'Cute'... or?

[A Life Loquacious]

Looking over 'indirect/direct' again, I came over something that's been bothering me for a bit. Chase (and others) advocate use of 'cute' over other terms of attraction ie 'hot', 'gorgeous', 'beautiful' etc - and while I get the reasoning behind this, I'm just not sure if 'cute' is always the right word. Whilst it has the right connotations in cultures that favour a more Americanised English, for speakers or British English, 'cute' isn't really right either as the connotation is more along the lines of 'aaaaaw, fluffy kitten'. I have noticed younger girls (under 21) using it to mean attractive, and so it does sometimes work on them, but older women certainly don't respond too well.

I'm generally pretty good with vocabularly but I can't think of anything else I'd use that isn't too loaded with meaning or over-complimentary.

 

[Flames]

I think of this in terms of giving them a 'pet name' so it can be pretty much anything appropriate to them, but as you say the sweeter names are for the younger girls, go for the sexier stuff for the older gals.

It does sound strange to yourself when you 1st do it and I've only really started doing it myself over the last few weeks, but even using there actual name works well IMO.

 

[Franco]

Hey Loquacious,

This is a good question, and I don't want to put words in Chase's mouth, but I believe this has to do with the idea of not putting a woman on a pedestal. When you think about it, if you refer to calling a woman as "gorgeous" or "beautiful" before you even know her, you are already giving her too much credit on her looks. When you refer to a girl as cute, it's almost as if you are saying, "Well, you're definitely an attractive girl, but I'd like to get to know you better before I refer to you as gorgeous or beautiful." In other words, you're keeping her down to earth and making her have to work for the bigger compliments.

You can check out more in this article here: Women on Pedestals

Cheers,

Franco

 

[Light]

I believe so too, and I agree with Franco.

Using "Cute" is very universally acceptable by every women. It is a compliment, but doesn't come accross too serious. It shows that you are interested, but doesn't really matter if you are rejected either. The next alternative would be "Pretty".

Never ever use "Hot". Many women find this insulting. They do not want to be judged by their body. If you REALLY want to compliment them to show how dazzled you are by their beauty, then "Beautiful" or "Gorgeous" or "Stunning" are your best words to use.

But I would just stick to "Cute".


Light

 

[Franco]

To add to what Light mentioned here, the way you say the word "cute" when you are complimenting her also plays a big roll in how it comes across.

'aaaaaw, fluffy kitten'

...if you say it with a childish, girly voice like this would sound, then yes, it would come across as childish!

If you say it with a deep voice and a sexy smile, it makes all the difference in the world.

- Franco

 

[A Life Loquacious]

Hey Loquacious,

This is a good question, and I don't want to put words in Chase's mouth, but I believe this has to do with the idea of not putting a woman on a pedestal. When you think about it, if you refer to calling a woman as "gorgeous" or "beautiful" before you even know her, you are already giving her too much credit on her looks. When you refer to a girl as cute, it's almost as if you are saying, "Well, you're definitely an attractive girl, but I'd like to get to know you better before I refer to you as gorgeous or beautiful." In other words, you're keeping her down to earth and making her have to work for the bigger compliments.

You can check out more in this article here: Women on Pedestals

Cheers,

Franco

Thanks Franco, I'm not sure if I made myself clear though - I'm familiar with the concept of not-putting-on-pedestals - just that in this context 'cute' is considered an Americanism and simply doesn't resonate with British people in the same way (unless they watch a lot of Hollywood movies or US sitcoms). It sounds a bit out of place coming from someone with an English accent, unless they're talking about babies, kittens etc. It also has negative connotations "don't act cute with me" meaning "don't be a smart-ass", for example.

As I mentioned, younger women are more open to it in the complimentary sort of way but then again if they're not the type who watch 'Friends' or rom-coms they might not respond too well to it either.
I'm just looking for some alternatives that communicate a similar level of interest without going down the pedestal route.
Actually if I am going for an appearance-based compliment I like to go for something a bit more oldskool like 'ravishing', 'magnificent' etc as it's a bit of a curveball, and they generally have to process it for a second or two before realising it's a good thing, haha!

 

[Franco]

I'm just looking for some alternatives that communicate a similar level of interest without going down the pedestal route.

This is tough. It wasn't until I actually went to the "thesaurus" for the word 'cute' that I actually realized why I like it and why it is so effective. You won't find many replacements for this word that will have the exact same impact. I'm a big fan of this word, so it's relatively difficult for me to see why people would not want to use it (and I've also had a lot of success with it).

I can see the accent and cultural differences playing a role in how this word comes across though (as you had mentioned). I can tell you from personal experience, however, that age plays no factor in using the word cute -- as long as it is used properly. (EDIT: For older women, I think they associate the word 'cute' with youth, so it can actually be quite a compliment to get it from a younger guy)

Light mentioned the word "pretty," and this could work, but I almost feel as if the word "pretty" has more of a childish connotation to it than 'cute' does. It's something that boys use in early grade school to describe attractive girls.

My only other thought is that you might have to choose a word that has similar value-placement accompanied with a compliment to have the same effect. For example, you could say: "I'm just kidding. I thought you looked rather radiant standing there with that lovely smile, and I just wanted introduce myself. I'm Chase."

If you think of something that might have the same impact as the word 'cute' however, please feel free to share!

