DHV competition in social circle

[Searcher]

Sometimes in a social circle whenever I mention a story about doing something high value or say something about what I do. There are a couple of guys who try to one-up me indirectly talking about their achievements in the field which is higher than mine without asking.
Ex - Me - Mention that I work at start-ups
Him - I used to work at start-up long back but now have moved on to bigger companies.
If you need help in your startup journey you can call me.

Sometimes there are guys who say that they "Teach men to get laid, build confidence in men, etc" (They aren't players at all they are still learning seduction)

In a circle it kind of gets the attention of all the girls. They kind of put themselves in a higher position because well the girls immediately assume that this guy is the most confident and also that since he "teaches" other men to get laid he must be really good.

 

[Warped Mindless]

My default response to a dude trying to one up me is “cool” or “ok” sometimes with a little shoulder shrug added. Sometimes I don’t even acknowledge them.

It’s just makes them look try hard.

 

[Derek da man]

A bit confused, to start off you are saying that these guys offer to teach you on your "start-up" journey, then you say they are teaching others to get laid - hence it doesn't follow.

Put that aside, when you start trying to compete you can usually appear to be"trying to impress her" which can easily and quickly appear desperate.

My way, if I'm knowledgeable on the subject, is to ask them a question that you know they won't know the answer to, let them struggle, correct them, then swiftly move on to something that will interest the girl much more. If I don't know then I acknowledge their response politely and again swiftly move on to something that will interest the girl much more and be enthusiastic to take her with you.

In my experience one of the biggest reasons that a girl will use to rule you out is that "you are out of her league" or "she can't relate to you". In this case she probably won't relate to you, weather it's the way you dress, the way you act, the way you spend money, whatever, it shows that you have a "need" to show value where as it's much better to know you have value and communicate that instead. She will often rate value as someone who listens to her and can hold an intelligent conversation as opposed to some who is able to talk flashy.

Girls are not as confident as they may appear, they are good at dressing up and being on show, this is used to cover a huge amount of insecurity. The type of girl that is usually impressed by money and someone claiming to have power are usually gold diggers. People who really have power, in business or the like, act quite differently to those trying to portray it.

You need to work out how to demonstrate you have value, that needs to match you and your life experiences. One good way is by screening a woman to see what she can offer you. I know this isn't usually an opener in a conversation but you can quickly start to bring things around this way when chatting.

 

[Glow]

i act similar to warped

i just sorta look at them, hold a calm screener gaze for a slight second, then i move on like theyre just vapor doing whatever i was just focussed on. i dont react at all to them. no facial expression really. Sorta like a cat can look at u and then look at another random thing like you were nothing.

If im with a girl i just grab her and move us physically. If its too early for the physical move i let them in, let them clown around while i play it cool, work eg. with eye contact and sexual tension and at the right time ill take her away and the guys have no clue what just happened.

Its key to look at the underlying hierarchy more in SCs. not each single interaction. Here the smarter choice is to gradually establish co-leadership with some of the cool guys so that you form a top of the league team vs focus on individuals. Aka If the guy doing it is cool but just being an uncalibrated alpha type, just tease him with self-depreciation and keep a cool playful vibe on things to build the relation rather than what i wrote before.

 

[Searcher]

The "teaching men to get laid" is what some guys use to DHV themselves and then start up talking themselves as how most men aren't good at communicating with women.
They mention that they are a "Sex and Dating coach" to get instant boost in attraction and transition into topics about sex. Also with the girl they establish their authority in the field of sex.

What do you think about using "Sex and Dating coach" as a transition to sex topics?

A bit confused, to start off you are saying that these guys offer to teach you on your "start-up" journey, then you say they are teaching others to get laid - hence it doesn't follow.

Put that aside, when you start trying to compete you can usually appear to be"trying to impress her" which can easily and quickly appear desperate.

My way, if I'm knowledgeable on the subject, is to ask them a question that you know they won't know the answer to, let them struggle, correct them, then swiftly move on to something that will interest the girl much more. If I don't know then I acknowledge their response politely and again swiftly move on to something that will interest the girl much more and be enthusiastic to take her with you.

