Dealing with other guys?

[Verisimilitude]

Hey all,

I'm a beginner to this stuff and I was hoping somebody could help me out with this topic. When I am talking to a girl at a party, a guy who I know, will come over and start talking to the girl I am talking to. He isn't disruptive, in fact he is so high energy that the girl usually responds and acts interested. I'm more of the quiet type and it seems as soon as he brings all the energy, the girl forgets about me. This has happened multiple times, but I'm not close enough with the guy to tell him to leave me alone. My best response has been to move the girl when I see him coming so that he's out of the picture before this all starts. Do you guys have any other advice for a situation like this?

 

[A Life Loquacious]

Have a look at this thread for some pointers on dealing with interruptions, and maybe have a Google for 'dealing with AMOGs' which is also handy knowledge for this context.

 

[northstar08]

Another good link to read is Chase's article "The 5 Ways to Answer a Challenge in Social Situations"

https://www.girlschase.com/content/5-way ... situations

You'll find some very helpful tips on how to deal with guys who try to interrupt your conversations with women. In your case, if the guy seems energetic and exuberant, then you should probably work on your conversation skills (which is among your fundamentals) so that you can keep her fully engaged with you, to the point that guys who try interrupting end up in a much more awkward situation.

And improving that will certainly take time and practice, especially since you're just a beginner (like myself).

 

[Chase]

Howdy Runner,

I have a few articles up on guys interrupting you:

• Dealing with Disruptive Men
• Breaking Circle

However, first one deals mainly with other men interrupting YOU, and the problem you're having is men going straight to the GIRL. That calls for some slightly different measures:

When I am talking to a girl at a party, a guy who I know, will come over and start talking to the girl I am talking to. He isn't disruptive, in fact he is so high energy that the girl usually responds and acts interested. I'm more of the quiet type and it seems as soon as he brings all the energy, the girl forgets about me. This has happened multiple times, but I'm not close enough with the guy to tell him to leave me alone. My best response has been to move the girl when I see him coming so that he's out of the picture before this all starts. Do you guys have any other advice for a situation like this?

Well, first off, are these girls:

• Attracted to you, and
• Invested in you?

If the answer is "yes," you've got nothing to worry about here - I'll tell you why in a second. If the answer is "no," though, then you need to work on your fundamentals and on getting investment quickly and early on to combat this.

Now, assuming these girls are interested in you, when some guy with higher energy comes bounding over to "steal" a girl from you, do this:

• Ignore him unless she addresses him or turns her attention to him FIRST, and THEN he engages you. If he engages you first, ignore him. If he gets her attention but never engages you, ignore him.
• Unless she turns her attention to him, just keep talking as if he wasn't there. Don't raise your voice, don't speak faster... just pretend he isn't even present.
• If she DOES turn her attention to him, relax. Noticeably gaze off into the distance; put a fake "I'm so bored" smile on your face; raise your eyebrows as if to say, "Okay, this is boring and stupid," and look around slowly and in a bored way, like you might if you were waiting in the reception area of a doctor's office. Every now and then, slowly and noticeably sigh, as if to say, "GOD I'm bored."

If you follow this procedure, the girl will ALMOST ALWAYS come back to you quickly. Usually she'll start explaining herself if she gives him more time: "Runner, this is my friend Steve, I haven't seen him in ages!" and you'll respond with mildly amused, very slightly impatient boredom: "That's great."

What you're doing here is sending out a loud and clear message that you and this girl were talking, and this other guy is the socially awkward one interrupting your conversation. If you've ever started talking to a girl and had her friend start doing these things, you know how much social pressure both you and the girl felt to end your conversation and let the girl get back to talking to her friend. It's MOUNTAINOUS amounts of pressure. It also makes both the girl and the other person look and feel socially awkward for interrupting and ignoring someone who was already in a conversation. The girl must return to you to feel socially non-awkward again, and the guy has to leave. Even if he seems resistant to pressure, don't worry; he still feels it. And the person you're most focused on influencing anyway is the girl; you want her to end things with this guy as quickly as possible.

Don't engage him, you'll only bring him to your level. But you're too important to that; you were there first, and if he wants to have any shot with her at ALL he must come to you and ask for your blessings. Which of course he can't have if you want the girl for yourself. So, too bad for him... he's out.

And now, because he tried interrupting you and you dealt with it so expertly, he's made himself look bad to her and everyone else at the party, too.

By simply exerting social pressure this way, you very quickly communicate to the other people around that messing with your girl is a very bad move unless they WANT to look socially awkward and unattractive. And all the women there will see you as instantly a stronger, more powerful guy, for having so aptly dealt with this interloper so effortlessly (and for the girl coming back to you seemingly of her own accord).

Don't be concerned if the girl seems excited at the guy or is giving him a lot of attention for a few minutes. Just be somewhat demonstrably bored while you wait for her to finish with him... she'll come back.

Excitement and attraction are two very different things. And excitement doesn't last very long. Attraction does.

Chase

 

[Verisimilitude]

Yeah Chase, I'm not sure if there was any attraction or investment there and that was the problem. I used the getting bored strategy, and it seemed as though as time went on I just became more and more irrelevant. Finally, I just got up and left. I know attraction is who you are (fundamentals and such) and that is a big part of what I am working on now, but are there any other tips you (or anyone else) has for investment? I know chase framing, moving girls, and compliance works well, but if anyone has any other insights, I'd appreciate it. My game right now is just hit or miss, which is discouraging.

 

[Penguin]

For investment you need to be building up compliance which is actually pretty easy to do. Here are some useful commands that you can use at parties:

Come sit with me (to move her like you mentioned)
Tell me about college (or whatever)
Could you get me one of those drinks?

If you do it right these will seem very natural to her, but it may be a novel and exciting experience for you when you start giving her instructions and she does them for you .

Another thing I wanted to point out is that you can use Chase's 'law of least effort' here. It will be very impressive to others when you get the girl to stay with you without even trying, whilst the high energy guy is expending a lot of energy trying to get a reaction from her but not succeeding in taking her away.