I said she looks good. She was very pleased. I added, “…even if your dressed pretty… casual”. She was wearing some random pants and a loose hoodie, coming from work. She reached out her hand to introduce herself. A very long handshake ensued.

The interaction went off very naturally. We were both sucked into conversation. The topics varied wildly. We talked for possibly up to 20 minutes. We talked about the city we live in, summer, travelling, she had been abroad doing voluntary work, I make videos and photograph…

I looked into her eyes imagining having sex with her. She talked a lot. Now and then I broke off the intense eye contact. She laughed quite a lot, I laughed here and there. I didn’t need to state any more intent, it was quite clear that this was a man-and-woman-dance.

Some teasing here and there. Minimal sexualizing now and then, nothing huge (except for one thing HAHAA).

I might have made one mistake. At some point she started interrogating me on where I’m going, am I just taking a walk, am I photographing… She may have thought of an instant date, or a date tonight. I threw in a vague time constraint, an imaginary one. I’m not sure why I did that, maybe I thought there’s no way she wants to go now, just coming from work in non-flattering clothes. Unfortunately, the time constraint I told her also made it impossible for me propose meeting later tonight without making it look strange. It made no sense to do that.

This is actually a problem I have. I don’t have good control on when and how to place time constraints VS not mention anything VS when to attempt and instant date. It’s a complicated mess in my head involving at least two unnecessary worries: 1) I think I look low value just walking around with nothing to do (this is tied to my fear of becoming known as the creep in the city center) and 2) I feel like if the instant date happens, I don’t know how to run it and I’ll mess up a good opportunity.

I fully realize reason nr 1 is an irrational fear. So yeah, I have to get that sorted in my head AND practice how to float the idea and go for it.

Anyway, at some point I said we should go for a beer some time. She was into the idea. I asked about the coming two evenings, she was busy. She proposed we exchange numbers. We did. As she was saving my number, I asked her if she remembered my name. She didn’t. I teased her (“oh. -2 points”) and it was good.

This is beautiful: it wasn’t a big event, “THE CLOSE!” It was more like we just did that and then kept talking. It was quite enjoyable. Then it became natural to actually go separate ways. I moved a bit further past her, but some new topic kept us there for a minute longer. Then she raised her arm indicating that we should hug. We did. Still some banter after that. Final separation with warm smiles.

When I got home, I sent her one of those pings or keep-it-warm-texts or whatever they are. No reply yet. She said she doesn’t look at her phone much. The interaction obviously felt very good, but my intuition says this won’t go anywhere. I think she wanted to meet tonight and my failure to do so probably revealed that I’m not for real, I’m playing some kind of game. I think she felt that time constraint came from some unresolved part of me. Let’s see if I’m right.

Well, she was very attractive and fun. I’ve already forgotten about Shaman, with whom we had a pretty intense interaction but that I then messed up a bit (we're still on texting terms). Funny how that goes.

After this, I started going back home. Met a friend on the street, walked with him. After we parted ways, I felt pretty tired. My legs and hips were done.

*

- I went out with a very simple plan: just approach one woman. Just get that one approach over with.
- Slow, big, open, smile, hi! Then be flamboyant and intrusive. Stare at her imagining we’re having sex.

This led to me approaching three people. It tends to work like this for me. If I think about approaching five or god forbid ten women, it’s too daunting, and I don’t want to do it.

In the future: if I get tired, go into some kind of bar/café, get a soda, sit and read for a while. Get recharged and continue doing the good work. Remember the warming up!

Also, don’t be weird about instant dates.

 

[bgwh]

Loved reading this, enjoyed every interaction described as if I was there.
. And yes I'm stealing the imaging you're fucking trick.

 

[Curwen]

Loved reading this, enjoyed every interaction described as if I was there.
. And yes I'm stealing the imaging you're fucking tric

Thank you so much. I have come to enjoy writing and it's good to hear my stuff isn't boring

Yes go ahead! I invented it BUT I know it has been invented by others as well and described on GC/this forum

 

[Bob Z]

Excellent journal man. Can relate to a lot of your observations and experiences in regards to my own experience with trying out some street-game the past month or two. Reading it helps solidify some things in my mind. Hope you continue posting!

