Dating across borders

[WeddingCrasher]

So I live in a border town and I sometimes match with girls on Tinder who live in Mexico. I went to Mexico recently for a date with one of these girls, I wanted to meet on my side of the border but she insisted on her home turf for the first date. I arranged the time and place(I don't know the area very well, so I just looked up some bars and picked the one I thought she'd like). She counter offered with a different bar but since it was in the same plaza, I agreed to meet her there. Despite not getting together at the end of it, logistics to her place were bad and mine was across the border, I thought it went well. Well, surprise surprise, I haven't been able to get her out since.

I was curious to know if anyone has any experience with this. The distance from my house to the bar we meet at was only about 7 miles, so I didn't have to travel too far. Regardless, is it a bad idea to meet girls on the Mexican side of the border? Should dates with these girls be avoided if they're not willing to cross into the U.S.?

On a side note, I mentioned that my friends were apprehensive about coming to Mexico and she told me to bring them with me next time I cross and she'll show us around. She even mentioned it a second time later that night. I wasn't sure what to make of this. Is this her friend zoning or is it possible she just wants to meet my friends?

 

[Seppuku]

Hey Tree,

Welcome to the boards. Let me take a critical and constructive eye at your post. Some of the things I say, you may already know, or not.

Regardless, is it a bad idea to meet girls on the Mexican side of the border? Should dates with these girls be avoided if they're not willing to cross into the U.S.?

I'm not a US person so there might be a few things I'm missing. But why would that matter? You're not going to marry her. Besides that, you may want to pull her at your home. How easy is it for her to get across the border? Just showing passport? Or does she need a formal visa? In this case, you need to have a plan for your logistics on the Mexican side.

So now let's look at the date itself.

I went to Mexico recently for a date with one of these girls, I wanted to meet on my side of the border but she insisted on her home turf for the first date.

Besides visa considerations that I'm unfamiliar with, this may be coming from safety concerns from her side - not willing to go with a total stranger on a foreign soil. That's OK. Safety concerns will get much better after she met you in person once.

I arranged the time and place(I don't know the area very well, so I just looked up some bars and picked the one I thought she'd like). She counter offered with a different bar but since it was in the same plaza, I agreed to meet her there.

Normally I setup dates on my own terms - not on hers. As the man in charge of making things happen, you need to have control on the logistics - and therefore set the date somewhere near the place you intend to pull her to, later on. You need to keep the lead the whole time in view of making things happen. Girls have no clue whatsoever about that; usually letting them set the date will only make things harder for you. Also, you can view her attempt at making you change the place as a leadership test. She managed to bend your leadership. It's negative points.

However in your case, since it was the first time and you don't know the good places to go, it is OK to bend the "on my terms" rule exceptionally. Once you know a few good places to take girls to on the Mexican side, you should be the one deciding the place, not her.

Despite not getting together at the end of it, logistics to her place were bad and mine was across the border, I thought it went well. Well, surprise surprise, I haven't been able to get her out since.

No matter how you think things went, you didn't make sex happen. It means much less chances to see her again. Escalation window closing fast. Typically, the more feminine she is, the shorter the window. For the record, she may have felt that things went well too - on the moment. However the next day she may have felt completely differently. With girls, emotions come and go. You cannot rely on the good feelings that you thought were present during the date. You need to capitalize on good feelings on the spot, by taking her to bed when emotions are peaking. My god, how many girls I lost before I finally really understood this lesson.

On a side note, I mentioned that my friends were apprehensive about coming to Mexico and she told me to bring them with me next time I cross and she'll show us around. She even mentioned it a second time later that night. I wasn't sure what to make of this. Is this her friend zoning or is it possible she just wants to meet my friends?

Whether she is consciously friendzoning you or genuinely wants to meet your friends, bringing friends into your date is a clear shortcut to friend zone. A date should differentiates very clearly from a happy friends gathering. You must avoid doing things you would normally doing with friends if you want to avoid being perceived as friend.

I hope that helps. Looking forward to see more posts of yours!

Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[WeddingCrasher]

I'm not a US person so there might be a few things I'm missing. But why would that matter? You're not going to marry her. Besides that, you may want to pull her at your home. How easy is it for her to get across the border? Just showing passport? Or does she need a formal visa? In this case, you need to have a plan for your logistics on the Mexican side.

It's not that it's difficult to cross the border, it's actually quite easy, it's that typically you'll spend 2 sometimes 3 hours waiting in line to get back into the States.
No visa needed, just a passport. The problem is the amount of time it takes to get back into the US.

No matter how you think things went, you didn't make sex happen. It means much less chances to see her again. Escalation window closing fast. Typically, the more feminine she is, the shorter the window. For the record, she may have felt that things went well too - on the moment. However the next day she may have felt completely differently. With girls, emotions come and go. You cannot rely on the good feelings that you thought were present during the date. You need to capitalize on good feelings on the spot, by taking her to bed when emotions are peaking. My god, how many girls I lost before I finally really understood this lesson.

This makes a lot of sense. I will definitely go for the close next time!

Whether she is consciously friendzoning you or genuinely wants to meet your friends, bringing friends into your date is a clear shortcut to friend zone. A date should differentiates very clearly from a happy friends gathering. You must avoid doing things you would normally doing with friends if you want to avoid being perceived as friend.

Thanks for clearing this up. I had a feeling this would be a fast track to the friend zone.

Thank you for the feedback and warm welcome, Seppuku. I'm happy to be somewhere I can get advice from people who know what they're doing, instead of the bad advice I often get from friends.

Much appreciated,
Tree