Dealing with envy

[Rakehell]

Hey guy’s I know i’ve been fairly active recently but you all give pretty solid input most of the time.
You also share some of the same beliefs and interests.
I wanna ask you all about something that’s plagued me most of my life.

It seems most of my life i’ve attracted people who soon grow envious of me.

This has been occurring as early as my elementary school years. I spent alot of time during those years fighting off challengers, and people who’d try to outright disrespect me for attention that I received.

On the other end of the spectrum my older cousins who feigned closeness, would do acts to hurt me, and later on give me permanent scars on my face. These of course were “accidents” but it’s pretty hard to believe when looking at their behavior.

This was as early as 8 years old.

Now adays I am much more aware of the envy around me and how I make people feel.

I was born with many gifts and am very fortunate, yet I am very self improvement oriented as well.

My question to you other self improvement driven people is how do you deal with the envy it generates.

How do you find peers that genuinely want you to succeed?

Most of you actively work to make yourselves more attractive, how does that affect your social life?

It seems all of my male associates soon grow jealous of me despite how warm and gracious I try to be while maintaining my self respect.

They try to use me, talk behind my back, mimic my personality/style while talking bad about it, cockblocking, attempting to exclude me when women are around etc.

It seems people soon grow to see me as some sort of competition and all it makes me want to do is actively step on them as competitors.
Although no-one physically challenges me there is often passive aggressiveness in their actions.

I’m actually surprised i’ve never seen an article speaking on jealousy outside of club environments.

I’m glad that I have qualities that would even generate envy, but sometimes it gets tiring.

I’ve learned how to deal with these people tactfully and with social graces but i’m curious to know how you all avoid these kinds of people anyway.

I don’t think i’ll ever beable to put my full faith in anyone again realistically but it’d be nice to have people who genuinely wish the best for you.

 

[sejinlee09]

I know exactly what you're talking about. My entire life was like this.

Eventually, I started embracing the haters. I used to try and be warm to guys who were envious of me but what I've found that they backstab you even harder once they get the chance.

But as you work on yourself, you'll also meet 1 guy out of a 100 that's on a similar path you are and become best friends. Or you'll find some guys that wants to learn from you and become your followers.

My experiences have taught me that you try to be warm to some people. But give it once chance. After that, fuck em.

 

[Xandin]

Hey sun, it sounds as though these male orbitors aren't benefitting you in any particular way? If that is the case then similar to woman might have to screen them a bit more and dont be afraid to turn people down.

 

[Skills]

sunking read this post and the different answers we cover that in detail:

Socializing - Why do seducers get picked on with amog, fights, disrespect....

So you are wondering why do people are picking on me with fights, sometimes rude comments, some times bad looks, some type people nitpicking on you.... Well is very simple (some times is strangers or even people in your circles women and men alike).... It is an inner frustration with the lack...

www.skilledseducer.com

the video there i refer to (is the russel brand video for a good example, the forum has a youtube issue so see it here)

 

[Will_V]

It's hard to understand what is going on here, because people who are 'gifted' (I'm going to guess physically) tend to attract as many worshippers as enemies. If this passive aggression is happening all the time, there is likely a contradiction between what people expect of you and how you behave.

Here's the thing: when you have something that very few people have that's visible, it's like driving around in a Lamborghini. It is of no use to pretend that your bank account doesn't exist, or that you are self-conscious of it. It will only make people think "then why the hell does he have it?". You are automatically polarizing, some people will admire you and others will hate you. You cannot pretend that you are just an average guy.

But : if you act embarrassed or do not own your qualities, nobody can admire you: those who would admire you are disappointed, and those who hate you despise you even more, finding satisfaction that you are internally in pain.

What you have to do is sort people by having high standards. This is what very hot girls do. They screen people all the time, the slightest reactive or needy behavior and a guy is gone from her life for good. On the flip side, these high standards bring in the right kind of people into her life, either those who are going to be devoted to being completely in her frame (i.e. the highly socially calibrated simp/orbiter) or those who are at her level, who meet her standards, or are above them.

It's also what rich people do, they are careful to whom they give time and attention, and they are always screening out those people who carry resentment and envy on their shoulders, or even who are simply trying to approximate themselves toward what they have not earned.

Naturally, those who pass your screens will be relatively few. But if you really have some outstanding qualities, you won't have any shortage of candidates.

 

[Rakehell]

My experiences have taught me that you try to be warm to some people. But give it once chance. After that, fuck em.

Noted, glad to know im not the only one. It’s a polarizing thing huh?

Hey sun, it sounds as though these male orbitors aren't benefitting you in any particular way? If that is the case then similar to woman might have to screen them a bit more and dont be afraid to turn people down.

True, seems like a viable solution

sunking read this post and the different answers we cover that in detail:

Will do

It's hard to understand what is going on here, because people who are 'gifted' (I'm going to guess physically) tend to attract as many worshippers as enemies.

You would think Will. I’ll be honest, it’s the people I choose to keep around me that grow envious. The ones I relate to and confide in. Men who are exposed to me the most. Even close relatives.

People tend to flock to me then grow envious overtime like I have some envy plague that spreads slowly.

like they can’t withstand our friendship for long before viewing me in a competitive light or needing to impress me

I’m having a constant cycle of “friends”

What you have to do is sort people by having high standards.

Good suggestion, i’ll probably end up doing this as well

 

[Will_V]

You would think Will. I’ll be honest, it’s the people I choose to keep around me that grow envious. The ones I relate to and confide in. Men who are exposed to me the most. Even close relatives.

People tend to flock to me then grow envious overtime like I have some envy plague that spreads slowly.

Sounds like it could be auto rejection, what do you think they want/need from you that you aren't giving?

Remember that if someone holds you in high esteem, they need to be validated - not on the same characteristics as you, but on whatever they do offer in the relationship. If you merely give someone room in your life, but not a clear idea of who they are and what you value about them and expect from them, especially when they already see you as being at a higher level, they can run rampant with resentment or get sudden notions of being able to take advantage.

Being able to put a bit of pressure on someone while validating them (which incidentally works well with girls) is a good way to deal with unruly followers.

 

[Rakehell]

Sounds like it could be auto rejection, what do you think they want/need from you that you aren't giving?

I guess they pedastalize how I look/behave and fish for validation in those areas.

They often ask for girl advice or tell me stories about a new girl they’ve met out of context.

They posture and say things to impress me.

Some have even mimicked my hairstyle and way of dressing, it’s just a weird thing to witness.

Then they turn to shady behavior and undermine the very things they wanted validation for.