 

[Curwen]

Excellent journal man. Can relate to a lot of your observations and experiences in regards to my own experience with trying out some street-game the past month or two. Reading it helps solidify some things in my mind. Hope you continue posting!

Thank you! I'm so happy this is useful to someone. Yeah it's interesting, when you read the journals here, everyone is a little different, but there are many common things

 

[Curwen]

Yesterday I didn’t go out. A woman I have feelings for, who I had sex with once a couple of weeks ago, didn’t want to see me. She’s moving away and maybe it’s over.

I went to paint a friend’s house. She cooks for me and has two cats. We talked a lot about relations between men and women. I’m confused by some things she said.

When I got home, I threw myself of the couch. I felt sad. There was a strong wind, which made the house creak. I enjoyed the bittersweet moment.

*

Remember Blondie from the last entry? When I approached her, we talked some 20 minutes, it was sooo amazing and good. I had a sense after the interaction that for SOME REASON this isn’t gonna happen. I speculated that she sensed inauthenticity in me.

I remember similar interactions in my previous cold approach -life. Interactions that go amazing, but finally the girl never wants to meet. I’m starting to think there’s another reason. Maybe it’s because in these cases I gave away all the validation. She already knows I think she’s hot and super cool, and there is no more excitement. No more tingling uncertainty.

One part of me wants to resist this. Why does it have to be a silly game? We like each other! On the other hand, giving her all the praise and validation a few minutes after meeting does feel weird to me too when I think about it. It quite accurately tells her I don’t really have any women in my life. So when I flip it around to her perspective, it makes sense.

Some daytime pickup channels I’ve watched, the guys talk in a very positive and enthusiastic manner, saying “cool!” and “oh really?” to everything the girl says. I think I’ve emulated that. I’m sure it works for them, but I don’t think it fits my style.

So, I shouldn’t give in to the temptation to validate the stuff she tells me about herself, EVEN IF I think it is pretty cool. Save it for one or two qualification statements later on in the conversation.

FRIDAY 2.8.2024

Felt unsure about everything today. Did a ton of Wim Hof breathing exercises and some extra meditation. Some anxiety was still left in my stomach.

As I stepped out, I felt a little better. An old lady in my street was looking at her cherry trees. I stopped and talked to her for some minutes about cherries and apple trees. A bumblebee was visiting the last few flowers on a rose bush.

1. TRAFFIC LIGHTS
I saw a blonde with a curvy side profile on the other side of the street. I stopped and pretended to take some photos. Suddenly another cute blonde passed me. She smiled at me. I didn’t “have time” to react. Anyway, it was easy to calculate CurvyBlonde’s route, so I went that way to meet her when she crossed.

CurvyBlonde crossed. She didn’t look so good, and I had some AA I suppose. I followed CuteBlonde up the street instead, trying to figure out how to manouver this. We came to a pedestrian crossing with a red light. I absolutely hate this. I know, I know… everything is possible and so on. But this never works out for me.

I had my usual assignment: approach one girl, get that approach over with, and my work is done. So I decided to try this anyway. The light turned green as soon as I got there, we walked and I was a little bit ahead of her.

“Hi!” I said
“Hi”
“I think we shared a moment back there”
“What moment”, suspicious now. She walked past me. She didn’t like this. I didn’t give up. Kept my normal speed. Kept smiling.
“I was taking photos, you passed, and there was a moment of eye contact I think”
“No, I don’t think so” She was moving away from me.
I said something more.
She showed me her hand, she wore a ring. Bla bla married, “…but thank you”
“Cool!” I went another way.

Felt good. I did something. As usual, after getting the required one approach out of the way, I relaxed, possibly even laughed, and was in the mood to find the next one.

2. BICYCLE
I was outside a public building. There were dozens of bicycles parked here. I finely shaped person came out. She had a bicycle helmet, so I knew where she was going. I stopped close to her, took off my rucksack to remove my sweater. This would give her time to see me and fall in love with me pre-emptively.

“Hi!”
“Hi”
“I saw you come out of XX and thought, you look pretty good.”
“I actually don’t have time to chat, I’m going to the grocery store.”
“Ok, in that case I will leave you alone.”
“Ok”
“Nice… grocery trip!”
She laughed.