In my experience one of the biggest reasons that a girl will use to rule you out is that "you are out of her league" or "she can't relate to you". In this case she probably won't relate to you, weather it's the way you dress, the way you act, the way you spend money, whatever, it shows that you have a "need" to show value where as it's much better to know you have value and communicate that instead. She will often rate value as someone who listens to her and can hold an intelligent conversation as opposed to some who is able to talk flashy.

Girls are not as confident as they may appear, they are good at dressing up and being on show, this is used to cover a huge amount of insecurity. The type of girl that is usually impressed by money and someone claiming to have power are usually gold diggers. People who really have power, in business or the like, act quite differently to those trying to portray it.

You need to work out how to demonstrate you have value, that needs to match you and your life experiences. One good way is by screening a woman to see what she can offer you. I know this isn't usually an opener in a conversation but you can quickly start to bring things around this way when chatting.

 

[Fuck This]

Flip the script....SHOW you are high value by doing mutual admiration with your social circle. Compliment someone when they have something they are genuinely proud of.
"Joe that's a sweet ride, new car?"

"Did you all see Jim in that TV interview last night? Looked sharp!"

"Bob, way to go on the new PR!"


When you shine a light on others they reflect it onto you.

 

[Will_V]

Sometimes in a social circle whenever I mention a story about doing something high value or say something about what I do. There are a couple of guys who try to one-up me indirectly talking about their achievements in the field which is higher than mine without asking.
Ex - Me - Mention that I work at start-ups
Him - I used to work at start-up long back but now have moved on to bigger companies.
If you need help in your startup journey you can call me.

Sometimes there are guys who say that they "Teach men to get laid, build confidence in men, etc" (They aren't players at all they are still learning seduction)

In a circle it kind of gets the attention of all the girls. They kind of put themselves in a higher position because well the girls immediately assume that this guy is the most confident and also that since he "teaches" other men to get laid he must be really good.

My general rule is that anything that just anyone can do, I avoid reacting to in any way. Things like dumb insults, shouting, or trying to one-up me, any man or woman can do that any time they want. And once you start fighting a battle that literally anyone can fight, you may end up losing by making a small mistake (or needing to invest way too much into winning) because you have no substantial advantage.

So if someone tries to one up me, first I will not react, just ignore. But then I will ask myself if I can take it to a place they have a disadvantage. Can I lead the conversation in a way to demonstrate an in-depth knowledge of something they don't know or can't compete with me on? That's why it's good not to react, because it takes some time to understand how well someone can compete, and you don't want to end up competing with someone who is actually going to win because they are simply more experienced/knowledgeable.

The other thing is, if it's so easy for someone to turn around and take on the context of teaching you, perhaps your vibe is not self-assured, confident, or calm enough. People usually don't attempt things they don't believe they can succeed on. Does your reputation precede you in your social circles? Are you already pigeon-holed by the group as a particular type of person or member of the group, or do people sense that you have much more to you than you show? Is there a history of people treating you a certain way and/or you reacting to it poorly?

I believe that in social settings, it is wrong to think of the other person as the issue you need to manage (unless they are the leader of the group, in which case fighting them is already the wrong move). The issue is the group as a whole, and how your reputation has been constructed over time with them. You can easily win a battle and lose the war, or vice versa. Each member of the group will end up defaulting to the group's beliefs, not the beliefs of any one member. So the actual number of avenues you have to win might not be as numerous as it seems, and certainly minimizing the amount of open conflict is very good for long term reputation.

 

[Rakehell]

There are a couple great articles on social ladder climbers on the main site that have helped me. I feel like since you mentioned your achievement they felt threatened and it gave them an opportunity to establish a value gap. A underhanded effort to reinforce their own imagined sense of superiority, or to posture in front of other’s.

I feel like the answers here already pretty much cover it so i’ll add another piece of insight I haven’t seen yet. Try to get out of the habit of puffing your own value. In a way you’re playing the social status game despite not actively trying to undercut anyone else’s status. It’s easy for someone to one up you when time is a factor. I.e time in a field, time practicing a skill, time with knowledge of a subject, etc etc. Try relying on your character and coolness as a passive value source. That way there are no openings for one upping.

If every girl think’s you’re sexy or cool, and you’re warm with everyone, the guys will just make themselves look stupid trying to one up you. Its hard to social ladder climb people who get value from the group without actively trying to.