- Franco

 

[Light]

Hey Loquacious,

This is a good question, and I don't want to put words in Chase's mouth, but I believe this has to do with the idea of not putting a woman on a pedestal. When you think about it, if you refer to calling a woman as "gorgeous" or "beautiful" before you even know her, you are already giving her too much credit on her looks. When you refer to a girl as cute, it's almost as if you are saying, "Well, you're definitely an attractive girl, but I'd like to get to know you better before I refer to you as gorgeous or beautiful." In other words, you're keeping her down to earth and making her have to work for the bigger compliments.

You can check out more in this article here: Women on Pedestals

Cheers,

Franco

Thanks Franco, I'm not sure if I made myself clear though - I'm familiar with the concept of not-putting-on-pedestals - just that in this context 'cute' is considered an Americanism and simply doesn't resonate with British people in the same way (unless they watch a lot of Hollywood movies or US sitcoms). It sounds a bit out of place coming from someone with an English accent, unless they're talking about babies, kittens etc. It also has negative connotations "don't act cute with me" meaning "don't be a smart-ass", for example.

As I mentioned, younger women are more open to it in the complimentary sort of way but then again if they're not the type who watch 'Friends' or rom-coms they might not respond too well to it either.
I'm just looking for some alternatives that communicate a similar level of interest without going down the pedestal route.
Actually if I am going for an appearance-based compliment I like to go for something a bit more oldskool like 'ravishing', 'magnificent' etc as it's a bit of a curveball, and they generally have to process it for a second or two before realising it's a good thing, haha!

I've got good news for you. I live in the UK, I grew up in the UK. The word "Cute" works. Regardless of your British accent or not. It is universal.
I think you are over thinking thing. I think this is because British people tend to have a habbit of being Sarcastic, so your "Don't try to act cute with me" quote is only true if you are being sarcastic.

Remember it is just an opener. It is just a simple word to open up the girl. It is the easiest part of this game. The girl won't really care that much.

Trust me, it works. I use it all the time.

You know the Gordon Ramsey "Just Grill the F**king Fish!" Theory?
When he tells you to grill the fish, he expects you to just grill the fish, because it gives the results you want. But there will always be others who think doing it a certain way, tweaking the ingredients etc will give better results. Metaphorically this is what you are trying to do.

Just grill the fish my friend


Light

 

[A Life Loquacious]

Well, my concern is based on the fact that half the time when I've used it, it hasn't really gone down too well. Oh well, I will give it another go and see what happens...

 

[Flames]

Well, my concern is based on the fact that half the time when I've used it, it hasn't really gone down too well. Oh well, I will give it another go and see what happens...

Probably down to other factors, it's actually mainly the way you say it. If you already felt 'odd' about saying it then that doesn't help.

I've used 'sweetie' or 'sweetness' a lot recently with reasonable results.

 

[Chase]

I'll defer to the guys who are from the U.K. and live in the U.K. here on this one, but when I've met British girls elsewhere in the world and told them they were cute, they've never seemed to mind very much. Could be they're just saying to themselves, "Oh, he's an American, so I'll give him a pass just this once!" but I get the impression it comes across pretty normal to them.

There's one exception to women minding "cute," though, and it's universal across cultures: when the woman, for whatever reason, views herself as "above" you. In this case, it's somewhat insulting. I'm similarly mildly insulted when girls call ME cute, as sometimes happens. I had a girl in a California taco shop tell me my hair was cute a couple of months back. The feeling is sort of, "Uh, cute??" It's the mind rejecting someone you do not see as a leader or potential leader labeling you as "small and huggable."

Typically speaking though, if a girl already is viewing you as not someone she could see as a leader from the outset, you're going to have an uphill climb no matter what you call her. If you call her cute and she doesn't respond well, you at least know you've got your work cut out for you getting this girl responding to you as a leader.

Chase

 

[Eric]

There's one exception to women minding "cute," though, and it's universal across cultures: when the woman, for whatever reason, views herself as "above" you. In this case, it's somewhat insulting. I'm similarly mildly insulted when girls call ME cute, as sometimes happens. I had a girl in a California taco shop tell me my hair was cute a couple of months back. The feeling is sort of, "Uh, cute??" It's the mind rejecting someone you do not see as a leader or potential leader labeling you as "small and huggable."

Hey Chase, not sure if this is the same outside of Cali.. but cute is typically a blanket term over here. I've had girls call me cute and then hear from friends how they were saying I'm really "sexy/hot" when I was gone. Taco girl probably wanted you to get inside her shell if you know what I mean?

 

[Chase]

Eric,

Hey Chase, not sure if this is the same outside of Cali.. but cute is typically a blanket term over here. I've had girls call me cute and then hear from friends how they were saying I'm really "sexy/hot" when I was gone. Taco girl probably wanted you to get inside her shell if you know what I mean?

You're right; could be. That's the problem with vernacular... the meanings of words are always shifting, changing, and being redefined, especially with commonly used, bordering-on-slang type words.

Chase

 

[Eric]

Eric,
You're right; could be. That's the problem with vernacular... the meanings of words are always shifting, changing, and being redefined, especially with commonly used, bordering-on-slang type words.

Chase

Reminds me of reading older books, like The Book of the Courtier and reading stuff like: "The men would frequently engage in intercourse with one another in the plaza", and going "Huh?? Oh...".

 

[Flames]

Eric,
You're right; could be. That's the problem with vernacular... the meanings of words are always shifting, changing, and being redefined, especially with commonly used, bordering-on-slang type words.

Chase

Reminds me of reading older books, like The Book of the Courtier and reading stuff like: "The men would frequently engage in intercourse with one another in the plaza", and going "Huh?? Oh...".

In roman days they apparently had no problem with that sort of thing