I was going up and speaking my mind in a pretty confident manner, smiling, not being butthurt about the dry reactions. At the same time, my voice felt stifled somehow and I was a bit tense in my body. I think today I somehow felt I’m not worthy/don’t have permission/do not deserve the attention of these women.

Well, what the hell you gonna do. On another level, I felt a boost from this rejection.

A security guard was unsuccessfully trying to get two drunks to move away from the public building. His body language was very uncompelling. The drunks were having a great time.

3. THE BIBLE
I crossed the street. A small, exotic looking, colorfully dressed girl walked behind me. I waited until we reached a less crowded spot on the street, turned around and looked at her.

I said hi, I saw you crossing the street. You’re very colorful. Yeah, she likes colors. She was looking for a lost earring in the street. She was half local ethnicity, half Brazilian. I told her a story of how I spent one day in Brazil. She was somehow following along but there was a distance, like she wasn’t really engaged. Somehow we got to talk about the bible and Jesus.

It became clear she’s all about Jesus and everything else is somehow not interesting. There are only two directions, I learned, one is Jesus and the other is Satan. I kind of rode out the set, then said we should get a coffee and talk about the bible (I have no idea if she sensed the sarcasm there, probably not). We exchanged numbers, although I’m not sure why. This one isn’t going anywhere.

*

That’s how it is, you never know what floats down the river. I was out on an errand later between 8 and 9 pm, and there were swarms of attractive women. I didn’t approach, since I’d already done a session, and this is a bit exhausting.

What a mess this is. Does doing all this make any sense? Why am I still like a child? I’m not stopping. All this has to lead somewhere. Ideally that somewhere is the ability to go up with no hesitation as I live my daily life and see attractive women going about their business.

All right, I’m rambling now. Tomorrow is a new day.

 

[AspiringStoic]

Yesterday I didn’t go out. A woman I have feelings for, who I had sex with once a couple of weeks ago, didn’t want to see me. She’s moving away and maybe it’s over.

I went to paint a friend’s house. She cooks for me and has two cats. We talked a lot about relations between men and women. I’m confused by some things she said.

When I got home, I threw myself of the couch. I felt sad. There was a strong wind, which made the house creak. I enjoyed the bittersweet moment.

*

Remember Blondie from the last entry? When I approached her, we talked some 20 minutes, it was sooo amazing and good. I had a sense after the interaction that for SOME REASON this isn’t gonna happen. I speculated that she sensed inauthenticity in me.

I remember similar interactions in my previous cold approach -life. Interactions that go amazing, but finally the girl never wants to meet. I’m starting to think there’s another reason. Maybe it’s because in these cases I gave away all the validation. She already knows I think she’s hot and super cool, and there is no more excitement. No more tingling uncertainty.

One part of me wants to resist this. Why does it have to be a silly game? We like each other! On the other hand, giving her all the praise and validation a few minutes after meeting does feel weird to me too when I think about it. It quite accurately tells her I don’t really have any women in my life. So when I flip it around to her perspective, it makes sense.

Some daytime pickup channels I’ve watched, the guys talk in a very positive and enthusiastic manner, saying “cool!” and “oh really?” to everything the girl says. I think I’ve emulated that. I’m sure it works for them, but I don’t think it fits my style.

So, I shouldn’t give in to the temptation to validate the stuff she tells me about herself, EVEN IF I think it is pretty cool. Save it for one or two qualification statements later on in the conversation.

FRIDAY 2.8.2024

Felt unsure about everything today. Did a ton of Wim Hof breathing exercises and some extra meditation. Some anxiety was still left in my stomach.

As I stepped out, I felt a little better. An old lady in my street was looking at her cherry trees. I stopped and talked to her for some minutes about cherries and apple trees. A bumblebee was visiting the last few flowers on a rose bush.

1. TRAFFIC LIGHTS
I saw a blonde with a curvy side profile on the other side of the street. I stopped and pretended to take some photos. Suddenly another cute blonde passed me. She smiled at me. I didn’t “have time” to react. Anyway, it was easy to calculate CurvyBlonde’s route, so I went that way to meet her when she crossed.

