Date Compression Advice?

[sportsfan24]

I've been following the date compression method recently and have seen a girl 3 times in the past 9 days (Friday -> Thursday -> Saturday for around 11 hours total). We got drinks the first two times and after the 2nd date on Thursday she ended up initiating the kiss before we left. It is also important to note that she made it clear for different reasons that it wasn't possible to invite her back but she did wish we could have continued to hang out that night. It's also important to note that after the first two dates she texted me about 20 mins after each one saying she hand a great time and wanted to hang out again soon.

For the 3rd date on Saturday we ended up getting dinner. After dinner i casually asked if we wanted to hang out at one of our places but she did not want to. Instead we went to another bar and we definitely more intimate and were touching each other a lot more than any other time. She ended up having to go because her roommate was walked out and even though we were within walking distance of her place it was clear i couldn't come back. We ending up making out again right before saying goodbye. However, unlike the last two times she did not text me after this date.

At this point, I was curious how I should continue of using the date compress method? I want to go on another date but i'm not sure what we should do on this fourth date. It is also harder because she has a friend visiting her from Weds->Sunday and I am going away from Sat->Weds so I'm not sure if we could see each other before I go away since her friend will be there.

Besides being curious about the status of our relationship, is it possible for attraction to expire if we are unable to see each other for a week and a half after seeing each other 3 times in basically a week?

Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

 

[Franco]

sportsfan,

For the 3rd date on Saturday we ended up getting dinner.

Your third date definitely should have been an invitation over to your place (and you can even tie that into cooking together or doing some other fun activity together). Date compression only works if you are constantly moving things forward, but if your dates are stagnant (meaning you both meet at some place, do something, then don't go home together), then she'll get bored or slot you into the "boyfriend zone" in which you'll have no chance of moving things further with her.

These days, if I get to a 3rd date, I invite her over to my place directly. If she declines, then I drop contact with her. If she's not interested, then I've saved myself the time and money of seeing her again, but if she is interested, she'll wonder why you haven't contacted her. At that point, if you've played things correctly, she'll assume you're a "no BS" type of guy who has other women available to sleep with, so she might just hit you up on that offer to cook dinner together. Then you can make your move.

- Franco

 

[sportsfan24]

sportsfan,

For the 3rd date on Saturday we ended up getting dinner.

Your third date definitely should have been an invitation over to your place (and you can even tie that into cooking together or doing some other fun activity together). Date compression only works if you are constantly moving things forward, but if your dates are stagnant (meaning you both meet at some place, do something, then don't go home together), then she'll get bored or slot you into the "boyfriend zone" in which you'll have no chance of moving things further with her.

These days, if I get to a 3rd date, I invite her over to my place directly. If she declines, then I drop contact with her. If she's not interested, then I've saved myself the time and money of seeing her again, but if she is interested, she'll wonder why you haven't contacted her. At that point, if you've played things correctly, she'll assume you're a "no BS" type of guy who has other women available to sleep with, so she might just hit you up on that offer to cook dinner together. Then you can make your move.

- Franco

Thank you Franco for the response! I really appreciate it!

So i'm guessing your saying if there is a fourth date it will have to me at my place or you will cut off contact? I understand the idea of dates becoming stagnant but I do not think that was the case with this 3rd date since she ended up choosing the place for dinner and making the reservations. The first two times it was clear she had to go so there was no option of inviting her back and she declined to go back to one of our places on the third date so I think she should at least see I am trying to progress things forward so far.

The other question I have is since her friend is coming up from Weds-Sun and I am going away on Saturday it is possible we won't be able to meet this week. Which would mean that we won't have a chance of seeing each other until next Thursday at the earliest. If this is the case, what would be the best way to prevent attraction from expiring?

Thanks Again!

 

[Franco]

sf,

So i'm guessing your saying if there is a fourth date it will have to me at my place or you will cut off contact?

If it were me, I would probably cut contact at this point before she firmly slots in you in a friend or boyfriend role. But the choice is up to you, of course.

I understand the idea of dates becoming stagnant but I do not think that was the case with this 3rd date since she ended up choosing the place for dinner and making the reservations.

One thing you need to understand about women is that their goal is never to sleep with you and make you a boyfriend. Their goal is to get you to chase them until the end of time. This isn't a conscious thought -- a girl just wants to know that she will always have a man to settle down with in the future should she not be able to find another man who will fulfill that role. However, options for a girl are endless, so a girl almost never falls back on a guy who was attempting to court her in the first place. She wants to be swept quickly off of her feet by a man who isn't afraid to move things forward (and also seemingly has other options).

So when you let a girl make plans for you, then you let her move you closer and closer to the "chasing" role that she is trying to put you into. Whenever a girl tries to make plans for you for a date, you should respectfully decline and offer an alternative. If she can't (or won't) do the alternative for whatever reason, then it is best to reschedule the date for a time when you can dictate the terms.

If that's hard to grasp, then think of it this way: if you always gave her the opportunity to come up with the date, do you think she would ever invite you directly over to her place? Probably not, right? That would make her look desperate and/or slutty by her standards. So your goal is to be the man and lead her to the bedroom.

- Franco

 

[sportsfan24]

sf,

So i'm guessing your saying if there is a fourth date it will have to me at my place or you will cut off contact?

If it were me, I would probably cut contact at this point before she firmly slots in you in a friend or boyfriend role. But the choice is up to you, of course.

I understand the idea of dates becoming stagnant but I do not think that was the case with this 3rd date since she ended up choosing the place for dinner and making the reservations.

One thing you need to understand about women is that their goal is never to sleep with you and make you a boyfriend. Their goal is to get you to chase them until the end of time. This isn't a conscious thought -- a girl just wants to know that she will always have a man to settle down with in the future should she not be able to find another man who will fulfill that role. However, options for a girl are endless, so a girl almost never falls back on a guy who was attempting to court her in the first place. She wants to be swept quickly off of her feet by a man who isn't afraid to move things forward (and also seemingly has other options).

So when you let a girl make plans for you, then you let her move you closer and closer to the "chasing" role that she is trying to put you into. Whenever a girl tries to make plans for you for a date, you should respectfully decline and offer an alternative. If she can't (or won't) do the alternative for whatever reason, then it is best to reschedule the date for a time when you can dictate the terms.

If that's hard to grasp, then think of it this way: if you always gave her the opportunity to come up with the date, do you think she would ever invite you directly over to her place? Probably not, right? That would make her look desperate and/or slutty by her standards. So your goal is to be the man and lead her to the bedroom.

- Franco

Thanks again for the advice Franco!

I did make the plans on all 3 dates but on the third one after I picked a place and time and went to make a reservation they were booked. Right when I was going to tell her she tells me she tried to also make a reservation and implied that we should go somewhere else and she had a place in mind since we were closer to her place.

I didn't know a lot of places in the area and she clearly had a place in mind which is why I ended up letting her make the reservation. I did not realize that her making the reservation is a bad thing. I personally thought that is was good because it shows she was putting extra effort in so thanks for telling me that.

She did text 20 mins after the first and second date but no text after the third. I also wanted to invite her over to my place but she made it clear on the first two dates that she had to go back. On the second date she made this clear when we were initially planning that date. Based off what you said it seems like auto-rejection had kicked in and attraction has expired despite seeing each other 3 times in 9 days?. . . I do realize the best thing is to move on but if you want to give it one more shot before moving on what would you do?

Thanks again for all the help, I really appreciate and realize this is a learning experience.