I've absolutely been there before dude. I used to be incredibly depressed and suicidal for
years.
I'm halfway through writing an article about depression/suicide, but I'll just copy-paste what I have here. Maybe you'll find it useful:
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Hey you.
I know you're feeling pretty fucking shitty right now - and you've been feeling shitty for a long time. In fact, maybe you can't even remember a time when you
didn't feel shitty.
You look around at everyone else and they all seem happy - which only makes you feel worse. Why can't you be like them? Maybe you've long-since given up hope you ever
could be like them.
I know life sucks - I've fucking
been there. I've been on the brink of suicide - for
years - constantly trying to work up the courage to actually fucking end it... but unable to work up the balls to take that final step. I know how shitty it feels to want to die; to feel that at the very core of your being, a feeling that's with you 24/7, and is only
temporarily dulled by distractions like video games, alcohol, time spent with others (pretending to be happy so you won't be a burden to them).
I also know it gets better if you
make it better. I know there's a way out - it doesn't have to end the way you think it will.
I can't promise to make you feel better in one single article, or one single video, or with one book. I can't promise you the words on this page will fix you. But I've been in your situation before and the one thing that made it better was knowing there was even just a tiny
sliver of hope - even though that sliver was fucking
tiny.
So all I ask is you go through this list, read and watch everything I link to, and wait just one more week before you end things. Just wait a bit - that's all I'm asking.
Start with this:
Some of the comments on that video are quite important.
Read them.
Then
buy this book (if you can't afford it, email me and
I will personally PayPal you the money to buy it):
You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought
Work your way through that - just read a couple pages a day. That book went a hell of a long way to pulling me out of depression and making me feel like maybe, just
maybe, there was a way for me to be truly happy.
Then read my thoughts on depression, suicide, hopelessness, feeling like it's too late for you, failure and trying to reach your goals:
If you want step-by-step instructions on improving yourself and turning your life around, start here:
[And obviously read everything
Chase has written on this site on hitting your goals, getting laid, improving yourself, improving your mindset, etc]
I'd encourage you to talk to someone - a friend, a family member, a helpline, a counsellor, someone you trust. [Also post on here more and talk to us about how you're feeling].
Don't tackle this shit alone.
Change something - anything - starting right now. Just take
one small, tiny, seemingly-insignificant baby step towards fixing your issues. You need to think of suicidal thoughts as a fucking
battle - FIGHT them and BEAT them. This is a war you're raging against your suicidal ideations; you really do need to declare war on them and
conquer them.
Most of all, please stick with us. I promise you even if it feels like nobody else gives a shit whether you live or die, someone does.
I do.
-Andy