CurvyBlonde crossed. She didn’t look so good, and I had some AA I suppose. I followed CuteBlonde up the street instead, trying to figure out how to manouver this. We came to a pedestrian crossing with a red light. I absolutely hate this. I know, I know… everything is possible and so on. But this never works out for me.

I had my usual assignment: approach one girl, get that approach over with, and my work is done. So I decided to try this anyway. The light turned green as soon as I got there, we walked and I was a little bit ahead of her.

“Hi!” I said
“Hi”
“I think we shared a moment back there”
“What moment”, suspicious now. She walked past me. She didn’t like this. I didn’t give up. Kept my normal speed. Kept smiling.
“I was taking photos, you passed, and there was a moment of eye contact I think”
“No, I don’t think so” She was moving away from me.
I said something more.
She showed me her hand, she wore a ring. Bla bla married, “…but thank you”
“Cool!” I went another way.

Felt good. I did something. As usual, after getting the required one approach out of the way, I relaxed, possibly even laughed, and was in the mood to find the next one.

2. BICYCLE
I was outside a public building. There were dozens of bicycles parked here. I finely shaped person came out. She had a bicycle helmet, so I knew where she was going. I stopped close to her, took off my rucksack to remove my sweater. This would give her time to see me and fall in love with me pre-emptively.

“Hi!”
“Hi”
“I saw you come out of XX and thought, you look pretty good.”
“I actually don’t have time to chat, I’m going to the grocery store.”
“Ok, in that case I will leave you alone.”
“Ok”
“Nice… grocery trip!”
She laughed.

I was going up and speaking my mind in a pretty confident manner, smiling, not being butthurt about the dry reactions. At the same time, my voice felt stifled somehow and I was a bit tense in my body. I think today I somehow felt I’m not worthy/don’t have permission/do not deserve the attention of these women.

Well, what the hell you gonna do. On another level, I felt a boost from this rejection.

A security guard was unsuccessfully trying to get two drunks to move away from the public building. His body language was very uncompelling. The drunks were having a great time.

3. THE BIBLE
I crossed the street. A small, exotic looking, colorfully dressed girl walked behind me. I waited until we reached a less crowded spot on the street, turned around and looked at her.

I said hi, I saw you crossing the street. You’re very colorful. Yeah, she likes colors. She was looking for a lost earring in the street. She was half local ethnicity, half Brazilian. I told her a story of how I spent one day in Brazil. She was somehow following along but there was a distance, like she wasn’t really engaged. Somehow we got to talk about the bible and Jesus.

It became clear she’s all about Jesus and everything else is somehow not interesting. There are only two directions, I learned, one is Jesus and the other is Satan. I kind of rode out the set, then said we should get a coffee and talk about the bible (I have no idea if she sensed the sarcasm there, probably not). We exchanged numbers, although I’m not sure why. This one isn’t going anywhere.

*

That’s how it is, you never know what floats down the river. I was out on an errand later between 8 and 9 pm, and there were swarms of attractive women. I didn’t approach, since I’d already done a session, and this is a bit exhausting.

What a mess this is. Does doing all this make any sense? Why am I still like a child? I’m not stopping. All this has to lead somewhere. Ideally that somewhere is the ability to go up with no hesitation as I live my daily life and see attractive women going about their business.

All right, I’m rambling now. Tomorrow is a new day.

Oh man can relate big time.. We all have these kind of days. I had a much worse day today due to some other things happening in my life. I did not approach at all today.

Like you said tomorrow is a new day. Off days like this are just inevitable. We should be kind to ourselves on such day. Props for taking action.

 

[Curwen]

Oh man can relate big time.. We all have these kind of days. I had a much worse day today due to some other things happening in my life. I did not approach at all today.

Like you said tomorrow is a new day. Off days like this are just inevitable. We should be kind to ourselves on such day. Props for taking action.

Thank you It's super nice to read comments like this the going gets tough!

Today was very different form yesterday. Entry below!

 

[Curwen]

SATURDAY 3.8.2024

Usually before I go out, I meditate, maybe do some breathing exercises, I’ve even prayed a couple of times. Today I did it differently. Woke up late, had breakfast, coffee. Did a couple of phone calls. Went out.

