Date ideas/venues?

[Estate]

Hey guys,
I have a question for the seasoned guys here. What are good ideas for meeting a girl? I'm talking 1st, 2nd or 3rd dates.

I find dinner or movies absolutely suck. You can't escalate across a dinner table leading to the inevitable awkward part afterwards. I'm ok with escalating here but it doesn't feel overly natural as you can't do it throughout the night.
Same goes for movies.
I used to like going for drinks as in my hometown it usually meant standing which made it easier to move closer to here but in my current town most of the bars are again "sit down" type bars which bring you back to the dinner date scenario.

Ideas guys?

Thanks!
E.

 

[Chase]

Hey Estate-

Hey guys,
I have a question for the seasoned guys here. What are good ideas for meeting a girl? I'm talking 1st, 2nd or 3rd dates.

I find dinner or movies absolutely suck. You can't escalate across a dinner table leading to the inevitable awkward part afterwards. I'm ok with escalating here but it doesn't feel overly natural as you can't do it throughout the night.

Sit down places are great, so long as they have booths or sofas, and you insist on the girl sitting next to you.

Either:

• Wait for her to sit down, then sit down next to her, or
• Sit down first, then tell her to sit next to you

... then just tell her you hate talking across a table, it feels like this giant barrier designed to stifle communication. Which it is.

Cafes and sit-down bars with booths or sofas we can sit next to each other in are my preferred places to take girls on dates if we must go out (and not have her come directly to the apartment). When you're sitting next to girls, it's a totally different dynamic... your legs are touching (sit close), you can touch throughout the date, and the conversation is much more intimate.

Chase

 

[Estate]

Chase, I totally agree.

I find it very easy if its the type of place where you can either go for a casual drink and its a standing room sort of place.
If we must sit, then I like as you said, sit on the corner next to he and not directly across from her, it makes it easier to talk and easier to touch.

Weirdly, I did this long ago before ever getting into this stuff, it also helped because the date and venue were less "formal" by not sitting across the table from each other.

The reason I want to get away from this is that most places in my current city are not like this at all. There's not really much of a "standing room only" bar that isn't a total dive.
This seems to be the trend in bars right now.
Even my friends have commented the same if it's just the guys going for drinks. We're used to going to the bar, standing and getting a few beers while everyone else does the same, but most bars have the setup where the whole place is seated and the bar is either inaccessible, has no room for people just wanting drinks (and not dinner), or they won't take your order at all.
One option would be to bring her to a club or something but I don't wanna do that really if it's a 1st date.

I'm thinking I might try more daytime dates or find a better activity for nighttime. When we talk of logistics, just the logistics of how you sit with a girl isn't great if there's too much room between you.
You can only talk and talk but there is no way of escalating.

 

[PinotNoir]

So are Lounges out? I find them great date spots, and they usually have delicious "girlie" drinks. You'll be sitting in a nice couch or comfy chair too. Some lounges even have live pianists, etc.

If you want to stand, then maybe bowling or billiards? I've actually never taken a girl to play pool (I've been considering it for my next date). I've taken girls out bowling though, and it's just okay. Touching is actually pretty easy as congratulatory gestures or "showing" her how to bowl or even massaging her shoulders. As an activity, it's also an easy date as far as conversation. There are a lot of cons though: I find it pretty impossible to escalate to a kiss (especially if a family is bowling nearby); she may feel uncomfortable getting sweaty in front of you on the 1st date which causes "weirdness" (silence with an expression of fear/nervousness); you may not be able to deep-dive as much; and it's "fun" instead of sexy. However, I don't know if all of the cons hold true for billiards which is why I've been considering that.

Depending on the girl, museums and art galleries/festivals can be great.

If you're great at conversation, then walking in the park alone or having a picnic at the park is fine. However, if the conversation runs dry, I've found these to be pretty awkward since less to comment on.

If you know the girl likes raw fish, then a sushi bar is also excellent.

Why do you want to stand instead of sit exactly?

 

[Estate]

So to put this in context... I'm Irish.
Back home most bars are "standing room only". (No, they are not all stereotypcial Irish pubs), but bars are generally for going for drinks, people can stand at the bar, there is plenty of floor space and some seating around the perimeter.
Unless you are there very early in the evening its pretty much expected that you go in for drinks and can lean at the bar or near a wall or stand in the open space with friends.

So in those instances if you are standing or at least sitting in a casual place (side by side), it makes it easy to casually touch her arm, etc, as you talk and possibly get closer as the place gets louder. It's simple really and the layout of the bars lends itself to this.

I now live in the US. In my city, even my friends have commented, it's hard to find a good bar like this. Most bars are set up with a booth on entry and want you to get a table and food.
Not great for picking up girls. However, if it's a date then it makes it difficult. You end up getting a "table for two" and standing by the bar is just awkward and appears a bit cheap to ask a girl for drinks and expecting her to stand. Most girls will automatically want to sit when you go inside. I dont mind dinner and drinks but sitting across a table just doesn't lend well to escalating, you can only talk and you can only go so far before you need to be closer to her.

The alternative is to actually go to Irish pubs or dive bars where standing is more normal as they don't serve food but again, not ideal for a first date. I like to meet classier girls so a dive bar isn't what I'm looking for.

I think it's just the trend in this city.. any new places that open are resteraunt first, bar second so its difficult to find places that are good for these types of dates.

That led me to thinking of an activity. I've actually done bowling and its reasonably good... you can help her bowl, high five, hug her after a good bowl. It's not a bad idea but not the best.
I'm thinking of asking a girl to go skating next weekend. We had two "drinks" dates and while they were fun, I think I've gone to my limit of those dates and just talking without being in close proximity to escalate until the end.

 

[Cam87]

I found that the correct venue is crucial to the "ceiling" of any date. When sitting across from one another at a table there is only so far you can go. Sure you can build a great connection through deep diving, but touch is really hard and the lack of proximity makes it hard to create a sexual vibe.

I'm trying to stick to places that have booths or couches from now on and sticking to the best ones.

 

[Garrett]

Funny how you posted about this, Estate. Last week I was with a girl (I was trying to build a friendship with her), and I sat across from her. Naturally realizing how far/distant the physical environment felt, I decided to pull up a chair beside her. I think if you sit beside her it's good too, because you aren't 100% exposing your body to her. If she's interested, she'll probably position herself in a way where she's completely facing you and you're angled towards her, but not as much as she is, thus obeying spezzatura and getting her in a chasing position .

With that being said, I don't have many girl 'friends' around simply because a lot of girls I've met live average/boring lives that I have no interest in taking part in, and as a result, I sometimes tend to lead girls on unintentionally because usually when I'm alone with a girl, it's because I'm interested in her... does anyone else have this problem?

Cheers,
Garrett