Soon a foreign man (maybe Indian) with two kids, all on bicycles, appeared. We stopped at the same traffic light. I said to him, nice day to go cycling! Yes, he said. They were going to the park. We noted that summer is coming to an end, soon the weather will be quite different. The light turned green. They sped off, we wished each other a great day. These authentic, positive warmups are really great.

I didn’t really have a plan. Soon will be the time to transition from walking around lazily for a few hours, to a more focused way of working. I’ve been walking around for two hours or so per day, doing perhaps three cold approaches in that time. Usually I do something else as well, like have a coffee or run into friends and acquaintances, so the whole outing can take 3-4 hours.

*

After the last few days, I’ve been thinking a lot about authenticity. A sudden street stop and direct compliment is fine (I actually had some success with that back in the day, plenty of failure as well), but I suspect it’s a lot better if the approach more resembles something more natural. For example, if a person starts talking to strangers, they generally hover around for at least some seconds. Going up in a surprising manner could make it look like I was somehow searching for targets and locking in on her from afar.

That is of course what I’m doing. But maybe it’s better if it looks like something more normal. Someone wrote here that a big part of this daytime hustling is just being a normal guy, since that’s rare.

1. GYM AND FESTIVAL GIRL
So! I saw a girl that I liked. Her path was perpendicular to mine, the place was pretty quiet. I sped up a little to optimize our relative positions.

I said hi and waved. She had earbuds, but noticed me. She smiled. If there’s something I’m good at, it’s stopping. So I can tweak it. This time the tweak was going up like a normal guy would.

My relaxed body language and eye contact did most of the opening and set the premise as man-to-woman, I believe. I looked at her silently for a second.

“Are you coming from a trip?”
“No, just going to the gym”
“Oh, I thought you had a [local word for a large backpack that you use for hiking/backpacking]”

Aaand into a natural flow. I was in some kind of sweet spot and she was receptive. And she was very cute. This inspired me and my rizz was on point.

We talked about a lot of things. She was just now going to the gym. She lives in another city, but is here for a music festival. She’s quite athletic. She’s not so good with languages but has to speak English at work. She has travelled a little. I made fun of her travelling, which was amateurish compared to my crazy backpacking history. I also told her about learning Spanish and Japanese, showing that I’m better than her. Hahaa! DHVing, I suppose.

I tired to guess her age. I honestly guessed 27, but she was 37. All the time I was careful not to over-validate anything she said, since my theory is that I have messed up a lot of good things that way. Since I was genuinely surprised at her age, and hadn’t really complimented her at all, I did give a bit of validation at this point.

We didn’t move or anything, but standing there, she seemed to relax more into it. I asked to see her tattoo and kind of went for her wrist. But it was a little too early, so she just reached out her arm and I withdrew mine. I think this was ok, in fact, this might have seemed like a more authentic event than had I taken her wrist. Who knows. But the whole interaction felt quite natural.

Time to close. Since I recently messed up a nice interaction by missing her hints at an instant date (Blondie a few entries back), I now started by proposing getting a beer after her gym. Here I found out she doesn’t drink. This is common! Many girls say that, and many talk about religion. What’s happening? Well, she couldn’t meet tonight anyway, because she’s going to that festival.

She lives in another city. Fortunately, I will be going there every two weeks. So I said we should get a tea around there. She liked the idea. I started to really like her cuteness and how easy this was. We exchanged numbers. We chatted a bit more after that.

She asked me what I do for a living. I said my job title, which sounds sexy in my local language. I told her, “yeah I know it sounds sexy.” I like this line, I use it whenever there’s an opportunity.

She had crossed her arms at some point. I was wondering a bit about that. Maybe her backpack was heavy and that was more comfortable for her. I said, you seem a little tense. I said it not in a creepy way but a kind of empathic way. I continued the statement asking if I can hug her. Normally I would invite for a hug with body language, but in this case, I saw that this was better, and also better than no hug. Who knows! Perhaps Shiva and Vishnu who have seen all the universes could tell me from their statistics which option had the best percentages in this moment…

We hugged. Later I sent her the keep-it-warm-text, so which she responded positively. I’m going to her area in a month. I think the best way here is to not make any contact before that. If I make contact before that, I’ll have to somehow keep it warm for an entire god damn month, which is practically impossible, unless she has no social life and fell totally in love with me. So, I will do nothing, until I’m actually going there.

*

There’s so many Christians harassing people in the streets these days. A group approached me. Since I’ve developed an interest in what some religions of the world have to offer, I decided to talk to them. Usually these street guys are not helpful or reasonable at all, but I thought I’d give these a chance, they seemed nicer than most.

The guy talked a lot. He prayed for me. Then he put his hands on me and prayed some more. It felt unpleasant and fake. I wanted to keep an open mind, but I think my openness is spent with these street Christians. It’s always the same thing, they’re not really having a conversation, it’s more like they’re working themselves into a state, probably gaining points from it.

Anyway, this kind of kept me warm socially.

2. MOLDOVIAN MODEL
Ok this was super interesting. Earlier, while walking around and talking to a couple friends I ran into, I saw this extraordinary woman. She was beautiful and had exotic, unusual features. I had no idea where she might be from.

Later I saw her standing around I the market square.

“Hi!” I opened with my local language
“Hi”, in English
“Oh, English? No local language?”
“Yeah”
“Are you here to buy vegetables?”
“No, just bla bla”
“Ok. I like your skirt. A long skirt is better than a short skirt, which is ok I guess. But a long skirt is more feminine. That’s good.”
“Is that so?” With head tilt and a smile. Got you!

She was a model, she had been here for some kind of casting thing. It wasn’t good, she said. I said she sounds British. She said she is. But then she started to sound entirely American. I question her about this. Yeah, her accent is a mix, she’s originally Moldovan, bla bla.

Then she said wants to have lunch, can I recommend some place? I didn’t hop on, I changed the topic. We talked about other stuff. Then she asked about a lunch place again. She said she likes kebab. I expressed disgust (kebab is fine I guess but it was just fun to do that). I mentioned a place that I used to go to, which was good, but I didn’t know if it existed. She started googling.

She showed me pictures from the google results, I said “yeah I know what kebab is… you get a shitload of macros but nothing else” and so on. She defended kebab.

Now she started asking me a lot of questions. What’s my name, where do I live, what do I do…

Maybe because I’ve studied all this stuff in English, I’m WAY BETTER in English than my local language. And even more interesting: it’s not just about having the lines imprinted in my head. I turn into a different person, a little bit. I don’t think it’s that strange, because there is a way of thinking and being IN every language. After this interaction I went to get a coffee and thought about this hard. I could easily see how different and better I am in English, compared to how I am when I do this in my local language.

I said we should exchange numbers and get a drink when she’s here again. She laughed a little at that. I interpreted it like this, “here we go again…” She probably gets hit on a lot. But, she agreed right away. I tried to exchange numbers. But she only had in internet-sim-card or something. So I put in her number in my phone. SHE moved the set by saying we should go in the shade. She must have studied daygame.

I messed up saving her number. I laughed out loud.

“Guess what”
“What”
“You’re gonna have to say it again”
This was after already having some trouble arranging this exchange. I was mostly amused. At some point I said, “if we get over this obstacle, that means we really have to go for a drink!”

The mood was high. Some more chit chat. I said I’m going to get a coffee and read the Bhagavad-Gita. She seemed impressed.

Anyway, I don’t think we will see each other. She lives in a city I never go to, and I don’t think she comes to mine often. But this was nice, good practice, and really opened my eyes to how different I am in English. So starting to channel that personality in my local language interactions would probably up my game immensely.

I’ve had like 9000 lessons now. When is it time for wet, forbidden, unbelievable sex? Just kidding


*

Yesterday I felt hopeless. Today I felt good and motivated. I search inside for all the worries I had yesterday, and I find none. I will continue the good work tomorrow, or the next day if I don’t have time tomorrow.

 

[bgwh]

Very inspiring man. I had always wondered how you can do stopping sets without going the direct route. I'm so happy to see you stopped someone and just went into a casual Convo like she's a friend. That's exactly the kind of inspiration I was looking for.